Chapter 16

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29, 1904

“My dear, I can’t help but see that you’ve been rather downcast since your father left without you.” Marvella sat down to breakfast. “I know you’re used to being with him on these trips, but sometimes it’s good for the men to have time to themselves. Men need to be able to just be themselves and not worry about being overheard by the womenfolk.”

She gave Eleanor a smile and then opened her Bible. “I hope you don’t mind if I share my Bible reading with you today.”

Eleanor shook her head. “Not at all.” Frankly she was to the point where anything anyone could offer to help her make sense of her feelings and thoughts was welcome.

Mrs. Ashbury turned a couple of pages. “I’m reading Psalm 13. ‘How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me? Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.’” She looked up. “David wrote these verses, and they speak to my heart.”

“They do?” Those were the words of a troubled soul. At least in the beginning.

“Oh mercy, yes. I’ve had times of doubt and sorrow. Times when I was sure God had forgotten me. Many times when I’ve been on my knees crying out to the Lord. I had people in my life who were against me and who seemed to take delight in my failings. But God always prevailed and helped me through.”

How could that be so? “It’s just that you seem to have everything you could ever need or want. And it’s hard to imagine you having enemies.”

The footman put a plate of food in front of Mrs. Ashbury and then offered Eleanor one as well. Mrs. Ashbury waited until he left the room to reply.

“No one is without someone in their life who wishes them ill. It might not be for long, or it could be a lifetime grudge. I’m fortunate in that most of my enemies are long gone. Occasionally, there are those who disagree with my nature. Sometimes my opinions and enthusiasm can overwhelm those around me.”

Eleanor could certainly understand that. Still ... “I just assumed you were always kind and loving. You and the Judge seem to have so many who admire and value you.”

“We do. As David said, God has dealt with me bountifully. He’s dealt with us bountifully. However, we have both had our foes to fight and our battles to be won, but God has tempered me over the years. I am a better woman now than when I was your age. As I grow in Him and yield myself to His molding, I find I become much gentler in my nature. I can honestly say that my heart truly does rejoice in His salvation. I suppose that’s why it bothers me so much that you are opposed to Him.”

“But I’m not!” Eleanor frowned and picked up a piece of toast to cover her frustration.

“Let me bless the food and then we can continue.” Mrs. Ashbury offered a quick prayer and then gave Eleanor a nod. “Go ahead and elaborate on what you were saying.”

“I’m not opposed to God. I’m not exactly sure what I think or even believe about Him anymore, but I have no desire to be opposed to Him.”

“Well, that is to your benefit, but please continue.”

Eleanor put down the toast. How could she explain to this woman that her beliefs made little sense to her? She wanted to understand. And be understood.

“I remember what it was like as a child to cling to God and study His word. I remember how amazing it felt to be close to God in prayer.” She sucked in a breath as her limbs shook. “But it all died. All of it. When Mama was gone ... I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Nothing but grief and pain and loss. The only way to survive was to shut off that part of my heart completely.” The words poured out of her, like a pressure valve had been released inside her soul. “I pushed God away, Marvella. And I don’t think He’ll welcome me back, no matter how much I long to be whole again. I don’t deserve another chance.”

So there was to be a late-morning meeting of the businessmen in Kalispell tomorrow. And others who were dependent on the railroad. Grant wanted to attend, but the railroad had him busy loading freight cars. They were shipping out parts and supplies that had been stored in the Kalispell shops and sending them to Whitefish.

With each car that was packed, Grant felt a sense of doom. He wasn’t at all sure yet what he would do. Alvin was still spouting off about forcing Hill to change his mind, but how could that ever work? Several of Alvin’s friends were with him on the idea of kidnapping Louis Hill from the Fourth of July town party. Grant hadn’t listened to much of the details because frankly it was probably better not to know what his brother had planned. At least that way he couldn’t be forced to testify against him if things went wrong.

“Boss, we crated all those boiler rivets and pipes. You want us to get them loaded?”

Grant shook his head at the worker. “Not on this car. Put them on 5124, as well as the other things we packed up yesterday. Make sure the crates are marked to match the list. We don’t want to have to go searching to find parts. They’ll need them almost immediately.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

Grant watched the man walk away. Most of his team were moving up north to work at the new headquarters. A few were leaving the area altogether. None were staying in Kalispell, except maybe him and Alvin.

Unless, of course, Alvin landed himself in jail.

