Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Twenty-three Years Ago, Three Years Old

"Why don't you go play with your big brother, Marc?" Mom handed me a beach ball that barely fit between my little arms, and I squished the over inflated plastic in my small hands. I nodded, and the sheer magic of her smile matched my own.

In my earliest memory, at three years old, I ran across the white sand beach, falling over once or twice as the soft ground moved out from under me. For every stumble, I always got back up and reclaimed my beach ball. I was on a mission, after all.

There, standing in the wake of the crashing ocean waves, was my eleven-year-old brother. His skin was darker than mine—he would always tan better than I could—and his arms were crossed as he stared out at the horizon.

A wave broke in front of him, washing as high as his waist, but he was strong and tough. He didn't even flinch.

"Addy, let's play." I said as I held the beach ball over my head, staying at the edge of the water's reach. He was standing in waves taller than I was, and I was too scared to go to him. He ignored me, and I assumed he simply couldn't hear me over the noise of the ocean. "Addy!" I tried again, but my voice was lost in water and wind.

Frustrated but stubborn, I flattened my lips and started into the wake. Water washed over my ankles, then dragged away the sand around my feet as it receded. The shift was so rapid, I lost my footing and landed on my hands and knees, dropping the ball into the retreating ocean water. I managed to get back on my feet, and I chased the ball deeper in hopes of reclaiming it before it got too far away. The next wave hit mid-thigh, and the strength of it knocked me backwards onto my butt. Now completely off balance, another shove from the ocean knocked me further backwards onto my back. The position placed the water at my chin, way too close to covering my head.

In a panic, I tried to scamper backwards towards the shore, but the next wave went over my head completely. The rush of salt and foam penetrated my nostrils and my open mouth, and I accidentally inhaled half the ocean straight into my lungs.

I choked and shrieked when a third surge hit, while Adrian glanced over his shoulder at me. I waved a hand in the air in a cry for help.

My big brother looked down at the colorful ball as it reached him, then he snatched it from the water, before he turned to come to my aid.

He stood over me, and I grabbed onto his leg for support, trying to climb back to my feet and regain some control of the situation before I was submerged again. I was tall enough to stand in this, I knew it. But I wasn't strong enough, and I just needed the stability. I met Adrian's eyes through terror and desperation, while my wet hands slipped on his ocean soaked calf. His brows creased, and his eyes narrowed.

He kicked his leg to shake me off, dropping me into another wave. The ocean dunked me again, at the same time that Adrian spun and threw my ball back into the ocean as far as he could send it. He casually continued wading back to the dry beach, leaving me to fend for myself in the rising tide.

"Help!" I cried, but that didn't stop him. If anything, it seemed to make him smile.

"Adrian!" I heard mom scold him, before she rushed to my side. She hoisted my flailing, terrified, thrashing body into the safety of her arms, and she started patting my back.

I choked sea water all over her shoulder, while snot rolled down my face and a mix of tears and salt burned my eyes. Mom carried me back to the shoreline, squeezing me protectively all the while.

When we were on the safety of dry land, she glared at my big brother. "How could you just leave your brother to drown? All he wanted was to play with you." Ordinarily, she was never one to raise her voice, which made her even scarier when she did. I sniffled harder.

"He's a vampire." Adrian scoffed in petulance. "Unfortunately, he isn't going to die from drowning, or I would have thrown him in with the ball." He rolled his eyes at me, and I buried my face into the crux of Mom's shoulder, embarrassed to have been such a burden. He was going to hate me even more after this.

"That's a horrible thing to say." She snapped .

I nuzzled into moms warm collarbone, trying to hide my face. "Sorry." I said quietly. I shouldn't have tried to make him play with me. I always messed up around him.

Mom rubbed my back to comfort me, but that only seemed to make my big brother even more cross. "He just wants to be your friend, Adrian."

"Well, I don't want to be his." Adrian stood his ground. "He ruined everything, so why should I have to be nice to him?"

