Eighteen
Eveline
I knowingly missed breakfast this morning as I deliberated over whether I should stay or quit the house party.
Last night’s explosive revelation in the stables unsettled me. Though I had never regarded Lord Trenton as a contender for a potential husband, I admit Sir Charles’ warm demeanor and kindness encouraged me. Only now, with no remaining loyalty to the guests outside of Lucas, his wife, and their immediate friends, I was tempted to leave but felt torn that such an abrupt departure would undo the vast improvements in Patrick’s demeanor and our relationship overall since our arrival at Gottling.
By early afternoon, I made the decision to stay and sought out the party as they proceeded to compete in a shooting contest on the south lawn. Upon my arrival, Viscount Glade, Lord Trenton, and Sir Charles all tipped a hat in my direction. Two of the gentlemen subsequently smiled and one winked. I refused to react and let the men’s hollow flirtations sway me. They may not know I overheard their subterfuge, but because I did, I could no longer look upon them the same way.
As the shooting began, I realized straightaway, that it had become just one more competitive sport for the gentlemen to ruffle their feathers and strut about. Along with my three fraudulent admirers, Jaxon, Hunter, Lucas, Justin, and Zachary, all went head-to-head with their rifles.
Zachary was certainly careful at making sure to not be mistaken as one of my suitors who peered in my direction each time they performed well. In truth, he hardly looked at me at all. His expression remained guarded.
The conversation overheard in the stables only proved the men’s deceitful natures and confirmed Zach’s belief they were only interested in my wealth… nothing more. I had no business trying to navigate the world of men with so little experience.
Though I appreciated Zach coming up to my bedchamber to confirm my safe return, I could not face him last night. Not after all that those men had said. I feared seeing a look of pity. It would have killed me to see Zach express how sorry he felt for me.
Taking a seat beneath a shade tent, I joined the other ladies and sipped tea as we watched the competition. Most of the men offered a strong stance with sound results, but only one truly caught my attention. Zach was an excellent marksman, and I couldn’t help admiring his form as he lifted the rifle to a ready position and fired, hitting the target square on.
The Zachary from these last several days was the Zachary of my youth and the Zachary of my heart—from the garden and the butterflies, his rescue in the pond, seeing his wet shirtsleeves sticking to his skin… don’t go there, Eveline , I chastised myself. Then, witnessing his tenderness with Patrick and the almost normal conversation last night in the stables, I had no power to banish this version of Zachary from my mind and it exasperated me.
I peered up to find Lucas before me, blocking my view. He held the walnut stock of his musket out in front of him. I glanced around, flustered, as all eyes fell upon me. He couldn’t possibly be asking me to take a turn, could he?
“Come on, Evie,” he urged. “I know you can outshoot most of the men here.”
I peered over to Zachary as he stood rigid in line with the other men.
Lord Trenton chuckled. “You cannot be serious, Walsh.”
An unexpected fire lit within me at the memory of Trenton’s words last night. Lucas glared back at the nobleman and reached for my hand to bring me to my feet. “Show the pompous bounder what you can do,” he said so that only I could hear.
“Lucas,” I whispered hotly. While I wanted nothing more than to humble the man, I hadn’t held a gun for a couple of years. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
He wrapped his hand around the long barrel, holding it aside, and leaned forward. “You need to send a message to these men, Evie. If they cannot appreciate who you are, they don’t deserve your time, much less your hand.”
I swallowed hard. As far as I knew, he knew nothing of what transpired last night, but today, I was more than certain I cared less about their opinion. “One moment, please.” My fingers trembled slightly as I removed my bonnet and placed it on the table beside me.
“Lord Lucas, we are squandering our time, take your turn,” Lord Trenton insisted.
My jaw tightened as I reached out for Luke’s ‘Brown Bess’ musket. The same gun he and Zach had taught me how to use. I walked over to the mark.
“It’s already loaded for you, Evie,” Luke said as he stood several steps away to my right.
Pushing the lever back until I heard it click, I forced my hands still while I leveled the musket against my right shoulder. I believed I had a permanent bruise there from the force of the kick over the years.
I was not wearing the appropriate clothing for shooting a gun and, in truth, had not shot one for at least a couple of years. Yet here I stood in front of the entire house party, aiming a gun at a target posted on a tree. What was I thinking?
“If you wait this long while on the hunt, Mrs. Turner, your birds will be long gone,” Viscount Glade snickered.
I tried to steady my shaking finger against the trigger, eyeing the target the men had set up and, before I could suck in a breath and hold it, I pulled the trigger prematurely, hitting the tree trunk not one, but two trees from the target. The kick pushed me backwards into another one of the competitors and the cloud of smoke caused me to cough incessantly. It had been so long; I neglected to recall how powerful it was. I rubbed my sore shoulder with my free hand.
