21. Hayliel

21

M om’s reaction to my unexpected visit is exactly what I hoped for. I probably should have let them know I was stopping by, but I kind of wanted to catch them unawares. There’s so much happening over here, and I wouldn’t put it past them trying to hide the worst of it from me. Showing up without warning them first ensures they couldn’t pull something like that.

I trust them. But I also know them enough to understand just how much they want to shield me. It comes from a place of love, so I suppose I can’t be too upset. Besides, it’s not as if I can really judge them when I’m withholding information, too. Someday I’ll tell them I’m a Seraphim. Maybe even soon, if I can get a firm handle on this power.

Dad isn’t home yet, but Mom assures me he’s on his way while we sit and gab over a slice of pecan pie. It’s absolute heaven. I wonder if Mom would consider selling her baked goods to the Sinful Cafe or even any of the bookshops in the other districts. Given the recent issues with Fallen though, I doubt any of the Pure owned shops would consider doing business with her. Their loss.

“So, where’s that boyfriend of yours? I hope we didn’t scare him off too bad,” Mom says, jolting me out of my thoughts.

“No, not yet anyway. He dropped me off but was late for a shift at the guild, otherwise I know he’d have come in to say hi.” We’ve lied to both of our parents now about the aspect of our relationship. I don’t know what it was that propelled me to tell Zeke’s father that I was his girlfriend. Maybe it’s because that’s the lie we told my parents, or that I didn’t want him to think I was just some random angel putting out for his son.

Isn’t that exactly what you were doing? The snarky voice inside my head asks, but I smother her down and focus back on Mom.

“He’s a gentleman, that one. I’m glad you have someone that looks out for you, Haylie-bear.”

“Me too,” I tell her, taking way too big of a bite of pie just to keep from talking.

What would have happened if Zeke’s dad hadn’t walked in? Would we have taken things further?

Who am I kidding? Of course we would have. I’m so fucking conflicted. In the moment, being with Zeke felt right, but now that I’m back in reality, I don’t understand how it could feel that way, knowing everything I have with Raph and Theo. Not that we’ve labeled anything, but still. I betrayed them, and now my actions might ruin it all.

“Is everything alright?” Mom asks, concern lining the delicate features of her face.

Shit. I stuff everything about Raphael, Theo, Zeke, and my indiscretions into a crate in my mind and tape it shut. I can mull over it all later, but now isn’t the time.

“Sorry, Mom. I’m good.” I’m preparing to ask about how their telepathy training is going when the front door opens and Dad calls out.

“I’m home! Is she still here?”

“As if I’d leave without seeing you,” I tell him, standing to receive one of his infamous bear hugs.

“What brings you to our neck of the woods?” Dad asks, tossing a glance at Mom and the remains of our pie on the table. He doesn’t waste a second grabbing a slice for himself.

“I was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by to see how your telepathy training was going. Mom’s been giving me regular updates, but I figured it was time for a test.” Tabbris and Yofie really came through for them with their notes, providing enough detail that even a child could probably follow along. Their kindness never fails to astound me.

Dad sits next to Mom, and they both reach a hand out to me while entwining their other hands together.

We’re getting the hang of it with physical touch , Mom says through our mental connection.

And we’ve managed it without a few times, but it takes some practice , Dad adds, his face set in concentration.

Keep practicing. Every day. It’s like a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it’ll become. I don’t push further, not wanting them to hear the fear behind the words, but needing them to take it seriously.

As one, they break the physical connection and close their eyes. Mom speaks through the bond first.

It’s part of our routine.

She’s better at it.

I smile. “It was tough for me at first, too, but I’m so happy at the progress you’re making!”

“We practice every morning during breakfast and at night before bed,” Mom says. “More throughout the day, if we can. It’s actually quite fun.”

“Good. I’d like to experiment with our connection over a distance. Once I get back to campus, I’ll test the bond.” I stand, happy to see them making progress.

“You’re leaving already?” Dad asks.

Sadness seeps in. I wish they could come with me. If they were closer, away from this damn district, maybe I'd stop worrying about them. Maybe I could keep them safe. Though I can’t even manage to stay out of trouble, so perhaps it’s better they keep their distance.

“I’ve got to get back, but we’ll see each other again soon.”

Leaving them is painful, but I take to the sky and do my best to get back to campus in one piece. My neck is sore from constantly checking my surroundings, but I arrive on my balcony without issue. I don’t waste a second hiding the imbued dagger and changing into my workout gear. Energy coils around me in waves. I need to let some of it out before I drown in it.

I avoid everyone until I get to Zeke’s private training room, where Theo is already working. He’s coated in sweat, the muscles on his arms bulging as he pummels a punching bag with a drawing of a demon stuck to it. His eyes hold more determination and anger than I’ve seen from him before. It’s like he’s not just fighting an inanimate bag. He’s fighting something far more real.

His past.

Not wanting to interrupt him, I turn to leave, but he calls out before I can reach the door.

“Wait,” he says, breathless from the beating he’d just given the bag. “You don’t have to leave. Come join me.”

I hesitate, not wanting to intrude. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. How are you?” He grabs a towel, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Fine. Happy it’s not my face stuck to that bag,” I tease, but my heart isn’t in it. I can’t just act like things are normal when I just had my hands all over Zeke.

He stares at me for a long time, long enough that I start to feel uncomfortable. Shit. I didn’t do a very good job at selling that, did I? But, Theo being Theo, he doesn’t press me on it and just returns his focus back to the bag.

