Chapter 29

29

TRISTAN

" Y ou look?—"

"I have to tell you something?—"

They both stopped and exchanged smiles.

"Ladies first," he offered. The worst thing he could do in this moment was come on too strong. He needed to show her he loved her without making her feel like he expected anything in return. He'd thought about it over and over and over—all of the things he had done wrong and all the things he could have done differently.

Dianna shook her head, her gaze dropping to where her hand touched his. Did she want him to move? She hadn't pulled away even though she had plenty of room to do so. Maybe this time it was okay.

She glanced at him momentarily. "You can go first. I insist."

This felt like a trap. But at the same time, he knew in his soul he needed to speak up or forever regret what he could have done. Speaking with that other young woman was proof enough to him that he'd lost out on what he wanted. There was nothing wrong with her. She was pretty and carried on a conversation better than some of the people he'd spoken with while living at the country club.

But she wasn't Dianna.

He swallowed hard. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?"

Her features pinched. She glanced out into the darkness, to the building, and back to him. "But Mathew?—"

"Brielle offered to watch him."

"She did?"

"Yes," he drawled, "should I have said no ?"

Dianna shook her head again. "No, I'm just surprised is all. She's usually very self -oriented. She usually only does things if they're going to help herself." Dianna made a face. "I'm sorry, that probably really sounded bad."

He moved his hand, placing it over hers, and she lifted her large, innocent eyes to meet his. "You know what? That doesn't always have to be a bad thing. People should be able to stick up for what they want without feeling guilty about it."

She stiffened, though he couldn't tell whether it was due to him holding her hand or the words he'd said. Speaking to Dianna now was utterly terrifying. What he wouldn't give to know what was going on in her head at this very moment.

He needed to start with the basics—ease into it.

"You look pretty tonight."

"Thank you." She took a peek at him out of the corner of her eye. "You clean up nice, too."

He chuckled. "Do you ever get the feeling that we never really get past that awkward stage from when we were teenagers?"

A wry smile touched her lips. "Somehow I think my childhood differed from yours by a great deal."

"You're probably right." Tristan shifted his focus to the vast property that surrounded the building. It wasn't better than taking in her beauty, but looking at her did a number on his nerves and he needed to be on his A-game. "When I was a teenager, the most important thing was finding a date to prom."

"Yeah. I can't say I had a similar experience."

He looked toward her. "No, I don't suppose you did." He took a chance and wrapped his fingers around hers. If she didn't pull away, he'd continue. Tristan waited for what felt like an endless moment, but Dianna didn't move. Maybe that was a sign for him to keep going, or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

"Anyway, the hardest part about any of that was asking the girl to go to the dance—especially the first year." He chuckled, but the sound was strained. His focus remained on their hands. It felt surreal to be here again, close to her, talking quietly and holding her. He had to force himself to get back to the subject at hand. "There was nothing worse than being turned down by the girl of your dreams."

Inwardly, Tristan grimaced. He probably shouldn't have said it that way. Dianna might interpret his statement the wrong way. He didn't blame her at all. When he glanced in her direction, he'd expected her to be upset, but instead she looked thoughtful. Her eyes flitted to meet his and she gave him a small smile.

"I suppose I never thought about that side of things."

"How do you do that?" he blurted the question, effectively destroying the ambiance.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you manage to surprise me at every turn?"

Her cheeks warmed and she looked away. "You don't have to say those things to me. I haven't been all that great to you lately."

His brows creased and he faced her, taking both of her hands in his own. "How can you say that? I think you're amazing." When she didn't look up, he tipped his head, angling it so she didn't have much of a choice but to drag her gaze to meet his. "Despite everything that has happened, you have stuck around. You continue working with Mathew. You're there for me. Do you realize how much I respect you for that?"

She didn't answer. But at least she was still looking at him.

"I mean it. There is so much about you that I admire. I don't know if you ever realized this, but there are no simple reasons why I fell in love with you." Here it went. He was going in deep with this one. There was no turning back, even if he wanted to. Tristan only prayed he was making the right choice and that telling her this would only help their relationship get back on the right track.

