Chapter 13

The Creek, the Carry, the Coffee…

NOW

(Leith)

If anything were to happen it would still be wrong. A different kind of wrong though.

I chased that stuff out of my head as I parked my car on the side of the road.

Beth had been sipping a drink the entire drive.

That in itself was crazy. And wrong.

My hands white-knuckle gripping the steering wheel, while I reminded myself I was a teacher. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't doing anything wrong. But I was with someone drinking while I was driving.

And of course we were going to go chase some ghosts.

But what else did I have to do?

Go home and finish my normal routine?

"Have a drink," Beth said.

"No, I'm good."

"You're such a wimp, Leith."

"No offense, angel, but your old man isn't going to show up and save your ass."

"So you're the one all over my ass now, huh?"

The booze was working and the flirting was getting more and more.

And the thing with Beth was that she knew what to say and didn't care how she said it.

I got out of the car and waited for her.

The creek wasn't a far walk.

And we parked on a side road that ten cars probably knew about.

It wasn't a big creek or a deep creek.

The fun part was to get drunk or high and then try to walk across the rocks without getting wet. That's what being younger was all about. And then on the other side of the creek there was a giant rock that was like a canopy. So that's where you'd sit and make out for a little while.

Beth had her drink in one hand and hurried into the woods.

It took her all of two seconds to let out a yell as she almost tripped and fell.

I was there, grabbing her hand, and leading the way down to the creek.

Holding hands. Walking to the creek. She's drunk. I'm lost.

I didn't want to picture her as anything than she was as she stood at the edge of the creek. But it was impossible to blink and not see her the way I used to see her. Or blink and see her that one time where she was dared to go topless across the creek. And the way she stood there and looked over her shoulder at me, licking her bottom lip because she was really scared to death about it but did it anyway because that was just Beth. I was her security blanket and she was way more than that for me.

I shuffled my feet along the soft ground as I got closer to the water.

There were times when the creek was higher than this.

"I haven't been here in a long time," I said.

"Me neither," she said. "Kind of feels like we left part of ourselves here."

"I think that could be said for anywhere, angel."

"True," she said. "But the places where you were… they're a little harder to get away from."

"You stayed away from here for a long time," I said.

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?"

"Did you think for a second that I was actually in a happy marriage?"

The question sliced through the soft edges of my heart. I sucked in a breath. For years, Beth taught my heart how to be rigid. And for years, Amy softened it.

"Dare me to jump into the water?" Beth asked.

"I don't have to dare anyone to do anything," I said. "You can do what you want."

"You're no fun anymore, Leith. All that teaching and rulemaking has gotten to your head."

I stared down at Beth. It was odd in a way how things could be millions of miles away and different, yet in a single breath feel as though time hadn't gone by more than a few seconds.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"What? Why?"

"With everything, angel. I have my opinion of Joel, but you married him. That couldn't have been easy to deal with."

"It's done and over now," Beth said.

"You just always move forward," I said.

"I'm like the creek, Leith. Just going all the time."

"That's so dumb," I said with a laugh. "That sounds like something I'd say to my class."

"Well, Mr. Big Fancy Teacher , you can use that," Beth said.

She started to side step and I reached for her hand.

I squeezed it.

She looked down at our hands and then up to me.

"What are we doing out here?" I asked.

"You tell me. Is this really everything you've ever wanted?"

"You're questioning my life, Beth?"

"You never had a routine before."

"That was a long time ago. Life changes. People change."

"Or they don't."

"Or they do," I said.

"We're in the same spot," Beth said.

"Different people. Different feelings."

"You really believe that?" she asked.

"Maybe it doesn't matter what I believe anymore."

"So what are you going to do about it, Leith?"

Beth turned to face me. The creek made a gentle rushing sound. The forever sound it made.

"I don't think it matters to anyone what I'm going to do," I said. "That's freedom."

"See, you're the same as always. Just because you're hiding in a bar to have some wings and a beer doesn't mean a thing. You're still Leith."

