Chapter 18

A New Dress, An Old Promise, & Nothing Good…

NOW

(Beth)

I was able to walk without crutches.

It hadn't been that long but every time I had to use the crutches I groaned under my breath, feeling useless. I missed two days of work and then forced myself to go back. Which turned into a disaster. But I made it through. The injury got me plenty of attention and actually made me more money, which was weird, but it helped to make up for the time I had missed.

Then I woke up one morning and just walked to the bathroom.

No crutches.

My ankle hurt but not enough that it made me freeze up.

So that was one good thing going my way.

Another thing was that it was Thursday again. I had succumbed to getting excited over looking at what day of the week it was. Waiting for Thursday to come so I could tempt myself to go to the bar again and see if Leith would be there.

Like an unplanned date or something.

Blurring the deepest lines of right and wrong, like we always used to do. Times when he was maybe dating someone in high school and when I was maybe dating someone. Yet we'd get together and it didn't matter. Nobody else's feelings mattered but our own.

I agreed to meet with Holly to look at her wedding dress with her.

It was the last and final look. To get in any last second changes, which with Holly was going to happen for sure. Nothing was ever perfect for her. But that was her problem. And, well, Brian's problem too. He was the one who was going to marry her and have to deal with this for the rest of his life.

Unless, of course, they got divorced.

How simple, right?

Just get sick of someone and get rid of them.

It made me laugh.

There was never an easy way of getting rid of someone. Whether the person was the right one or the wrong one, it was never easy.

I met Dani outside the bridal shop right on time.

"She's late," Dani said.

"Wow, that never happens," I said.

I rolled my eyes but they were hidden behind my large sunglasses.

"Are you hungover or just trying to looking sad?" Dani asked, pointing to my sunglasses.

"I'm here, okay?"

"Ankle hurting?"

"Not that much anymore."

"So it's what caused the ankle pain?"

"What?"

Dani laughed. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Hey. Just let it go. Don't worry about me. We're here for Holly right now. Pick on her. Not on me."

"That's easy enough," Dani said.

Holly arrived a few minutes later, scrambling and already in tears. The dramatics over seating and flowers made me laugh under my breath. It brought back unwanted memories too. I was able to keep that part of me hidden though. This was for Holly.

And she did look beautiful.

Her dress was perfectly white with an almost diamond look to the stitching. It hugged her body in a way that showed off all her curves… But in a good way. The way she was supposed to look on her wedding day. Where all eyes would be locked to her. Everyone watching as she and Brian declared their forever love for each other.

I hugged myself as I stood at the back of the room, watching Holly as she turned and eyed herself in a set of mirrors. Dani sat on a white leather couch and started to slowly clap.

"That's the one," she said.

"I know it's the one," Holly said. "I just need to know that's it ready."

"It's ready," I said. "Don't change a thing on it."

"Are you sure?" Holly asked.

"Positive."

"I'm with Beth," Dani said.

"Do you think the bottom is too much?" Holly asked.

"No," Dani said. "It's your day. Let it look like it does. The longest dress ever. Make it take you an hour to walk down the aisle."

"Is it that long?" Holly asked.

"Don't listen to her," I said.

"I don't want to be a showoff," Holly said.

Both Dani and I laughed at the same time.

"You two suck," Holly snapped.

Dani stood up and went next to Holly. "Look in the mirror, Holly. The dress is beautiful. And you know what? The dress is just for pictures. What matters is the way you and Brian look at each other. You could be naked and you'd still marry him."

"True," Holly said. "I like when he's naked."

"I'm sure you do," Dani said.

"Holly, there's nothing left to change," I said. "You're just worried about something going wrong. That's all. And that's okay. But at some point you just have step away and realize you're getting married. Really soon."

"Really fucking soon," Holly said.

"To the right guy," Dani added.

Holly took a deep breath. She touched the dress and exhaled slowly.

"Okay," she said. "I'm done here. This is it. Next time I wear this dress, I will be getting married."

"That's what we like to hear," Dani said.

"Are you both sure this is good?"

"Swear on my life," I said.

"What's wrong with your ankle?" Holly asked. "I forgot to ask."

Dani smirked.

Heat went to my cheeks, which normally didn't happen to me.

"I just twisted it a little," I said. "Long story. I'll tell you some other time."

"Okay," Holly said.

"She fell for a guy," Dani said.

"Really?" I asked.

Holly laughed. "I don't think Beth falls for guys. They fall for her."

Dani raised an eyebrow.

"Okay," Holly said. "Let me get out of this dress. Then we can grab lunch and talk."

I ended up outside with Dani as we waited for Holly.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Dani asked.

"I don't know. How personal?"

"Does this wedding stuff bother you?"

"No."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly," I said. "This is about Holly. Not me."

"You really weren't happy, were you?"

"That's why I'm not there anymore," I said.

"You didn't even want to go there to begin with," Dani said.

"I try not to think too much about it. What's done is done."

"Except now the first guy is back."

"Nobody is back."

"Tell that to your ankle."

"I don't even have his number," I said. "I don't know where he lives."

