28. PRODIGAL DAUGHTER

28

PRODIGAL DAUGHTER

Summer

To say I am feeling like the shittiest person in the world would actually be an understatement. I feel like the devil herself. I haven't stopped thinking about Logan and everything he said. The pain in his eyes. Love is hurting him. I am hurting him, and I feel like shit. I feel like shit for everything I've done to him.

After the initial shock, what he said sunk in. But I think a part of me never took our relationship that seriously because I thought there was no way he was serious, no way it could get this deep and emotional. I don't know why my ass thought that.

He's just a football player and has pussy by the truckload, so I figured he was just using me as arm candy. Especially with how much space he gave me to just do my own thing. But he was just being a good boyfriend. And I was too hung up on them.

But what he asked for is unfair to him. Why would he say that? Why would he do that to himself? He knows I don't love him, but he is hoping someday I will. What kind of thing is that? This thing with me and him has definitely escalated to a level I never wanted or expected. It was never meant to get here. Where he begs me to see him.

'…it drives me insane to be desperate, begging you to see me …'

'…come and cuddle me when you return. I'll miss you…'

'…Don't say it. I beg you, Summer…'

'…I see how you look different, how you feel different…'

Those are just the highlights for me .

Damn, Logan. Why did you have to tug at my heartstrings like that? And what the fuck am I going to do now? He literally begged me to not leave him. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

I wish I could say I think he is manipulating me. I had never wished someone was horrible to me more than I do now. And I wish I could find him at fault so I can justify my actions, but I can't, he is blameless.

Fuck.

I maneuver the crowd at the airport, my three-hour flight feeling like nothing. I don't even know where all the time went. I had been hoping to watch a movie, but I didn't even get to that. I just stared at nothing, thinking about Logan's pained face as he begged. And I hate it for him.

I retrieve my bag and follow the app to my sister and nana's location, and I grin when I see the big, totally unnecessary sign.

SUMMER BAILEY PRODIGAL GRANDDAUGHTER.

People laugh at the sign, and I almost turn back. But because my sister and nana are an unstoppable chaos, they shout when they spot me. Totally unnecessary.

"Why?" I point at the sign as I go to my nana's open arms, and she squeezes me.

"If we don't embarrass you, sister, who will?" my smart-mouthed sister says, and I hug her next. Then I step back to look at her. Well, she definitely is not in middle school anymore. She is even spotting two small lumps on her chest.

"Nice," I remark on her new peaks, and she rolls her eyes. "How are you guys?"

"Still thuggin', you know how it is," nana answers and I sigh very loudly.

"Come on, sister, you know the pimp life."

"Blue, don't let her influence you. You have the potential to be cool," I say and they both chuckle.

"Well, come on, my feet are killing me standing here." Nana urges us to the doors.

We both hook our arms in each of hers and head to the Uber.

"I can't believe you still don't drive." Blue shrugs. "Why did you ask Dad to not buy you one again?"

"Because there's literally Uber everywhere. Driving is for peasants." I assert.

"That's my baby." Nana smiles.

"When I turn 16, I'm getting Dad to buy me a car."

"It will suck for you when you become the designated driver, and the chauffeur for your friends."

"Nah, they'll have their own cars, and we will switch."

We walk out and get in our Uber, and head home to yams and oxtail, one of my favorite meals in the world. And the worries of my life fade away the further we drive to our home. I don't remember any of the heartache from my new life by the time we jump out of the car.

After setting my bags down, I check my messages before I freshen up for dinner.

Logan: I'm thinking about you.

That is his only message.

Archer: Say hi to nana for me, and get some well-deserved rest, sweet peach.

I smile a sad smile. After everything with Logan, I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. But maybe I will get some clarity being here.

Caleb: I think we need to talk when you come back.

This is all getting a little overwhelming.

Jaden: You naughty naughty girl.

I laugh at that. It doesn't surprise me that they Jaden. He was the only one left in the dark. So, they all know. No more sneaking around in the darkness. I really need to figure out what the fuck it is I'm going to do and soon.

As usual, there's nothing from Harvey. Out of all of them, he has kept his distance most. It's like he gave up on us.

What are you saying, Su? There is no 'us.' He cheated, remember?

But I can't help but wonder what he thinks, how he feels about everything. Does he still want me? Is it possible that there could be an us again? Can I allow that? What would it take for me to accept him again without remembering how he held her face as he smiled at her like he did to me? I get that picture in my head every time I try to conjure a path to forgiveness for him.

"Stop talking to boys and come eat."

I find nana at the door and I don't know why but I can't fake the smile I was going to, and I feel sad, especially being home.

She frowns. "What's wrong, Susu?"

I shake my head, trying to swallow the emotions clawing up my throat. "Nothing."

"That serious then?" She closes the door then sits next to me on the bed.

"Nana, I'm really fine. I am coming down in a second. Don't worry."

She stares at me and says nothing. I look at her then away and she still doesn't say anything. When I finally admit I'm not getting out of this I sigh.

"It's boy troubles. You don't have to know about my messes. I'll handle it."

"Summer Mariah Bailey…"

Woah.

"No need for the violence, nana, damn." I grin. "You remember Archer?"

"Yes, the handsome blond, yes."

I exhale. "Don't judge me, okay? First, promise me and don't think I'm immoral."

"Not promising but talk."

"Nana!"

"Talk, child."

"I am dating another guy named Logan. He's nice and…nice, but I slept with Archer two weeks ago and now I don't know what to do."

She doesn't react or say anything as minutes go by. Not going to lie, panicking here a little. What if she curses my name? I'm sorry Jesus.

