Nineteen

Zachary

Lucas and I stared at each other silently for several uncomfortable seconds.

“Care to explain?” he finally asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck and paced, reeling in the memory of Eveline in my arms and my lips upon hers. The sensation that consumed my body confirmed my sentiments and how I never wanted to court another woman but Eveline. Truthfully, I should just skip the courting all together and ask for her hand. I couldn’t wait to spend every moment from this time forward with her.

“Zach?” Lucas’ tone demanded answers.

I turned back to face Lucas and took a deep inhale. “I love her.” I should’ve choked at the confession, but each word came out clear and sure. The realization of such thoughts had come years ago, but to bring them to the surface felt liberating.

“Love, Zach? Are you certain you know what that is?”

Though I’m certain he wasn’t provoking me, my pulse sped up.

Lucas continued, “I mean, I have always suspected it, but the arguing back and forth, the sharp words, the flirting with other women in front of her. That tends to show an emotion opposite of love.”

“I know,” I retorted. “I didn’t say I deserve her.” I wrung my hands together. “Look, Luke, this house party has been torture. I have watched these men vie for her attention and not one of them has treated her like the woman she truly is.” I groaned. “You know that. It’s why I suspect you had her shoot today. You wished to expose the men’s true characters.”

Lucas scratched his cheek and nodded.

“Watching these fools prance around and pretend they are someone else has been vexing. Could you imagine several men competing for Helena’s hand in front of you, and all of them reasonable and handsome, but insincere? Could you sit back and watch?” I ran my hands through my hair. “I thought I was going to go mad. I can’t let Evie marry any of those men. They would never truly see how remarkable she is. You should have heard what Lord Trenton and Sir Charles said last night.”

Lucas’ form grew rigid. “What did they say?”

“I overheard a plan to compromise her, Luke. They only want her plantations, her money.”

His cheeks flared a crimson red, much like mine had when I first heard.

“Bloody hell,” he scowled. “Does Evie know?”

I hesitated to mention that she was with me. It would be easier to keep her out of it. “She knows not to be alone with them.”

Lucas’ forehead wrinkled. “So, you would marry her to keep her from marrying someone else?”

My eyes flashed in his direction. “No, Luke, I would marry her because I could not live without her.”

He rubbed his forehead but remained silent.

“I have wanted her since the day we climbed Cornelius the first time.”

Lucas chuckled. “We were what, eleven, and she was nine?”

I nodded. “It didn’t matter to Evie that she was in her morning dress. I remember looking at her and thinking that I wanted a wife who doesn’t care what others think.”

Lucas stepped closer. “She is in a vulnerable place, Zach.”

“I know as much, but when she married Sir Colin, I thought my entire future was upended. We have a second chance, Luke…” I pointed to my chest. “I have a second chance, and I don’t want to miss it.”

Lucas slapped me on the shoulder. “Brilliant, mate. It’s about time you came to your senses. I have but one final question.”

I waited. I had come to respect Luke’s wise counsel.

“Does she know about your finances?”

The muscles in my jaw jumped. As friends, we had only discussed my limited income once before. Despite my investments and the astute guidance of my solicitor, I had enough to live on but possibly not enough to buy a home or support Eveline and her family. I groaned. My charmed bubble just burst. “Do you think she believes my sudden confession is only tied to her wealth?”

“I cannot answer that.”

“Do you believe it?”

Lucas took his time answering. “I have seen you suffering over her marriage since you learned of it. I know that your sentiments for Evie are true, but the timing of all this might cause one to doubt.”

He was right.

“Are you prepared to take on the responsibilities of her life? Her mother, her sister… and now her son?”

I let his words sink in. Loving Eveline did not just mean loving the woman but all that encompasses her life. Without hesitation, I knew the answer to that. “All of it.”

Lucas smiled. “Well, I wish you luck then, Zach, and I’m happy for you both.”

Riding Thunder back to the house, I had not felt this free in years, but I recognized the wisdom in first making sure that Evie knew the status of my life. My brother has threatened time and time again that once our father passes, I am to be promptly cut off, which is why I spent years preparing for this. But until this moment, I only had myself to think about, and Eveline needed to know the whole of it.

As we approached the house, my mind flitted back to our kisses. I had wondered so many times what it would be like to kiss her and, now that I have, my imagination paled against reality. I thought of the softness of her skin, her touch, and what I was certain to be desire sparking from her eyes. Just thinking about her made me dizzy and lightheaded… without an ounce of alcohol in my body.

