Chapter 35

Bathroom Voices and Diner Kisses…

THEN

(Beth)

Oh shit, I'm fucking pregnant.

The words echoed through my head as I leaned against the bathroom sink and stared at the white wall across from me. I didn't have a pregnancy test or anything like that. But what I did have was a calendar in my head and the reality of how late things were, on top of a few surprise and interesting symptoms.

I didn't feel pregnant, if that was even a thing to feel.

What the hell did I know about this?

I was finally old enough to legally drink, but so much for that, huh?

There was a knock at the door and I jumped.

"Hey, you okay in there?" Leith's voice said through the door.

"I'm good," I said.

"We have to get going," he said.

"I know how the clock works, Leith."

"I know how you work when you're nervous," he said.

"Hey, Leith?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up," I said.

He didn't respond.

But a second later I saw something slide under the bathroom door.

It was his bathroom. His bathroom door. It was his apartment. Everything was his. I was still living at home. My father was still working his crazy shifts. I was working as a waitress, living in a world of being unsure of what I really wanted to do. In reality, all I cared about was being with Leith.

And now…

I exhaled slowly.

I couldn't have a baby at home.

And Leith's apartment was just one bedroom.

I touched my forehead and reminded myself that I had no proof.

I had no test.

There was no way of knowing until I got a pregnancy test.

I crouched and grabbed the piece of paper Leith slipped under the door.

It was a handwritten note.

A little story from Leith.

The girl on the stage looked beautiful tonight. She was nervous as she stood there, but she knew in her heart she was meant to be there. That was just how it went for her. She could sing everyone into silence as they became captivated by her voice. But what nobody watching could ever know was how she captivated me. And it wasn't just her voice that did it. It was everything about her. So beautifully nervous, yet beautifully perfect with her voice.

The lips that silenced the world are the same lips that make my heart come alive again.

I'm in love with the girl on the stage.

And when she's done singing, I get to just sit there and wait for her.

That doesn't worry me.

I'll wait forever.

I folded the note and put it to my chest.

Leith always knew what to do and how to do it. Even when he didn't know I was going through something.

He always wrote me stories before I sang.

That was a deal we made a long time ago.

As he pushed me to take more risks with singing, I told him he had to write for me. And I hoped that someday he would write for someone else. For everything, actually.

I opened the bathroom door and Leith stood there waiting for me.

"Thank you for this," I said.

He touched my face. His thumbs stroked my cheeks. "I can't wait to hear your voice tonight, angel."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's get going before I change my mind."

"Anything for you," he said.

Oh, Leith, by the way, can we stop and get a pregnancy test?

The little bars and clubs were nothing to write home about.

On a good night there was maybe fifty people there. And none of them were there to see me sing. They were just there for the drinks and whatever else they wanted from the night. But if I picked the right song to sing, I could get some of their attention. But nothing came from it. It wasn't like the crowds grew or record company people were looking to talk to me.

I was up next to sing.

And I stood in a bathroom that was littered with stickers all over the walls. It was a strange bathroom because the walls and floors looked like death but the sink and toilet were pristine white. And really clean.

Which worked well because I was in the bathroom to take a pregnancy test.

I told Leith I needed a bottle of water on the ride to the bar. That I was extra nervous. So he stopped at a drug store and I hurried into it for a bottle of water and a pregnancy test. The lady at the counter gave me a side eye glance. Probably because I looked so young and so flustered.

The song blasting through the bar was coming to an end.

I hovered over the sink and stared down.

"Come on," I said. "Please. Come on."

The song officially ended.

I had about two minutes.

I turned for a second to take a breath.

Everything will be okay. No matter what happens.

I spun back around and looked down.

The test was positive.

A faint positive but there was no denying it.

I held the test up to the light and squinted and tried to convince myself otherwise.

I hurried out of the bathroom and had to get ready to go on stage.

I tucked the positive test into my back pocket and waited for my name to get called.

When it happened, there was one loud cheer. A clap. A whistle.

All from the same person.

From Leith.

I walked across the small stage and stood at the microphone.

I had the attention of maybe five people.

But that didn't matter.

I was there for fun.

To sing.

And as I opened my mouth to sing the first note, I had this vivid image of me singing to a baby. To my baby. To Leith's baby. To our baby.

I gasped and almost missed the first word and note.

I shut my eyes and started to sing.

The song overtook me and I sang like it was the last time I'd ever sing.

Which was possible.

