Chapter 22

22

Bess opened the door to Gio. ‘Your mum is at work.'

‘Good, because it's you I came to see.'

She had a suspicion that was the case but wishful thinking and all that.

She stood back, let him inside and closed the door. Here goes , she thought, waiting for him to lose it with her, to yell at her for getting his alcoholic mother to go to a pub of all places and, worse, have to deal with a drunk person who was trying to push drinks on her until she knocked her off her feet. The night could've easily been so much worse.

They looked at one another for what felt like ages until eventually, Bess said, ‘Go on, hit me with it. I can take it.'

‘Hit you with it?'

‘Given your reaction last night, I'm waiting for you to hit me with your worst… insults, yelling, whatever it may be.'

‘I'm not going to do any of that.'

She looked up at him. ‘You're not? But what I did…'

‘What you did was call your lodger to come and join you at the pub. Sounds a pretty normal thing to do. And you weren't to know about Mum.'

‘I offered her alcohol here, in the house where she lives.' She cringed again at the memory.

‘She'll have to deal with people offering her drinks or drinking in front of her for the rest of her life.'

‘So, you're not worried?'

‘Didn't say that.'

They stood in the hallway looking at each other. She hated that he was concerned, likely still a bit annoyed, even if he claimed not to be. Because if he didn't feel any strong emotion about the situation, he wouldn't be here right now, would he?

‘You're not leaning on your stick much.' She noted he didn't have the crutches this time.

‘I'm getting stronger, trying to remember my current limits. I can put some weight on the leg obviously, but not for too long.'

‘Come in, sit down.' Hovering in someone's hallway was probably classed as pushing it a bit when he had been weight-bearing to get around. She tilted her head in the direction of the lounge. ‘Can I get you a coffee?'

‘Go for it, warm me up a bit.' He followed her through the lounge and into the kitchen.

She took mugs down from the cupboard. ‘You're doing well to have walked here. Assuming you did?'

‘I could pretend, be all macho, but no, I got a lift from a mate and got out at the end of the road.'

‘In case I saw you and didn't answer the door?'

He laughed at that. ‘Didn't even cross my mind.'

She heaped coffee granules into the awaiting mugs.

‘Coffee machine not working?' He nodded to the gleaming contraption tucked in the corner.

‘Something like that.' Marianne hadn't asked why she'd suddenly bought instant coffee; she sensed she was a woman who knew that not everything was always as it seemed. In fact, they both knew that, given the revelations this morning.

Bess took the coffees into the lounge and when Gio settled in the armchair, she took the sofa.

Both of them spoke over the other before Bess insisted Gio talk first.

‘When Mum called me from the pub, I assumed… wrongly, I now know, that she was drinking again. I came over to pay the taxi and I was so furious, I was never going to listen to what she had to say. I'd heard it all before, too many times than I care to remember.'

‘She was frantic this morning when I got up, trying to call you every few minutes.'

‘I feel bad about that now. I know I need to trust her more but I think it's going to take time. For the both of us.'

He looked her in the eye and it made her quiver; how did he have the ability to do that? ‘Are you going to suggest she moves out?' Bess asked.

‘Do you think I need to?'

‘No.'

‘But you see where I'm coming from?'

‘Of course.' She hated that her voice wavered. ‘I had no idea she was an alcoholic. You never said, even after all this time.'

‘It was a detail of my life that I didn't want to admit to. I'd moved out of home when I went to the shared house, I'd escaped a lot of the hassles and the shit that went down in our family. I still had it going on in the background but I avoided rehashing it to anyone.'

‘I wish you'd confided in me. If I'd known, I never would've offered her alcohol, I never would've called her from the pub. You have to believe me when I say that. '

‘I do.' But the muscle in his jaw that twitched suggested the night at the pub had instilled enough worry in him that this wouldn't be easy to move on from.

‘I enjoy having her here.'

He waited a beat. ‘Even the humming?'

‘Well, that I could do without on some days, but it's harmless.'

