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Chapter 21

21

Gio yelped in pain when he did a squat against the wall that took his knees to 45 degrees and he held it so long that by the time he pushed himself to standing, he knew he'd taken it too far.

‘All right, rest time.' Aysha would have had a chair under him and pushed him down on it if he hadn't taken a seat on the weights bench of his own accord.

‘You're trying to do too much too soon,' she told him. ‘It's a risky approach.'

He'd called her over for a session today even though he wasn't due another just yet. He had the exercises to do, he was working through them, but he wanted pushing to the next level. He needed it. To get his head to a different place.

‘What's going on with you?' she asked.

‘Nothing.'

‘Crap.'

His lips curled into a smile. ‘Just having a bad day, that's all. I want to get back to work, you know how it is.' No way was he admitting the truth: that his mother had gone back to her old ways and he'd been the sucker who trusted her that this time was different.

Marianne had been calling him all morning and he'd declined every single call. She'd be showing up here any second, he had no doubt about that, but he wouldn't be letting her inside.

He wasn't particularly happy at Bess either for being with his mum, at a pub. But then again, she had no idea, did she? It wasn't like either of them had been transparent with Bess and for that, he felt guilty. So maybe they were even.

As predicted, he was showing Aysha out the front door when his mother came walking up the front path. He said nothing, waited for Aysha to go and with the front door still open asked, ‘What do you want, Mum?'

‘To explain.'

He leaned closer.

‘What are you doing?'

‘Trying to sniff out whether you've had a hair of the dog or not.'

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself. It was bloody freezing out here and he wasn't far off closing the door in her face.

‘I didn't drink last night, Gio. I haven't broken my sobriety.'

But he wasn't buying it, not this time. And now he was shivering, which made his knee feel worse.

‘Can I come in? Just for a bit, so we can talk.'

‘I don't think so.'

‘Gio, please.'

‘I've had a gutful, Mum. I've given you chance after chance and I can't do it any more. And you don't need to keep up the pretence for Marco and the kids because when I tell him what's happened, he won't want to come within a hundred metres of you. '

He felt terrible when he saw her gulp back tears but he couldn't ignore what she'd done. Not this time.

For once, instead of bawling her eyes out and apologising, she kept talking. ‘Please, hear me out, five minutes and if you're not happy with what I've got to say, I'll leave. You never have to see me again.'

Something about the finality of her words had him opening the door wider. ‘You'd better come in then.'

He didn't go through to the lounge to make her feel welcome; he did it so he could sit down after his gruelling physio session, which had been harder than usual because he'd pushed himself to the edge.

‘I promise you I did not touch a drop last night, Gio.'

‘You were in a pub. Bess was wasted.'

‘Yes… Bess was wasted.'

‘So were you when you called.'

Her brows knitted together. ‘How do you work that out? I barely spoke to you before the landlord took the phone when Bess fell over.'

‘I heard it in your voice.' Her asking the question had him remembering nothing more than a fragmented call from his mother. But that still didn't change the fact she'd been in the pub. ‘How's the ankle?'

‘I think I twisted it a bit last night. Bess pulled me over outside the pub. I was careful today when I walked, took it slowly, it seems okay.'

‘You walked here?'

‘I can't afford a taxi, Gio. And I missed the bus and didn't want to wait for the next.'

He harrumphed. The sooner this conversation was over, the better.

‘I called you last night because I don't have a credit card, I'm down to my last fifteen pounds in my bank account until my pay comes in, and I didn't know what else to do. Bess had no money, her card was refused, I had to get her home safely.'

‘So you need more money?'

‘What? No. I don't need you to give me money.'

‘Then what do you want?'

‘I told you, I need to explain the events of last night because you think I fell off the wagon and I didn't. Gio, this time you are wrong. I didn't go to the pub with Bess last night; I went to get her. She called me, she was drunk, she wanted me to go and join her. I said no but then she got upset.'

‘So you're a saint, is that what you're telling me?'

She stood up then, the most miffed he'd seen her in a long time. ‘You know what, Gio? Getting sober was the hardest thing I've ever done and I could really use the support. Okay, so my track record is dire, but I swear to you this is it, no going back. Do you realise how hard it was to go into a pub of all places?'

He raised eyebrows. He couldn't think of what to say because whatever words he came out with would no doubt be sarcastic. He still wasn't sure he believed her claims, although to be fair, she didn't look remotely hungover and even with her professional drinking status in the past, she'd never been able to hide that telltale morning-after look.

‘Talk me through what happened again then, Mum. Give me every last detail.' A few more minutes and he'd know whether she was telling the truth or not, he was sure of it.

She went back to the start, right from Bess's phone call to finding Bess at the pub, her falling off the stool, the landlord none too happy as she was getting lairy, leaving the pub and Bess stumbling and saving herself by pulling Marianne over.

