40. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

" T o get back to your people," Mara explained, "you need to remember the way it felt to be in that cave. Think of them, and do exactly what you did to escape that soul-sucking place."

I closed my eyes to concentrate. There were so many moments I could choose to remember when I thought about Heartbridge Cave. But I chose those hours after I attacked Penny and Selene, when I was alone in the back of that cave, with only the sounds of nature to comfort me. The birdsong the chirping crickets, the haunting dirge of the wind blowing across the cave's mouth.

And finally, I thought about how right it felt to be there with Asher. Every time I looked up and found his familiar silhouette walking toward me or heard the way his voice echoed along the rock walls. That place was home just as much as any place I'd actually lived.

I wanted to go back.

As I thought about it, I opened my eyes. The silver apparition of my wolf was sitting next to me. I smiled. All this time, I'd thought of her as a separate entity living inside me. A being with wants and desires that was totally independent of my own. But that wasn't really accurate.

I wanted all of the same things she did. She longed for Asher because I longed for him. She growled and snapped at the people who were rude to me, just the way I wished I could. She pawed at me for freedom when all I wanted to do was get out and run. I always knew when someone was lying, but I wasn't always honest with myself. She was truth when I tried to deny it. Having this contact with yourself was what it meant to be a shifter.

I put my hand on her fur. "Thank you, girl." She huffed, happy we were on the same page, and when I closed my eyes, I accepted her within me. She was growling with pleasure within me. Now that I was ready, it was time to enter that display of Heartbridge Cave.

I joined the water that seeped through the portal just as Kestrel felt it flowing over her feet. With my power, I became a wolf made of water. She gasped as our eyes met briefly, and then I was running, circling her until I stirred up a pillar of water that rose higher and higher, far above her head. She tried to move through it, but this was my magic, not hers, and she couldn't cross.

"No—what?" She gaped. "How is this possible?"

I didn't even try to answer her. I had her cornered now, which meant I could finally reclaim my body. So, I dived down and let my water-wolf form souse her.

I took her to the plane of my mind. The world around us was dark, but it was nothing like the inky blackness of that soul-sucking place, nor the endless void of those visions Mara had sent me. This place was familiar, warm. Above us was the same cushiony darkness of the inside of my eyelids when I went to sleep. Below us, pearlescent light glowed softly, illuminating the space just enough that we could see each other.

Kestrel, still wearing my face, stood a few steps across from me, looking baffled. We stood on clear water that rippled and lapped at our ankles gently like a calm, cool sea.

"How did you do this?" she demanded. "How did you survive?"

"The same way you did all of this. I used my magic."

She laughed, but it didn't have the same mocking edge as her previous cackles. It sounded both forced and full of bluster. "This is nothing," she said. "This place could never hold me."

"I don't want to hold you, Kestrel," I said. "I only want to talk."

"Talk?" she repeated, spitting out the word. "Ha! Any bitch can create a realm like this. There's nothing here but air and water. If this is all you have, then you've got nothing."

I shook my head. "You don't seem to understand this, but the fact that we're here means I've already beaten you."

Her hands— my hands—clenched at her sides. "You're too stupid to know that I've got you right where I want you." She raised her hand, and the water at her feet stirred briefly before settling again. Confused, she tried again to use the water against me, but this time, the water wasn't even disturbed. Her eyes widened as she looked down at her hands. This was my realm. She had no power here, just like I had no power in hers. But unlike me, she wasn't a shifter. She didn't have access to a wolf to help her escape.

"Kestrel, I don't believe you were always this vindictive and hateful. I believe you were once just a person whose morals more or less aligned with those around you."

"You know nothing about me!" she snapped.

I ignored her. "But as you got better with your magic and came into your powers as a goddess, you changed, and not only were you different, but you were powerful. That struck fear into the other gods, and because they didn't understand what you were, they shunned you."

"They disrespected me," she corrected. "They were jealous of me."

"Maybe they were jealous," I said. "Maybe that jealousy and fear explains why the books we have on gods don't even mention your name. But whatever they thought about you, they caused you to separate from them and go on a path of destruction and hate. As someone who was abandoned and shunned by the people I had once trusted, I think I can understand the pain you went through."

