Chapter 33

thirty-three

. . .

River

The last fewdays had been a living hell. I’d come to learn that I actually did have a heart, but unfortunately, I hadn’t realized it until it had been decimated.

Ruby Rose has torn me in two.

I’d had Cassie clear my schedule these last few days, and I’d told her I was sick, so the girl was having soup sent over daily from the Golden Goose. But I didn’t have an appetite, and that was because I’d decided to get shitfaced every single day since I’d found Ruby with Professor Lame Ass.

Turns out, numbing yourself wasn’t all that effective. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to not feel this right now. I felt all of it.

Sadness. Hurt. Loneliness.

And for a diehard, content loner, this shit was pissing me off. I hated how quiet my house was now. There was no taunting or endless banter or sarcastic laughter.

No Queenie.

No life. No light. No joy.

I’d lived through some shit in my lifetime, but this was a different kind of darkness.

I’d shut everyone out, and I knew the guys were about done with it because the last few texts were no longer check-ins. They were concerned.

Today was the first day I hadn’t turned to the bottle the minute I’d woken up. I knew I couldn’t wallow forever.

I sent a quick text to Cassie.

Hey. Thanks for the soup, but I’m fine now, so you can stop sending over food. I’ll be back at the office tomorrow. You can start rescheduling those clients that we canceled.

Cassie

Thanks, boss. I’ve got soup on the way right now. It’s your favorite today, French onion.

I shook my head. Did she ever listen to anything I said? And what sick person on the planet wants a bowl of piping-hot French onion soup? I didn’t respond, and I spent the next hour showering for the first time in a few days and getting dressed.

The doorbell rang, and when I opened it, Kingston stood there, holding the container of soup, spoon in hand, as he shoveled it into his mouth.

“This was on your doorstep, and I figured in your sad-sack mood, you wouldn’t want French onion.”

“Fuck off. You just helped yourself? Why are you here?”

“Because I’m your brother, and it’s time to pull your head out of your ass.” He followed me into the house and dropped to sit at the kitchen island, as he continued eating.

My meal.

“What if I was sick, and that was sent as the only nourishment I could get in my stomach?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’d still eat it. You’re a survivor. You could live off the land. Hell, you’d probably be one of those dudes who could survive on an island and live well. I’m more of a takeout, have-my-meals-made-for-me kind of guy. I like home-cooked meals and being pampered. And I had a few too many beers last night and thought maybe you’d massage my head for me?” He smirked. The annoying bastard was a needy little fucker.

“I’m the one who hasn’t been feeling well. How about you massage my head?”

“You hate human touch. I thrive on it. Which brings me to my point.” He shrugged before spoon-feeding himself several bites of soup.

“Are you going to fucking make it today?”

“Ah… always so impatient.” He set the spoon down, letting it rest in the soup. “I came to tell you that I think we fucked up with the sticky note.”

“No shit, Sherlock. You made me look like an asshole. I told her I loved her, and she sailed off into the sunset with the professor. Brilliant advice, you dick weasel.” I walked to the refrigerator and poured myself a glass of juice.

Kingston chuckled. “I wasn’t talking about you telling her you loved her being the bad idea. I’m talking about the fact that you did it on a sticky note. It wasn’t the right way to go about it. Ruby isn’t really the sticky note type of girl.”

No. She’s the heart-breaking kind of girl. The kind of girl who worms her way into your heart so deep that you can’t breathe without her, and then she just walks away. Completely unscathed.

“Whatever. It was shit advice, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“River,” he said, his voice serious now. “Look at me.”

“What?”

“You love her. Telling her was not a mistake.”

“I’m over it. I like my life the way that it was. It was a mistake to get that close to her.”

“I disagree,” he said.

“Of course, you do. It’s your favorite thing to do,” I hissed, going to the cabinet for some pain reliever. My fucking head was killing me. My chest had this dull ache that I couldn’t shake. I popped two aspirin into my mouth and chased it down with some juice.

“I know you’ve been through a lot. I know that losing Mom and Dad the way we did was tough on you. I’m the lucky one, because I don’t remember them the way that you do. But you, you remember everything. And you spent months in the hospital after the accident recovering, knowing that our parents were gone. I got off a whole lot easier,” he said, catching me off guard with the conversation.

What the fuck is happening?

“Ignorance is bliss. It’s not your fault.” I cleared my throat.

“You’ve been really good to me, River. I mean, there is no brother that outshines you,” he said, his eyes suddenly welling up with emotion.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Are you sick? Dying?”

He chuckled. “No. I’m worried about you. You’re a good man. The best brother in the world. And you deserve to be happy. It’s okay that you told Ruby that you love her. That’s what life is about.”

“Says the biggest playboy on the planet. You’ve never told a woman that you loved her.” I tried to push the lump forming in my throat away and keep my tone light.

“Hey, I don’t run from love. I just love a lot of women for a short period of time.” He chuckled. “I don’t close myself off the way you do, and that’s because I haven’t been hurt the way that you have. But I’ve seen a difference in you since Ruby came to town.”

I leaned against the kitchen island and crossed my feet at the ankles. “In what way?”

“You were happy. Lighter. Not so broody and angry.” He shrugged. “She was good for you.”

