27. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

27

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Caleb

All of us stay frozen watching the door where she just disappeared.

"What was that all about?" Jaden asks.

Harvey, Arch, and I avoid his gaze as I get up to get myself something to drink. Footsteps follow behind me. When I turn, I find Arch and Harv behind me like fools and I roll my eyes and get myself a juice.

"Why isn't anyone saying anything?" Jaden gets up and approaches. He looks at each of us one by one, his frustration growing. "What the fuck is going on and why am I the only one who doesn't know?"

We look at each other.

"Fucking talk, idiots!"

We laugh at his tantrum, but he isn't laughing.

"Do you want to tell him?" I look at Arch. I mean, it's only right. He's the one who's kept her to himself for whoever knows how long.

"They both fucked Summer last night," Harv says, pointing to us.

Jaden keeps his gaze firmly on Harv. "And how do you know this?"

Harv smirks and shrugs. "I just know things."

"You fuckers need to start talking or I swear to god." Jaden looks between us.

"Fine, me and Summer had sex last week, but she asked me to not say anything. She had feelings of, uh…"

"Being a hypocrite?" Jaden finishes.

"Fuck you." Arch turns serious.

"Aight, lover boy, don't bite my head off." Jaden shrugs

"Anyway, she came over last night after that fuck show with Logan…"

"Basically, fornicating her neck." I finish for him, and he turns to me and I grin.

I was so fucking mad last night. I wanted to talk to her at the party. One minute, she was there uncomfortable on Logan's lap, then she disappeared. I looked for her but she was nowhere. I couldn't imagine she snuck away with Archer.

I thought I was coming back to sleep when I heard her coming. I honestly don't know what I expected to see when I opened the door.

Maybe that I was imagining things, and it was another girl. But there she was, naked, her and Arch looking at each other like lovers.

"She came and—"

"…she came." Jaden jokes and we all laugh.

"You are an idiot."

Jaden shrugs. "I saw an opening. Continue, Arch."

"I knew she would be there, and I hadn't seen her all week, as you know…"

"How would we know all that when you two have been sneaking around and keeping everything mum?" Jaden interjects.

"Will you shut up?" Harvey says.

"She's still dating that guy and she feels really shitty about what we did."

"As she should," Harvey says.

"No, she shouldn't. We aren't some strangers in the streets. She is still ours," I remind him.

"She doesn't think so," Harvey says and we all don't have an answer to rebuttal that fully because she is technically still dating Logan.

"She just needs time to sort herself out, okay? She…we didn't plan what happened."

"So last night was the second time?" Jaden asks.

Arch nods.

"So, when is she dumping that loser so we can work on our relationship?" Jaden picks an orange on the counter.

"And when is she coming back here so we can talk to her?" I ask.

"No, we can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because she needs to sort it out herself. If we pressure her, she'll pull away. You know Summer doesn't like being told what to do. We just need to be here for her. She will make a decision," Arch says.

"And in the meantime, you fuck her whenever she wants and she goes back to Logan and fucks him too?" Harvey sneers.

Arch turns so fast, punching Harvey.

Fuck. We jump and hold Arch back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I bark at Harvey. I don't know what the fuck his problem is.

"I don't care if you're my best friend, I will fuck you up, asshole," Arch says Harv's way, and I agree with him.

"That was fucked up Harv," Jaden says.

"She's playing with all of us!" he pants. "If she wants to be with him then she should be with him, but I am not with it if she thinks she is just fucking any person she wants to. And I don't know why any of you don't see the problem with that."

"I don't think she's fucking him," Arch says thoughtfully and we all look at him for answers.

"You can't be serious, right?" Harvey says.

"Nah, I don't think she is. I really don't think…" he trails off.

"Well, you are delusional." Harvey replies.

"Why does it fucking matter? She's back with us. It's not like we haven't fucked anyone else." I remind them.

"Exactly and we aren't even in a relationship with those girls. Summer has been seeing this fool for over two months. You really think a guy like that isn't hitting?"

I'm on fire turning to the fridge and fish out a beer. I need one before I lose my shit.

"You just had to come up with the fucked-up shit, couldn't you?" Jaden says.

Arch disappears on the stairs.

"You are a fucking bastard," I tell him before I go to my room. I was having a great day till fucking Harvey. He's in a crappier mood this morning and he had to ruin everyone else's. I was fine not thinking about Summer fucking Logan.

***

Summer

I decide to go to the coffee shop and finally turn on my phone because I don't have any cash on me. I get a table and order a sandwich and coffee.

And as sure as shit, Logan sent a ton of messages. I am getting really tired. I don't even remember why I am still doing this, why I started.

Harvey cheated.

Yes, but everything seems so far away. I don't know if I've forgiven him or if it's because I have better perspective as a cheater too, but my guard is definitely lower now for the others.

I can't believe this is really me.

How quickly I threw my morals out of the window. Is this who I really am?

I did start playing Logan, and honestly, I thought I'd like him more. He's a handsome great guy who respects me and he has been nothing but patient, but I just can't get there with him. I can't get to a place where I want to trust me with him.

