Chapter 9

T alia saw the text from Xavier and the apology, but Talia wasn't sure what to make of it.

When she glanced over at Shane, who was sitting at her table, having lunch, she asked, "What's going on?"

"He's asked for another therapist," he replied, with a shrug. "Doesn't like what I had to say."

At that, she frowned. "That doesn't sound like him."

"When you touch a nerve," Shane explained, "you can't always tell which way they'll go."

"So who's he got then?"

"Mandy, the new therapist who just came on board."

"Oh," she replied softly.

He looked over at her and grinned. "Yeah. He'll eat her alive."

"Maybe not," Talia replied hesitantly. "But his rehab is the stuff that you specialize in, isn't it?"

He nodded. "Xavier knew that when he made his decision."

"And what if he wants to un-make that choice?"

"Then I have to agree to take him back. My schedule's already pretty full. I don't need anybody who's not prepared to step up and do the job." And, with that, Shane gave her a wave and took off, heading back to work.

She sat here for the longest time, wondering how this was supposed to get fixed. Or maybe it was a good thing, and maybe Xavier would do better with the new therapist. But instinctively she knew there was no way. He was cutting off his nose to spite his face, or whatever that saying was. He had the best physical therapist that he could possibly have for his injuries right here, and Shane had been available. Instead of making the best use of it, Xavier was literally choosing to go with someone who had much less experience and no expertise to handle Xavier's injuries. After her lunch, she stopped at Dani's office.

She looked up and smiled. "If this is about Xavier, don't."

"Okay," Talia replied, nodding. "Got it." And she headed back to her own desk.

Talia had plenty of work to keep her busy, but it was hard because she kept thinking about Xavier and what was going on. She didn't quite know what was happening, but, hey, she had to believe that these people were doing the best for Xavier. But what if he didn't want the best? What if he was sabotaging his own successes? And that brought up a question she hadn't even considered.

She got up and walked to Dani's desk, leaned against the doorjamb, and asked, "What if he's sabotaging his own progress?"

"He is," Dani confirmed, without even looking up. "That's something he has to figure out himself."

"I hadn't realized just how hardcore you guys are."

"Sometimes we have to be," Dani noted, now looking up at her. "Patients do all kinds of things in order to not face the reality of a few things that they're holding on to."

"And I guess I'm not allowed to know what that's all about, am I?"

"Nope, can't do that. HIPAA laws and confidentiality and privacy and everything else," she replied, with a gentle smile. "If he tells you, that's a different story."

"Yeah, I'm not sure he's up for even being friendly right now."

"He's confused and upset, and he's made a choice that he's already regretting," Dani declared.

"Can he go back on it?"

"It would take Shane to okay that. Once a patient asks for a transfer, Shane has the option of not taking back that patient."

"I guess that makes sense too."

"Shane has the right to work with patients who he feels will be best suited for his techniques. And, if that's not Xavier, then Xavier gets to deal with the next therapist. They are all good. Some are just better suited to his medical problems."

"Right," Talia muttered, with a heavy sigh.

As she turned to go away, Dani added, "You need to let it go."

"And how do I do that?" she asked. "I feel as if he's making a monumental mistake."

"He is," Dani agreed cheerfully. "Yet again we can't fix it until he acknowledges that he made a mistake."

"Got it. So is that what you guys are doing?"

"Not necessarily, no," Dani said. "He's got choices to make. He's made one, and now he'll have a whole new rehab therapy. It'll be up to him as to whether that's what he wants to continue with, and we'll accept yet one more change, but we'll hold it back, that change, until he's sure. He made a request in an emotional outburst, and that in itself is damaging, not only for him but for the whole team."

"So why did you let him get away with it?"

"Because he needs to understand that his decisions have consequences," Dani explained. "And we must see that he does want the best for himself, and, if that is this new therapist, then that's what he gets."

"And yet he doesn't know who this new therapist is."

"He'll soon find out, and he'll acknowledge, if only to himself, whether it was a good decision or not."

"And yet he's going backward."

"Backward doesn't happen here," Dani stated. "If he goes forward, he'll have to make a deal with Shane, and that deal will have to be one that Shane can live with too, because he doesn't want anybody who'll quit on him. Shane's time is at a premium here, and I don't blame him."

Talia stared at Dani.

Dani gave her a smile. "Xavier's not the first one to pull something like this, and he won't be the last one."

"No, but it feels as if he's made a huge mistake."

"And maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't. It doesn't matter. It's up to him to fix it. Now I need to return to my work. And, Talia, you need to get back to your job too."

*

The next few days were tough, as Xavier worked with the new therapist. She was too hesitant and too gentle. He couldn't see any progress, but then, as he had already noted, the progress was progress that he hadn't been necessarily willing to make either. Feeling as if he'd done something wrong just made him angry because he felt that way. He didn't know what to do but proceed down the pathway as if this were the best choice ever.

At the same time he also cut everybody else out of his life. He couldn't face Talia because he didn't know how to explain what he'd done. Xavier didn't want to see Shane, so he refused to show up for mealtimes at the designated hours and so either arrived super early or super late. Plus, he spent half his time in bed, not feeling good.

When he got a phone call from Zander, Xavier whispered, "Well, thank God for that."

Zander asked, "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Xavier said.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Zander replied. "This is me, remember? I know all kinds of things you've pulled in your lifetime, and I'm still here for you."

"Great, because I've just pulled another jerk move, and I didn't even realize it, and I've hurt some people I shouldn't have."

"Wow, you haven't been there all that long. What? A month, a month and a half maybe?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"What about all the progress?" Zander asked. "They fixed up your stomach, and you were doing great."

"Yeah, up until they brought up some hot-button issues," he muttered, not wanting to share exactly what those issues were and upset his friend. "I asked for a new physical therapist."

There was dead silence on the other end. "So, not Shane, the guy that you told me was absolutely fantastic?"

He winced at that. "No, not Shane, even though I said he was absolutely fantastic."

"Well, in that case, I don't want him either," Zander declared. "Maybe I shouldn't even come."

"No, no, no, no, no, no, come ," he said. "It is a great place."

"Doesn't sound like it, not if you're already changing therapists."

"It's not his fault," Xavier grumbled, hating the shame in his words. "It was mine. I had… I had a moment."

"We're all allowed moments," Zander noted. "We're in a bad stage of life, and we have bad things on our plate to deal with."

"Yeah, but, when I had a moment, I did something that I can't really reverse," he explained. "And that's causing me no end of stress."

"Wow, I don't even know what to say to that," his friend admitted slowly, cautiously. "Are you sure you can't reverse it?"

"I don't think so."

"But you don't know because you haven't tried, right?"

"Yeah, that would be about right," he admitted.

"And you haven't tried because you don't want to admit you were wrong?"

He stared across the room, ignoring his friend on the other end.

"Ah, so you've done one of those, huh ?"

"Yeah, apparently," Xavier conceded, "and you're right. I don't know how to fix it."

"Well, maybe you'll be fine where you are, and maybe this new therapist is great."

"She is great, but she's just not for me," he muttered.

"I'm sorry, man."

"Me too, me too. If you don't mind, I'll get off right now."

"Yeah, sure. If you want to talk later, give me a shout back."

"Yeah, okay, I will, but not for a few days, all right?"

"Yeah, a few days is fine," Zander agreed, "but, if you leave it longer than that, I'll be all over you."

And Xavier knew his friend would.

Just then Zander asked, "Hey, by the way, what was the issue? The hot-button issue?"

"Yeah, I can't talk about that right now. I'll talk to you later." And, with that, he ended the call on Zander too.