Tristan let out a heavy sigh. "Yes, I love certain things about you. Like the sound of your laugh and the way you make me feel when you smile at me. But my feelings go so much deeper."

"But we still barely know one another."

He gave her a crooked smile. "And there's the irony, I suppose. I figured I would never find someone I wanted to bring into Mathew's life after Erika left. I didn't think anyone would be able to care for the two of us, let alone handle the ups and downs we deal with when it comes to Mathew's… quirks." Tristan chuckled. "To be clear, my feelings for you don't hinge on how good you are with him either. While you seem to be the ‘Mathew Whisperer,' that's a very small part."

How could he bring up every single thing without making her feel like he was putting her on the spot? Ultimately, he needed to assure her that her feelings mattered too, and he wasn't going to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

He bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from speaking. He needed to know she wanted to join the conversation at hand.

When she didn't talk right away, his heart stuttered. He hadn't given her enough space or time. Hadn't he told himself that was the most important thing right now if he wanted to get her back? He'd done it again. He'd messed up an opportunity that God had seen fit to place at his feet. How could he have squandered something so wonderful? He tore his focus from her. Hopefully, she wouldn't see the disappointment he suffered with. If he was lucky, she would also miss the desperation in his eyes he was sure had been brought to the surface.

"Are you sure?"

Tristan's head snapped up and he studied Dianna hard. "Am I sure about what?"

"All that stuff you just said. How do you know?"

A sad laugh bubbled from his chest and he tightened his grasp on her. "You forget I've been around the block before. I know what I want, and that's you."

"But don't you see how backward that is? You thought you wanted your ex. And now you want me? Who's to say I won't turn out just like her?"

He brought her hands to his lips. "You are nothing like her. I knew it from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. Besides not being the type to walk away from a child and being there for the long haul, you know your place in this world. You probably had that all figured out since you were a child. I have never had a woman put me in my place nearly as many times as you seem to be comfortable with."

She made a face. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You're right."

Dianna blinked.

He chuckled again. "I bet you didn't think you'd hear me say those words, did you?"

She shook her head.

"Yeah. I've had some time to think about some of your soap boxes, and I have to say you make several good points. It's too bad that people have this view of those with disabilities. The statistics are amazing. So many people don't even know how to interact with someone who simply thinks differently than they do. I'm not saying that the world is ready to change its ways immediately, but I do think something has to happen to help the new generation navigate their futures." He took a step toward her. "As a father, I'm guilty of trying to prepare my son for the current state of the world. When I should also be trying to educate the world in preparation for children like Mathew."

To say she had a shocked expression would have been an understatement. On this topic specifically, they had always butted heads. It was different being the parent than it was being an outside voice. But after speaking with Dianna's sister, he came to realize that Dianna wasn't offering her opinion as a typical person.

She was atypical in every sense of the word.

And he loved that about her more than she would ever know.

Tristan cleared his throat, forcing himself to drop her hand and brought his up to rub the back of his neck. "You know what I realized today? I'm never going to find someone as good as you. It would be a miracle to meet that kind of person twice in a lifetime. I had you and for whatever reason, I lost you. But I'm not going to let that stand in my way."

Her eyes widened, causing him to second-guess the path he'd started down.

"I need you to know that I don't want anyone else but you. I could say my reasons stem from Mathew's needs and knowing just how good you are with him… but that'd be a lie. If I were completely honest with both you and myself, I'd have to say I'm being selfish. I want you in my life. And I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I don't care if it takes a month, a year, or ten years. I'm not going anywhere."

The shock was less noticeable now, but there was something else. It ran deeper, and he wasn't sure what it was exactly. She almost looked like she was about to cry. Her eyes were red-rimmed. But then she looked away.

Well, at least she wasn't running. She could have argued with him, too, but she didn't do that. And she didn't pull her hand from his grasp. Did that mean she was considering his words? His chest burst with a warm surge of hope. This was a dangerous game.