He never stood a chance in my heart; I see that now. I know the plan to break up with him on Saturday, but what am I going to do with them?

And am I just jumping in bed with them, or do I want to jump back in the relationships? Am I ready for the intensity of the relationships with them? And what about me and Harvey? What about us? If they want the relationship back, is it going to just be an awkward thing with Harvey? Fuck.

I don't know what I'm going to do or what I want exactly. Other than the sex. Maybe I need to take time being single after Logan and figure myself out. I definitely need to find out who I am now. It seems I am capable of things I never thought I was.

Staying faithful was one of my immovable ideals. It's why I couldn't even hear their explanations. To me, there is simply no excuse for cheating, and all cheaters go to hell because it's inexcusable.

But I'm a cheater now too. Do I feel the same? If I date one or more of the guys, will they trust me?

It's a hard pill to swallow. I have become the one who can't be trusted. How things fucking change. I wasn't going to go home, but now I wonder if that's a mistake. I miss my family; I miss my sister.

Maybe seeing my family will give me perspective.

I open my app and book a flight for later in the day and am smiling by the time I leave the coffee shop. I am going home.

I am coming over.

Mom: Huh?

*roll eye emoji* I am coming today. I miss you. I just booked the flights.

Mom: *crying emoji*

Summer: Huh?

Mom: Your dad and I are in Palm Springs for the weekend. When are you leaving?

I sigh. My parents are still in their honeymoon stage. It's cute but sometimes it's annoying.

Monday.

Blue: You really coming, sis?

Yup. Going to pack a bag now. My flight is for 15:45.

Blue: I'm going to tell the senior citizen. She's still asleep.

Hide her phone so I surprise her.

Blue: she will know it's me. She is addicted to it these days. She just found TikTok.

Lol.

Dad: Su, extend your stay to Tuesday. Your mother misses you.

You don't?

Dad: I see your Insta stories all the time.

I shake my head.

Anyway, gotta go. Love you. Stay swaggy.

The walk back to my room is even shorter with the new excitement. After I change, I pull out a small bag trying to decide what I'm taking when someone knocks.

I open the door and surprise, surprise, it's an angry Logan.

"Hey." I force a smile.

He doesn't say anything just stares at me. No, he glares at me. Then his eyes land on my bag.

"Where are you going and who are you going with?"

I arch an eyebrow. "I am going home, if you must know."

"And you were going to tell me this when?"

"When I finished packing. My flight is at 15:45."

He sits on my bed next to the bag and looks at me with a mixture of accusation and betrayal.

"I missed my family, Logan. I'm allowed to see them."

"You know damn well I'm not mad because you are going to see your family. Do you have an explanation about last night or you are going to gaslight me some more?"

I open my mouth to argue but I close it because he's right. I exhale.

"I hate parties," I admit.

"What does that have to do with anything, Su?"

"I hate going to them. I don't like being out there for long. In high school, I'd just sleep."

"You mean when you were with them?" He scoffs.

"I can't change the fact that I dated them, Logan."

"Like you would if you could."

"I know this has been less than ideal for you—" I try to deescalate the situation.

"Less than ideal? Is that what you think this is?" he interjects, growling.

"I don't know, what the fuck do you want from me, Logan?"

"I want to have a girlfriend that acts like I'm their boyfriend!".

"Are you here so I can suck your dick again? Is that why you're here?"

He stands up. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not. It seems you are mad because I am not on your dick like all your groupies, and I don't pine after you every moment of the day. But guess what? I have a fucking life and some of it has nothing to do with you."

Fuck.

"I don't give a shit about all their attention, Su. I want yours!" he shouts.

I look away, folding my arms over my chest.

"Are you fucking Archer?"

"What?" Oh shit.

"Is that why you won't sleep with me, because you are getting it elsewhere?"

"What?"

"You think I don't see you; I don't notice you, but I do. Since they've been back in your life. You don't even hesitate to drop me for him. Is he screwing you is my question? Because then it would make sense." His voice is a lower tone, and he sounds hurt but also full of bitterness.

"I think you should go."

"Why? Cause I'm calling you out on your shit?"

Yes.

"If you think I'm messing around with them then why don't you just dump me, Logan? Why the fuck are you still here?"

I don't get him. If he's so unhappy, why stay?

"Because I love you." His voice is barely above a whisper, and I feel the raw emotion even without looking at his face. He comes closer and caresses my cheek tenderly with his slightly calloused one and turns my face to look at him. "Because I love you, Summer. Even though you don't share my feelings, even though you've never told me you loved me back, I do. I love you, and it drives me insane. Baby, it drives me insane to be desperate, begging you to see me."

Air leaves my lungs, and I am suspended in space as an eerie quiet fills the room.

I am a dog. I am hurting him. He is in so much pain I feel it stabbing me as I look at him. I can't continue doing this to him.

I know what I need to do.

"Logan, I think we should—"

"Don't say it, I beg you, Summer." He places a finger on my lips. "Don't say it. I love you. And I know in time you will love me back. Just don't do it." He steps back. "Go home and have fun with your family and come and cuddle me when you return. I'll miss you."

He turns on his heel and leaves me gawking behind him.

What. The. Fuck.