Chapter 20

20

Bess woke up bleary-eyed the morning after the pub. And right away, she remembered the contents of the brown envelope that had been lying in wait for her before she headed up to bed the night of her dinner with Marianne and Gio.

The letter was the most frightening one yet.

Bess had thought she was on top of it all, at least as much as she could be for now. Her mortgage payment had gone out of her account, she'd paid her electricity bill, the amount owing on the payday loan, and she'd worked out she could afford to pay the minimum amounts for two credit cards as well. What she'd failed to realise the significance of was the missed council tax payment. Somehow in the haze of so much debt, she'd not registered the urgency of the demands she'd been getting, and she'd let it go a step too far.

The letter that had been lurking on her doormat obscured at the edges of the thick curtain she'd drawn across her front door was a court summons. Going by the date, the saving grace was that it had only been there since that morning. But it was small comfort when she opened it to read that she was being taken to court! There would be additional court costs, she would have to find the full amount to cover the council tax bill for the entire year. And the only way to avoid court was by paying that amount before the deadline.

Which was impossible.

She'd dropped the letter at her feet and sobbed her heart out before taking her troubles up to bed.

She hadn't slept a wink, she got through work the next day on autopilot and as she let herself into the house after shift, her problems engulfed her yet again. And that was why when Nadia's text came through to ask whether she'd make up the numbers on the pub quiz team, she'd accepted straight away.

She wanted to forget everything, if only for a moment. One more night out and then she'd have to take action, maybe start selling some of the contents of her house to pay her debts – her television could go, her furniture. Maybe the car would have to be sold, although she needed some form of transport for work. Whatever she did, it had to get her out of this mess that scared her deep to her core.

Bess drove to the pub and Nadia was at the bar when she arrived. She was buying a round and Bess had asked for a Coke but changed her mind last minute and ordered a beer. After a few sips, Bess felt herself relax. And she knew then that she wouldn't be driving home. She knew then that forgetting her troubles was going to take a lot more than a single beer.

The quiz wasn't easy but they came a very respectable second. Bess had been able to answer the two medical questions that came up, leaving her team members glad she'd joined them. They won a fifty quid voucher for behind the bar and had all decided that there was no time like the present to enjoy their prize.

By the bottom of her fifth beer, Bess was unsteady on her feet. Nadia had left and offered to take Bess home as she was driving, but the music had drawn Bess in to dance near the pool table with the rest of the town who'd come in here to escape the January blues. Just like her. Hudson showed up and he seemed to be in the mood for partying so they danced for a while before he was summoned home by his other half.

When unsteadiness hit, she found a stool at the bar. She ordered a shot of tequila, then a second, a third. She was usually sensible with her drink but tonight, obliteration was the name of the game.

‘Obliteration!' she called out, holding up the little shot glass in the landlord's direction before knocking it back in one. And then, because most people had peeled off, she'd pulled her phone from her rear pocket and called Marianne. ‘Get yourself down here! I need the company, please, don't be a killjoy. Come on.' For every no , Bess put in another argument and when she still didn't get anywhere, she started to sob. She couldn't speak. In the end, she hung up the call.

What the hell was happening to her? She wasn't this person.

Marianne came into the pub almost an hour later.

Bess brightened when she saw her and wiped her tears. ‘Marianne!' She beckoned her over. ‘Everyone, meet Marianne! My lodger!' She wasn't talking to anyone in particular.

Bess looked to the landlord. ‘Drinks, please! Marianne, what's it to be?'

‘I think you've had enough,' Marianne said gently.

‘Oh, I've definitely had enough.' She waved her card in the air. ‘But not of the drinks.' She ordered another tequila but her card was rejected.

‘Well, that's just great.' Bess groaned and slumped her arms and upper chest onto the bar counter. And when she sat up again, Marianne looked as though she'd rather be anywhere else than here.

Bess cringed. ‘I'm embarrassing you. And myself. I'm useless. I'm a waste of space.'

‘Why don't I take you home?' Marianne said so softly, she almost didn't hear her. ‘We'll have to walk, I'm afraid. I don't have money to spend on a taxi.'

‘You walked here?'

‘Bus. But that was the last one tonight.'

Bess pulled her car keys from her small bag and handed them to Marianne. ‘Our chariot awaits,' she slurred. ‘Out in the car park.'

‘I can't drive you, Bess; I don't have a licence.'

‘I could teach you!' she gushed.

‘Not today. We need to get you home. Can you even walk?' Marianne and the landlord exchanged a glance. ‘I'm going to call Gio.'

Marianne dialled a number and Bess got up to dance to another song.

But her foot got caught on the bottom of her stool and she fell forwards onto the carpet with a whack and she heard Marianne yell, ‘Oh my God!'

