Chapter 11

Jakob

“Jakob, I’m not sleepy. Why don’t I go get the lists from downstairs, and we can share them?”

I gave Reed an eager nod and scooted back so he could leave the bed. Lucky for me, he hadn’t put his shirt back on after his shower, and I happily ogled his retreating back and yummy ass on the way out the door.

Papa was gone for more than ten minutes. I was wondering what he was doing down there when he returned with a tray piled high with snacks. Of course Papa had included nutritious items because he was too healthy for my own good, but he’d also brought a sippy cup of chocolate milk and a few cookies in addition to the apple and white cheddar slices.

“I brought us some snacks because everyone knows bed picnics are the best.”

I gave him a quizzical look because where did he think I would’ve experienced that? “Never mind, I should’ve figured you haven’t had one yet,”

Papa responded when he saw my look. “I like sharing firsts with you.”

Get the smelling salts. I am swooning.

Papa situated the tray between us on the blue comforter before he handed me his list while keeping mine for himself. As much as I wanted to cuddle, I also knew I’d never be able to concentrate if I was touching him, so I sat cross-legged on my side of the bed.

“Should we read over it first and then talk about it?”

I tried to channel as much adulting as I could because I didn’t want Papa to see how much my insides churned at the thought of embarrassing myself. Papa smiled at me so it must have been all right.

“That’s a good idea, love.”

Oh my goodness, he really was a Papa. He liked bath time, bottles, cuddles, and diapers. His list also said he liked to play with his littles. His hard limits were in line with mine. In practical terms, I hadn’t done any of them, but they hadn’t sounded at all interesting to me. I giggled when I saw he’d listed a hard pass at medical stuff.

“Why don’t you like medical stuff?”

“I do medical stuff at work, so to come home and do more of it? No, thank you. And what if I was doing medical stuff and found something? That would be so awkward!”

Papa said with an exaggerated shudder.

“No playing doctor?”

“I’m afraid not,”

he confirmed with a crooked grin. “I have a question and a confession for you though.”

“Oh, a confession. Let’s hear that one first.”

“I was snooping the tiniest bit in your room when I got your pajamas. I didn’t open anything, but I took a look around. It’s your room, and I shouldn’t have done it.”

“What were you looking for?”

“I was looking for a clue on what kind of little items you liked.”

“Oh, that one is easy. I hardly have any.”

“Pardon?”

Papa only stared at me with obvious confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well, wait, that’s not true. I have a couple sets of pajamas, my onesie, and one pair of training pants.”

It was unclear what I was supposed to say at this point because Papa kept looking at me with wide-eyed disbelief. “They’re really cute. You’ve seen a couple of them,”

I said warily.

“You don’t work Saturdays in the lab, do you?”

“Not usually. We mostly keep regular hours.”

When Papa let loose a shout of triumph, I was even more lost. Weekends off were great, but I didn’t think they were that exciting.

“We, sweet boy, are going shopping tomorrow. We are going to rectify your situation.”

“What situation do I have that needs to be rectified?”

“You’ll see.”

#

“Mercer City? What are we doing out here?”

I asked when we crossed through the city limits.

“We’re almost there.”

After our evening of snacks and surveys, Papa had bounced out of bed early this morning with a declaration that we had a lot of stops to make. He refused, however, to tell me where any of those stops would be. With a gentle push, he’d gotten me out of bed, ready to go, and out the door quick.

I was born and raised in Mercer City, and I didn’t tell Papa, but we passed by the entrance to my parents’ neighborhood. It was an interesting factoid, but I felt no pull toward going home. To be truthful, it had never felt like home anyway. When I left, I thought I would miss my folks, but I hadn’t thought of them much. At some point, I likely would, but I wasn’t there yet. As for my brothers, they were still in the vault. Eventually, my family would need to be dealt with, but there was no point in it right now.

Papa’s home felt like mine. As much as I might ignore it or pretend otherwise, I knew Papa might not fall for me like I’d already fallen for him. I knew he’d tell me there was plenty of time to figure things out or that I might want to explore and experiment, but I knew me. I was already in. I knew what I wanted. My matrix plot points were clear. He was right about all those things. I just wanted to do them with him.

My daydreams had distracted me enough that I didn’t realize we’d parked until Papa opened my door. He had already unbuckled me and was patiently waiting for me to get my bearings. Because he’s the best, Papa helped me down from the high truck bench and waited while I straightened my clothes and retied my shoes, which I hadn’t tied tight enough in the rush to get out the door. All of those things were mercifully easier with my hand practically back to normal. When I looked around, I recognized we were at the shopping center in the downtown business district.

A few years ago, they’d demolished several rundown warehouses and replaced them with a shopping center. Parking was along the edges, and the shops were set up as a pedestrian zone. The stores were designed to have a Victorian vibe with red brick and window arches. I’d never had a reason to shop here, but now that I was here, I was excited to see what shops they had.

“Papa! I’ve always wanted to stop and see what they had here. Where are we going?”

I immediately forged ahead, but Papa grabbed my hand to drag me back to him. He laced our fingers together and kept me close to his side.

“Have you driven by here a lot?”

“Uh, I mean, yeah. We passed the neighborhood my parents live in on the way.”

“You’re from Mercer City?”

“Yeah, born and raised. My parents bought a house here when they married. When I decided to move out, I looked at a place near here but decided that if I was going, I wanted to make a clean break. My goal was to find someplace totally new for me, and that’s worked out pretty well.”

Papa and I exchanged a look, and my tummy flipped.