"And who are you, angel?" I asked. "Why'd you marry him? Why'd you leave him? Where'd all those dreams of singing go? And don't talk about me writing. That's a cheap excuse."

"Whatever," she said.

She pulled her hand away but I wouldn't let her go. "Remember who I am, Beth."

"Oh? Remember? Do you remember?"

I curled my lip.

My heart was already hardening again.

That was self-defense against Beth. It was the only way to survive her. But it was worth it. Damn, it was always worth it.

I pulled her against me.

Her body - complete with new curves my hands had yet to properly explore - was against mine. And she just stood there.

"I'm the one who stands up to you," I whispered. "Challenges you. I'm the one who cuts through all your bullshit. I always have and always will."

"Except when you left."

"Because there was no other choice."

"There's always a choice."

"Fair enough," I whispered in a growling voice. I lowered my lips to her ear. She had a sweet smell to her hair but it was still Beth. "You're the only one I would ever chase."

That admittance wasn't for her, but for me.

Beth backed away and I let her go, knowing what was going to happen in the next few seconds if she didn't. My heart hanging from the last little bit of crooked wire, not really sure what made sense anymore.

"Then come get me," Beth said in a voice that cut that crooked wire.

She stepped forward, to a rock in the creek.

I stared to smile, an avalanche of memories hitting me.

Beth looked back.

That's when she slipped on the rock.

She fell and I wasn't able to get there in time to catch her.

Just like another time in our lives.

"I fucked up," she said.

My hands scooped her up off the ground before she got soaked.

"Beth…"

"It hurts," she said. Her eyes glistened with tears.

"Shit."

"My ankle. This is bad."

"Okay. Take a breath."

"Don't tell me to take a damn breath, Leith. This really fucking hurts."

"Okay. Don't breathe. Hold your breath. Pass out. I don't care."

"You don't have to be an asshole," she snapped at me.

I felt my feet digging into the muddy edge of the creek.

I curled my lip and hurried to turn so I could get her out of there.

She locked her fingers tight around my neck. Her breath danced along the left side of my face and my neck. My hands touching her body. But I had no choice. I had to carry her.

We were in silence as I trampled through the woods to get back to my car.

My feet crunched sticks and twigs. I avoided hitting trees. For a second it felt like I was going the wrong direction, which wasn't true.

My right foot hooked under a fallen branch and I almost tripped. I did a single foot jump, still holding Beth, and managed to keep myself upright.

"Careful," she said. "There's a branch there."

"You want to walk?" I growled.

"This is nicer," she said.

I stopped. I looked at her.

The anger of the past raged.

But we both burst into laughter.

Like two fools. The way we always had done.

She laughed as tears fell from her eyes.

I laughed as I started to walk again.

When we got to my car, I opened the passenger door and placed her down.

I was crouched before her, cradling her left foot in my hand. My other hand touched the back of her leg.

"You can't move it?" I asked.

"No," she said. "It really hurts."

"Like on scale from one to ten?"

"Like… maybe we should get to a hospital or something," she said.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Take me home then," she said. "I'll deal with it tomorrow."

"No," I said. "If it's broken… shit."

"Stupid creek."

I looked up at her, ready to explode. Instead, I slowly shook my head. "Fucking creek."

"I hate that creek."

"It's the worst creek in the world."

"The worst of the worst," she whispered.

"We should fill it in with rocks."

"We should."

"After we find a doctor," I said.

"That's a good plan, Leith."

I swallowed hard and helped her get her leg into the car.

I walked around the front of my car, turning my head and seeing Beth sitting in the passenger seat. I paused for a split second, long enough for our eyes to lock tight and long enough for her to smile at me.

When I started the car, I put my right hand out for Beth to take. "Let's make a deal."

"Okay…"

"I never want to see that fucking creek again."

Beth put her hand to mine. "Deal."

We shook hands.

We both broke out into laughter again.

"It really fucking hurts," Beth said through laughter and tears.

