8. Christa

I madeit through a whole day without thinking too hard about what I had done. Well, sort of. It took a lot of distraction. A lot of cleaning and ignoring the way my body ached every time I moved. Not to mention, I had hickeys all over my body that I had to cover up before I did anything else. If someone stopped by and they weren’t covered up, I’d have to explain how a vacuum cleaner had gotten stuck to so many parts of my body.

Sorting through the clothes in my closet, I examined them, wondering why I wore some of these things. Most of my clothes were very conservative. I wasn’t sure they even flattered me. But I wore them because my mother always went shopping with me and told me what I should get. And I listened because…because I let her tell me what to wear.

Tossing one particularly ugly sweater to the side, I continued to sort through things, stopping only when I heard the doorbell ring. Getting up, I checked myself in the mirror, wincing at the one hickey I had the hardest time hiding. It was more like a cluster of hickeys. Max had really liked to suck on that part of my neck, and I had been too distracted by his hands to think to tell him to stop.

Even now, I had to physically squeeze my legs together to stop the throbbing that appeared whenever I thought about what he did to me. If he showed up at my door right now, I’d probably fall into his arms and do whatever he wanted. But that wouldn’t be happening because he didn’t know where I lived.

I swung the door open, thankful that it was Bridget at the door and not one of the other two. I didn’t have the brainpower to defend myself to Amy, and I didn’t want Emily telling me I should have given up my virginity earlier. I already felt strange about what happened. I didn’t need her unwanted praise.

“Hey,” I smiled, stepping aside.

“You look good,” she said, her eyes assessing me. “So…”

I nodded, shutting the door behind her. “Yeah.”

“Was it good?”

I flushed, wanting to tell her just how amazing it was, but I felt weird about doing that. I had a one-night stand. I hadn’t even slept with Paul in all those years we were together, so why was it okay for me to give it away to a random stranger at a bar?

She grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the couch. “You can’t just smile at me. I know you’re conflicted over this, but…I’ve never had sex. I need to know details.”

I grinned at how easy she made me feel. “It was the best night of my life, honestly. He was…so amazing,” I groaned.

“Did you tell him?”

I shook my head. “It never came up.”

“Did it hurt?”

“At first, but the things he did to me…he made it all feel better so fast. I don’t know if he could tell I’d never had sex, but it didn’t seem like he cared. He was so…passionate. I think I actually blacked out.”

“Yeah?” she grinned. “And did he hold you all night long?”

I shook my head, biting my lip. “There wasn’t much time for that. I was out for a while, but he rolled over me in the middle of the night and just…kept going. I think we…did it like five times. I’m so sore,” I blushed furiously.

“Holy cow,” she squealed. “But why him?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. It just felt right. There was something about him that just…felt so right.”

“So, are you going to see him again?”

I winced, remembering how I left things. “I sort of slipped out before he woke up.”

“Christa!”

“I know, but I didn’t want things to be weird in the morning. I went home with a man I barely knew. And then I started freaking out that someone would see me coming home in daylight, and I fled!”

“Yeah, and coming home just before dawn is so much better,” she snorted.

“Well, at least there was less of a chance that someone would see me. Anyway, I didn’t leave him my number or anything.”

“Wait, so you have no way of getting ahold of him?”

“Do I really want to?” I questioned. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be one of those girls who falls for the first man she sleeps with. I wanted things to be different, you know?”

“In what way?”

“Just…I didn’t want to live with regrets.”

“Yeah, but what about him? Did you ever think that he’s sitting somewhere right now, wondering where the amazing woman from last night is? Maybe he’s pining over you, wishing he could have more time with you.”

“You think?” A small smile broke across my lips as I thought about the possibility. “I mean, we did have an amazing connection.”

“See?”

“And he was amazingly sweet.”

“Probably because he knew what a treasure he had in you.”

I flushed as I remembered the things he did to me. “He…He was very…dirty.”

Her nose crinkled. “Like, he didn’t wash his sheets?”

“No.” My cheeks heated at what I was about to say. “I mean, he…talked dirty to me. And I liked it.”

Her cheeks pinked as she stared at me with curiosity. “Like…what kind of stuff?”

“Stuff like…what he wanted to do to me. He was very…descriptive. It was so unbelievably hot. A guy that…he wouldn’t talk like that to just anyone, right?”

“Of course not!” She fanned her face, chuckling when she caught me smirking at her. “What? I’ve never experienced any of this. Give a girl a break!”

It felt good to shock someone for once. And here I thought I wouldn’t always be the girl who was predictable and boring. “Do you think I should find him?”

“Well, you know where he lives. You could always drop by.”

I could, but… “He lives with all these other people in some big house. Oh no!” I pressed my hands to my face in mortification. “They probably heard everything we did!”

She covered her mouth as she giggled. “Well, I guess you should have thought about that last night.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, punching her in the arm. “I was preoccupied with other things.”

“Like a hot man between your legs?”

Gasping, I laughed at her brazen words. “Bridget!”

“What? We were both thinking it!”

Groaning, I thunked my head down on the table. “I just don’t know what to do. I want to see him again so badly.”

“Then go find him.”

“Easier said than done. I don’t know how to be the sexy woman who gets the man.”

“Honey, you already got the man,” she grinned. “So, go get him.”

Decision made, I nodded. “Alright, but not until next week. I don’t want to seem too desperate.”

“Right, give him time to miss you.”

“And get through church tomorrow without feeling like I’m going to be struck down and burned to ash,” I winced. “Do you think everyone will notice?”

“That you no longer have your cherry?” She shook her head. “Not unless you walk around looking guilty. And maybe cover up those hickeys a little better.”

“Maybe I should call in sick tomorrow.” I buried my face in my hands. There was no good way out of this. “Then my parents will come over here and they won’t leave until they find out what’s wrong. That won’t work either,” I sighed.

“We’ll just have to find something to cover up your neck with. Maybe a scarf or a pashmina.”

“Or a turtle neck,” I added. “I don’t want to worry about it coming loose and falling off my neck in the middle of the service.”

“Well, you should have plenty of those,” Bridget retorted. “Your mother always picks out clothes that cover you up.”

“Right. I should be able to find something.”

“And…try not to judge yourself too harshly,” she added, her voice filled with sincerity. “There’s nothing wrong with living life differently than your parents.”

“I know, but…this is the way I was raised. It feels weird to step off the path.”

“But sometimes that’s good for us,” she said, placing her hand over mine.

“Okay,” I smiled brightly. “I’m going to finish cleaning and try not to think about any of this.”

“Or the man who put that smile on your face.”

“Exactly.”

We both tried to keep a straight face as we stared at each other, but it was impossible and we ended up laughing for the next twenty minutes.