“I stand corrected,” The viscount chuckled. “Mrs. Turner just might be able to procure a squirrel for dinner.” A few guests laughed in response. A bead of perspiration bubbled and slid down my cheek. When I chanced a peek at Zach, he subtly gestured for me to breathe slowly. Why would he want me to succeed? He already knew these men did not seek my companionship, only my money.
However, Zachary was correct. I did not exhale properly the first time, making my hands shake.
“Here, allow me to load it for you,” Sir Charles offered and reached for the gun.
“No,” I pulled the gun against my chest. “No, thank you.” I picked up another paper cartridge from a nearby table and tore the top off with my teeth, spitting the extra portion to the ground. This might be right up there as the most unladylike thing I had ever done in front of members of the ton .
“What say you, Mrs. Turner?” Lord Trenton called out. “How about a wager?”
Pulling the lever back on the musket, I primed the pan. “What kind of wager?” I took the bait.
“If you do not hit the face of the target, you’ll agree to an evening walk in the garden with a gentleman of your choice.”
“My choice?” I set the stock on the ground while I shook the rest of the powder down the barrel with the cartridge.
“Well, preferably Viscount Glade, Sir Charles, or myself.” I glanced up as he nodded at Sir Charles.
Ah, the three men who want to control or compromise me. How fitting . “And if I hit the target?” I paused and stared at him.
“What do you want?” Those same words from last night struck a chord, only currently directed to me and not Sir Charles.
I smiled demurely. “How about your pair of white Turkmen horses, my lord?” I retrieved the rammer from the stock. “I hear they are at one’s disposal…” My eyes, now glaring, flitted over to Sir Charles as I added, “For a price.” I slipped the rammer inside the barrel and crushed the powder downward.
Sir Charles’ cheeks turned ashen.
Returning the rammer to its place on the stock, I turned away from the men, wholly focused on the task this time. I steadied the gun and positioned it tightly against my shoulder.
People may have been whispering around me, but all I heard was silence—and Lord Trenton’s mumblings, of course.
I narrowed my sights down the barrel and gently blew a long exhale, letting myself slip into a place of utter peace. I forgot how much I loved this. Closing my left eye, I kept my right lined up on the target and pulled the trigger. After reeling back again, though not so far this time, and holding my breath through the smoke, a heavy silence swallowed me.
Did I hit something I shouldn’t have?
I lowered the gun, waving the smoke aside and peered at the target to find barely a finger’s length from the bullseye was a newly formed hole.
Helena and Gwendolyn were on their feet as were their husbands. Zachary looked down as if examining his gun, but I saw the makings of a smile.
“There now, Lord Trenton,” Luke said as he turned to the men, still staring between the target and me in astonishment. “What were you saying?”
Lord Trenton’s face pinched, and he forced a tight grin to the surface. “Well done, Mrs. Turner.” He gestured toward Zach. “But let’s leave the sporting events to the men. Lord Zachary, it is your turn.”
And in that moment, I realized Lucas’ wisdom in asking me to do this. I already knew what kind of men they were from what I overheard last night, but now they revealed their true character this morning before everyone. I smiled and handed the musket back to Lucas, whispering a meaningful “thank you.”
Sitting back down, I ignored my bonnet on the table. It was brazen behavior to be outside without proper protection for fear of developing freckles, but I just shot a musket rifle in front of members of polite society. Freckles meant nothing at this point and a renewed stir of rebellion raced through me.
“That was fabulous, Eveline,” Helena complimented. “If only I was not carrying a child, I would have participated. Lucas has insisted I learn, though I prefer the pistol.”
I smiled while my heart continued to race. Zachary glanced in my direction only a moment before he stood at the mark. His countenance once again appeared unreadable.
With careful aim, he took his two shots, one shortly after the other with a quick load in between and only one challenged mine… the other fell significantly short. I narrowed my eyes. Did he orchestrate a draw on purpose? The man was proficient.
Ugghh , I moaned silently. Men are most vexing.
As the gentlemen congratulated Zach for his shots well done, I quietly excused myself. Sir Charles reached my side before I disappeared entirely.
“Mrs. Turner, may we speak in private?”
“No thank you, Sir Charles.” I stopped only long enough to bring clarity to my words. “I am quite aware of what you plan to say… or do , in private.”
His mouth gaped open. He truly appeared uneasy.
“As of this moment, I no longer wish to further our acquaintance.” I offered a shallow curtsy and departed for the stables.
Once inside, I called for the groom to saddle Isis. Within minutes, I was riding her full speed toward the forest where Patrick and I had taken our daily walks. I needed air and space.
