Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Landon

Listen to Blank Space

by Taylor Swift

I held my breath as Max stared at me. He seemed frozen as he waited for my announcement, and I experienced a rush of power at the obvious fear dilating his pupils. It was more evidence that I was important and he didn’t want to lose me.

“I’m ready to start fresh and recommit to this relationship. I’m tired of the back and forth between us, so I’ve decided to trust you. Move on. Make this work.”

His shoulders slumped with obvious relief. “You can. I swear to God, you can trust me, Landon. I love you. No more bullshit about other women or doubts. You’re the one I want forever. Let’s move in together.”

I gave a tiny gasp. I hadn’t expected him to ask so soon. I knew we were heading toward the goal, but all of this gossip about cheating, and my own inner doubts kept us from discussing it. “I’m not sure I’m ready,” I said slowly.

“It’s the logical next step,” he urged, reaching out to touch my bare leg. His fingers caressed my knee. “I can show you how serious I am about us, and we’ll have more time together.”

It was a good idea. I knew by taking this next step, we’d both be more focused on growing our relationship. I’d thought about it before. But losing my own space? Sharing every private moment and not having a safe back up if things went wrong? That scared the hell out of me. “Your place is much too small. And I’m not doing a threesome with you and Coop.”

He grinned, his hand traveling higher up my thigh. My body responded automatically, muscles softening and allowing him access. “Then I’ll move here. Plenty of room. What do you say?”

His fingers slid over my panties, pressing into my clit, and earned a moan. “I need a little more time. I need you to prove you’re ready for this.”

Slipping under the elastic, he played, dipping his fingers into my channel until I was wet and achy. “Oh, I’m ready, baby. Just like you.”

I was tired of being mad at him. I spread my legs, and he climbed over the bed and on top of me. In seconds, he’d tugged my underwear off, yanked down his jeans, and slid inside. Arching into the pillow, I shut my eyes and focused on the slow thrusts as he fucked me. I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my clit, and he laughed low and did what I asked, rubbing me with confident strokes that he’d done a thousand times before, knowing exactly how to get me to orgasm.

I urged him to go faster, but he kept his strokes steady, whispering how much he loved me. Max always got me off. He loved sex, and his fingers worshipped me, eager to give me as much pleasure as I asked.

I was close, so I grabbed the back of his head and forced his lips to mine, biting hard.

He didn’t bite back. Just kissed me deep, his tongue working my mouth, hands caressing my body.

Even as I let my body release, the dark, disturbing truth of what I really craved sprung up in demand.

I wanted him to pull my hair; sink his teeth into my skin; give me bruises as he branded my body as his.

I wanted him to fuck me with a savagery that bordered on violence; to hold me down and own me.

I wanted him to whisper dirty, filthy words into my ear.

I wanted all of it, but it was wrong, so I enjoyed my orgasm and tried to banish the rest from my soul.

I loved Max. He was enough exactly as he was.

And I’d take the next step soon. I needed a little bit more time.

“You’re so sexy,” he said, kissing me gently, snuggling in beside me. “I’m so glad we’re good now. I never want to lose you.”

I hugged him back. “Me, too.” I needed stability in my life. A man who easily told me his feelings and didn’t play head games.

I was determined to leave that awful, haunting voice behind.

Max and I were perfect.

“Sweetheart! I’ve missed you so much. Where have you been?”

My heart squeezed with dread as my mother’s voice echoed over the speaker. Usually, I screened her calls, but I’d just walked out of a shoot and was distracted so I’d automatically hit accept. I tried to be calm but talking with her was always a shit show and put me in a foul mood. “Hi, Mom. Busy. Working at Red and doing some modeling.”

“I can’t believe you’re waitressing. Honestly, why don’t you quit? It’s embarrassing to tell my friends you went to college and don’t have a real job.”

I told myself to breathe. “Red isn’t a normal restaurant. It’s great for networking and they pay me a lot.”

“Serving food is the same no matter where you are.” She shrieked out a laugh and I knew she was already drunk. After all, it was past Noon.

“Whatever. Where are you?”

“At the club. I ran into Stacia and her daughter who graduated from Vassar. She’s working now for NBC, so when she asked about you, I had to explain your degree was useless. Four years of expensive bills so you can continue catalogue shoots and taking selfies.”

Nothing like another heartfelt insult. I should be used to it. I hated that it still hurt. “I was thinking of doing some dancing on the side. Exotic is a real crowd pleaser.”

“Not funny, Landon. You need to take your future more seriously.”

“Like you?”

The moment the words were out I regret it. On cue, her hurt gasp filled my ears. “I gave him everything,” she whispered, her voice broken. “I left at the peak of my career to have his child, and he humiliated me. Turned his back on both of us. You think that’s funny? That he left to start a new family? Did you know he bought his new daughter a Ferrari for her 16 th birthday? It’s all over social media. What did he buy you, Landon? What did he get you for graduation?”