While I stretch, I watch him. He isn’t moving as intensely as he was when I first arrived, but that look of resolve is still on his face. When I feel limber enough, I press a button on the side of the wall to drop a second punching bag, then grab a couple of fake daggers from the shelf of practice weapons. Between lessons with Mira, Zeke, and the others, I’m feeling far more confident in being able to handle myself, but even I’m not fool enough to think what little I know will be enough.

Like with everything else in life, there’s always room for growth.

Shoving thoughts of my complicated relationships and friendships into a dark corner of my mind, I get lost in training. Or, at least I try to.

With Theo so close after what I did earlier, my betrayal eats me alive.

As if sensing the maelstrom of my thoughts, he approaches me with two bottles of water in hand. I didn’t even notice that he’d stopped punching the stupid bag.

I take the offering, swallowing a few mouthfuls of the cold liquid before setting the bottle on the floor.

“What’s really going on, firefly?”

Shit. I don’t want to lie to him, but I haven’t figured out yet how I’m going to tell them. Can I handle it if they hate me?

The answer is far too obvious. My connection with Raphael and Theo is one I’ve grown to rely on more than I probably should. I rest my forehead against the cool leather of the bag and take a deep, steadying breath. “I fucked up, Theo.”

“Hey,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Whatever happened, it’s probably not as bad as you think. Talk to me.”

“You say that now, but when you find out, you’re going to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

Without bothering to pick my head up, I spill my dirty deed. “You know how I went to Zeke’s house earlier? Because his dad has a workshop, we thought might be a great, private, and controlled place to practice imbuing sunfire. Well, I was able to imbue the smallest amount, just enough to cause a faint glow on the blade, and in our excitement, we kissed. Well, a little more than kissing, but his dad walked in before … ya know.”

My face feels like it’s on fire. Theo hasn’t said a word, and even though I’ve avoided looking at him thus far, I can’t help but sneak a peek at him from the corner of my eye. To my surprise, he doesn’t look angry at all.

“Come here,” he says, holding out a hand for me to take.

I hesitate but take it anyway, following him to the benches along the back wall. We sit, but he says nothing and my thoughts spiral out of control. Is he mad at me? Upset? If he is, he fucking hides it well because it’s almost like he doesn’t care, which is somehow worse. I wish he’d say something and put me out of my damn misery.

With my hand still tucked in his, he finally breaks the painful silence. “It would have been more than fine if things had gone further between you and Zeke today. Raphael always assumed you had history together.”

I look away, focusing on a speck of dirt on the floor. “We slept together at the start of term but, wait. What do you mean, it would have been fine? I hooked up with someone else behind your back. Aren’t you mad?”

Theo chuckles, causing my confusion to grow. “I’m sure Raphael will take it a little harder, but it’s not like we haven’t noticed the tension between you and the Fallen house leader. We knew this was a possibility.”

My face falls at his words, and I feel like the biggest asshole imaginable. “You knew I’d cheat on you?”

“No, no. Not that.” He squeezes my hand. “And just like kissing me isn’t cheating on Raphael, it’s the same with Ezekiel. Or at least, it can be if that’s something you’d be interested in?”

I stare at him now, completely dumbfounded by the turn of this conversation. And even though I think I know what he’s saying, I need to hear the words. “What do you mean?”

“I know we haven’t put any official labels on our relationship yet, and that’s more than fine with me, but have you considered adding Zeke to our dynamic and dating all of us?”

Seconds turn into minutes, and still I keep quiet. I won’t lie and say I haven’t considered it. Hell, Dina even joked about it on the tower before everything went to shit, but could I even do that?

Theo watches me process his question with an odd look of hope on his face.

Is this what he wants? To share me?

I suppose it makes sense, given how willing he and Raphael are, but it’s different with them. They actually get along.

If he’s being vulnerable, then maybe so can I.

“Well, if we’re being honest, I have thought about it. But I never considered it an actual option. Zeke doesn’t exactly get along with you and Raph, and until recently, I thought the guy hated me.”

A soft chuckle escapes Theo’s lips, and he nudges his shoulder against mine. “That guy hasn’t hated you for a single day in his life. But he has things he needs to work through, same as all of us. When he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll explain. For now, consider what I said, and if you decide all three of us would make great boyfriends, we can meet up and see about making things official.”

“You’re serious,” I say when I realize he’s not pretending or joking in the slightest. When he nods, I don’t let myself think about my response too long or I’ll lose my nerve. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

His smile widens until he’s the happiest he’s ever looked. I remember he told me once that Raphael was willing to share me because he knew it would make me happy. From Theo’s reaction to the small knowledge that I’m even thinking about making things official, I think he must feel the same way.

“Don’t worry about what happened with Zeke today. If you want, I can tell Raph and let him know what you’re considering.”

I didn’t miss the fact that somehow Theo knows what it is Zeke’s working through while I don’t. As much as I want to ask how he knows, now isn’t the time. Instead, I shift closer to him. “I truly don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” I whisper, welling with tears.

“I ask myself that question every day about you , firefly.” He wipes away the stray tear that’s fallen down my cheek and I lean into his touch.

When I came in here, I was so focused on my own personal shit that I didn’t pay attention to what was happening right in front of me. Now that I’ve calmed down and things don’t seem as bleak, I remember how Theo was when I stepped into the room.

As I gaze up at him now, the pain I saw in his eyes at first is still there. “Can I ask you something?”