Last night, Alvin grumbled for hours. “Even if Hill won’t let Kalispell remain the divisional headquarters, he can surely let us keep a small shop and section gang. They’ll need to keep up the tracks and have someone on hand for emergency repairs.”

Grant wasn’t so sure. So far all he’d heard was that a small staff would remain on site to man the depot and rail yard, but no one knew for how long. Maybe he just needed to move and start at the bottom again. He sure as fire wanted no part of fighting and threatening to kill someone.

“Hey, Grant.” Gus took quick strides toward him. “I wanted to tell you about a job I just heard about at the outfitters. They’re going to have professional guides trained for the new national park and are working with Grinnell to have Kalispell be a headquarters of sorts. They know you’re one of the best trackers and campers in the area and asked to speak with you to head it up.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “If I were you, I’d get over there as soon as possible.”

Grant couldn’t contain his grin. Somebody wanted him and knew his value! Two hours later, he couldn’t help but whistle as he dished up supper for him and his brother. Wait until Alvin heard.

But when his little brother came through the door, his scowl was deeper than ever.

Well, he could cheer him up. “Guess who got a new job today?”

His brother’s eyes snapped to his.

He told him the whole story, the plan from the outfitters, the need for guides since it would take months to build hotels or other facilities up in the park once it was established, and his starting salary. Twice as much as he was making now for the railroad. “We can buy us a house!”

But instead of joy over the news, Alvin reared back and punched him square in the eye.

Grant fell to the floor, his hands over his face. “What’d you do that for?”

Alvin kicked him. “Yer ruinin’ the plan!”

“Whatplan?” Had his brother gone crazy? “I promised Ma to take care of you and not once have you thanked me.”

Another kick. This one took his breath away. “I ain’t never asked for your help. I’m sick and tired of all them rich people tellin’ us what to do.” Another kick.

His brother’s tirade muffled as Grant covered his head and ears against the blows.

Marvella closed the door to her bedchamber and tossed the cushion from the window seat onto the floor. Getting down on her knees, she stared up out the window and folded her hands. “Lord, this situation is much more intense than I ever imagined. Ellie is so hurt, and I don’t know how to help her. Please, God. You’re the only one who can show her how You love her. Help us to love her through this tough time so she can be brought back into the fold.” No more words would come. Only tears.

But God knew the groanings of her heart. Better than she even knew them herself.

She laid her head on her arms on the window seat and sobbed for the hurting young woman in the room down the hall.

An arm came around her.

Milton groaned as he knelt beside her. “We might be getting too old for kneeling.”

She laughed through her tears. “Maybe not the kneeling part. But the getting-up part, yes, I would agree.”

“I take it we’re praying for Miss Eleanor.”

“You’d be correct.”

“She’s a wounded one, that girl. But no one is ever too far out of reach for the Lord.”

“If only I could convince her of that.” Marvella sniffed.

“It’s not our job to convince her, my dear. Simply to pray for her and to show her how much God loves her. No matter what.”

She needed that reminder. “Once again, my brilliant husband, you are correct.”

He took her hand in his. “Why don’t we pray for her together?”

“I would love nothing more.”

THURSDAY, JUNE 30, 1904

Carter took a seat and waited for the mayor to address the men of Kalispell. Dad hadn’t been able to make it since his harvest had started, but Carter promised to bring him all the news.

The mayor signaled for people to stop talking. “I’m glad that you could join us here today. It’s become evident that the decisions made by James Hill of the Great Northern Railway are final and firm. We tried our best to reason with them and get at least a regular train in once a week, but we haven’t come to a firm agreement on this. Only time will tell.

“The railroad will abandon us as the main line in August. But we are determined to keep Kalispell moving forward. With that in mind, and after discussing this situation at length with the city council, we are happy to say that we have a plan.”

Carter shifted in his chair, glancing around. He heard a few comments of approval offered from men in the audience, but most remained silent, not yet convinced that any plan could save them.

The mayor continued. “We will do whatever is necessary to improve the road between our city and the railroad in Whitefish. We’ll take on as many of the unemployed men as come to us to make a solid and dependable road, and to make it quickly. We will see to it that this road is not only created but maintained to keep the flow of supplies coming in and local products moving out.”

Well, good news at last. This would help Carter and his father with their plans to transport goods. A better road to Whitefish might mean the freighters would keep their prices at a reasonable rate. After all, they were about to get a boon in their business.