As I glanced up to the mezzanine windows, Eveline stood behind one of the paneled panes and my heart thumped. As her lips slowly turned into an enchanting smile and her dimple emerged, it took everything within me not to race up the stairs and finish what we started in the woods.

I smiled back, knowing I would make every effort to steal kisses as often as she would let me, and I was silently grateful we still had two full weeks of the house party to spend together.

I blessedly learned shortly after my return to the house that Sir Charles had quit the house party at the end of the shooting contest. It took every bit of strength I owned this afternoon to not break out into a roar of laughter when Eveline called him and Lord Trenton out in their ploy. Her retort on the wager was clever and she handled it brilliantly. Though one of the miscreants was now gone, there were still two to contend with and I had not forgotten about Lord Trenton’s wicked thoughts. Part of me hoped that somehow he and I would end up in a dark corner in the house. I would assure he never forgot what he considered doing to Eveline.

That night at dinner, it was apparent Lucas had shared my secret with Hunter. And from the look I received, it met his approval. But because Eveline and I had not spoken of how to proceed as a couple, we kept appearances as before. Thankfully, she sat between Lady Genevieve and Jaxon at dinner tonight.

After reuniting with the women in the parlor and a drawn-out game of charades, I stealthily managed to slip a short missive into Evie’s hands before we said goodnight. I knew she wouldn’t be able to read it until she returned to her bedchamber, but I smiled at the memory of what I wrote.

Evie,

If you are able, would you meet me in the music room tonight?

Yours, Zach

Once retired, I paced my bedchamber for precisely fifty-three minutes.

Though I had not indicated a time, I knew Eveline would wait until the entire household went to bed before she acquiesced. When I could not wait a moment longer, I slipped down the stairs and into the only room where moonlight beamed across the silhouettes of various instruments—a harp, pianoforte, and several stringed instruments including a cello and violin. I was so eager that I had not even thought to bring a candle.

I approached the window and scanned the well-manicured grounds. A small trace of envy threaded through me over Hunter’s good fortune. This was only the second-best country estate of the dukedom and, as the newest heir apparent, Hunter would inherit it all.

What do I truly have to offer Eveline?

As I contemplated this question, I could not prevent the seeds of doubt from creeping in. Their destructive roots effortlessly snaked through me and grabbed hold. I already knew I wasn’t good enough for Evie, but now with her elevated status, she could choose anyone for a husband. A barely scraping-by second son of an earl did not deserve her for many reasons, but the one that echoed loudest in my head was that I had not been fair to her since the day we parted at old Cornelius the last time, three years ago. I wanted to strangle myself for failing to confess my true affection then. If I had, I would not have to defend my love for her now and the timing of it all.

After a significant amount of time, the door creaked open. I turned to see Eveline’s sweet face amidst the muted glow of her single candlestick as she peeked in. She slipped in and closed the door swiftly behind her, meeting me in the middle.

I reached for her hand. “I do not aim to harm your reputation by meeting in secret,” I said, though in my mind I was perfectly fine with the notion of discovery for I fully intended on marrying this woman. “I will not keep you long, but I wanted to see you again. Just the two of us.”

She smiled wide and the dimple deepened, I couldn’t resist and transferred the chamberstick from her hand to rest on top of the piano. Eveline glowed with rapturous elegance, even in the shadows. Still wearing the forest green gown from dinner and a silver chain around her neck, she twisted her finger around a lock of hair that had come loose from her fashionably-styled arrangement.

I recalled how breathtaking her unkempt hair appeared this afternoon after her ride and yearned to see it down once more. I took the final steps necessary to move in front of her and lifted her hands to my lips, kissing her knuckles tenderly. “You look absolutely stunning tonight, Evie.”

Her smile blossomed as I let go of her hands and looped one arm around her waist, drawing her close. I drew her near enough to share breath but not touch. From her expression, the temptation proved to be as equally taxing for her as it was for me not to conclude with my lips on hers.

“May I see your hair down?” I whispered.

Her nod came slowly, nearly as extinct as her shallow breath.

I maneuvered my other hand past her neck and toward the twists at the top of her head and slowly felt for the pins in her hair. These tiny metal rods restricted freedom and beauty, in my belief. One by one, I slid the pins outward and released her locks, collecting the pins in my palm as I proceeded. As each strand tumbled downward, our eyes remained locked.