"I'll make sure you're okay," I said. "I'm here. As long I need to be."

Beth didn't respond. She just looked out the window.

I drove faster than the speed limit to get to her hospital. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It wasn't late at all. But a hospital trip could mean a long night ahead.

The silence in the car started to get the best of me.

I kept checking to see if Beth had fallen asleep but she was just in pain.

"When was the last time you sang?" I asked.

"What? The last time I sang?"

"Yeah. In the shower? In the car?"

"I don't know, Leith. Yesterday?"

"Do you miss it?"

"I miss a lot of things," she said.

"Yeah. Me too."

"When was the last time you wrote something?" she asked me.

"Yesterday."

"In the shower?" she asked in a cocky voice.

"Yeah," I said. "I put shaving cream all over the wall and wrote a story."

"You're such an ass."

"At least you're not thinking about your ankle," I said.

"Oh, believe me, I am. It doesn't feel good at all."

"What were you trying to do there?"

"I don't know. Run across the rocks? I slipped. Wet rocks. Oh well."

"Oh well," I whispered.

I looked at her one more time.

She turned her head and looked out the window.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. I gritted my teeth.

When I saw the glow of the hospital lights lift from the horizon, I thought I'd feel some kind of relief.

But that was a lie.

The night was only just beginning.

I stood by Beth's side, dealing with the nurses and the doctor assuming I was her boyfriend or husband. And after the first time saying I was a friend, it just didn't feel worth the effort. We were there because of Beth's ankle. Not to examine what our status was as two people.

The entire night started to move in a fast blur.

The day caught up to me in minutes as I sat in an uncomfortable chair, waiting for Beth to get back from getting x-rays. I had my phone in my hands, shaking my head that the first big thing I decided to do was change the background on my screen. It didn't feel exactly right that things with Amy ended the way they did. Over the phone. Through a text. Her drunk. Me tired. Both of us mad at each for not agreeing with the other. All signs that it was time to be done. I had never really thought about the future with Amy. We had always just been side by side. From the night we were set up on our first date to working at the same school. It was just fluid. Just moving along… like that damn creek. Like the way Beth said she did.

I opened the screen to text Amy.

I had no idea what the hell I would say to her.

How are you? I'm sorry this all happened this way. I'm sorry I lied about quitting. I'm happy that you're happy there. You deserve to be happy. I do love you, but not in the way-

The door slid open and I stood up.

Beth looked annoyed and tired.

When she drank, she would get the highest of highs from it, then crash hard.

She looked at me and I smiled. But there wasn't a smile on her face.

"The doctor will be in shortly," a nurse said.

I helped Beth back to the bed.

She sighed. "What time is it?"

"It's late."

"How late?"

"Really late. I should just grab coffee and head to the school."

"Leith… you should go."

"How are you going to get home?"

"I'll call someone."

"I'll drive you home. Don't be stubborn."

Beth put her head back. "I'm so tired. And I feel like I've been drinking all night."

"You're just exhausted. And in pain."

"This is absolutely crazy, Leith."

"As opposed to what, angel?" I asked. I reached and touched her cheek.

She tucked her head to her shoulder, pinning my hand.

I didn't know what that meant.

I know what I wanted next though.

The doctor tore open the door and came walking in.

"Good news," he announced in a deep voice. "There is no break. No fracture. No missing bones. No surprises."

He was in a good mood.

Good for him.

I got out of the way as he touched Beth's leg.

"Nasty sprain," he said. "That's the verdict. And that means letting it heal on its own. Old school style with rest, ice, meds. Nothing to really worry about."

"Okay," Beth said. "Thank you."

"As always, if anything changes, call your doctor or come back. But everything I've seen and with the x-rays, it's just a nasty sprain."

"Is that a really term?" I asked. "Nasty sprain?"

"It is," the doctor said. "Right there in all the medical books. Between sprain and break. Nasty sprain."

"Thanks, Doctor," I said.