“We are also going to look at improving the route south to Flathead Lake where we can. That way, when necessary, we can utilize the steamboats for transportation. The good news is that the existing road to the lake is better established and will probably need fewer improvements.”

“When ya gonna do this, Mayor?” someone called out from the crowd.

“We are going to send a team out immediately to determine what improvements are needed. They will report back to us as soon as possible. Hopefully by the Fourth of July celebration. Then we can take a moment at the festivities to have another town meeting and report to you. Of course, with that date just days away, the report will be cursory. Some of the men will remain to take measurements and work up more of the details needed to figure the costs, and we will hear from them after Independence Day. Thus, for the time being I am adjourning this gathering to await further information so that we may make an educated decision.”

Carter shifted out of the way of some of the men who were leaving. There was grumbling here and there, but for the most part the men seemed in fairly good spirits. Dad would be glad to hear the plans for the road improvements. This was the logical choice, and it would benefit everyone.

He glanced at his watch. Nearly noon. His favorite café was just around the corner so it seemed only natural that he should stop in for lunch. He was almost to the door when he spied Ellie Briggs riding her bicycle toward him. He gave her a wave. There had been no chance to talk to her since the dinner six days ago, and he needed to clear the air between them.

She slowed and stopped just before reaching the corner where he stood. Carter gave her a smile. “Where are you off to?”

“Home. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Her sharp tone, while understandable, took him aback. “I was hoping I might run into you today.”

Her foot fidgeted on the pedal of her bike. “I was just as hopeful that we could avoid any confrontations.”

He might have laughed another time, but not on the heels of hurting her. “Ellie, I’m so sorry for what I said and how I handled myself at the dinner last week. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

For the first time since he’d met her, Eleanor Briggs showed no emotion on her face. “You owe me no apology. As I said, I’d rather avoid any confrontations.” She propped one foot on a pedal and moved to ride around him.

He slid in front of her, arms open wide to impede her progress. “I do owe you an apology. And I want to make it right.” He took one more step toward her, trying to catch her eye. “Let me buy you lunch. I’m just heading to the café. We can talk over some of the best beef stew and fresh bread that you’ll find in all of Montana.”

Her eyes slammed into his and she shook her head. “No, thank you.”

“Ellie, please.” Couldn’t she hear how real his desperation was? “I know I don’t deserve kindness and mercy from you after the way I acted. The things I said.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “Please take some time to hear me out.”

She looked away and then nodded. “Very well. I will extend some kindness.” She got off the bicycle and Carter reached out to take hold of it lest she change her mind.

“I’ve got this. I’ll rest it over here.” He put the bicycle alongside the café, then extended his arm to her. With what looked to be great reluctance, she finally slipped her hand in the crook of his arm and let him help her up onto the boardwalk.

They made their way inside, where already the place was filling up with some of the men Carter had seen at the meeting. He led Ellie to a table near the window so she could look out and see her bicycle.

Adrenaline rushed through him, making his hands shake. Please help me, Jesus. I want to be a good friend to Ellie.

After pulling out her chair for her to sit, he took the chair opposite and leaned in. “The mayor held a town meeting a little bit ago. That’s why there are so many people in here now.”

She glanced around. “What? Why?”

“He let us all know that because the railroad is moving out, the city plans to improve the road to Whitefish and down to Flathead Lake.”

“I see.” Her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap. “Well, that makes sense.” She pulled off her riding gloves and tucked them in her waistband.

The waitress came and told them about the specials. Carter chose the beef stew and smiled when Ellie did too. They both ordered lemonade as well. Carter wanted to tease her about her choices, but now was not the time.

Ellie glanced at him. “So when will they start the road improvements? Will they have things ready before the trains stop coming in?”

This was not the conversation he wanted to have with her, but it was his own fault. He’d started them down this path. Might as well finish it. Maybe a lighter topic would break down some of the walls between them. “I think they’d like to. Given that first snows could come soon after that, I think the mayor would probably want to have the road work finished by then.”

Ellie arched an eyebrow, a small smile appearing on her lips. “Snow in August?”

Some of the tension left Carter’s shoulders at that smile. “Well, probably not, but I’ve seen it snow every month of the year here. August isn’t as likely, but September wouldn’t be that surprising. Usually, it holds off until October though. I don’t want to scare you from choosing to live here.”

“It’s a bit late for that.” Ellie glanced out the window. “Father signed the papers on the Hennessy house before he left. They move out tomorrow, and we’re set to move in some time after the Fourth of July. Mrs. Ashbury insisted on having the staff clean the place from top to bottom those few days in between.”

