Twenty
Eveline
The next morning, I awoke with a dull megrim, most likely due to the wave of tears I shed overnight. The truth of the ache would make missing the festivities of today easier and allow me the privacy I craved. At least in the light of day I might have a chance to sort out the tangled thoughts in my head.
In fewer than twelve hours, I went from complete and utter elation from the breathtaking kisses Zach and I shared in both the woods and the music room, to vexation, even anger when I learned that he had hired a Bow Street Runner to spy on me… well, spy on Colin mostly, but me by association.
I knew my marriage could be characterized as unorthodox. While it was common for a woman to enter a transactional marriage of convenience, it was not customary for a woman to agree to marry a dying man who chose to live with his true love in another country. I expected censure by the ton , but not my friends… and certainly not Zach.
Although I had often wondered if I was hasty in my decision to wed Sir Colin, he was a good man and made sure my family was well cared for. If I had waited until our funds were essentially depleted, roughly a year or two on our own, it would have been at great risk. The threat of marrying someone dreadful like the wicked Baron Foxton, who played a big role in Helena’s past, offered some assurance I wasn’t entirely wrong.
When the opportunity came and the newest Baron Ashton introduced me to Sir Colin, I may not have married him had he not been truthful from the beginning. He revealed his illness and his love for Deshane before he even proposed.
Truth. The one thing that Zach cannot offer me.
But then, Sir Colin hadn’t quite been entirely in earnest since he neglected to tell me about Patrick who would have been two at the time. The realization humbled me.
I painfully recalled the joy I felt yesterday as I watched from the mezzanine window when Zach and Lucas approached the house on their horses. At the time, I chuckled to myself, imagining what their conversation entailed in the woods, for the mischievous expression that filled Zach’s face when our eyes met, spoke volumes. It was if he asked, “When might we do that again?”
Then the tête à tête in the music room. My heart fluttered disobediently to the memory of his gentle caress of my hair, my skin, and my lips. Gah. I threw my covers off and wandered aimlessly around my room.
Was I making this a bigger conundrum than necessary?
Didn’t I have a right to explore all manner of questions in light of this? If Zach cared so much for my welfare in the hands of Sir Colin, why did he not come and see me shortly after he learned of his passing? He knew I was a widow and still did not come. How can one interpret that?
Earlier in the day, I sent word through Rosie to Gwendolyn that I felt poorly and would remain in my room today. Though I didn’t seek attention, I secretly wished that Zach might miss me.
I busied myself with correspondence to my mother and April who I had heard from a few days ago. They were quite enjoying their time in Somerset but missed both me and Patrick sorely. I also had Rosie retrieve a book from the library. Sadly, I couldn’t quite concentrate on the words long enough to find any pleasure in the pastime and, as the daylight hours turned to dusk, I had not heard a word from anyone, including Zach. Had we reached the end of our very short courtship?
I continued to dissect yesterday’s events as well as the previous days of the house party. Zach’s suggestion that I had spent a fair amount of time running away in the past week was more precise than I wished it to be.
That is not who I am!
I stared out the window that overlooked the stables. Riding Isis right now would be heaven sent, but I could not justify the activity after I claimed a headache. I recalled the morning Zach confronted me and the resulting slap. So much has changed since that morning.
And suddenly, like the strike of a lightning bolt, the revelation that Zach and I needed to speak emerged. It was reasonably clear that we needed to have a thorough conversation. One without interruption or judgement. To speak freely of everything—anything that might threaten our future.
A surge of confidence thrummed inside my chest. There was no reason we couldn’t get past this obstacle and move forward. Zach cared enough about me to learn more of the man I married. I should feel loved, not hurt.
Sitting down at the desk, I dipped my pen in the ink and wrote a quick note to Zach asking him to meet tonight but, before I could tug on the bellpull for Rosie, a quiet knock sounded on the door.
“Come in.” I stood and answered with eagerness.
Gwendolyn entered with a dinner tray. I tried not to show my disappointment that she wasn’t who I truly wished for. Wearing a lovely burgundy gown with a silver lace overlay, she appeared as though she was attending an event in Town. “I offered to bring this up myself and check on you. How are you feeling?” Fragile lines deepened across her forehead as she set the tray down on the desk and took me by the hand, leading me to the side of the bed. “You’re pale, love.”
