Chapter 34

thirty-four

. . .

Ruby

“Hello?”I called out when I got to the barn at Demi and Romeo’s ranch house. She had texted me and asked me to meet her out here because she wanted to show me the progress they were making.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Demi winced as she came striding toward me, with Romeo and all the guys behind her. My eyes locked immediately with River’s, who was watching me the way he always did.

Unbelievable.

“What is this?”

“Romeo clearly can’t keep a secret, and honestly, Ruby, you can’t avoid him forever.” She squeezed my hand when she moved in front of me, apology written all over her face.

“I wasn’t avoiding anyone. He’s the one who called me a liar and behaved like a petulant child. He could come find me anytime he wanted.”

“He didn’t know you were here,” River said, closing the distance between us.

“So, if I didn’t live here, the apology would never come?” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. Demi and the guys took a few steps back, and she gave me an awkward wave before they all hurried out of the half-built barn.

I turned my attention back to River, who was looking ridiculously sexy with his disheveled hair and his biceps straining against his black tee. I saw the exhaustion in his eyes, and my instinct was to throw myself into his arms.

I will not forget that this man accused me of horrible things. He doesn’t trust me, and that’s unacceptable. If we have any chance of moving forward, he’s got to understand that so this shit doesn’t ever happen again.

“Well, if you didn’t live here, I wouldn’t have known you weren’t with the professor. That what I saw that night wasn’t true. That I misread the situation.”

“You misread the situation? That’s what you have to say?” I questioned, because this was far from an apology.

“Queenie.” His voice broke, and my chest squeezed at how vulnerable he sounded. “I’ve never felt this way before. I fucked up, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Did you honestly believe that I was back together with him and that I’d played you the whole time? I mean, how can you say that you love me and then think I would do that?” A lump formed in my throat as I looked up at him.

He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m an asshole.”

“Seriously? I mean, it’s been days. You never reached out to apologize. If I had moved, you just would have never talked to me again?”

“Of course not. I would have wallowed for a few days and then pulled my shit together. I was hurt. I was freaked out that I’d told you that I loved you and you hadn’t responded.”

I knew he was trying, but he couldn’t react like this every time he misread a situation.

“River. You told me you loved me on a sticky note. One that you stuck to the back of a contract. What if I hadn’t ever found it?”

“I’m not good at this, Ruby.” He moved closer, reaching for my hands and taking them in his. “I know I fucked up.”

I let out a long breath. “Your friends dragged you here. You didn’t come on your own. You need to figure your shit out. I’m scared, too. And you hurt me. A lot.”

“Well, I didn’t see you coming to my door to explain things.”

I tugged my hands away. “That’s because you didn’t give me a chance. I was planning to come talk to you that night, but instead, you showed up at the bar acting like a lunatic. I’d just accepted the position at Fresh Start, and I was excited to tell you. Nervous that maybe you didn’t feel the same way about me, but I was still willing to put myself out there. Do you know how it made me feel that you thought I was lying the whole time we were together? And still, here we are, with your friends dragging you to talk to me. That’s not good enough. None of this is good enough. And I’m tired of settling. Figure your shit out, and after you do, then come and find me.” I stormed away. This was not the apology I wanted. A future was built on trust, and if we didn’t have that, there was no point.

“Me not trusting you had a lot more to do with me than you,” he said. I was surprised by the admission, and I came to a stop.

“Agreed.”

“I’m not used to putting faith in other people, and the way I feel about you—it scares the shit out of me.”

“Well, then, I guess you better figure out what you want to do about that. Because this”—I shrugged—“isn’t good enough. Next time you come talk to me, come because you want to. Come because you know what you want.”

And I strode out of the barn, leaving him standing there.

Along with half of my heart.

As much as it hurt, I knew I’d done the right thing. I knew who River was, and I had faith that he would figure it out.

That we would figure it out.

I wasn’t taking a risk on a man who wasn’t willing to fight for me. To apologize when he was wrong. And look me in the eye and tell me that he loves me.

When I fell into bed a few hours later, I cried myself to sleep, just as I did the next several nights.

Yeah, apparently, that was my new thing.

I cried daily now.

I hadn’t heard from River, and I missed him terribly.