"How dare you?" she roared. "You could never understand what it's like to be banished from Emerys. You could never know what it's like to spend so many years in a body that was steadily falling apart bit by bit with every passing year. You don't know how it feels to learn your memories were tampered with and taken from you. You have no idea what it's like not to know your real name."

I gave a deep, mournful sigh. "Maybe I can't relate to your specific circumstances, or understand what it was like to only have partial memories of the life I once had, but I know exactly how it feels to be used by someone else to hurt your friends and loved ones. I know what it's like to be rejected. I know how it feels to be controlled and judged and disregarded. You don't know my experiences, yet you tried to steal my life, my body, my power. How dare you? " My fury punctuated my every word as the injustices I'd faced became more present in my mind.

The rippling water became more intense as a response to my emotion. Kestrel stepped back, eyes darting from the water to me.

"You won't win," she said. "You can't." But it was clear she was trying to convince herself more than me. "I have always been meant for more. No one can take that from me."

I shook my head, calming once again. "You still don't understand. Kestrel. You said it yourself: you are the one who set this in motion. You said you prophesied that I would be your doom, and in response, you killed Holo, manipulated desperate people, and preyed on those smaller and weaker than you. You played with fate and thought you would come out unscathed. Don't you think it's possible things would have ended differently if you'd just left it all alone?"

I watched her consider that. Maybe things would have been different if she'd approached it differently rather than masterminding all of this. But her eyes hardened.

"No," she said. "I deserve justice, and I will get it by any means necessary."

Again, I sighed. "I guess you're right. Given your nature, maybe this was always meant to happen. Either way, you were never going to succeed. Each of your choices had a result you didn't expect, and now we're here, like this. I'm sorry for the version of you that was hurt and betrayed by your people, Kestrel. You should have been able to find people who cared about you."

Now I thought about it, Mara wouldn't have been a bad friend for her. She, too, was misunderstood and mistreated by the gods and feared by mortals. But Kestrel was too focused on rage to try and build up those potential relationships.

"Take your pity and choke on it, wench," Kestrel seethed.

I closed my eyes briefly. "What a shame." Well, I'd said everything I wanted to, and now it was time to end this and take back my body. I raised my hand the way I'd seen Mara do, palm outward, toward Kestrel. And slowly, she started to sink into the water.

She gasped, struggling to stay on top, but she was helpless. As she sank, her body returned to the normal, old woman form. She screamed and cursed me. She swore vengeance, saying all of the same things she'd said already. But it was useless. As I'd told her, I had already won.

I opened my eyes, and found myself standing on the bridge with the water pillar still swirling around me. My wolf had stayed on Earth and kept it high. I accepted her within me again, and the water fell.

Kestrel, back in her own body, gasped once, reaching up to claw at the air. Her breath left her in a trembling rattle, and then her hand fell, and she was still.

The people of the Coldcrow, Dagger, and Wilcox packs were immediately released from Kestrel's control. They let out whoops of relief and joy. Selene and Penny rushed to each other and kissed. Theo went to Randall, and he caught her when she jumped into his arms. Eleanor whooped with joy and pressed her face to mine, her tears cool against my warm face.

And Asher, my mate, got to his feet. The water had flown over the bridge and reached him. It had healed his leg and any other wound that lingered from Connor's mistreatment. He looked up at me in awe, with so much love that it burned me. It was finally, finally over, and we both knew it. With Kestrel's death, even the curse had been lifted. I could see it in his gaze. He was free.

I turned from him and faced the portal. It had started to close on its own. I caught a glimpse of the vast, green plains of Emerys, and a midnight purple sky filled with twice as many stars as we saw on Earth. I looked at my hand and realized I was still holding onto the amulet. On the back of it was a word written in the gods' runic language. I could read it now, and it spelled out Holo's name. This wasn't meant to stay here. It was time to return it to its world.

I tossed it through the portal and into the water. I used my powers to have the water deliver it to Mara. Mara picked it up and held it close to her chest, then smiled at me. I inclined my head as the portal closed for the final time.