Mom opened her mouth, but Adrian shook his head and walked away, not entertaining that conversation for another minute. Somehow, that had me crying worse than I had been in the ocean tide.

I didn't know what I'd done, but I didn't know any way to fix it either. Mom frowned and cradled me tighter.

"It's not your fault, sweetie. You've done nothing wrong." She reassured me. "It's not fair for him to punish you for things that were never in your control."

I nodded, not articulate enough to offer any real opinion. All I could rationalize was the idea that, maybe if I tried harder, he would finally want to be my friend. I just had to be better. That was something I could control, right?

Present Da y

I shoved my hand through my thick blond hair, and I fisted the strands, tugging to the point of pain in a bid for stress relief. I'd not had a dream like that in years, and I hated rehashing my most banal childhood memories.

Control .

What a farcical fucking concept. Now more than ever, that word haunted me, and my recent obsession was only drilling it deeper into my brain.

There was a time in my life where I truly believed that one had no purchase over their relationship with others. They would love you, or they would hate you, and you simply had to function within the parameters provided.

But that hadn't been true since I'd reached puberty. My vampiric gift of compulsion meant I absolutely could control how people felt about me. Not to mention my ability to read or assert myself into the minds of others meant I could alter my own behavior to match what was needed for the desired result. I loved my mother dearly, but shifters were nothing compared to vampires, and they had none of the power I held.

It was only those moments under the moon that I found myself chained and bound by my weaker bloodline.

Only then.

With a frustrated sigh, I climbed from my bed and showered to wash away the cold sweat that clung to my skin. It was Thursday, so I didn't have many class obligations, but I did have Astrology Club. That must have been why I was thinking of such old, ridiculous memories. Maybe this effort to get back at Adrian for our long and tumultuous childhood was starting to be more detrimental to my mental health than satisfying. It had become infinitely more complicated after the last moon, after all.

Nearly a whole week had passed with nary a peep from my little Virgo. She'd not come to breakfast all week, and she'd barely been responding to my text messages with anything beyond ‘Sorry, been busy. Talk Later.'

I went about my day mechanically, not seeing or hearing from her until Astrology Club, where she was obligated to attend and sit beside me. I didn't know why she'd been avoiding me, but I felt relieved to finally interact with her again. We still had a date for Sunday, but she was being especially flighty, and I wasn't fond of the change.

It seemed that we'd ended on a good enough note after the weekend's events, but maybe allowing her too much time to think had been dangerous. I couldn't believe anyone would ever regret spending a night with me, but then… there had been one or two in the past.

Still, I'd been curating our interactions so carefully until that point. Would one mistake on one single night be what unraveled everything I'd tried so hard to keep in check?

The entire hour passed in awkward tension, where we largely just recapped the field trip. Everyone talked about their favorite parts, and we went around the room like we were in some form of socially awkward group therapy. Sadly, it would have been frowned upon to announce that my personal favorite part was draining Lila to near death while fucking her with the cock of the stars, so I settled on "the food."

It wouldn't be until next week that we started talking about the next star sign, so this week felt more like a technicality. As everyone started packing up, I made an attempt to talk to Lila.

"Are we still on for Sunday?" I attempted with uncharacteristic unease, though it was masterfully hidden by a lifetime of hard earned and well-honed confidence.

She lifted her gaze to me, and I couldn't help but pick up on the thought ‘can I say no?' before she painted on a sweet expression and gave me an affirmative nod.

While she knew I could read her mind if I chose to, that didn't mean she knew how to limit her thoughts, and I couldn't help but wonder if she'd intended for me to hear that rejection, or if it was entirely careless and accidental.

"If you're busy, we can reschedule." I heard myself say.

What the fuck was that weak, passive, bullshit response? I chastised my brain that was always so off around her in one extreme or the other. If anything, I should be afraid of her now, considering she'd just so effortlessly and accidentally robbed me of any and all control. Yet, here I was presenting as some simpering Beta bitch.

She pushed strands of her dark hair behind her ear, tangling black silk with the temple of her glasses. "I might have to work in the afternoon, but we can still do a morning date."