My feeling of contentment grew every time I was around him, and I’d barely scratched the surface of what being a little looked like for me. There was so much I hadn’t experienced, and this man had offered to hold my hand and stand by my side while I learned. It wasn’t a giving-up-Christmas-cookies level of sacrifice on his part, but it was still huge. Operation Get Papa for Christmas had become so important that I refused to consider what it would look like if he changed his mind. Devastated wasn’t a big enough word.

Those thoughts were too monumental and consequential for a Saturday morning though. Instead, I would concentrate on the warmth of Papa’s hand, where he held mine in his strong grip. We passed by a few clothing stores, a home décor shop, and a super-cute pet supply boutique and finally stopped in front of a store with a wooden sign that read Pièce aux épices. The arched windows framed a Christmas tree surrounded by half-opened presents with lacy bits peeking out.

Another check mark on my life list—Papa had brought me to a sex shop.

“Papa,”

I whispered, “I’ve never been to a…a…sex place before. It was on my list.”

“Good. I’m glad we get to check one more thing off it.”

He paused and ran his finger down the slope of my nose before returning to boop it. “Was that the life list or the Christmas list?”

he asked with a wink and laugh. You’d never convince me that anyone was sexier than my Papa.

“The life list, silly. How would I know what to put on my Christmas list from one if I’ve never been.”

I giggled.

Oh my goodness, when did I start to giggle so much? Was it strange to like the sound of your own giggle? That train of thought was derailed when Papa ushered me through the entrance, and I had my first look around. I came to an abrupt stop while I looked at everything all at once. The decorations were tasteful and cheeky, even if I didn’t know what most of them were for. Once I stopped gawking at the entrance, we wound our way through the displays.

“Gentlemen, welcome. May I help you find anything in particular?”

the salesman asked in a smooth, practiced delivery.

“Oh, thank you. We are looking for all things little today,”

Papa said with a grin and a squeeze of my hand. If I were a kitty, I would have purred. The tiniest bit of a butt wiggle escaped me. I tried hard to contain it, but the urge was too strong.

“Excellent. Pièce aux épices takes pride in our selection of little items. We have some clothing samples out here, but if you don’t see your size, there’s a good chance we have it stocked in the back,”

he said as he turned away. After only a few steps, he stopped abruptly and turned back to us before adding, “And happy dances are encouraged here.”

In that case, there was no reason to hide my excitement, so I wiggled to my heart’s content. Papa just smiled and laughed at my silliness. This happiness and lightness was the feeling I knew being a little could bring me. I knew what I was even though I hadn’t gotten to experience much little space. The teeny-tiny sample of it that Papa had provided only made me hungry for more.

The salesperson in his fancy dark suit and tie led us through a maze of displays to a private corner of the store. Like the rest of the store, the playroom was set up to celebrate the holiday. There was a sixties-mod Christmas tree in the corner, along with storage cubes, a bookshelf, and a closed closet. With a flourish, the salesperson opened a wardrobe and said, “In here, you’ll find diapering materials, and again, if needed, we can look for different sizing.”

He gave a quick tour of the remaining sections available before excusing himself with a promise to return to check on us.

“Love, did you want to start somewhere in particular?”

I was overwhelmed by the options presented and struggled to understand where to begin. Instead of answering, I just looked around and waved my hands uselessly in the general direction of everything. Everywhere I looked was something new that I hadn’t done, so where to start was like sifting sand on the beach.

“Yeah, maybe that’s too much.”

Papa surveyed the area but didn’t give a definitive nod to any particular spot. “Here’s what we’ll do. You close your eyes, and I’m gonna spin you. Wherever you point when you stop is where we’ll start.”

“You’re a clever one, Papa.”

His only response was a snort, but I saw his chest puff up a bit, so I knew he liked hearing me compliment him.

“Close your eyes.”

I did as instructed, and Papa spun me twice and then told me to point. I did, and when I opened my eyes, my finger indicated the pacifiers. “That’s where we start.”

Once we’d broken it into chunks, it became more fun than overwhelming.

He said not to worry about money because he was covering the trip, but spending other people’s money felt strange. I picked one pacifier, and he added two more to the pile, along with some cute clips. When I found a puppy sippy cup, he added the matching plate, bowl, and silverware, plus a few more sets in different patterns. The bottles weren’t super interesting to me, so I passed.

“What about diapers?”

There was no judgment in Papa’s question. It was only that calm, matter-of-fact tone I knew he used as a doctor, but I felt it so much more when he used it to discuss Daddy and little things. It made it all the easier not to judge myself, even though our interests were well-matched. It was beyond me how he managed to do it, but I was grateful. I’d never slipped fully into little space. I always kept a tiny piece of myself in check, but every moment brought me closer and closer to letting go of that final piece.

“I want to try them, but I’m not sure when. Is that okay?”

I reached to take one off the stack Papa held in his hands. They were Christmas-themed with wreaths and candy canes, but I liked best that they were my favorite shade of pink—my favorite color in the world because it was the color of happiness. The puffiness was soft and plush and the fabric was silky smooth. I kept running my hand over the smoothness. The cool fabric was a sharp contrast to the heat I felt flare in my cheeks. When I worked up my courage, I looked over at Papa. He gave me an indulgent smile before leaning over to kiss my nose.

“That’s a great choice, baby. We can get one or two, so we’ll have some around when you decide to try them. If you like them, we can get more later.”

The brief kiss he gave me wasn’t near enough, but it would have to do for now.