Chapter 14

The Ex, the Necklace, and What Comes Next…

NOW

(Beth)

Funny how I woke up to a hurting ankle instead of a hurting head. You'd think a crazy night that involved drinks that's not how it would be.

I climbed out of my bed gingerly and was able to put a little bit of pressure on my ankle. I got myself to the kitchen and stood there, hovering over the kitchen sink, looking at my coffeepot. It was going to be a chore and a half to make coffee.

I looked at the time on the microwave and knew Leith was at school. Teaching third grade. It made me shut my eyes and shake my head. Wild to think of him as a teacher. Sitting behind a desk, giving out assignments, telling kids what to do.

I reached for the coffeepot just as the doorbell to the apartment made its one-note, annoying ding.

"Seriously?" I asked.

I turned and balanced against the sink.

I had to get myself crutches or just rest until my ankle really felt better. There was no way I was taking crutches from the hospital and having to cover that cost. Bad enough I was going to get hammered with bills because of the visit anyway. I thought for sure my ankle was broken. I wondered if it would have hurt less if I had just broken it.

Before I could make it out of the kitchen, the door to my apartment opened.

Dani came walking inside, keys in hand, along with coffee and a set of crutches.

"Good morning, sunshine," she said.

She looked at my ankle as I had my knee bent.

"How did you know?"

"You sent me a text," she said.

"I did?"

"Wow. You were out of it. What the hell happened?"

I sucked in a breath and held it.

I pointed to the crutches.

Dani brought them to me and when I tried to use them, I almost fell. And with almost falling, I stuck my left foot out and down, putting more than enough weight on my ankle to make me scream a few choice words that my neighbors didn't need to hear.

Dani hurried to put the coffees down on the kitchen table and helped me to a seat.

"Put your foot up," she said.

She peeled my jeans back and I could see it was swollen and a little discolored.

"Bad sprain," she said.

"Are you a doctor?"

"No. Just common sense. Let me get you some ice."

She was my savior as she filled a bag with ice and plopped it on my ankle.

I sipped my coffee and wished I could float away from the pending conversation.

"You're not getting away with this," Dani said.

"I know I'm not," I said. "I might need your coffee too."

Dani didn't hesitate for a second as she slid her coffee toward me.

She raised her right eyebrow and smiled.

"Bitch," I said.

"Tell me."

So I did.

"So this guy was pre-Joel ."

"This guy is the reason I married Joel," I confessed.

"Oh. Wow."

"This guy brings back everything. The memories like nobody else could ever do. You can't image what we've gone through together."

My hand subtly brushed against the front of my shirt.

It was never a thing, Beth. Even if it felt that way. It wasn't…

I shifted my leg and the bag of ice fell to the floor. It was half water by that point.

My ankle felt numb. A cold numb. A relief kind of numb.

"How are you going to work?" Dani asked, pointing to my ankle.

"I'll manage," I said. "I'll bring the crutches. Better tips that way."

"I bet some of the guys would have a fantasy about that."

"Gross," I said. "That place pisses me off."

"At least the money is good."

I nodded.

When I interviewed, I saw the stage at the back. The bar used to be owned by a different person who did open mic nights and had shows. The stage now stood empty, almost like a prop from a different time. The people that came into the bar had no desire to hear any music.

And that's when I decided to be pissed at Leith.

For making me think about singing again.

"Look, I need to shower," I said.

"I bet you do," Dani said.

"It wasn't like that."

"So I'm supposed to believe that you and this guy were out all night together…"

"It wasn't like that," I repeated.

I put my foot to the floor and pushed at the table to stand. I used the crutches awkwardly to get to the bathroom.

I balanced them against the sink and struggled to undress myself. I left the clothes in a pile on the floor even though there was a hamper next to the sink.

In the shower, I washed away the night and the morning but it didn't wash away the thoughts. Or the visions. Or what the hell I was really doing with Leith or why I said I wanted to go to the stupid creek or why I ended up trying to walk across the slippery rocks.

There was just something about Leith.

He made me want to act crazy so he could save me from myself.

And whatever had happened with his relationship, it was still fresh. I didn't know how he felt. If his heart was broken. If he was just looking for attention. Or just looking for comfort for a night or two.

Which wasn't the worst thing for us.

We knew each other already.

We knew what we liked and didn't like.

We knew how to take care of each other.

I shut my eyes and walked into the water. I groaned.

Then I started to hum.

Just random notes that worked together.

I put my head back and let the water hit my bare chest. My hands traveled down my body to my sides. I had my left leg bent and slowly used my left hand to touch the wall for balance.

I kept humming, getting louder by the second. Humming sad and romantic notes.

Soon I was lost.

Lost in my own world of a song that had no words but images.

Images that only I could see.

The hums soon became real notes out of my mouth. I lowered my head and let the water hit me again. I started to sing into the water. Just la 's and oh 's. Not actual words.

"Beth?" a voice asked.

I froze.

"Dani?"

"Sorry I bothered you," she said. "Uh, your voice is beautiful."

I cringed.

Dani had only ever heard me play sing or do some drunk karaoke or something like that.

I swallowed hard. "I'm almost done in here."

"Sorry," she said. "Your phone is blowing up."

I ripped open the shower curtain. "Is it Leith?"

Dani smirked. "I wish. Wow. Did you just perk up."

"Shut up. Who is it?"

"Joel."

"Fuck."

"Everything okay?"