“I’m well enough, just a megrim.” I sat down after she gestured for me to sit on the edge of the bed.
Her lips lifted in a playful grin. “I used that tactic quite often when I sought to evade Hunter.” She winked. “You are not avoiding anyone are you?”
My eyes flitted down to my hands. This made my guilt obvious, and she pointed to my side. “May I sit?”
I scooted over to give her space.
“I have to confess, Evie…” She reached for my hand and patted it. “I was absolutely thrilled to hear from Hunter that you and Zach finally… well, you know.”
Heat warmed my cheeks with the memory of Zach’s kisses.
“I always wished for you two to find your way back to each other.”
“Back?”
“Oh, in the short time I’ve known Lucas, he tells stories of the three of you that there is no question how you and Zach felt about one another.”
I bit my lower lip and smiled bashfully.
She squeezed my hand. “Do not be ashamed. It’s your time. Your time to love and be loved.”
I shook my head. “I fear I may have ruined it for us.”
Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
I blew air out of my cheeks and sighed. “Zach confessed last night that he hired a Bow Street Runner to look into my marriage and into my husband.”
“Ohhh.” She frowned. “That must have been troubling to hear.”
I nodded.
“But then,” she paused. “Maybe you simply need to see it from a different perspective. The love of his life married while he was at war, and knowing that you were in safe hands was the only thing he could do.”
I had considered this, but even still, I allowed my irritation to overpower it.
“It is quite apparent the man is besotted with you. When he returns all will be sorted. Every proper relationship faces challenges.”
“Returns?” I tilted my head curiously. “Zach left?”
“Yes, this morning, but I’m not sure why.” She wrinkled her nose. “I believe he spoke with Hunter before he departed.”
“Gwendolyn…” I clenched the skirt of my dress tightly in my fingers and peered over to the desk where my note to Zach remained undelivered. “Maybe he’s not returning.”
She smiled and patted my hand. Her touch soothed the tension in my fingers, and I released the fabric. “I doubt he intends to stay away for long. You are everything to him. I saw it in his eyes last night when you entered the parlor.”
My heart ached. Did he leave because of our argument? Maybe he wasn’t coming back. Maybe he realized we had too many obstacles.
“Well, I will leave you be.” She stood up. “Oh, and there is a sweet painting from Patrick on the tray. I took some paints to the nursery today for the children to color with. He insisted I bring his picture to you at once. For your recovery.”
The thought warmed my heart.
“Wait, Gwendolyn.” I attempted to stall her departure. “Would you please find out from Hunter why Zach left? If he w—wants me to know.”
“Yes, certainly.” She smiled. “I will return shortly.”
Gwendolyn returned in less than a quarter hour, and her knock came across more hurried than before.
“Come in,” I responded anxiously. I still had not retrieved the dinner tray and sat precisely where she left me before.
“Oh, Eveline, she rushed toward me and reached for both of my hands. “I did not know something so serious had called him away.”
“What?” My pulse sped up. “What, pray tell?”
“His father is soon to pass.”
“Oh no.” I released one hand from her clasp and covered my mouth. I knew Lord Tichborne well. I had spent countless days at his estate. “That’s dreadful.” I then pressed that same palm to my forehead as the phantom weight of my megrim returned. “Why didn’t he tell me?” I said this out loud but mostly to myself, despite knowing the answer to that question.
“Lord Zachary?” Gwendolyn asked.
I nodded though I knew precisely why he hadn’t. We parted last night under strained circumstances. He may have believed upon my departure from the music room that I would not wish to see him again so soon, but I only needed time to process what he confessed.
“What can I do?” Gwendlyn hugged me.
I didn’t even know what I could do.
I hugged my friend. “Thank you for telling me.”
When we drew apart, she added, “Hunter mentioned that he believed Zach would return. He indicated as much.”
Hope bloomed in my chest at the thought of having another chance. I could not allow Zach to believe this was it. With a renewed determination, I fully intended on finding a way to prove just how much he truly meant to me.