‘That must've been quite some test,' he said, still unable to look at her. ‘Going into a pub. You couldn't do it for the cleaning job.'

‘This felt a bit more important.' She let the moment settle. ‘I've been on the phone to my sponsor this morning in between trying to get a hold of you. I needed to talk to her and I need to get to another meeting. There's one tonight.' She waited for Gio to look at her. ‘I'll always be an alcoholic, I'll always have temptation, I'll go through hard times when I'll want a drink more than ever, like now, because you don't believe me. You doubting me makes me wonder why I don't just give in, have a drink and be done with it.'

‘Are you saying this is my fault?'

‘That wasn't what I meant. Please listen to me, Gio. I know that's asking a lot given my past behaviour, but I need you to put your faith in me. I haven't let you down again. Do you know what really made me change this time, apart from wanting you boys in my life? It was what they call rock bottom.'

Yes, and he was sure she'd spent time there before. It had never changed things.

‘I ended up in hospital, had to have my stomach pumped. And the doctors warned me I might not be so lucky if it happened again, if I kept going the way I was.'

‘You never told me.' As much as he'd hated those sorts of phone calls, he'd taken every one, dealt with them as they came.

‘I didn't want you boys contacted – the nurse had seen a photo of you two in my purse, I told her you both lived overseas, and then I discharged myself as soon as I was able. I went to an AA meeting, figured it was the same as usual, that I'd lose interest but on my very first session, I made a friend. Sara. She has two daughters, she was in a similar situation to me twelve months previously: neither of them had wanted anything to do with her. But when one of them had a baby, she knew that she would never be a part of her grandchild's life if she didn't sort herself out. She'd been at those meetings for over a year and she showed me a text message from her daughter inviting her over to her house to meet her grandbaby. It made me think that if it happened for her, then why not me? Why couldn't I work just as hard and find a way back to you boys?'

He hesitated, waited for her to look directly at him. ‘You really didn't touch a drop last night?'

‘I really didn't.'

He rubbed his chest. ‘I need a coffee.'

She leapt up to make it before he could, which at least gave him some space.

When Marianne brought his mug through to him, he asked, ‘What's going on with Bess? Why was she so wasted?'

But his mum gave nothing away. She hid behind a sip of her own coffee.

‘Getting that drunk isn't like Bess. I saw her drunk when we were in the shared house but never since. With her job, she's responsible, respected around here.'

‘She is.' She chose her words carefully. ‘Bess has confided in me what's going on with her but I can't break that confidence.'

‘I wouldn't ask you to.' He had a bad feeling about this. Maybe Bess's house hadn't been such a good idea after all if she had big problems and was using alcohol to deal with them. She was his friend, he'd wanted more for a while, but right now, his worries had to be with his mum, who'd come so far.

‘I want to help her,' Marianne went on. ‘I had people in AA to help me; it made all the difference. I think Bess just needs to know there's a way out of her situation.' She smiled. ‘I think I've started to be a much better listener.'

After the last twenty-four hours, thinking the worst of her, his voice caught when he admitted, ‘I'm proud of you, you know. '

Her eyes filled with tears. ‘You are proud of me?'

‘I wasn't before we had this chat, believe me. But hearing what you've done and want to do for Bess, to help her, that's nice. And… well, I'm starting to believe that this time, you really have turned yourself around.' He almost told her that Marco, Saffy and the kids were due to visit soon but he still didn't want to jinx it. He couldn't see her overjoyed and then be the one to take that away from her.

‘I promise you I have. There's always the threat that I'll fall off the wagon and it'll hang over me for the rest of my life. But I'll carry on battling it, I swear to you. And Gio? Don't be too angry with Bess for putting me in temptation's way.'

She knew him better than he realised – she had the ability to read how he was feeling when he didn't come out with it. Perhaps his memories had only held onto the bad stuff of his childhood and teenage years, her absences, both physical and emotional. Maybe he hadn't let himself see that she had still been his mother in ways she simply wasn't able to express back then.

He sighed. ‘I seriously thought it was you who was wasted when you called.'

‘I know you did and I'm sorry for that.'

‘No, Mum. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have made assumptions.'

‘You had every reason.'

‘Maybe we should have told Bess your situation before you moved in.'

‘I considered it, but I knew there was a chance I'd be refused the room and I'm sober now. I need to build my life again and part of that was moving out of here. I want to be close enough to you to prove myself but not so close we fall out.'

He smiled. ‘I think we love each other better from a distance. '

‘Maybe, but a short distance.' When she laughed, it wasn't the haunting sound it had once been, the sound he associated with her drunken state so many times. Now, it was a welcome sound, one that told him they were approaching a new type of normality.

‘I'm good with that, Mum.' And as he reached out to give her a hug, this one felt genuine, like both of them meant it, like it was a line under the past and they were looking to the future.

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