“I’m glad you and your father are staying.” The words were out before Carter could stop them. Well, so what? He was glad.

Ellie turned back to him, pinning him with her unflinching stare. “Why?”

Carter cringed. “I suppose I deserve that after what I said, but honestly Ellie, I was just trying to relieve you of embarrassment. Mrs. Ashbury loves to put people together and then take credit for it once they’re married. I felt bad that she’d put you on the spot.” That sounded contrived even to his own ears. He needed to own up to hurting her. Not make excuses.

Her gaze didn’t leave his face. “She’d put you on the spot as well.”

“Yes, but as you might have noticed by now, I don’t embarrass easily. Although I will say I was a little uncomfortable that night.”

She arched one brow. “Well, of course you were. She was trying to put you with a woman who was completely unsuitable. Someone far beneath your standards.”

Carter folded his hands on the table. Lord, Lord ... help me. “I wish I’d never said that to you, Ellie.” His voice cracked on her name. “It was not only unkind, but unnecessary. I should have shut up and apologized to you on the spot.” He shook his head, and now it was his turn to look out the window. Far easier than meeting the anger—and doubt and pain—in her eyes.

The waitress brought their food and drinks, giving Carter a little bit of a reprieve. Unfortunately, once the food was deposited, she hurried away and there was nothing to do but face the music.

He looked Ellie in the eye. “I want to be your friend.”

She didn’t look up from her plate. “But I’m not suitable to be your wife. Not that I want to be, by the way.”

He picked up his spoon and dredged it through the thick stew. “I was haughty and using my pride to make me feel better about...” How could he say it without hurting her feelings?

“The fact that we don’t agree when it comes to God?” This time she raised both eyebrows and crossed her arms over her waist. She didn’t have any trouble spitting it out. “Which in your mind, makes me less of a person, doesn’t it?”

Oh, Father, such hurt in her eyes. And I put it there. Forgive me.

The only way he could make this right was to be totally honest with her. She deserved that from him. “No. No. I don’t feel that way. Honestly, Ellie, I’ve been attracted to you since we first met. I just know there’d never be any peace between us if we didn’t believe the same thing about God. It wouldn’t be any good ... we wouldn’t be any good together. We’d always be opposed. I mean look at us now.”

She held his gaze a moment and then nodded and glanced down, but not before he noticed the shimmer in her eyes. “Yes, I believe you’re right.”

For a long while neither spoke, nor did they eat. They just sat looking out the window.

Carter tried again. “I really would like to be your friend, Ellie.”

He stared at her until she met his gaze. She was truly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He was so tempted to put aside all that had been said and offer her everything he could give her.

But even as he thought these things, even as the temptation built almost to a point he couldn’t resist, a still, small voice reminded him that this wasn’t the way.

Without a word, she pushed back from the table and got to her feet. She took money from her pocket and placed it on the table. “I don’t hold anything against you, Carter. You are acting purely on your beliefs, and I must respect that. However, I don’t see how we can be friends.”

She walked across the room and out the door. Carter gripped the table to keep from running after her. Instead, he sat glued to his chair ...

His heart shattered.

Eleanor walked over to the watch shop. Thank goodness it was just down the street from the café. Running into Carter had almost caused her to forget to pick up Father’s watch now that it was repaired.

The transaction took less than two minutes, and she was off again, pedaling with all her might toward the Ashburys’ house. But exhaustion soon took over. She got off her bicycle and walked the last few blocks.

Her heart was a rock in her chest. Hard. Lifeless. And the void inside of her was growing. The more she fought against yielding her heart to God, the worse the void seemed to get. But honestly, why would God even want her heart back? If she wasn’t worthy of Carter’s love, she’d hardly be worthy of God’s. She hadn’t done anything at all to please Him. Despite what her mother said about not being able to earn God’s love, there had to be something she needed to do to gain His acceptance.

She slowed her pace, not ready to reach the house. The last thing she wanted was to have to face Marvella with her joyful spirit and wisdom. The woman seemed to know all about the void in Eleanor. And yet, she didn’t make Eleanor feel bad about her state before the Lord. She just asked probing questions that were like a mirror into Eleanor’s soul.

That was almost worse.

Eleanor could hardly stand the thought.

What would she see there? Certainly nothing of value.

Not to Carter.

Not to God.