"Something tells me that doesn't matter when it comes to you," Dani said. "Things are never cut and dry with you."

"And what's your point?"

"If the hidden smile on your face has anything to do with him, then I hope you figure it out."

"Nothing to really figure out," I said.

Was I really hiding a smile over the mention of Leith?

"If you say so."

"Dani, trust me. It's not simple. Or easy. In some ways… what happened with Leith was worse than marrying and divorcing Joel."

"Even still…"

"Even still what?" I asked.

"If he makes you smile like you keep doing… maybe it's worth another shot."

Holly came out of the wedding dress shop just in time to save me from saying anything to Dani's comment.

Worth another shot?

That was the entire basis of my life with Leith.

Thinking we could keep years old promises alive when things forever seemed to change.

Which was not how it should have been.

Which was how it was always going to be for us.

The words rinse and repeat went through my head as I walked into the bar again. The same bar. The same lights. The same tables. I wasn't sure how many of the faces were the same, not that I really cared.

I looked right to left and saw Leith sitting at the bar.

That was a moment when I stopped. I really thought about everything. What I was doing there. I wasn't trying to relive the past. That I knew in my heart. Even though I did make Leith take me to the creek last week - and I paid the price for that.

The creek thing… that was one of many regrets I had with him. The day he told me he was moving and I just played it off that it was nothing. I did everything to hide my hurt and did everything to get his attention. Which obviously worked. Because he did come after me and kiss me. I walked home that day and stared at my lips in the mirror for a long time, imagining him kissing me like that all the time. I then cried because I thought I was going to lose him forever.

There never was forever though.

That was something made up to extend the feelings of love, hate, pain, romance.

There were just moments.

Like the one before me.

I walked with my obvious limp to the bar and sat down.

Leith's right hand was cupped on the bar. His left hand was wrapped around a glass with suds from beer slowly moving down the inside.

His head turned and he smiled when he saw me.

It was like every doubt and worry in my life instantly washed away from me.

His smile… changes… everything…

"How's the ankle?" he asked.

I turned a little and stuck my left foot out. I moved it a little. "Not bad."

"Walking without any help?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. You really thought you broke it, didn't you?"

"I really did. Guess I'm just a big wimp."

Leith laughed. "I could have told you that."

"Wow. Thanks for kicking me when I'm down."

"To be fair, I carried you when you were down," Leith said. "And then took you to the hospital. Then took you home."

And left me, then I ended up calling my ex-husband to start a fight… over you.

"Thanks for all of that," I said. "Hope I didn't screw up your Friday too much."

"I was going to call off sick," Leith said.

"Why didn't you?"

That's when Leith lifted his right hand.

He showed me what he had been hiding under it.

A ring.

A familiar looking ring.

The ring from the picture that was on his phone.

"Whoa," I said.

"Whoa," he said back.

"So that's…"

"Yeah," he said. "She surprised me. She came home. Last Thursday night."

My heart sank a little. My throat felt suddenly scratchy. I almost wanted to feel guilty but I didn't. I just felt bad for Leith. That he had to deal with something that maybe wasn't real. Because I knew what that felt like.

"I don't know what to say right now, Leith," I said.

"Neither do I."

"Do you feel like talking about it?"

"Not sure there's anything to talk about," Leith said.

"Then fine. We won't talk about it. Fuck it."

"Fuck it," he said. He put his finger into the center of the loop of the ring and slid it forward to the edge of the bar. "Don't need this."

"Just throwing it out?" I asked.

"I already told you that you were right about it. It wasn't meant to be anything. I shouldn't have bought it. I fucked up, Beth. I fucked up big time."

I touched his forearm. "Hey. Don't worry about it. Seriously. Things happen, Leith."

"No. I'm not talking about Amy right now."

"Oh," I said.

Leith put his hand on top of mine. "I'm talking about you… about us."

"So I figure we have two choices now," I said as we stood outside.

Leith was finishing his smoke, rubbing it against the brick wall of the bar.

"What's that?" he asked.

"We can go back inside and pretend everything is okay and not weird," I said.

"Okay. What's the other choice?"

"Get out of here. Stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"This Thursday thing. I never come here, Leith. The first time I was here was the night I saw you. I was only here for my friend's thing. This was where she met her future husband. But I keep coming back each Thursday to see you."

"This was my place first," Leith said. "This is my thing."

"Part of your routine."

"Exactly."

"And how is that routine going?"

"Can't complain."

I laughed. "I love that you can decide when you want to be tough and stubborn. Just so you know."

"And I love that for as tough as you think you are, you melt."

"Melt?" I asked.

"Rushing here each Thursday. Then you're poking at me about Amy. Wanting to go down to the damn creek. You're not out to cause trouble, right?"

"No," I said.

"Well, you did."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you did. Just like you always do, Beth. Whether you mean to or not."

Leith motioned for the door and I wanted to get in his way to block him.

He was quicker.

As he opened the door, I called to him, "Thought you only had two beers and that was it?"

Leith paused and looked over his shoulder. "Not tonight, angel. Tonight is not going to be a good thing for anyone."