14. Chapter 14

Dyre bitterly joked often enough about being a walking corpse, but I think that was more because of his deathly looks—his pale skin, and the bluish color of his lips, nails, and teeth—than because he thought it was true. Then again… he seemed to be fantastic at hiding his feelings. Maybe even from himself.

Back when I was younger, when I had this magical thing called "free time," I read a lot of fairytales and legends, and I was really fascinated with the way human literature portrayed creatures they thought were myths and make-believe. And it was really interesting to see how much they got right, where there were grains of truth interspersed throughout the nonsense. There were human legends of the living dead. And some of them described the way Dyre"s skin, teeth, and nails had changed colors. Was that just a coincidence? Maybe. But the Lovell in me just couldn"t leave that little nugget of almost-truth alone.

Sunshine"s black eyes bore into mine for a long moment before he answered my question. The memory of my words lingered in the silence between us like a ghost. Is Dyre still alive?

"No," the wraith said evenly. "It is a difficult thing to define, perhaps, given our unique situation, but I believe that in the ways you allude to… no, Dyre is not alive. He died the night his parents forced me into his body. I have been keeping him alive ever since."

I knew. I knew I didn"t really want to hear the answer to this question. But here we were. I always was too stubborn for my own damned good. "I knew that if you were forced out, it would kill him," I said softly. That was common knowledge. Once possessed by an entity like the ones needed to become a necromancer, a witch could not let go of the power without severe consequences. And if left in place, the possession itself would eventually kill them over time as the entity drained them like a parasite, just a bit more slowly and with a loss of free will along the way. Then the evil entity would go on its way to cause mayhem somewhere else.

Necromancers and other dark magic practitioners who took this insane path had the potential to access great power, and—if they didn"t do something stupid like get themselves killed by the SA for their crimes—they had the potential to live longer than a human. But generally, they were drained by whatever dark force they had bargained with. If I had to guess, I"d say that anyone stupid enough to voluntarily tie a dark being to them in bondage probably had the ego to think they"d be the exception to the rule. That they"d find a way around the natural order of things and somehow gain all that power and find a way not to be sucked dry by the evil inside them. People like that thought they were different. That it wouldn"t happen to them because they were so unique and clever. But they were always wrong. Always.

But Sunshine and Dyre were different. They hadn"t sought this bond. They had been forced into it by Dyre"s family, neither one of them a willing participant. They had each recognized the pain of the other and had somehow struck a deal, agreeing to live together with as much harmony as possible.

"You said you try not to take more life force from Dyre than he can handle," I said, my voice nearly a whisper. "You said you are both weak because you don"t take what you really need, and he gives more than he can really afford. That… I thought that meant you wouldn"t drain him the way others would."

Sunshine"s face softened, looking a little more like Dyre than the wraith, even though I knew by the eyes and the aura that the monster was still in charge. "He didn"t survive the bonding. He died the next morning, as we sat on the roof of his family estate and looked out at the sunrise. I could feel him slipping away, knew I would be free from this confusing, horrible prison of mortal flesh. But… the sun was rising. I saw color for the first time in my long, empty existence. And I felt his sadness over all that he had just lost. I was curious. I wanted to see more. So I stayed. Rather than devouring the last of his life energy the way I should have, I kept his soul tethered to his body."

He shook his head, as if he couldn"t believe it himself. "I meant to let him fade after I satisfied my curiosity. But somehow, I put it off. Finding reasons to stay." He met my eyes unflinchingly. "I take energy from him. I must, to keep myself alive. To keep us both alive. But… I always leave just enough to keep his soul here. This body," he touched his own skinny chest reverently. "He says it is his. It is important to him, so I let him believe this. But in truth, it is ours. It is… perhaps more mine than his. Because I am the one who lets us remain here, in this home of flesh and bone."

I couldn"t stop the stupid tears that overflowed my eyes and trailed down my cheeks. I was right. If Dyre heard this, it would probably break him. He was so fiercely independent. So clear about the fact that his body was his own, and that Dyre was only a passenger. An unwilling houseguest he"d grown to tolerate. He would be devastated.

If he didn"t already know.

He had to suspect. He was so clever, and so skilled at working through magical puzzles and problems… he probably knew but just refused to let himself admit it. And I was sure as hell not going to be the one to force him to face this truth.