He fought sarcasm with sarcasm and then he left the room.

But at least we were able to get out of there.

Beth put her arm around me and I held her waist and helped her walk. She was able to put a little pressure on her ankle. Not much though.

Once again we were back at my car and once again I was helping her get inside.

I touched her face and made her look at me. "Crazy night."

"I just want to go to sleep," she said.

"I know. Soon."

She had to stay awake to give me the directions to her place.

It was an apartment building made up of a one story building that was broken up into what looked like at least five different sets of apartments. They all looked the same to me.

I parked next to what I assumed was her car and I helped her shuffle her way to the door. She fumbled with the key and unlocked the door.

I never thought I would be in her apartment.

Her apartment.

Where she lived. Alone. By herself.

I walked her through the living room as she led the way to the bedroom.

Taking her to the bedroom without finishing the night the way we used to was strange.

Her room was small and cozy.

There were piles of clothes on the floor and scattered on the dressers.

I spotted a couple silky looking bras and gritted my teeth.

My mind ached to know whose fingerprints were on the clasps of the bras.

It wasn't my business at all. Or ever for that matter.

I sat her down on the edge of the bed and crouched before her again.

She had kept her left sock and shoe off. Those she had already dropped at the front door.

I helped to take her right shoe and sock off, shoving the sock into the shoe and leaving it next to the bed. I stood up and helped to peel the covers down the bed. My heart beat faster than it should have, but there was no way I could control it.

The clock on her nightstand glowed that it was well into the early morning hours.

I'd be lucky to maybe get a cat nap before needing to wake up and get to school.

"What else can I get you?" I asked her.

"Glass of water? And in the bathroom medicine cabinet, something for the pain."

I exited the room and went into the bathroom first. There I was hit with the soft and subtle hints of her soap and shampoo. The same smell that had been toying with my nose all night.

My eyes looked at the sink, seeing one toothbrush in the toothbrush holder. I smiled. I hated myself that I smiled at that sight.

I opened the heavy mirrored door and grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen.

In the kitchen, I opened the cabinet and got a glass with a faded cartoon character on it.

Back in the bedroom, she had the TV on. The glow of the screen was the only light.

I put the water and medicine on the nightstand.

"You're all set," I whispered. "Get some rest. It's been a long night."

"Leith…"

Her left hand twitched on the sheets of the bed.

Without hesitation, I grabbed her hand one more time.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead for a kiss.

When I pulled away I did so only a few inches.

Our eyes met.

She moved her right hand and touched my face.

"What a night," she said.

"What a night."

"Maybe next time we see each other, we won't end up hurt."

I laughed. "Yeah. That would be a nice change."

Beth's eyes were heavy. They slowly started to shut. "Leith… I miss you…"

I swallowed hard. "Yeah, I miss you too, angel. Just close your eyes. It'll be okay."

The words seemed to be ones I had spoken many times to her.

Her eyes shut all the way and she let out a deep groan.

Her hand moved from my face to my neck.

Her eyes popped open again.

There was this intense moment of us.

I moved forward and kissed her.

A soft kiss.

A slow kiss.

Our lips began to part and I pulled away.

I grabbed her wrist and took her hand away from me.

"Bad idea," I whispered.

"Terrible idea," she said as her eyes started to shut again.

She put her head on the pillow and I tucked her in.

I stood for a few seconds, feeling way too much at once.

I left and went home to greet the sunrise.

The colors burned bright against the horizon as I stumbled to the front door.

I felt drunk but I was far from it.

I was just tired.

Confused.

And I needed to get some coffee and get my ass to the classroom.

I opened the door and smelled coffee.

I laughed, telling myself I wanted it so bad I could smell it.

I heard the sound of coffee mugs clanking together and I froze.

"Hello?" I called out.

I must have been delirious from the night.

The last thing I expected to see was someone in my house.

But when someone walked from the kitchen, I stepped back.

"What the…"

Amy stood there, holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey," she said. "Or I guess I should say good morning."