I couldn't be in dirty, smoky bars anymore, right? I didn't want to be in any bar for that matter. Just in case something happened.

I kept myself together as I sang the song.

And of course, tonight was the night I got the most applause I had ever gotten.

Leith stood up and clapped and whistled as loud as he could.

I walked off the stage, blushing and waving. Trying to tuck my hair behind my ears. Smiling ear to ear because that was a really good feeling.

Leith met me and threw his arms around me and picked me up. He spun me around.

"You were so fucking good, angel," he said in the happiest voice I ever heard from him.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm pregnant."

Leith froze. He put me down. "What did you say?"

"I'm pregnant. I took a-"

"And now, let's welcome one of our regulars…"

The voice boomed over my voice and I cringed.

Leith took my hand and pulled me through the bar toward the door.

When we were outside, he faced me, his eyes wide. "Say it again."

"Leith… I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant."

"Pregnant," I said. "Is there another word you're expecting here?"

"How…"

I took the pregnancy test out of my pocket and handed it to him.

"Shit," Leith said. He looked at me. He smiled big. "Shit."

"Shit? Good shit?"

"Amazing shit. The best shit ever."

"Can we stop saying shit now?"

"Sure," he said.

He scooped me up again and held me tight.

I smiled but Leith quickly put me back down.

He turned and started to walk away, holding the pregnancy test.

I watched as he ran his right hand through his hair.

I put my hand to my stomach.

Was this something good or something bad?

We ended up at a diner where Leith insisted he buy me a midnight breakfast. It was something that we had done a few times in the past. Being at a diner at that hour was meant for drunks or those who were on the road overnight for whatever reason.

Leith sat across from me and while he didn't smile much, he touched my hands with every chance he had.

I had the pregnancy test hidden in my pocket again.

"How do you… feel?" he asked.

"Fine," I said. "I mean, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."

He nodded. "Wasn't sure if you were sick or something. Or what made you…"

"I'm really late, Leith," I said. "And if I think back a few weeks or so, there was the one crazy night we had."

I grinned.

Leith turned his head and exhaled.

It was both our faults.

I had warned him that week I had messed up taking my pill. And he was supposed to make sure he was taken care of too. But instead we ended up throwing caution to the wind and went at it all. So much so that when we finally called it quits for the night we slept until almost two in the afternoon the next day. We were a mess of dried sweat and sin, but it was so worth it.

Maybe it was worth it too much.

Pregnant.

"Leith, I want to make sure we-"

"Let's eat, then get home and get some sleep," he cut in.

I raised an eyebrow.

What the hell is this, Leith?

I didn't push back at him though.

I ate a giant helping of pancakes and then we went back to his place.

There were nights I was able to sleep there and there were nights I wasn't able to. In some ways I felt completely stuck between what I really wanted in my life and what life wanted for me.

I wanted to be there for real. For good. I wanted Leith and I to be together.

And as I slowly started to fall asleep in his bed, I told myself that the baby would be the reason it would all work. It was the symbol of mine and Leith's true love. Sure, things weren't planned, but were they ever really planned? It wasn't like I met some random guy. This was Leith. I felt like I had known him for forever.

The next morning I was alone in Leith's bed.

That's when I finally got pissed off.

He wasn't going to act like this and get away with it.

I threw the covers off my body and stormed out of the room.

"Leith?" I called out. "Where the hell are you?"

I was ready for a fight.

If he was going to shut down on me now, I was going knock him out.

"Who the hell…"

Leith was sitting at his kitchen table.

With a cup of coffee.

And a cup of coffee in front of the seat across from him.

He looked up at me. "Couldn't sleep."

"What are you doing?"

He had a newspaper folded up. He slid it toward me.

"Planning on moving?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I am," he said.

"What?"

Leith took my hand. "We can't live here, Beth. I'm trying to figure this out in my head right now. But we're definitely going to need a second bedroom. And I need to figure out what I want to do next in life."

"Next in life?"

"To make sure I can take care of my family," he said.

"Family."

"That's you, angel," he said. "And our baby."

"So you're not leaving me?"

"Leaving you? Who said I was leaving you?"

"I did," I said.

"Then you're wrong. So wrong."

Leith put his hand to the newspaper and grinned. "I guess we get to go apartment hunting today."

I sat down on his lap and put my arms around him.

He held me.

I fought back tears.

I was afraid but I wasn't sure why.

As long as I had Leith nothing could go wrong.