A part of me worried that maybe we were both incapable of love.

Two broken people who were better off on their own.

I needed to know that River wanted this.

Wanted me.

I parked in the employee spot that Terrence had appointed as mine, and I made my way inside the building.

Jenna was sitting behind the front desk, whispering to Terrence, when I walked up and said hello. They both looked at me with weird smiles on their faces, and I brushed at my cheeks and my mouth. “Do I have food on my face or something? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What?” Terrence asked. “No. I don’t see anything. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Me either.” Jenna chuckled.

I narrowed my gaze at both of them and walked down the hallway leading to my office. When I pushed my door open, my eyes widened. The wall behind my desk was covered from the ceiling to the floor in little yellow sticky notes. It looked like wallpaper the way every single inch of space was covered in yellow paper with handwritten notes on each one. I dropped my purse onto my desk beside a gigantic floral arrangement and walked to the wall, taking my time to read each one.

I’m sorry.

Every fifth or sixth note said those two little words. My eyes scanned the space, taking in the other messages. There were too many to count.

I love you.

Why is it bad to tell someone that you love them on a sticky note?

I should have told you how much I love you at the barn.

I want to make this up to you.

Sorry for accusing you about the preppy professor.

I’m an asshole.

A wild river.

I miss you.

I miss you so much I can’t fucking function.

Queenie, please forgive me.

I know what I want.

I want you. Only you. Always you.

The sentiment went on and on as I bent down to read the messages on the lower half of the wall.

The sound of a throat clearing from behind me had me whipping around. Terrence stood in my doorway with a wicked grin on his face. “Apparently, this is the new way to grovel?”

“Did you know about this?” I asked.

“He asked if he could come in after we closed last night, so I stayed here and let him do his thing.”

“That was nice of you.”

“I got to meet Beefcake. He was really giving River a hard time for messing things up with you.”

I nodded, pushing back the tears. I loved this man, but he’d hurt me. I’d never been good at forgiving people, but I was so happy that he’d come, so maybe I was changing.

“He’s the coolest kid around.”

“Agreed,” Terrence said, taking a step back. “I think anyone that goes to this much trouble to apologize deserves to at least be heard out. He said to tell you to read the card on the flowers when you’re done with the sticky note wall.”

I heard him laughing as he pulled my door closed and left.

The vase sitting on my desk was filled with what must be three dozen red roses, and I reached for the card.

Queenie. Please meet me at the cove tonight after work. I just want to talk to you. River

I sighed and dropped to sit down as my phone started vibrating.

Demi

Are you at work yet? I heard you were getting quite the surprise this morning.

Saylor

I love surprises. What is it?

Peyton

I hope it’s a naked man with a giant penis.

Peyton

Or waffles with fresh bananas would be a close second.

I stood back and took a screenshot of the flowers and the wall covered in sticky notes.

<screenshot>

Saylor

My heart just exploded. Holy swoons! That is so romantic.

Peyton

It’s so sweet, but kind of in a serial killer sort of way. But I’m here for it.

Demi

I think it’s amazing.

So, do we think I should meet him at the cove tonight and hear him out?

Demi

YES! You asked him to figure his shit out, and I believe that’s what he’s been doing.

Saylor

Agreed. His first apology wasn’t impressive. Let’s see what he does today.

Peyton

Hear him out, but make him grovel. And I mean, really grovel.

I can do that. I’m the queen of enforcing the grovel. <winky face emoji>

I tried to focus the rest of the day, but my mind was on River.

My phone rang just as I was getting ready to leave so I could run home and change clothes before taking the kayak out. He hadn’t told me a time, so I just planned to go when I got home.

My mom’s face lit up my screen, and I didn’t even cringe the way I normally did. It hit me in that moment that I’d come a long way. So had my brothers. Things were so much better with my family now—and my mom was the only one left who hadn’t changed at all.

And I doubted she ever would.

But I’d changed the way I responded to her, and I would continue to do that for my own sanity.

“Hello,” I said, as I reached for my keys and grabbed my purse.

“Hey.” Her voice was sulky and sad. “Where are you?”

“I’m just leaving the office and heading home.”