"I see." I muttered. Work? So she had a job. That made sense. She was busy because she was newly employed and not because she didn't want to spend time with me. I forgot that was normal .

Being the son of a vampire, we had family money that extended back many thousands of years of relieving victims of their purses, paired with well-chosen investments and general financial savvy. Between powers of compulsion, immortality, and piles of bodies, it would take pure incompetence for any ancient vampire to be poor. But not all of magic kind were so astute and ruthless. Depending on her lineage, she may have a less vicious and hefty treasure trove to call upon.

Though if she was born wealthy, I couldn't blame her for wanting to dabble in menial labor. Even I occasionally played at mundane jobs just to pass the time and learn something new. "That's no problem. I can drop you off after lunch."

I'd say I was handling this well—her hesitation, I mean. Once I had her undivided attention, and I'd cleared the air a bit, I had no doubt she would be right back to being moldable and easily manipulated putty in my hands. I had plans for this girl, and I couldn't have one egregious mistake be what ruined any relationship that could be.

"I'd really appreciate that." Lila's soft smile seemed more genuine this time, and my whole soul relaxed. When she left the room to head back to her dorm, a chill rattled my spine like I was ripping myself back into awareness. I might have to ask her if she loved to sing next I saw her, because she had a draw like a siren. Mixing a Siren with a Zodiac Shifter could possibly have that sort of subtle power over someone like myself, I suppose. That was the best guess I could come up with, as nothing else should be able to arrest my attention so effortlessly.

Yet never once had I heard her sing.

Troubling .

I took the time to calm my nerves, while I waited for Adrian's desperate fan club to disperse. Sometimes that took entirely too long, but then again, mother did give both of us a few stunningly attractive features. Adrian got her sharp nose, her jawline, her temper, and emotional severity. I got her eyes, her hair color, and obviously her observational skills and charisma. The cheekbones were a gift to both of us.

I'd not spoken to him since the field trip either, and we had some important matters to hash out between us. Once the last student headed out, I made a point of locking the classroom door to prevent any further interruptions.

"So how did she react?" Adrian leaned against his desk, expecting my approach. Though the question led me to believe he wasn't in tune to much else.

"How is it that you've had Lila in your Physics class all week, and yet you're asking me that question? Can't your Incubus senses read her state of mind? What happened to that emotional and sexual vampirism you're so good at?" I responded coyly, knowing the word vampirism was an instant trigger for brother dearest. "Here I thought you actually had abilities that were vaguely useful."

Adrian scoffed, only nibbling at that bait, before he answered seriously. "I can tell how tense she is around me, but I have no idea what feelings she now has towards you . The constant mental state of fear and stress that she radiates during Astrology Club could be associated with either one of us now."

"Fear and stress, huh? Well, that's disappointing." At least that cleared up the reason she was giving me the cold shoulder lately. The job was a nice excuse, but apparently I scared her now, rather than being her safe and impossibly attractive classmate. Internally, I was a bit hurt. Externally, I shrugged. "Here I was hoping she'd use this newfound knowledge to picture herself getting spit roasted on magical cocks."

"Why are you like this?" He groaned, and I laughed.

"Because it's so boring to take everything seriously, when it's really not that big of a deal. We're immortals in college. You're barely any more of an adult than we are by shifter standards. Why do we have to get so uncomfortable and prudish around the idea of enjoying our natural urges?" Not to mention he was a literal sex demon, but it felt redundant to remind him of the fact.

"There's nothing natural about a teacher taking his student's virginity on a cafeteria table. There's absolutely nothing natural about losing control and nearly killing the girl, only stopping because her pussy was good enough to rip you out of demonic lunar possession." He said, always so sensitive. Also, surprisingly crass. He really could not keep his head around this topic.

"All of those things are perfectly natural for men like us. Let's be real for a moment."