“And look how the fuck that turned out. It ended the way it started… explosive. I’m the one who didn’t follow the rules. She was just playing a game.”

“Come on, brother. Do you really think that? You know her. That’s not who she is. She’s as much a straight shooter as you are. She makes no apologies for who she is. She didn’t suddenly change overnight.”

In hindsight, I knew logically that was true. Hell, I knew who she was. But I didn’t know what to fucking think anymore.

“Well, her boyfriend came to move her to the city. She never bothered to say goodbye. I’d say that was a pretty good sign that I was misreading things.”

“Do we know that’s true?”

“Do we know that’s true? Were my fucking eyes lying? I saw them together in the kitchen. She’s gone, and she never said a word to me after getting the note. So, yeah, we know it’s true.”

“How do you know she saw the sticky note?”

I groaned. “King, I love you, brother. I really do. But my head is pounding, and my heart—the one I didn’t know was a viable organ in my body before Ruby came into my fucking life—is shattered. I can’t talk about this anymore or make sense of it. It is what it is. It’s over, and I have one more day to wallow in my fucking misery before I go back to work, and I’d like to do it alone.”

He nodded, looked back down at his soup, and took a few more bites before pushing to his feet. He walked toward me, reached into his back pocket, pulled out a yellow sticky note, and placed it in my hand.

For fuck’s sake.

This nightmare would never end. I glanced down and read it.

I just saw Ruby at Magnolia Beans. Apparently, she lives here now. Who’s the best brother now?

“What are you talking about? Didn’t she already start her new job at the university? And why the fuck did you write this on a sticky note?”

“I thought sticky notes were your new love language.” He shrugged before answering the other questions. “Yes. She started her new job. She works at Fresh Start. She and Saylor are looking for a house to rent. Lots of shit has been going down while you’ve been wallowing, brother.” He shook his head. “Apparently, the girls knew, but Ruby didn’t want them to tell anyone. Romeo eventually figured it out and told us this morning, and then I saw her with my own eyes today.”

My mind was reeling. I couldn’t make sense of it. “How do you know she’s working at Fresh Start?”

“Well, for starters, I didn’t ask her on a one-sided sticky note. I ran into her. Asked what she was doing there. And she told me she took a job at Fresh Start and that she and Saylor had been looking at homes to rent.”

“Her boyfriend was here. I didn’t make that up. This makes no sense.” I paced around the kitchen, feeling the slightest bit of life coming back to me now.

“Funny you should mention that. I also asked her about Professor Preppy Pants, and she said he’d come to make sure she hadn’t turned down the job because of him. They’re friends. He was checking on her.”

Fuck.

Fuck me.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh, dipshit. You really fucked this one up.”

“So, she never signed the contract?”

“Apparently not, but I do believe she’s since found said sticky note,” he said, moving to the pantry and pulling out a box of cookies.

“How do you know? She told you?”

“Well, I know we shouldn’t assume, but she asked me to give you this when I said I was heading over here to see you.” He reached into his back pocket again and pulled out another sticky note.

He handed it to me, and I looked down to read it.

You loved me enough to write it on a sticky note, but you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me. <insert middle finger emoji>

I let out a long breath and ran a hand through my hair. “I guess I read that situation wrong.”

“You think? People reading has never been your strength. You’re too quick to think the worst. I, on the other hand, am very good at the reading of the people.” He popped a chocolate chip cookie into his mouth.

“Oh, yeah? The fucking sticky note was your idea.” I stared down at her note, wondering what the hell to make of it. Did she hate me now?

I’d basically accused her of sleeping with the professor.

Of lying to me the whole time we’d been together.

Of jumping from my bed to his.

“Hey, now. We can’t win ‘em all. But I have a good track record.”

“And what the fuck do I do now, genius?”

He finished chewing, and a wide grin spread across his face as he glanced down at his phone, reading a text when his phone vibrated. “The guys are waiting for us to meet them at Romeo’s ranch so we can put our heads together and figure this shit out.”

“I thought Nash and Romeo were at work. And doesn’t Hayes work at the firehouse today?”

“Ride or die, dicklicker. I called them on my way over here. I told them that our boy had fucked up royally, and we needed to help him get his queen back. This calls for all men on deck. Go get your shoes on, assmuncher. We need to get going.”

I nodded and started walking before turning around, my gaze finding Kingston’s. “Thanks for what you said earlier. I’m glad you don’t remember much. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“How about we both give that a try, huh?”

I nodded. “Yep. Not sure I can repair things at this point, but I’ll go and hear everyone out.”

I hurried down the hall and slipped on my shoes, my mind still reeling.

Ruby lived here now.

She hadn’t left me for the professor.

She hadn’t left me at all. But she also hadn’t told me about her change of plans, which meant she was pissed at me. Possibly hated me.

I owed her a lot more than I’d given her.

I had no idea if it was too late to fix the damage I’d caused, but I needed to try.

Kingston was at the door, holding his keys in his hand. “Let’s go.”

I followed him out, and a yellow sticky note stuck to the door caught my eye.

Love you, brother.

My chest squeezed.

Maybe sticky notes were my new fucking love language.