‘I'm fine,' Bess giggled as Marianne scooped her up from the floor. ‘I think I bounced.' But she lost the smile when she was upright because the landlord had taken the phone and as he talked into it, he looked even more unimpressed at her behaviour.

The next thing Bess knew, she was being led outside, the fresh air slapping her in the face. She stumbled down the kerb and reached out to save herself by grabbing Marianne, who she took down with her.

Marianne was up first and tried to haul Bess to her feet .

Bess gasped when she saw Marianne struggle to put her weight on one foot. ‘You're hurt.'

‘It's fine.'

‘No…' And then she started to cry. ‘This is all my fault. I'm a terrible person. You should hate me. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.'

‘It's all right, Bess. Come on, here's our taxi.' She waved an arm to flag it down.

‘Taxi? But we have no money,' Bess groaned.

‘Just get in.'

Bess got into the taxi, leaned her head on her lodger's shoulder on the way home, and then stumbled out of the vehicle at the other end.

‘Gio!' Bess hollered when she saw him coming towards them. ‘You're getting good on those crutches. Here, let me have a go.' She tried to stand up straight.

He ignored her request.

‘What are you doing here? Are you here to take me out to dinner? Because I'd go, you know. On a date.'

He hesitated but only briefly. ‘Not tonight, Bess.' His kind smile was nowhere to be seen. ‘I'm here to bail my mother and by the looks of things, you, out of a situation.' Angry puffs of air that came with every word he uttered had her giggling.

‘Uh-oh… Marianne, I think we're in trouble!'

Gio took out his wallet and sorted payment for the driver. All Bess could hear was Marianne trying to get her son's attention as she attempted to get out of the back of the taxi.

‘You might need to help her,' Bess laughed. ‘She hurt herself when she fell over.'

Gio shoved his wallet deep into his coat pocket – it took some skill doing that on crutches; Bess was impressed.

‘I'm done helping her,' he said.

‘He's very angry,' said Bess in what she thought might be a whisper but judging by Gio's reaction was loud and clear. ‘Marianne, your son is maaaaaaaaaaad!' She dragged out the last word on her lips before turning to stagger up the path.

She spun around when she heard Marianne, who had managed to get out of the taxi by now, calling after him, her son's name taken away on the cold wind. She was yelling to him, something about not drinking. What was she, a teenager justifying a trip to the pub to her son?

Weird.

Gio used to be fun.

Bess fumbled with her keys and eventually found the right angle and the correct key to open up.

She fell inside, by which time, Marianne had given up on Gio.

‘What's his problem?' Bess was slumped on the floor in the hallway and attempted to yank off her boots. ‘You're allowed a bit of fun.'

‘He'll cool off; I'll talk to him.'

‘He's hot-blooded… Hot-headed? Or is it both? I don't know.'

Marianne took her other boot off for her before heading to the kitchen with the declaration that Bess needed water and plenty of it.

Bess dragged herself onto the bottom stair. Right now, it felt a long way up to bed.

A glass of water was thrust in front of her and she reluctantly took it and began to drink. She watched Marianne lock up before removing her own coat and scarf. She took Bess's scarf from around her neck and held the half-empty water glass while Bess wrestled off her coat, the sitting on the bottom stair not exactly making it easy.

Marianne fetched another glass of water when she finished the first and then helped Bess up the stairs to bed .

‘I'm sorry,' Bess cried as Marianne tucked the duvet around her. She felt like she was a teenager all over again, at her mum's house, her parents there for her when something went wrong – a break-up, trouble at work, any little thing – and all that was needed to mend it was a night at the family home and magically, it all went away.

But that wasn't going to happen this time, was it?

Bess remembered all of it now, the morning after the pub, in technicolour. The clock ticked its way towards midday as she emerged from the bedroom and before she did anything else, she cleaned her teeth. She knew she was lucky not to have been sick last night. Thank goodness she'd left the pub when she did.

Gio must think she was a terrible person. In the house share, they'd seen each other drunk plenty of times, they'd gone out drinking together, but it was one thing doing that in your twenties, quite another in your forties. And she was mortified at how she'd behaved last night.

And had Gio been angry?

She spotted her creased forehead in the bathroom mirror as she frowned. Yes, he had been furious from memory.

She gingerly took the stairs down to the hallway and went into the lounge, where Marianne was on her phone but ended the call when Bess went in.

‘He's not answering,' she said.

‘Gio?'

‘He's angry, probably upset. I need to get round there but I don't think he'll answer the door.'

Bess felt terrible. ‘I'm really sorry. About everything. Last night. Gio.' She sank into the sofa's cushions, wishing they could wrap her in their comfort forever.

‘You don't need to apologise.'

Bess would've sat up straighter if she could. ‘I do. I acted very badly, irresponsibly. And it's my fault Gio is angry with you. I'm not this person, Marianne, I'm really not.' And then she suddenly remembered stumbling outside the pub. ‘And you hurt yourself, your ankle, because of me.'