I shut my eyes. "No…"

I was supposed to be long done with Joel. That was the purpose of divorce. Sign the papers and walk away for good. When the end came, I wanted it to be the end for good. We agreed to just leave everything as is. It was his house, so it stayed his house. I took what was mine, plus a little of his, and I left. I never looked back and never had any desire in my life to go back to him.

Except for one thing.

He had something of mine. And he knew it too.

Because I took something of his.

He told me I had wasted his time, his life, his future, and the fact that I would forever be a mistake in his life. He would always have to introduce himself as a guy that had gotten married and divorced which made him look bad.

My offering was to give him what he wanted in the sense of not taking him to court and just going away.

And in typical Beth fashion -over tired, a little drunk, in pain, on medicine - I not only sent a text to Dani, I sent a text to Joel. Demanding he give me the necklace that I know he stole from me. A necklace that he didn't give to me. A necklace he always hated and got jealous over.

I knew he had it.

He wouldn't have thrown it out either.

No way.

He'd keep it forever and lie to me for the rest of our lives.

He said he wanted to meet me for coffee.

Dani waved her hands, mouthing no , but I agreed to do it.

I was able to use to my right foot to drive.

Dani told me I was foolish.

Which I was.

Another typical Beth night too. Bouncing between Leith and Joel.

The man I loved. The man I married.

And yet I had slept alone.

I used the crutches to walk to the door of the cafe.

Joel sat at a table with a coffee and stared at me.

He watched me struggle to open the door.

The crutches were so weird to get used to, not to mention the pain in my foot if I tried to use it. It was like fighting pain versus instinct.

A guy at a table ripped a set of earbuds out of his ears to come help me.

"Thank you," I said to him.

"Sure thing," he said.

I walked to the table and looked down at Joel.

He was clean-cut, smelled like ten different colognes, and had a nasty look on his face. He was always tall and lean, the cliché look of someone who had played sports his entire life.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"My asshole ex refused to open the door."

"Funny. Before that. What's with the crutches?"

"I'm begging for change now."

"That's a solid career path."

"Pays the bills."

"Are you going to sit?" Joel asked.

"Do I need to sit? Bad enough I agreed meet you."

"You're the one who started this," Joel said. "So sit."

I put the crutches against the table and pulled out a chair.

I sat down and rubbed my hands to my knees.

Being near Joel was strange.

I hated him. I loved him. I felt bad for him. I felt guilty for things that had happened. But he wasn't innocent or perfect. Far from either.

Me too.

We both sucked together.

"What am I doing here?" I asked.

"Damn me for this, but I wanted to see that you were actually okay," Joel said. "Because you seemed off when you sent me those texts."

"Texts," I whispered.

"You don't even remember."

"I messed up my ankle and I was out of it. Thinking about things."

"Asking me about that stupid necklace again," Joel said.

"You know, it's not stupid to me," I said.

"Of course it's not. But when are you going to let that go? And leave me alone?"

"Leave you alone? You asked me for coffee."

"You showed up."

"I thought maybe you had the necklace."

"Exactly," Joel said. He leaned back. He sipped his coffee. "That was always our problem."

"Oh? You're going to tell me all my problems now?"

"I didn't say that."

"By all means, Joel. I mean, we're just sitting here as two people, right? We're not married. We're not together. We're not even friends."

Joel's eyes moved for a second.

I looked over my shoulder.

The guy who had opened the door for me stared with one earbud in his hand.

I curled my lip. "Breaking news, dude. The guy across from me was once my husband. Biggest mistake of my life. You looking for a wife though?"

The guy hurried to put the earbud into his ear and he faced the front glass window.

"Well, now that you've announced that…" Joel said.

I looked around and realized how loud I had just been.

I put my hand to my forehead and groaned.

The smartest thing would have been to just stay home.

The word confused came to mind but it was far beyond that.

"You always assume things, Beth," Joel said. "Maybe you should just be where you are and leave it at that."

"Great advice," I said. "How much do I owe for this session?"

"Right. Same old Beth."

"Same old Joel," I threw back. "You thought I was coming back to you. And don't for a second think you can lie to me about that. You saw a window, didn't you? Thinking I was drunk or weak and that I was going to run back to you. So you could get your second chance love story and fix our marriage."

"You already said it, Beth. There is no marriage."

"Right. But if we got together, then your perfect vision would be back. And you'd have me. And you'd try to control me even more. Because I came back because you said so."

Joel swallowed hard with that cocky bad boy look of getting caught on his face.

Did he really think I didn't know how he worked?

Same for me. He knew how I worked.

I slowly started to start walking, favoring my left foot. "I know you have that necklace."

"You're insane."

"No. I'm not. You're punishing me."

"Beth. That piece of crap thing is worth, what, ten bucks?"

"I don't care," I said.

My throat pulsed and the word care crackled.

No, Bethany. You are not breaking down into tears in front of Joel. Do not give your ex-husband any reason to see you cry. No way. Not allowed to happen.

"You're a piece of crap, Joel."

"Hey, Beth. Do me a favor. Next time you're drunk or stoned or breaking your ankle or whatever it is you did last night… don't text me. Ever."

That much I could give him.

I should have never bothered him last night.

No matter the reason that made it seem right to do.

And Joel just sat there. With a look on his face.

I walked away with crutches. Looking weak. Looking tired. Looking desperate.

Leaving the cafe, nobody helped me with the door. Not even the guy with the earbuds.

I got into my car - which took forever to do - and I left.

I never wanted to see Joel again. Which was the agreement hidden in the divorce. But I wanted that necklace back.

And I knew Joel had it.

The necklace Leith gave me when he said he wanted to be with me forever.