Adrian sighed, because he knew I was right. "Doesn't that worry you? That you couldn't stop yourself? Even an Alpha shifter can be killed if you drain them of all blood. Whatever her designation, you legitimately would have murdered her the other night if you hadn't reverted, Marcus."

"It sounds so dramatic when you put it that way." I paused, genuine guilt putting a hitch in my confidence .

He was right, admittedly. If not for the moon losing its influence, I would have gone all the way. I was all but unconscious while I was in that form, and the only reason I knew what had gone on in full was because my body stored the memories for after the fact, dumping the entire ordeal on my psyche like a bursting dam of trauma as soon as I shifted back into human form. If not for whatever unique blood gift she had, I would have eagerly and unapologetically murdered her where she stood.

It might be easy to claim I would have stopped myself, if not for the fact that she wouldn't have been the first person I'd done that to. That was also my reality. I'd made myself own being a killer, as it was my blood right and heavily normalized among vampires, but the thought of going too far with her hadn't actually sat well with me.

Still, I couldn't admit that to Adrian. "I won't lose control around her again, so it's not worth fretting over. And if I do, that tight little cunt will make sure I finish before I go too far, so it won't be a problem."

"Fucking disgusting. I don't know why she gives you the time of day." He scowled. She hardly had been lately, but that was also something he didn't need to know. "Would you even care if you did kill her? Or is getting off all that matters to you?"

"I'm a vampire, Adrian. Death is a way of life." I dismissed the question with a non-answer, and to my dismay he immediately picked up on that. His Incubus gifts were only useful when I didn't want them to be.

"Marcus." He said sternly. No other words were necessary to get his meaning across. Another thing he got from Mother .

"Yes, of course I would have cared." I relented before he could badger me. The third thing I wouldn't be admitting was that I'd truly terrified myself that night. It wasn't like me to stop, but it also wasn't like me to give a flying fuck that I hadn't, and I was still coming to terms with what that meant. I generally found joy and power in murdering basic humans, after all. The world was entirely too civilized these days, so it was a rare and thrilling treat. But the thought of murdering her wasn't translating with that same glee in my mind. And that was all despite the legal consequences of magic-on-magic crime. "I'm not actually a monster, you know."

Adrian snorted, and I took mild offense.

"Calling you a monster would be generous, considering how bland your transformation is. No horns, no wings, just some cute little water snakes." Wow. Unexpectedly savage. "Somehow, I'd expected more. I'm glad you didn't give me much to compete with, little baby brother." Adrian was snarky today.

Not a bad burn though, honestly. "Well, we have a date this Sunday for full disclosure, so… we'll see exactly how disappointed she wasn't." I attempted to get the power in the conversation back, but I didn't have a good comeback yet. Not the least of which because I knew she wasn't terribly excited about our date. I was giving her grace because this whole debacle was a lot to process for someone who was convinced she was human, but I wasn't feeling as confident as I'd like to be either.

Adrian raised a brow. "What does full disclosure mean exactly?"

"I already told her we're related." That made his eye twitch, though he didn't say anything about it. "But I haven't really explained how vampires work and what the marks mean and so on and so forth. So… I guess I'll first see if I can just compel all of this information away, so she can go back to being na?ve and ignorant and sweet, just in case that's an option. In the likely event that doesn't work out, I'll be giving her a rundown of the shifter basics. The monstrous ABCs, if you will. She'd probably appreciate some clue as to what she's gotten into."

"Why do I feel like you're going to give her worse information than what she could find in a bad paranormal B movie?" Always such skepticism with him.

"Because you are a man of little faith." I waved him off dismissively. "I'll answer her questions honestly, I promise. Then I can urge her to talk to her parents and figure out what the fuck she is, win over some more trust so she tells me when she finds out, then, I don't know, rail her in a public bathroom stall?"

"Always the class act, Marcus." Adrian shook his head, then he turned his back on me to start erasing the whiteboard. It was already plenty clean, but I think he just wanted an excuse to not make further eye contact.

I loved seeing him jealous.