No, not a game.

This was his life. It was real and it could be ugly or painful, but it could also be filled with charity and faith. He only had to be patient.

Tristan released her hand and took a step back. "I'm going to be ready whenever you are. I'm planning on finding a place to stay in town. I'd also like to speak to you and Shane about continuing Mathew's therapy for as long as it suits you. I won't pressure you into anything you're not ready for?—"

"I love you."

His voice died in his throat. He had to be hallucinating. There hadn't been a doubt in his mind that he'd overstepped based on her expression. Then again, she was a queen at keeping her emotions hidden. Dianna was the type of person who only allowed certain people past her defenses, and he'd been lucky enough to be one of them when they'd gotten close.

"I love you," she repeated as she stepped toward him, closing the gap he'd created. "But I'm scared." She reached for his hand and laced her fingers between his. Her voice lowered so much he almost couldn't hear it over the sound of Jingle Bell Rock playing inside. "I'm terrified that if I let myself start on this path and it turns out to be the wrong one, that we'll get hurt and it will be all my fault." She peeked at him. "It's a pretty stupid fear, isn't it?"

His hand tightened on hers. "That's a completely reasonable fear." He couldn't deny it hurt a little to know she was more worried over the relationship failing than she was about the happy moments they might share. But then Mathew could fixate on the hard stuff occasionally, too. Tristan placed his free hand against her cheek, relishing the way she leaned into his touch. "But I'll let you in on a little secret. I can't think of a single person who hasn't experienced that worry at least once in their life. It might not matter to you that other people go through this every single time they start a new relationship, but let me assure you, it's more common than you think."

For the first time since his confession, she gave him a genuine smile. "You know, even though you might think that I've got some worthy qualities, that's one that I know I don't have."

"What's that?" Amusement crept into his voice.

"Your uncanny ability to make me look at things in a different light. How you go out of your way to make me feel better about something. Even my family can lose their patience with me. But not you." She pressed her lips together and bit down on them. "I love you."

"So you said." He chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure you know before you go chatting up the girls at this party."

His mouth dropped open. "What?" A shocked laugh escaped his lips.

"I saw you talking to that girl earlier." Her face blushed a shade brighter than he'd ever seen. "And I'd be lying to you if I said it didn't make me feel a little bit jealous."

This news surprised him in a way that probably shouldn't have been so enjoyable. If he was any other guy, he might use this moment to fuel that jealousy. But he knew better. Relationships that lasted needed to be built on a foundation of mutual trust and respect. "The woman I was speaking with is the daughter of a family who has an apartment over their garage. I was discussing the possibility of renting it."

Dianna's eyes widened and she bit back an embarrassed laugh. "Really?"

He squeezed her hand. "Really. I told you. I will wait as long as it takes for you to be ready. And when you are, I'm going to ask you to marry me so fast it's going to make your head spin."

That was probably too much information for the moment. But it was out in the open now. She knew his intentions and for the time being, she couldn't use any more excuses. She either wanted him, or she didn't.

Tristan had a good feeling about it now. The way Dianna would meet his gaze. The way she smiled at him.

Her confession.

All of those hints were enough to build up his confidence. If he had to, he'd return to the cabin tonight without so much as a promise to see her again.

That was how much he trusted her after this conversation.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Dianna grinned.

Tristan laughed and effortlessly picked her up, swinging her in the air before he set her on her feet. Words would never be enough to express the way he felt at this very moment. So instead of a long flowery speech, Tristan slipped his hands around the nape of her neck and pulled her closer. All the kisses they'd shared before paled in comparison to this next one.

When his mouth closed in over hers, he made sure every single nuance regarding how he felt about her would seep into her core. He kissed her sweetly, softly, then with a more fevered passion. This kiss had to show her everything that was in his heart and more. She needed to trust that he was giving his whole self to her—mind, body and soul.

Her hands pushed into his hair, and her eyes fluttered closed. She came alive beneath his touch, refreshing the memory of their first kiss and every single one since.

He had hope for a life together with Dianna.