29. STILL LOVABLE

29

STILL LOVABLE

Summer

The week with my family was the most relaxing I've in a while. It felt great to be away from my problems and all the people linked with my problems. My heart to heart with mom and grandma definitely helped. And as I look at the clouds flying over them, I realize all my worries are coming back the further I get from home.

My life is a mess, and it is my mess to fix. But maybe I need to have conversations with them. I need to talk to Logan, and I need to talk to Archer and Caleb. I need to sort my emotions out and I need to know where their heads are.

But first, I need to talk to Logan. I need to boss up and break up with him. It sucks but it has to be done. I told them I'm coming later because I need time to sort out my shit. I'll talk to Logan then go to the guys. Maybe I'll stay single after Logan and just see how that works out for me.

I land around 2 p.m. and am on campus an hour later. It feels nice to do things by myself..

I get to my dorm and shower to washing off all the germs I got on the way. Then put on black jeans and a black T-shirt and red sneakers. I tie my hair up high and bring some curls to fall on my forehead. After I put on light make up and a little fragrance, I decide to check on Hazel. I knock and she doesn't answer.

Well, maybe I'll see her before the party. I know it's going to be a whole thing with everyone getting ready for the Halloween party. I still don't know what I'm going to do with the Catwoman costume. But I can't keep feeling sad for him and string him along. I need to do this. With my phone still on Airplane mode, I cross the campus to Logan's place.

I really hope there isn't any drama. And I hope I can stand my ground this time, no matter what he says. I am not listening to any speeches or getting guilt tripped today. I am resolved.

I let myself in and find the house empty and quiet. Until a loud moan comes from upstairs. My feet carry me upstairs. And I chuckle a little when I realize it's Haze.

Damn, she's a loud one.

I go to the right where Logan's room is, ignoring Trevor's room two doors down. That is none of my business even if they have the door open a little. I need to tease her about it later. As I touch the knob to open Logan's room, Hazel yells louder.

I hear something that solidifies my insides.

"Fuck me, Lo."

My mouth opens and I am rooted in place. It couldn't… Then I hear two separate grunts and groans. My feet carry me to the door, trembling as I get closer.

Hoping it isn't true.

"Oh god." I hear Haze again.

I only push the door slightly and see everything I was never supposed to see. Tears burn the back of my head, but I retreat without saying anything.

You always imagine these moments as a girlfriend. And everyone has things they say they'd do if they found themselves in this situation. Some say they would record, some say they'd fight the man, beat the girl, and pull out the pot of hot grits.

But in this moment, I just want to not be here. The walls are caving in and I can't think. Like the devil has lit a fire under me, I put energy in my feet, tiptoe and run downstairs.

I close the main door, ensuring I am as quiet as possible.

What the fuck?

What in the actual fuck?

When I am far enough away, I turn off Airplane mode. My head still ringing a little. Cheated on again. Is that the girl I am?

I stop halfway to my dorm when I realize I am going to be alone. Turning back, I head to the other house even though I am not in the mood to talk.

I knock this time. If I've learned anything about what I just saw twenty minutes ago, it's to always knock on people's houses.

I don't even know what I'm feeling right now.

Is it anger?

Is it betrayal?

Or is it just my ego that's bruised.

Maybe I thought I had Logan on lock, and he would never do that to me, and I just got proof that it's me who has been a fool all along.

Am I hurt? Hurt that Logan and Hazel both made a fool out of me. I feel so fucking blindsided. How could I not see that coming?

I collect myself when I hear footsteps and I put on a neutral face. Lucky for me, the tears dried up as soon as I exited his house so I'm not red in the face.

Harvey opens the door, and he frowns when he sees me. He quickly scans my body knowing something isn't right. But I roll my eyes with a small smile.

"Hi, Harv."

"Why are you knocking?"

"It's not my house." I shrug and he moves and lets me in.

"Okay? Are you okay?" he asks from behind me.

"Yeah." My eyes connect with the one person I need. "Can I?" I ask Arch.

He rises immediately and comes to me.

"Hey, Caleb, Jaden, Matthew, Davon," I greet the other on the couches.

"Hey, Sunshine," Jaden says.

"Hey, Bumble," Caleb says and I smile at that, my heart thawing a little.

"Hey," the others say.

Caleb and Jaden give me a lingering look. But I turn my focus to Arch when he stands in front of me. I don't talk, just take his hand and lead him upstairs.

He doesn't say anything, following behind me. I push open his door and he closes it after us. Letting go of his hand, I unclasp my jeans. Archer stands right behind me; the tension rolling off him.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Bending down, I pick up my pants. I don't know why but I don't know how to address this or talk about it. I just want to sleep, preferably in his arms. And I don't want to talk.

I walk to the closet, and he doesn't move, his gaze following. I fold my pants and pull out my shirt. I take one of his and pull it down, disturbing my hairstyle. A poor choice of hairstyle now that I think about it. If I had known, I would have just tied a high bun, not try to look cute-ish for a guy I'm going to dump. I am so fucking stupid. An idiot of never-seen-before levels.

Cheated on twice in a row. Is something wrong with me?

Turning, I find Archer still standing in the same place and his concern is palpable.

"I want to sleep," I say. "I need makeup wipes; do you have them by any chance?"

He walks to the cupboard with my cosmetics and pulls out a sealed pack.

"How do you always know what I need?" The question encompasses all the times he has done it. Not just physical needs but he is always there to cater to my emotional needs too. Like now how he hasn't pushed me for an answer even though he can clearly see something is wrong.

"Because I love you."

His answer only makes my chest tighten in pain. Logan told me he loved me too…

"Thanks." I reach to take the wipes he is holding out, but he puts them out of my reach.

"Talk to me, Peach. What happened?"

"I will talk, I promise. Right now, I just need you to hold me and remind me I am still loveable and be here for me. Please."

I see the hurt in his features. "Summer…"

"Don't," I whisper, shaking my head.

He holds back his questions and opens the wipes. Instead of giving them to me, he wipes my make up off himself. When he is satisfied he has all the makeup off, he throws the used tissues, and we get in bed after he changes to sleep shorts and no top. He holds me with gentle hands, my head resting on his heart.

"Close your eyes and sleep, baby. I got you, you understand?"

He kisses the top of my head.

I hold on to him, listening to him give me reassurance and affirm me as I drift off to sleep.