39. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

T hat inking darkness had gotten inside me.

I knew it because I could taste the bitterness of it not only in my mouth, but I could feel it in my pores, in my blood.

It was swallowing my soul the way a snake devoured its prey, working me through this horrifically thorough digestive process until eventually, there would be nothing left of me. I tried to scream for help, but just like in those nightmares, this darkness was so complete, it swallowed my screams and shoved itself down into my open mouth.

It was heading for my lungs, and once they were full, I would be lost. I couldn't fight it, couldn't move, couldn't even cry. It was drowning me, dissolving me. And this terror was the last thing I experienced before the end. It was too cruel a death.

I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted to save Isle Royale from Kestrel. I wanted Asher.

The moment his name entered my mind, the darkness seemed to hesitate. I pounced on that hesitation with desperation, remembering Asher's face. The sweetness on it when he told me that he loved me. I thought about the warmth of his arms wrapping around me and the familiarity of his scent. I remembered the sound of his laughter, the warmth of his arms around me, and his eyes. They were the gold of sunshine.

With each memory of him, the darkness recoiled more and more, spiraling away from me like dirty water down the drain. Light burst out from my body, chasing away the rest of that darkness. The light, which started as a ray, slowly formed into an outline of my wolf. I reached for her, took hold of my wolf's silvery pelt, and the darkness disappeared completely.

I wasn't in that dreadful place anymore. I was in that world of light, and when I turned around, I saw Mara. The moment I laid eyes on her, a sob burst from my chest, and I threw my arms around her.

It was such a relief to be able to cry and hear my own voice after spending all that time drowning in darkness. I didn't even care that she was a goddess, or that hugging her was probably some great insult to a being of her level. I just needed that contact, that comfort.

If it was some kind of a breach, Mara didn't stop me. It didn't feel any different from hugging Penny. She was a bit stiff, which told me she wasn't used to being hugged. But before long, she moved a bit, patting me awkwardly on the back.

"I'm glad you made it out of there, Phaedra," she said, gently pushing me back. "You did well."

"I think I almost died."

"You did die," she said. "Briefly. I couldn't find you, and I thought you were lost. But then I sensed your soul, and I found you. You saved yourself. I just provided a little support. And I took you here to this plane. This is the point between life and death."

"Oh." I looked around. This wasn't the same white space where I usually met Mara. Pale smoke clung to the air. It was like we were standing inside a cloud.

"I see." I rubbed my forehead, trying to wrap my head around it all. But then I was reminded of the seriousness of the stakes. "Wait, I can't be here. How do I get back? Kestrel is about to open the portal to Emerys."

"I know," she said. "But don't worry, all is not all lost. It may have felt like a lifetime in that place, and it may seem like we are wasting time talking here, but time doesn't work the same way in the afterlife. Look." She raised her palm, and the faint smoke swirled into a circle. When I peered into it, I saw Heartbridge Cave and the faces of my friends who were crying and trying valiantly to fight against Kestrel's control.

El hovered around Kestrel's face, breaking pix rules of giving Kestrel a wide berth in order to make her start sneezing. The point of view switched to Asher. I watched him bite Connor and shift, tearing the amulet from around his throat and throwing it.

The amulet soared through the air toward Kestrel, and the she caught it and cackled. Behind her, the portal had opened. Then the images stopped.

"No!" I said, pressing my hand to the circle, but it was flat and hard, like a mirror. "How do I get to them?"

She sighed. "You didn't see, did you?"

"All I saw was my friends in trouble, Mara. I need to get back and help them."

"As I said, time works differently here. Now watch it again, and pay attention." She snapped her fingers, and the image of Kestrel catching the amulet appeared in the circle. "Look, there." She pointed to the portal.

This time, I moved closer and tried to see what I hadn't noticed before. And then I saw it. Water had started to pour from the portal and down the bridge. In slow motion, Kestrel's gloating stopped as she felt the water run over her feet.

"Soon after Holo went missing," Mara said, "a river formed around the portal that had once opened to the cave. We couldn't access the portal anymore, but Holo was the only one who used it anyway. The fact there was a river there now meant that our fears were confirmed. My sister had died, and her essence—her soul, you might say—became this river. Now that this river is flowing into your world…"

"I can use the water to regain control of my body," I finished.

Mara gave me a genuine smile for the first time since we met. "You're getting the hang of this."