"I am nothing if not a gentleman." I shrugged. "Speaking of manners, you really shouldn't worry so much. The focus will be on my existence and her existence. If I can avoid bringing you up at all, that will be preferable, really. Your secrets aren't mine to tell."

Adrian genuinely laughed this time, and my nose scrunched at the sound of it. I wasn't used to the lack of bite and mockery in his tone .

"Since when has that stopped you from making my life harder?" He forced his expression back into one of neutrality as he responded.

"Since right now." My eye roll was pure punctuation. "Full loss of control humbles a person. I expect that sort of mania during my birth month, but on the night of the Aquarius or the Cancer or whatever the fuck, I've always had some ability to wrangle myself back or stop myself from initiating my transformation. Ever since I learned the triggers, I've never had an issue avoiding them, no matter how moonstruck I might be." I couldn't say why I was telling him this, but I guess we were brothers who shared things now. Feelings, mania, women—normal sibling bonding. I inhaled deeply before I continued. "But this last weekend, I was desperate to fuck up. I wanted to trigger my shift and sink my teeth into her, and I couldn't think about anything else until I did. It was wild and disturbing, and I understood at least a portion of what you go through. I'm a changed man now. I have empathy and compassion and shit."

For some reason, that statement was enough to get his full attention again. Adrian set down his eraser and turned to face me. He stared me down like I was as strange and perplexing as our little unknown hybrid.

"Really? You've never had full loss of control on a random full moon?" His eyes were unusually wide.

"Not since I learned my triggers." I corrected my own claim. "I've lost control on the night of the Leo, in the sense that I've blacked out and woken up in blood, but I've never come to with my dick still in my victim. I've certainly never been baited into shifting on a night when I should have been in complete control. Even after we went our separate ways, and I was back in the protective glass of the hotel, I just couldn't let it lie. I tried to, but it was as if I was possessed by the need to make that bad decision." And I don't like THAT fact one bit. I didn't admit the last part out loud. Despite all my taunts and bragging, the honest truth was I was not remotely okay with what she'd done to me . I was the manipulator, and never the manipulated, and I needed to come off as unbothered purely to assure no one else picked up on that moment of weakness.

"Interesting." He nodded along in understanding, likely having experienced the same thing. We'd never had this conversation at any point in our arduous relationship, so I couldn't help but be curious as to how his experience differed.

"You managed though." I prodded just slightly, hoping he'd explain. It seemed to be that, under full lunar influence, he'd had more discipline than I did at the hot springs. But then again, he was eight years older than I was, so perhaps he'd simply learned more restraint.

The smug grin that elicited, however, made me immediately regret the subtle compliment. "Come on now. You're surprised that under the moon of an Air Sign, you, a Fire Sign, had less restraint than an Earth Sign? It's as if you haven't been paying any attention at all when I've been teaching elemental compatibility. Are you sure it's Lila who needs the Monstrous ABCs?"

I felt my eyes widen, and I immediately forced them closed.

Right. Obviously. He had a point, even if I wasn't a fan of the reality. I suppose having never experienced a woman like Lila before, nor having many Hybrid Alphas to compare myself to, those subtle differences from one month to the next were lost on me. Though, as we were coming up on the water-based Pisces, that meant I would have the advantage going forward. "I guess I'm more out of sorts than I realized." I mumbled. "Regardless, I'll admit that I've been playing with a hotter flame than either of us knew. I'll be doing my research from here."

"I just have one more question." He lifted his chin to put me beneath him. Typical . "Are you going on a date with her just to further this chaotic mess you've made, or do you actually care about her as a person?"

That question had me taken aback, and it wasn't one I was quite prepared to answer. What difference did it make to him, anyway?

"Does it matter?" I deflected, more to give myself time to think on it than anything. I was so entangled in the mystery of the situation, feelings didn't even factor into my motives. Physical attraction, maybe, but absolutely not some human connection.

He narrowed his gaze. "Of course it matters."