"So," I said, sniffling back my tears and wiping my face with my hands as I tried to refocus on my original purpose. "Dyre"s not closely related to me by blood. We"re at least eight generations away, though I think it could be more. I need to check on something to do with an adopted kid one of my relatives took in…" I waved my hand to dismiss all of that. "But the bigger point here is that even if we were too closely related by modern standards… it"s not like we can have offspring. There is literally no consequence whatsoever in us being together. And…." I trailed off, afraid to say it out loud.

"And Dyre is long dead anyway," Sunshine said in his usual unemotional voice. As if he was just stating facts and couldn"t see what the rest of us were making a fuss about. "As I said, his concerns are not valid. He is overreacting."

I snorted. "Yeah. He"s probably not overreacting. You just don"t get all the emotions he"s feeling. And I"m sure there"s more to it than just whether he"s contemplating boinking his great-great-however-the-fuck-many-greats granddaughter. But I had to know. To be sure I wasn"t missing anything here."

Sunshine cupped my face in one big hand, running his thumb over my cheekbone. "You are ours. He is simply… lost for a moment. We will convince him not to leave."

I closed my eyes as my chest clenched. I knew it. I knew Dyre"s first instinct would be to run. Even so, it hurt. "He wants to leave?"

Sunshine stepped closer, his black aura encompassing mine like a dark hug. "He thinks it is for the best. If he leaves, he will not be tempted. And he thinks he was wrong to have hope that we could stay. That we could belong somewhere for once. He thinks he caused all of your pain simply by existing. That he is the reason you had to endure your awful family. He forgets that without him, you would not even exist." Cool lips touched my forehead. "I will not let him do this. We will convince him. Together."

I was being comforted by a wraith wearing a witch"s body like a comfy pair of pajamas he"d borrowed. The same wraith who was keeping Dyre alive for no reason other than he just couldn"t bear to let his life spark go out. I pulled back just far enough to kiss him again, going up on my tiptoes and wrapping my arms around this supposedly evil creature as I drank him in, tears of gratitude falling from my eyes. Without him, I never would have met Dyre. He would have lived and died hundreds of years before I was even born.

All this awfulness. Dyre"s pain. Sunshine"s imprisonment. My cursed family. The stupid bestiary and the enslavement it caused. My own hardships. I had tried to wish it all away a million times in the past. But right now, I wouldn"t change any of it. Because none of us would be here if things hadn"t happened just as they did.

Sunshine held me tight, rough and fiercely possessive. He let out a little growl of frustration. Then he pulled back, our lips barely brushing, cool breath ghosting over my skin. "Dyre"s consciousness is stirring. And I promised I would never force him to stay in the dark. I must let him wake."

"Okay," I breathed, watching as the black faded from his eyes, slowly replaced by Dyre"s beautiful violet gaze.

Dyre took a deep breath. Then he seemed to realize what was going on and how close we were. He jerked away from me like he"d been burned, his face twisting into a mask of anger. "What the fuck? I told you not to touch me!"

Then he froze as he took in my probably pathetic expression, his gaze roaming over my face. He lifted a shaky hand, one big thumb wiping away my tears. "What happened?" he hissed. "What did he do to you? I"ve never seen you look so… what did he do, Lovell?"

I shook my head. "Nothing," I said, my voice cracking a bit before I could get control of it. "He didn"t do anything." He did everything. The dark, ancient, supposedly evil entity did literally everything to keep Dyre alive and happy.

"Andy," Dyre breathed, his deep voice soft and free of its recent coldness, for just a moment. "I can"t. I just—"

I shook my head. "You can. You just won"t. And that"s okay. It"s okay to not want more. It"s okay to take some time. It"s okay to do whatever you think will make you happy. Just don"t run away, okay? Don"t use this as an excuse to disappear the second you get the chance." I wiped the last of the dampness from my cheeks and squared my shoulders as I looked up into those confused violet eyes. "We"re not done talking about this. About us. But… just give Sunny a break, okay? He"s not a monster. And neither are you."

I wanted to hug him. To demand that he stop being so stubborn and just let me help him work through whatever was bothering him. That he let me love him. But he needed time. And even if I wasn"t sure how much time we had with everything else going on around us at the moment… I had to give him what he needed.

So, I pulled up my big-girl panties, turned, and walked away, my heart aching so badly I could barely breathe.