While I rode, I continued to wonder why Zachary intentionally missed. As an expert marksman, he could have easily hit the target dead center and won the competition. Did he feel sorry for me about last night? The man knew how to burrow under my skin and my blood boiled with the very thought of that possibility.
At least he didn’t humiliate me this time. He managed to keep his smugness hidden and his mouth shut. A feat far more challenging if he’d been drinking.
I stopped at a tree and dismounted, leading Isis to the nearby creek to let her drink. This made me suddenly realize I had not seen an ounce of alcohol in Zach’s hands for the last few days. Was this of his own volition or at the request of the hosts? We had certainly learned that Zach became a tyrant when he was foxed.
Sitting down on a rock, I found solace in the quiet. My hair had unraveled from my bun while I rode, so I twisted it into a single plait and let it hang down the side over my shoulder. Who knew the freedom of choice could be so refreshing. I lifted my face to the splintered beams of the sun as it tried to break through the dense foliage. The immersive scents of jasmine and eucalyptus lingered in the air and the trickling water of the brook nearby calmed my body. If only I could have this kind of peace… always. I breathed it in.
The sound of another horse’s hooves beat in my direction. I turned around to see Thunder appear. “You have a peculiar habit of disappearing during competitions.” Zachary’s voice shattered the calm. “Are you afraid to lose?”
I gritted my teeth and turned my back to him. Which of the Zachary’s chose to show up at this moment? The teasing one? The mean one? Or the heart stopping one?
“I, for one, did not taunt you this time,” he continued. “I cannot be the reason you fled.”
While remaining silent, I clasped my hands together in an attempt to keep my pulse steady.
“You have nothing to say?” I heard him command his horse still and the sounds of him dismounting surfaced. I pictured the smugness of his face and felt my temper rise. Even though I knew he baited me, I was easy prey. I had very little strength against him.
“Very well, if you don’t come compete now for the victor’s title, I suppose you will have to claim triumph another time.”
I shot to my feet. “No, Zach!” I curled my hands into fists. “There won’t be another time!”
He watched me and, though he hid his expression well, surprise flitted through his eyes.
“This is not how the Eveline of our childhood reacted. Win or lose she came back stronger the next day.”
“I am no longer a child,” I snapped.
“I am well aware of that fact,” he muttered.
“And you are no longer the boy from that childhood. You are…” I couldn’t finish that sentence, there were too many words I could have ended it with. I glowered at him. “Why did you deliberately cause a draw?”
“Deliberately?” he choked. “Why would I do such a thing?”
“Enough, Zach. These games are driving me mad. You intentionally lose at something you are exceptional at when I am competing, you flirt with every single young woman but don’t court them, you refuse to be near me, you’re cruel, then kind. You helped save me and my son—”
“—what are you saying?”
“I—I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Be around you,” I whispered.
He attempted to speak then stopped and my eyes disobediently fell to the slight separation of his lips. Drat! I stole a deep breath. “You’ve changed.”
He moved in front of me. “I wasn’t the one who changed our friendship, Evie. You were the one who married, remember? You could not even wait until I returned.”
“What would I have been waiting for, Zach?” I yelled. “A friend doesn’t support three women. Besides, you promised me nothing…” My voice cracked.
“I promised I would keep you safe.”
“But that is the duty of a husband, not a friend.”
“You should have waited.”
Now I was angry. “So you could return and find me in the poorhouse? How appealing would that have been?” I questioned cynically.
“I would have loved you regardless.”
I gasped. Loved me?
“Blast, Evie. You married a man who didn’t love you.”
My heart cracked. I knew that from the beginning, but it didn’t hurt any less.
Zach took a step forward. If I reached out, I could touch him.
“You don’t know everything, Zach.”
“I know that you married him despite his illness.”
My palm flew to my mouth and loosely covered it. “H—how did you know that?” I could barely breathe.
“Lucas told me, but do not be cross with him, I obliged him to.”
“Why?” I snapped. “Why do you care?” I sidestepped him and attempted to move around him when he reached for both my arms and gently held me still in place. His touch tingled my skin regardless of the fabric barrier, and the forest sounds that soothed me earlier could not even be identified. I only heard the loud thump of my heart beating in my ears.
“I have always cared,” his whisper was tender and tempting.
I needed to walk away or I risked losing my heart forever.
“You didn’t deserve what happened last night.”
I swallowed the exceptionally large lump in my throat. This is what I feared. He feels sorry and responsible for me. A thread of irritation flared in my chest. “I can take care of myself, Zach. I don’t need your pity.”
His jaw tightened and his body went rigid. “Pity?” he growled. “Do you want to know why I’m all over the place in these competitions? Because I can’t think straight when you are near. Your blasted perfume causes all sorts of chaos in my head and all I want is to get closer… close enough to touch you. It’s madness, truly.”