“I’m out of cigarettes and beer, and I just don’t have the energy to go pick them up. I need you to stop by the store on your way and just drop them off.”

I let Wendy’s words sink in and calmly responded. “That doesn’t work for me.”

“You live here now, so being long distance is not an excuse that works anymore,” she said, her tone harsh with resentment and attitude.

“Agreed. So, we’ll have to set some new boundaries now that I’m living here full time. Running to get you smokes and booze after I worked a full day is not something I have time to do, nor am I willing to pay for them. I offered to help with your rent, and even though my pay is not as much as it would have been if I’d taken the job at the university, I will stay true to my word and honor our agreement for three months until you pick up more shifts and get on your feet. That is what I have to offer you.”

She was quiet on the other end, and I walked toward the elevators, waving at Jenna as I passed her desk.

“Fine. Then I’ll ask your brothers. Are you fine with putting this on them?” She sounded smug, and it annoyed the hell out of me.

“Sure. They’re grown men. They’ll eventually get sick of it and tell you no. You could also get out of bed and go get it yourself and stop dragging everyone down with you.”

“Right, as if that ever worked with you. You’re so high and mighty with your fancy education and your big job. You think you’re better than me—” Wendy went on with other insults just like she normally did. Something about being my mother, respecting my elders, and all the psycho tricks she’d been pulling for years.

A maniacal laugh left my mouth as the elevator doors opened. “You say it like it’s a negative thing that I’ve worked hard at school and secured a great job for myself. I’m not engaging in this conversation. You’ve got three months to start paying your own rent. My offer still stands if you’d like to have dinner next week and catch up.” I was trying to change the dynamic of our relationship, so it wasn’t me always going over there and helping her. I wanted to try to have a normal relationship to some extent, but I was going to be okay either way. I didn’t have any expectations where my mother was concerned.

“I would like that,” she said, surprising me.

“Great. I’m in an elevator, and I’m going to lose the call. I’ll text you tomorrow and we can pick a day to meet. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, you, too,” she said, sounding caught off guard by the conversation.

It hadn’t gotten heated. I hadn’t reacted to any of it, and it felt damn good.

I ended the call and leaned against the wall of the elevator and smiled.

Things were coming together.

My heart wasn’t aching the way it had been the last week, because I knew we were going to figure this out.

I’d make him grovel, but I already knew the outcome.

I missed him terribly.

I loved him.

I wanted to hear him say it. Wanted to hear him apologize, really apologize for being a complete jackass about Dereck.

But I knew he was a good man.

I knew he was the only man who’d ever own my heart, so there was no other option than to fix this.

Because nothing worked without him.

I hurried home and changed into a tank top and a pair of jean shorts before climbing into my kayak. It was completely dark out by the time I was out on the water, and I had only the moonlight to lead me to the cove. I could get here in my sleep, though, so it wasn’t a problem. It was even more peaceful at night.

The sound of the birds rustling in the trees above and the light breeze bustling around me calmed me.

It didn’t stop the butterflies fluttering in my belly, though.

I wasn’t fighting it anymore. I’d never been that girl that got all fluttery around a guy. But River Pierce gave me all the flutters.

My Wild River.

Even when I was angry as hell at him, it didn’t matter.

I still loved him.

As I came around the corner, I gasped when I saw the area lit up in little white twinkle lights. There were lights on the trees and bushes, and I could see River sitting on the shore, his kayak tied to the old, weathered dock there. I glided through the water, my heart beating so fast it pounded in my ears.

“You came,” he said.

“That’s what she said.” I chuckled because I couldn’t help myself.

He walked toward me, not caring that the bottoms of his jeans were getting soaked as he stepped into the water, and he laughed. He reached for the front of my kayak and tugged it over to the dock, tying it off beside his. He offered me a hand and helped me out.

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

“Pretty much all day. I was setting this up, and I didn’t want to miss you, so I just stayed and waited. Hoping you’d come.” He guided me over to a blanket, and we both sat down. There were a few lanterns with candles.

“You know when I told you to figure your shit out, that didn’t mean that you had to cover my office wall in sticky notes and light up all these trees and bushes. You could have just come and talked to me.”