What a total mess. Last night. Her life.

‘My ankle is a little bit tender but much better today.' Marianne sat down next to Bess. ‘You say you're not this person and I know that already. Last night was out of character – so what was it all about?'

Bess's head pounded and she winced, so much so that Marianne went and got a glass of water and a couple of paracetamol. She waited until Bess had taken them before she spoke again.

‘We had a lovely dinner the night before last, you were happy, then the next thing I know, you're calling me from the pub and you're completely the other end of the scale.'

Bess hugged a cushion on her lap, her focus on the tassels, the few that had tied themselves in knots.

‘Bess, I'm a good listener. I haven't always been. In fact, my boys will tell you I was the opposite when they were younger, but I've learned a lot over the years. And it hasn't always been easy.' She paused. ‘You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but sometimes, talking about things can help.'

‘I think I'm too much of a mess to be helped.' She leaned her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes.

‘I very much doubt that.'

‘I'm ashamed of the mess I'm in.'

‘I've been there myself, believe me.'

Bess opened her eyes. ‘Is that why you came here, to Whistlestop River?'

‘I need to make amends with my boys, both of them. Gio is the easier one to start with.' Bess waited for her to go on but she didn't elaborate on that; all she said was, ‘Please remember that the answers to your problems are never going to be found in the bottom of a glass.'

‘It made me forget for a while, though.'

‘It's temporary, but that feeling of escape doesn't last. Believe me, I've tried it.'

Bess drew her knees up against her chest, curled into the corner of the sofa. ‘You drank a lot?'

‘You could say that.' She met Bess's gaze. ‘I've been in Alcoholics Anonymous for a while now.'

Bess tried to process the revelation. She gasped. ‘I offered you a drink! I've got alcohol in my fridge! Right there under your nose!' She shook her head because now, thinking back to Christmas night in the pub when she'd seen Gio and told him she was going home to enjoy a glass of wine or two, it made sense. He had told her not to open the wine. He hadn't wanted her to do it in front of his mum.

Marianne nodded. ‘I won't lie, it's been a test.'

Bess sat upright and then wished she hadn't because her head rushed in a way that sent her slinking back again. ‘I made you come to a pub, for crying out loud. How could I be so stupid?'

‘You're not stupid; you were inviting me out and that was a nice thing to do. And nobody made me come to the pub. You called and the more I said no to joining you, the more upset you got. And then, well, it reminded me of the pain that alcoholics like me have, the pain they're trying to block out with a few drinks and then a few more. Maybe I imagined it partly, but I couldn't ignore it because it reminded me of myself on some of my darkest days.'

Bess put a hand to her tummy.

Marianne was up like a shot. ‘Are you going to be sick?'

‘I don't think so. I think I'm hungry. '

‘You stay put. I'll make you some crumpets and a cup of tea.'

Her hangover had kicked in when she first woke up but it was as though it was onto round two already.

The first bite of crumpet was heaven, the second even better and when she'd finished and drunk half of the tea, Marianne came back in from the hallway where she'd gone to try calling Gio again.

‘I'm pretty sure the pub isn't a place recommended at your AA meetings,' Bess said sheepishly.

‘No,' Marianne smiled. ‘And it wasn't easy to walk inside. But my focus was different last night. I wasn't there looking for a good time; I'd gone to get you.' She shrugged as if embarrassed. ‘I may have overstepped. You're my landlady, after all. Tell me if I'm interfering.'

‘Don't say landlady; you make me feel old.' Bess hoped that the humour would take away any guilt for Marianne that she absolutely should not be feeling. ‘And thank you for coming to help. I don't think I was doing much for my reputation getting so drunk; I bet it was noticed and I could be the talk of the town today.'

‘Actually, there were hardly any people left by that point; all saving their pennies in January.'

‘Which is precisely what I should've been doing. That's what got me into all this trouble.'

‘You've got money worries?'

‘You could say that.' It would be easy to deny that anything too major was going on, simple to skate over it like she'd done with Maya for such a long time. But Marianne had come out with it, disclosed that she was an alcoholic, and that was huge. She hadn't had to make the admission; she'd done it to explain and perhaps to help Bess realise that all alcohol would do was mask problems she couldn't ignore .

‘I'm in trouble, Marianne. Big trouble.'

‘A girl like you, with a great job, friends, a wonderful home?'

‘I've kept up a front, hidden it from most people, but the shit has really hit the fan.'

‘Well, the shit hit the fan several times for me over the years. Nobody gets it quite like I do, my girl. But I also know that the truth can set us free. If we admit to our mistakes, our problems, it might be how we turn them around.'

Bess didn't say anything for a few minutes, neither of them did until Bess said, ‘I'd like to tell you about what's been going on if you're willing to listen?'

And Marianne relaxed back against the sofa too. ‘Lovie, I'm all ears.'