"Why?" Was I stalling? If I answered that honestly, would he hate me or use it against me? Then again, that all depended on what ‘ honest ' actually looked like. I wasn't falling in love with Lila. She was a tool at best. But did I care about her? Did I want to spend more time with her?

Did I?

… Hmm…

"Because she's still a person, Marcus. You're aware that she's not just some game or pawn for you to play with, right? She's an actual woman with actual feelings. Even if you found out she was half goddess, that wouldn't negate the fact that she's a fragile young lady with complex emotions, a soul, and now all sorts of fresh trauma."

"Fragile? Lila?" This time I was the one who snorted. "We both know that isn't true."

"Stop dodging the question."

"I don't dislike her." I finally relented. "She has quite a few qualities that I enjoy."

"That's hardly an endorsement." He cared way too much about this. "Try to sabotage me all you want, but there's no reason to target her out of spite. I don't want you destroying her life over bad intentions."

"You would know a bit about targeting an innocent party out of spite, I suppose." The reminder earned me an always coveted eye twitch. I appreciated the irony that a man who spent years pushing me into the fire to satisfy his misplaced teenage angst suddenly was so up in arms about protecting the innocent.

"Exactly. I would know, so don't make the same mistake I did." The fact that he was referring to me as his mistake was somehow both endearing and appalling at the same time.

"I can't tell if that's supposed to be an apology or an insult." I raised a brow in his general direction.

"Neither. It's a statement of credentials."

I actually laughed at that, neither anger nor taunting in the gesture. The purse of his lips did a poor job of disguising his own accidental amusement. Adrian was as clever as he was cruel and grumpy in brief moments. Maybe we'd be friends one day, yet .

"You shouldn't think so little of me." I shook my head to reassure him. "I have a lot of reasons to be interested in her that have nothing to do with you." It was almost insulting that he thought my obsession with tormenting him was the only reason I was paying her any mind. Well, he wasn't entirely wrong. It was my primary reason to target her in the first place. But I was slightly more compassionate than that. Slightly.

"Reasons like what? Are they the same as her normal human expectations of a relationship? Is your goal somehow to date, get married, and have a white picket fence with two kids and a dog?" His doubt was thick and palpable and, honestly, quite rude.

"Would that make you jealous?" Oh, I'm so glad we're going here. I leaned over his desk, reveling in a catlike smirk. "If Lila and I got that sweet, perfect happily ever after? Is dating and dogs what you imagine for me?" I couldn't help the low chuckle. It was great that he was trying to play the nice guy today, but I wasn't actually interested in a truce. Whether I was enjoying her company or not, she was still my weapon until I decided otherwise. "Or is that what you imagine having with her one day?" When his eyes narrowed, I took the opportunity to press in harder. "No, that's not what your picturing at all, is it? You're an Incubus, after all."

His whole body language changed, and tension dripped between us again. "That's enough."

Not yet. I pushed further. I was done with the banal niceties. "As a shifter, what you really pictured was the image of claiming her by magic, mixing human ritual and a blood pact so she could never get away from you. As an Incubus, you imagined holding her down and fucking her raw, over and over again. until she's trapped by your seed. And as a hybrid who's also placed a claim on her skin…" I smirked widely. "Just hearing that little scenario put out into the universe only makes you want to do it to her before I can, now doesn't it?"

"This conversation is over." Adrian snapped, any lightness or pretense long gone from his demeanor. He was such an awful liar.

"No." I shook my head. "It's very much not." Though I still sauntered towards the door with a dismissive hand wave. "But I'll let you sit with that little fantasy until our next session. This weekend should be fun."

"Don't you dare—"

I shut the door between us before he could start his lecture, and I shook my head with amusement. He had it so bad for her, and he didn't even know it. I almost felt guilty weaseling into her heart, knowing I wasn't capable of true affection for anyone.

If all went well, she would want him just as much, yet wouldn't be able to give up on the little something special that I'd shown her. Having to share a woman with me, then lose that woman to me, would be a level of Adrian's personal hell that I'd never dreamed of showing him. I was thrilled to have this lucky opportunity.