His confession stunned me. I didn’t know how to respond. “I—I did not come here looking for a husband.” Why on earth did I say this?
His eyes pierced mine.
I couldn’t pull my eyes away. “However, I would be lying if I didn’t admit I enjoyed the attention. It was the first time I was the focus of a man’s desire.”
“That’s not true,” he said without hesitation.
My pulse sped up. “I can’t have you feeling sorry for me, Zach. It would crush me.” I dipped my head downward. One hand let go of my arm and nudged my chin tenderly upward until our eyes met once more.
“Please believe me, Evie, when I tell you it’s not the first time you have been the focus of a man’s desire.”
His words teased and tortured me equally. Tears bubbled on my lashes as I fought to keep them restrained.
Zachary’s thumb gently brushed the one that slipped through. “You deserve to be edified, revered, and loved.”
How had he gotten so close? I could smell strawberries on his lips.
His warm breath tickled my skin, and I froze, never wishing for anything more in my entire life than this moment. Both of Zach’s hands now cradled my face and his thumbs gently caressed my skin. I held my breath as he leaned forward.
And I did not stop him.
Zach’s lips were like kissing a cloud, not that I had before, but they melted into mine with the very first touch and all the defenses I had tried to build against him crumbled. Touch by every cherished touch, his kisses shifted between a stillness in time, the breath of a summer breeze, and the thrilling tempo of a galloping horse. After several seconds of exhilarating discovery, my body relaxed and engaged. The gentle rhythm ensued so naturally as if we had partaken in this endeavor for years, though I only wished we had. Sliding one hand from my face, he skimmed his fingers down my side, along my waist and around my back, setting my skin on fire. Pulling my body against his, he had to feel the resounding beat of my heart while his mouth engaged with such tenderness it was as if he handled the most fragile of entities.
He had taken off his coat when the shooting began and only wore his waistcoat. This allowed my hands to slide freely up his back, clutching him to me. As my fingers threaded through his hair at the base of his neck, I might’ve heard a subtle groan. Balancing a fine line of surrendering to his lead and my own desire, I savored our tender touch as it exploded into a menagerie of untapped emotion. If this was all we would ever have, I would abandon all logic and seize it.
Pausing, Zach withdrew to gaze at me, studying every angle of my face. Did he regret kissing me? I should be thrilled I finally experienced what I was missing. But it was only a taste, a hint enough to make me yearn for him the rest of my life. The raw vulnerability of his stare caused me to hold my breath. He sighed and caressed my hair as it hung loosely to the side. “I have never deserved your friendship, but I must be entirely forthright, I don’t want to be friends.”
Tears stung behind my eyes. Was this goodbye?
“Not just friends, Evie. I want more. This is not pity. This is truth. I have never desired anyone more than you.” He kissed me again, whispering against my lips. “Ever.”
My heart slammed against my ribs. Could this be real?
I leaned back and sputtered out. “Y—you want me?” I continued to stutter. “Wh—why?”
His eyes warmed over me. “Because I adore everything about you… your smile, your laugh, the way your nose wrinkles when you’re mad at me. I love your strength, your determination, your fierceness, of course it’s probable that it’s mostly directed at me.” He chuckled. “I love your dimple.” He ran his thumb across my cheek then up toward my eye. “And your freckle.” He kissed it and sent shivers throughout my body and limbs. “And you are unlike any woman… anywhere.” Then he kissed me again, measured and sensual, compelling my body to float in an ethereal existence that only he and I were present in. If I were to spend the rest of my life being kissed by Zachary Collins in this precise manner, it would be pure heaven.
“Hm. Hm.” A voice cleared behind us.
Zachary took a step back, but I remained still, practically paralyzed. My entire body had succumbed to Zach’s enchantment. When I finally glanced over to see who interrupted my magical moment, Lucas stood beside Ace holding his ropes. I did not even hear a horse approach or Luke dismount.
“Am I interrupting something?” He smiled with arched brows. Zach chuckled and rubbed his jaw. I felt my face flush, certain to be an unearthly red.
I glanced back over at Lucas and lifted my chin a slight degree. “Yes, Luke,” I smirked. “Yes, you are.”
Peeking one last time at Zach, I wrinkled my nose, then sidestepped Lucas without as much a courteous nod and led my horse to a boulder big enough for me to use to mount Isis. With my final glance aimed at Zach, he smiled and winked.
Leading Isis away, I left the two men alone. And despite my flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and heady thrumming inside my head, I beamed the entire ride back to the stables.
I had never been kissed the way Zachary did just now, and now that I have, I never wanted to be kissed any other way.