He rubbed a hand over his jaw and nodded. “I’m not used to caring this much. I fucked up, and I want to fix it. I need to fix it. And I was stunned that you’d decided to stay that day I saw you at the barn. Stunned that I’d been such a fool about the way I’d handled things. I didn’t know what to say, so I managed to make things worse.”

“You didn’t make things worse, you just—didn’t make them better.” I shrugged. “You said some awful things. Some pretty unforgivable things.”

“Yep. I was an asshole. I saw that preppy fucker and lost my shit. Jumped to conclusions.” He cleared his throat. “I’m not even sure why I did it except that I was scared. I thought I’d lost you, and—God, I’m sorry, Queenie. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I listened, taking in his words. “I get that. But what does that mean now? We’re both scared, River. That’s not going to change just because I live here now.”

“I’ll tell you what’s changed.” He cleared his throat. “I love you, Ruby. I love you in a way I never knew I was capable of. And I will fight for you, for us, every fucking day. That’s what’s changed. I realized these last few days that I was never afraid of loving you. It was losing you that scared the shit out of me.”

The lump in my throat was so thick it was difficult to speak. “I love you, and I understand being afraid because I’m afraid, too. But we need to have some ground rules if we want to move forward. If we want this to work.”

“I want that. Tell me your terms,” he said, a wickedly sexy smirk on his handsome face.

“For starters, no more accusations. We’re both straight shooters, so how about we just talk things out?”

He nodded. “I can do that.”

“No more tantrums or meltdowns. If you’re bothered by something, just tell me.”

He shrugged. “Done. What’s next?”

I tried not to laugh because he was so intense and serious at the moment. It took everything I had not to climb into his lap. I’d missed him. Missed everything about him. “No more sticky note communications. If you feel a certain way, just tell me. And I’ll do the same.”

“But that whole wall of sticky notes was impressive as shit, wasn’t it? Even Beefcake was impressed. He asked Nash if he could have a sticky note wall in his bedroom, and he wants notes from all his favorite girls, including you.”

I tipped my head up to look at the moon and chuckled. “He’s six. It makes a lot more sense for a six-year-old to communicate via sticky note.”

“Okay. No more sticky notes. Although you did a fabulous job telling me I was an asshole on the sticky note you sent over with King.”

“It seemed fitting at the time.” I turned my head to look at him, his dark gaze locking with mine.

“Well, I sort of did something drastic because I really wanted to win you back after my lame attempt at an apology the other day. But now I realize I might have fucked up again because you just made this new we-have-to-talk-everything-out rule.”

I cocked my head to the side. “You covered my wall in little yellow papers and lit up this entire area in twinkle lights. What could be more drastic?”

He reached a hand over his shoulder and grabbed a handful of his tee before tugging it over his head. A large bandage covered his chest, and my eyes widened as he peeled it back. The word Queenie was inked there.

“You’re permanently on my heart, because it belongs to you, Ruby. I don’t know how it happened, but I fucking love you. I want you with me always. So, I put you right here, where I can keep you forever.”

My teeth sank into my bottom lip as a tear slipped down my cheek. “We can make an addendum to that rule about having to talk everything through. Ink is different.”

“Yeah? You like it?”

“I like it,” I whispered, pushing up on my knees and gently tracing a finger around the surrounding area. “I love you, River Pierce.”

“Is that so?” His voice was smooth and sexy as he covered his tattoo with the bandage and pulled me against his chest.

I tipped my head up and smiled. “It is.”

“I love you. I’m sorry I fucked everything up. I was going out of my mind. I didn’t want you to leave, and I didn’t know how to say it. How to tell you how I felt. And lashing out at the professor came more naturally to me.”

I laughed as the light breeze moved around us before I mimicked his words back to him. “Is that so?”

“It is.” He pushed the hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Ruby. And I’m probably going to fuck things up a lot, but I’m going to try hard not to.”

“I don’t expect you not to mess up. I’m sure I’ll mess up plenty, too. But we just need to talk about things as they come up.”

“Speaking of things coming up,” he teased, thrusting against me, and I felt just how much he’d missed me.

How much he wanted me.

And I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever been happier or more content.

Right here. Right now.

With this man.