‘Are you sure you want her here knowing what problems she has?'

‘She's sober.'

‘Yes, and she's one drink away from destroying that. It wouldn't take much at all. You have to realise that as much as she says, and I hope, she won't drink again, it's a possibility. I'm worried, Bess… I don't know what's going on with you, but my concern is that whatever it is, whatever drove you to get that wasted and need my mother to get you from the pub, will affect her.'

He was protective, looking out for his family. It hurt that he thought she might be a threat to his mother's sobriety, but could she blame him?

She needed to be honest, because she had thought about what would happen should Marianne start drinking, now she knew she was an alcoholic. ‘What do I do if she does have a drink? I'm hoping she doesn't, but what if?—'

‘Then you call me. It's not for you to have to deal with.'

‘That's an enormous burden to carry, Gio.'

‘I've been carrying it for a long time.'

‘How long was she drinking for, before she got sober this time?'

‘Since I was a boy; my brother was more of a parent than she was.'

‘I'm sorry… I don't know what to say. '

‘Marco copped the worst deal, I reckon.'

‘She talks about both of you, a lot.'

‘Life has been tough on all of us. You know my dad walked out when we were young. It broke Mum. But there must be other women that has happened to, other men whose wives have left. Not everyone turns into an alcoholic and loses all sense of themselves.' He put his head in his hands.

Bess almost stretched across to comfort him. ‘I'd be angry too.'

‘I'm not angry with her.' But he paused when he looked up. ‘All right, I am. I'm angry she couldn't hold it together and be a real mother. And I'm even angrier that she and Marco butt heads so much, my own brother puts off visits. He's supposed to be visiting soon but I haven't told her yet because I'm waiting for her to do something that results in him being a no-show.'

‘For what it's worth, I think your mum is really trying to make amends.'

‘Isn't that one of the AA steps?'

‘I think so, but even if it's not, she wants to. I think she needs you and your brother in her life; she wouldn't have turned up in Whistlestop River and got a job here otherwise.'

‘A job she's actually keeping hold of for once.' He tipped his head back to get the last of his coffee and then set his mug down on the side table. ‘What's the deal with your coffee machine? You said something like that when I asked if it was broken. Come to think of it, isn't your dishwasher on the blink too?'

She put her own mug down, put her hands on her thighs. ‘It's one thing in a list of items I can't really afford, should never have bought.' She looked right at him. ‘I'm in a bit of trouble. Didn't your mum tell you?'

He moved as if he was going to sit forward but thought better of it, either because he decided not to or because his knee was making it difficult these days. ‘What sort of trouble?'

‘The money kind. Your mum really didn't say?'

‘Look, she's been a crappy mother over the years but she's fiercely loyal. You tell her something in confidence, she won't break it.'

Bess wouldn't cry; she wouldn't let herself. She'd never looked weak in front of this man, both of them capable in their jobs, strong, to be relied on, not shadows of their former selves. ‘I'm in financial trouble, big trouble. It started after my dad died, continued with a health scare?—'

‘You never told me you had a health scare.'

‘We were in touch but it's not the sort of thing you call up a friend about and say hey, Gio, guess what has just happened to me.'

‘Actually, that's exactly what you should do. What happened, Bess? Tell me.'

She swallowed hard. ‘I thought I might have breast cancer.' She immediately added, ‘The lump was benign; I had it removed.'

‘I wish you'd told me.'

‘It was too personal to share. And I suppose I found it easier to keep it mostly to myself apart from Mum and a couple of close girlfriends. It let me carry on leading my life without those questions being asked; it allowed me to be the same person I'd always been.'

‘And you're okay now?'

‘I'm fine.' She smiled. She liked that he cared, loved that he seemed relieved to hear it. ‘I have had check-ups since and there's no sign of another lump.'

‘Good.' The corners of his mouth lifted into the smile she knew and recognised. ‘Otherwise, how will we ever go out on a date?'

‘You said you wanted to take me to dinner and I'm okay with that.'

‘But not if it's a date,' he said.