"So, you are cheating on the nice boyfriend with your ex-boyfriend?"

I nod.

"Why?"

"Archer went into depression, and he wasn't coping with our breakup, and I agreed to be friends and one night one thing led to more…"

"Yeah, I get it." She holds her hand up, stopping me and I snort.

"You asked." I shrug.

"And the others?"

I frown when I don't understand her question. "What others?"

"Your other ex-boyfriends are they involved?"

I release a shocked breath as my mouth hangs open. "You know about them?"

"Of course, I knew. Do I look stupid to you and your parents?"

"Um, Mom and Dad didn't want to tell you because they didn't want to deal with all the questions and your reaction."

She rolls her eyes. "So, are you cheating with all of them?"

I shake my head. "Kinda sounds bad when you put it like that, nana." I've already divulged much, I'm not about to tell her I had a threesome with two of them.

"Okay, so do you still love him or them?"

I nod.

"Do you love the new boyfriend?"

I shake my head.

"Why are you still with him?"

"He is nice, and he hasn't done anything to me, nana."

"Do you know how many people are nice out there, child? Will you date all of them?"

I roll my eyes.

"Do you know exactly what you want to do, or you don't know?"

"I don't. Well not really. I know me and Logan will end sometime, I'm just scared to do it. Nana he told me he loved me, and he has been so patient. I don't know about getting back together with them yet. It wasn't a possibility before, but now I am considering it…. I don't know."

She listens without jumping to answer. After a few moments, she takes my hand.

"Is that why you came home? To think?"

I nod.

"I could give you so much advice, but I have a feeling you already know what you need to do. So, take all your worries and put them in a box and come have dinner with your family. Take a few days for yourself and don't think about it. Everything will be clearer."

"So, you aren't going to give me advice?" I fold my lips in amusement.

"You don't want my advice, Susu," she says earnestly and I exhale loudly.

I let her pull me up and follow her downstairs after I drop my phone on the bed. This weekend is about my family. I'm forgetting them and trying to be present here. And she's is right about one thing; I do already know what I am going to do.

We find my sister on her phone waiting for us at the dining table.

"Were you having senior conversations? Are you having woman problems , sister?"

"I miss when you still thought I was the coolest person to ever exist." I groan as I pull the seat next to her. I hug her from behind because I really missed the little rascal.

"Don't squeeze the baby," she says, and I chuckle.

I ruffle her head before I sit then start dishing our food.

"So, how is adult life?" Blue asks spooning a piece of yam.

"I am drowning in academic work. I thought we had a lot of work in high school, but it was nothing compared to this. Do you know that I have two assignments due next week as well as two tests?"

"Dang!" she says. "They do know you guys are supposed to be on break, right?"

"They don't care." I sigh.

"Maybe me and nana can help you?" She grins and Nana chuckles.

"You know I heard you can pretty much find anything on Google. So, we'll help you, Susu. Don't worry. Leave it to us," Nana says

My sister and I both laugh.

"Hey, why didn't you bring Logan so we can meet him?" Blue asks before she stuffs her mouth with a piece of meat.

My gaze finds nana and she grins, but says nothing.

"Because man's hot and I wouldn't have wanted to punch you in the face when you started drooling."

"Nana would have drooled too!"

We all laugh and the night goes by with more jokes and trolling. By the end of it, I am lighter, all my worries are forgotten.

By Monday, I decide to stay. I miss my parents and somehow, I'm still not feeling going back to the mess that is my life.

"Su." My mother's voice wakes me up from sleep.

"Mama." I breathe out, waking up to my mother in my room on Monday.

She comes closer and I open my arms.

"My baby." She hugs me and I sit up when she pulls back.

"When did you get here?" I yawn.

"A few minutes ago. You are really staying, right? It isn't a prank."

I snort. "Why would I prank you about that?" I get out of bed, and she sits down on it.

"You and your grandmama and sister get bored."

I roll my eyes.

"I'm staying," I say and head to my bathroom.

There is silence for a beat. I grab my toothbrush and paste then rinse my mouth first.

"So, why are you staying?" mom asks from the room.

"Why aren't you assuming it's because I miss and love both you and Dad and I want to spend time here?" I start brushing my teeth.

She leans on the door frame. "Because you have that look once more. What's wrong, honey?"

"Mom, you just got here. Are you sure you want to hear about my problems so early? I mean, we have the whole week." I say after spitting then I rinse after.

"Only if you are sure." I hear the concern in her voice and look at her.

"We have all week to talk. Besides, I'd like to preserve whatever good image you have of me in your head."

I look away when I see the questions and the door to my room opens.

"Is my baby sleeping?"

"No, we are in here," mom says and dad peaks in a second later.

He comes in and I go for the hug, sighing in my father's arms. I always feel so secure and accepted in his arms. He's the only man I've never had issues with. After I get done convincing him I'm fine and they both watch me make my bed, we head downstairs.

The week flies by and I don't even talk to the guys aside from sending each a text that I'm fine and asked for space. I put all my issues on the back burner and just enjoy my family.

We have breakfast every morning. Nana and I have brunch dates, and sometimes see a movie. Sometimes there's shopping and I accompany her to her errands before we go back home in the afternoon. I have conversations with my sister every night and we sleep in one bed every day.

My family and I have dinner every night then watch TV. Mom and I have a few conversations, she too doesn't tell me what I should do about my situation, just that she trusts me to do the right thing. My father and I share a glass of whiskey for the first time, and he reminds me he is proud of me.

It feels like I'm going back to a warzone on the morning I have to leave.