Once her hair rested entirely upon her shoulders, I set the pins down near the candle and returned my hand to her neck, gently running my fingers along her skin then through her hair.

She closed her eyes and whispered, “If you are trying to seduce me, Zach, it won’t work.”

A low chuckle rumbled from my chest. “Whyever not?”

She opened her eyes and they flitted to my lips. “Because it’s quite impossible to seduce something you already have.”

I held my breath for two seconds. What did she intend? “What do I have?”

She hesitated only briefly before she uttered, “My heart.”

Unable to resist her any longer, I claimed her lips. The need was so great, one might believe death was imminent without it. Clutching her tighter, I kissed her as fervently as I did in the woods, as if today wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Forever would never be enough.

This time, there was no hesitation on her end. The earnestness in her touch felt as eager as my own. For several blissful minutes, I held her and poured every ounce of emotion I ever felt for her into the merging of our souls. For if she ever doubted, all she would need to do is close her eyes and remember this, this very moment to be assured of my affection.

When we parted, she sighed and laid her head against my chest. I cradled her lovingly in my arms. “Zach,” she mumbled. “Do you know how long I have wished for this?”

I didn’t. “No, tell me.”

She peered back up at me and brushed her fingers along my jaw. “I have loved you my whole life.”

I suspected she cared for me, but love? And for that long? “When did you know for certain?”

“The day you taught me how to fish.”

I laughed out loud, then clamped down on my lips, fearing if someone passed by the music room, they might hear. “You were nine.”

“Yes.” She nodded. “But you were patient with me, kind.”

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

“I watched the love between my mother and father and wished for that kind of marriage. And none of the gentleman I was introduced to even came close to your standards.”

I ruminated over her words and wondered why she settled for less so quickly. I knew she had to marry promptly to save her family, but did she not have any choice or any allowance for time? And then I couldn’t stop the question from surfacing. “So why did you consent to a loveless arrangement?” I had danced around this before but had never asked it so forthrightly.

Eveline slipped from my arms and sat down on the piano bench.

I silently berated myself. My arms felt so empty now. I sat beside her and reached for her hand. Caressing my thumb over her skin, I wanted her to feel comfortable talking about it.

“It is puzzling, I know,” she mumbled.

“I don’t mean to cause you discomfort. I’m only curious. Did you truly have to marry so quickly?”

That loose strand of hair that always found its way to her forehead swayed gently to each movement of her head. Only now I could touch it. I gently brushed it aside and tucked it behind her ear. “When Father did not account for us in his will, it terrified me,” she finally said.

I shook my head. “I am confounded by this. Your mother, you, and your sister were his entire life.”

“Yes, at least we believed that. The new baron did not want to deal with us. Actually, it was his wife who pressed for me to marry.”

“How much time did she give you to remain on the property?”

“Six months.”

“Six? That’s absurd!” I nearly shouted as she pressed her palm over my mouth to quiet me and glanced at the door. I reached up and pulled her hand down only to kiss her wrist.

She swayed to the motion and leaned up against me. If I had access to a special license from the Archbishop of Canterbury, I would wed this remarkable woman tomorrow.

“It pains me to know the depth of heartache you have faced, from illness, to death, even Sir Colin’s love for Deshane.”

She threaded her fingers through mine. “When my father got ill and my mother never left her bedchamber, I did not have time to examine the will or what father had accommodated for us. I hired another solicitor to exam all the paperwork. While he discovered many inconsistencies, he could not prove evidence of subterfuge. I should have been more aware, smarter about his finances; especially when he could still talk about them.”

I swallowed hard. This was it. This was the moment. We could not proceed until she knew the truth of my status.

“Evie,” I continued to caress her hand. “I must tell you some—”

“—Wait.” She cut me off. “H—how did you know her name was Deshane?” She drew back enough to see me clearly. Her head tilted and, even in the dim light of the single flame, I saw confusion flicker across her pupils.

Blast!

“I…” She stood slowly to her feet and severed the connection between us. “I never told anyone the name of Sir Colin’s love, not even Lucas and Helena.”

Could I be a bigger cork-brain? This was part of the information the Bow Street Runner shared with me.

“Zach?” Eveline crossed her arms over her waist with apprehension. “How did you know her name was Deshane?”