Nothing. My father had bought me nothing. Hadn’t shown up to see me graduate high school, or college. But Mom knew that, and still loved to grind the fact into my memory, reminding me over and over that I’m worth nothing. Because that’s exactly what I was to my father.

Nothing.

My stomach lurched. “I have to go to work, Mom. I don’t have time for this.”

“You want to drop me like he did? I raised you. Loved you. Sacrificed for you. Yet, you can’t even call or come visit. What’d I do to make you hate me so much?”

Her rage was morphing into pity. I knew the drill. After years of taking care of her hangovers, her rages, and her crying jags, I’d become a ghost of myself. I soaked up her poison toward my father until there was nothing left of me but what she created along with my absent father.

God, I was so tired of it all. But every time I tried to distance myself, she appeared, begging for my attention and approval and sympathy. Was this going to continue forever? I’d heard forgiveness was the key to freedom, but I was too twisted up to get there. I could cut her off, but the guilt was too much to bear. So, instead, I was caught up in the constant drama of her moods and alcoholism, afraid if I turned my back she’d end up dead and alone. There was no one else left. She’d driven away her real friends, my grandparents were dead, and she clung to the only thing still standing other than me.

Money. A big fat trust my father had paid to get her out of his life forever. Money bought her fake friends and hot young men. Money bought her Botox and designer clothes and plastic surgery. Money bought her alcohol and oblivion. It also rented me this apartment, and my business marketing education I wasn’t using. I was constantly in a see saw of throwing it all back in her face so I can be truly on my own, but knowing it wasn’t a possibility. Yet.

I choked on my emotion and made sure I buried my tears. I’d sworn not to shed another over my parents. It was one promise to myself I managed to keep.

“Go to bed and sleep it off, Mom,” I said, exhausted.

She sniffed. “I love you, Landon. Will you come by this weekend? Please.”

“I love you, too.”

I hung up. My hands shook as I ordered my Uber. I had to work, then meet everyone at the Rooftop bar tonight. I wanted to be at my best. I couldn’t deal with any leftover bullshit with the group. Now that Max and I were strong, Adam may finally shut up and leave me alone.

I pulled myself together for my shift.

I walked into Red and got myself settled. The place was already packed and I had to hurry to get onto the floor. Elle rushed over, her dark eyes worried. “Rock has you with Gabriella,” she whispered.

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

Elle shook her head. “I wanted to warn you. She’s been waiting. Anya assigned her to tables 12 to 17.”

Anger bubbled in my veins. After the talk with my mom, I was barely functioning and now this. “I’ll handle it.”

I marched over to the bar. Max caught my gaze and frowned. “What’s the matter?” he asked, grabbing two beers and snapping the caps off with ease. “You look pissed.”

“Rock wants me to split my tables with Gabriella. Where is he?”

Max winced. “That sucks. He’s on the second floor in his office.”

I climbed the steps and peeked in. Rock motioned me forward, talking on the phone while I waited. He was a big guy, with a clean-shaven head, bulging muscles, and a goatee. His neck bulged around his button-down shirt, practically bursting at the seams like the Incredible Hulk. He looked more like a bouncer than a restaurant manager, but he ran a tight ship and didn’t take any shit from the staff. Usually, I agreed with his decisions but not this one.

He hung up and turned. “Why aren’t you working? You’re late.”

“I’m not splitting tables with Gabriella. It’s my section and I haven’t been struggling. Plus, she’s a bitch who’s got her eye on Max.”

He grunted and adjusted his collar. “Like I care. I need to know she can handle the harder tables before I put her on her own. It’s temporary. Teach her so she can be back up.”

I grit my teeth. “Rock, I’m serious, I can’t work with her. Let Manny be her teacher. He’s good.”

“I’m not asking, Landon, I’m telling you. Train her and stop your complaints. The bullshit with Max has nothing to do with work.”

“And if I don’t?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “You’re fired. I’ve seen the applications pouring in. I can have my pick of servers. Now, get to your shift.”

I was tempted to call his bluff but he had me. Rock was right—I couldn’t blackmail my way with him. Seething with resentment, I turned on my heel and went to my section where Gabriella was waiting.

“Are we stuck with one another?” she asked with a grin, baiting me.

Oh, I couldn’t stand her. Usually, when I was pissed off people stayed away and catered to my moods. But she didn’t care. Even worse? She was deliberately playing head games.

“Shut up and follow my lead. If you do one thing wrong, I’m yanking your tips. And if you ever go after Max again, I’ll kick your ass and make you sorry you were born.”

She laughed. “I’m shaking in my heels. Find someone else to threaten, Landon. It’s getting boring.”

Shooting her one of my icy glares, I threw my shoulders back and faced her head on. “Your cheap come-ons and trashy behavior is boring.”

It was her last remark that made me lose it.

“Better play nice. I’ll be joining you guys tonight at the Rooftop. As Adam’s date.”

Her smug expression was the last thing I saw before she turned her back on me.

I didn’t think things could get worse, but I was so, so wrong.