‘Maybe we're better as friends.' She never wanted to lose that.

He shrugged. ‘We'll see.'

His flirting, his implication that they should be more than friends, made her feel better and gave her a lift but she had to get this all out now she'd started.

‘When Dad died, I kept telling myself I had to live each day like it was my last.' She paused. ‘And that escalated after the health scare.'

‘I can understand why.'

‘Yes, and while that's all great in theory, it turns out it's not so good when you have a house, a car, bills to pay. I don't even know how I got in such a damn mess.'

‘It happens.'

She swiped angrily at the tear that dared to creep out of the corner of her eye. ‘Not to me it doesn't. I have a responsible job that I love, a home I adore. This isn't like me; it just spiralled out of control. I've been living in denial.' Her lips trembled with the admission.

‘Listen, you don't have to tell me anything more unless you want to, but I've not got to get to work so I've plenty of time. It seems we could've both confided in each other over the years and saved ourselves a whole lot of heartache.'

For a moment, his words comforted her until she felt the cloak of misery and hopelessness settle around her shoulders again.

He waited a beat before he asked, ‘Why don't you tell me what got you so upset that you went on a totally-out-of-character bender?'

‘Haven't drunk that much since my twenties. Remember that night Louis made us do shots to commiserate with him failing an end-of-year exam?'

‘My head hurts just thinking about it.' He laughed.

The memory was funny, the present not so much as she filled him in more. ‘I missed paying a few bills, maxed out credit cards, defaulted on loan payments, I got final demands left, right and centre, took out a ridiculously high interest loan. I've borrowed some money from my mother, which I hated doing, I have the threat of court looming over me for the council tax I haven't managed to pay.' She looked across at him. ‘See, told you I'm in a mess.'

‘I could lend you some money, although I'm not flush with cash at the moment and I need to be careful because I won't be on full pay forever.' She hated the frown that creased his forehead. ‘I hope I'm back to work soon but there's no guarantee.'

‘I can't take your money, Gio, even if you had plenty. This isn't like borrowing twenty quid for a takeaway. I have a lot of debt.' She gulped. ‘You must think I'm a total idiot.'

‘I think we both know I don't think that, Bess.'

‘Renting out my spare room eases things a little, it tops up my income, but I'm still not sure where to go from here.'

The only solution Bess could see right now was to go to her mum and ask her to take money from one of the bonds or whatever she had, use that and Bess would have to pay it back plus the money her mother had forfeited for getting to the money sooner than she should. She hated that this was the only thing she could do, she'd even entertained the idea of another payday loan if that were possible, but whatever she was going to do, she only had a few days to decide .

Without using his stick, Gio took both mugs out to the kitchen, moving slowly but so much better. She didn't mind the rear view either.

‘Thank you for being honest with me,' he said when he came back.

So where did that leave them? Where did it leave the tenancy arrangement which they had an agreement for but a very flexible one? She couldn't blame him for worrying, wouldn't blame him if he got his mother to pack her things and move back in with him.

And where did it leave their friendship? Where did it leave the potential for more?

Would he want to take her for dinner as he'd suggested before or was that totally off the table now she'd revealed the truth?

‘I'm sorry again, for the pub,' she said as they made their way towards the front door.

‘I'm sure things aren't easy for you.' He pulled on his coat, zipped it up, without the usual flirtatious smile or another attempt to ask her out on a date. All that flirting had irritated her at times, she'd kept her distance, but now she missed it more than anything. Because she'd disappointed him and it was a weird feeling to have when it came to Gio.

His shoulders immediately hunched up against the cold when he stepped outside. He turned back to face her as she stood in the warmth of the hallway. ‘Are you really happy for Mum to stay on as your lodger?'

‘If you're happy for her to be here then for now I don't see a reason to change anything.'

But he was clearly having a tough time answering that, which was probably why he gave a simple nod, said nothing else, and walked away down the path without another backwards glance.

And Bess felt unbelievably sad when she climbed the stairs to bed.