I took a deep breath. I could possibly lie my way out of it. Surely, Patrick knew his mother’s name and I could claim he told me with all the time we had spent together, but even a small lie had the potential to destroy us.

She waited with furrowed brows.

Truth. I needed to tell her the truth.

“I was distressed to find you had married while I was at war.” I took another breath as she seemed to allow me time to explain. “When I learned of who you married, I wanted to know if this man valued you, cared for you honorably.”

“What did you do?” she demanded.

Better for me to just come out with it. “I hired a Bow Street Runner to provide me with information on Sir Colin. He told me about Turner’s plantations, his rare visits to England, and your involvement with his cotton distribution here.”

A flicker of anger sparked in her eyes, but she did not rebuke me as I expected.

“He also told me of Turner’s love in the West Indies. A woman by the name of Deshane.”

She lowered her head and now fidgeted with the cuff on her dress sleeve. “You spied on me?”

“No. Well, kind of. Mostly just Turner.” I stood up and faced her. “Evie, I needed to know you were in safe hands.”

She slowly took two steps backward. I could see her trying to sort out this newfound information in her head, but I feared she might dart out of the room before we conversed through it.

“Why did you need to know, Zach?” she whispered hotly. “Before you left for war, you never gave me any indication you wanted to marry me.” She took several more steps toward the door.

“Don’t run away, Evie.”

She whipped around in a fury. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

“I’m not.” I waved my hands innocently in front of me. “I only see you running lately. As if you can’t face hard things, but I know you, Evie.” I took several steps forward to bring me closer to her. “I know you to have weathered the hardest of circumstances and survived. Please don’t leave, let’s talk about this.”

Despite the shadows, I could feel the wedge of uncertainty inching its way in between us.

“I don’t understand, Zach. You keep an eye on me, hiring someone to dig into my husband’s and my life, yet you live this carefree lifestyle, of… well, to be frank, a rake. And you conduct yourself as if you have no culpability. Did it ever occur to you that I might occasionally read a periodical with your pursuits splashed all over the gossip columns? What message does that send? The only thing I could possibly interpret is how every unattached woman in London relished in your attention over me.”

“That’s not fair, Evie. I was young.”

“Do not tell me that. You knew precisely what you were doing.”

“I was foolish. That’s the truth.”

“And when you returned to London this year? You were foolish then, too? You evaded me. Even after Colin died. And what about here at this house party? Did you not encourage women here as recently as two days ago?”

I stood up and tried to hold her hands, but she clasped them behind her back.

“I’m sorry, I know how this appears, but it’s not what I intended. Everything I told you today is the truth.”

“I don’t know what to believe.” She reached for her candle and pins.

“Evie…” I stood in front of her. “Please know this. I may have been slow to put a voice to my feelings, but they were always there. You have always been the only woman of my heart.”

Her countenance revealed pain before she circled around and walked toward the door. Before she unlatched it, she spoke with her back still facing me. “I would have told you everything, Zach. Had you just asked me sincerely, I would have told you.” Then she departed, leaving me in the dark.

I didn’t sleep a wink through the night. In fact, I didn’t even return to my bedchamber until the sun began to crest the horizon. I had made an abominable mistake and, on top of that, I had fully intended on confessing my financial status to her so there would be no other secrets between us. Yet, despite my pure intentions when I hired the runner, it wasn’t honorable and now Eveline was cross with me. Would we be able to move past this? Or would she never trust me again?

Back inside my bedchamber, I continued to watch the sun rise. How would I face her today? Would she leave Gottling Hall? Would she stay only to remain in her bedchamber and avoid me?

A knock came to my door. Jesse, my valet, entered the room. Surprise flitted across his face as he examined my attire. I had not changed from yesterday.

“Pardon me, my lord. This only just arrived for you.”

I noticed the missive in his hand. Was it from Eveline? I hoped it was. Maybe a chance to meet again and sort it all out.

Then I recognized the handwriting, and my hope vanished. The loops in the lettering were ones I had not seen in ages. I thanked Jesse and excused him as I opened the correspondence. What could have possibly pressed my brother to write after so many years of shunning me?

As I read the contents of the letter, dread slowly washed over me.

Zachary,

You are being summoned to Havenscrest posthaste regarding father not being long for this world.

Frederick

The missive was dated eight days ago.