12. AVA

12

AVA

The shrill sound of a bell forced my eyes open.

For a moment, I attempted to work out if I'd made that up while I was sleeping or if I'd really heard it. When several knocks on the door followed, I got my answer.

Someone was here.

Exhausted, I tossed the thick, soft, and luxurious blankets back from my body so I could drag myself across the room and to the door. On my way, yawning as I ran my fingers through my hair, I stumbled over a pair of shoes I hadn't realized were in the middle of the floor.

When I made it to the door, I looked through the peephole and felt a touch of relief that I wouldn't be answering the door to someone who'd never seen me looking worse than I was sure I did now.

Once I opened the door, the scent of coffee was the first thing that hit me. It helped to reduce some of the fogginess I felt.

"You look like shit."

My shoulders sagged further. "I feel like it."

"Well, I brought you room service, so hopefully that'll help." Ivy stepped forward, pushing the room service cart into the suite and right past me.

I closed the door and followed her into the living room. "What time is it?"

"It's almost eleven. Did I wake you?"

Eleven o'clock.

That meant I'd gotten somewhere around six hours of sleep, perhaps a bit more or less. I couldn't be sure. All I knew was that the last time I'd looked at my phone to check the time, it was four in the morning. I didn't know exactly how long it had been after that when I finally fell asleep.

"Yeah. I… It took me a while to drift off."

Something that looked a lot like fear seeped into Ivy's expression. Whatever was bothering her, she didn't say. Instead, she motioned for me to sit down as she uncovered everything she'd brought me for breakfast. Or I guess it was now considered brunch. "I wanted you to have some variety, but I picked out all of your favorites."

She hadn't been exaggerating.

The spread consisted of more food than I'd likely eat all day, especially considering that my stomach had been in knots since before I'd even arrived at Malcolm's and Evelyn's estate last night.

"Thanks, Ivy."

I sat down, reached for the coffee, and inhaled. Anything to help wake myself up so I could focus on anything other than Tate and the words he'd said to me.

After setting my mug down and unrolling the napkin to free the utensils and drape the cloth over my lap, I speared a piece of fruit, lifted it toward my mouth, and asked, "Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I am. But I'm taking a break now, because I wanted to talk to you privately. We didn't have a whole lot of opportunity to do that last night."

So much for not wanting to think about Tate. If that was Ivy's intention—which, if I was honest, I already knew when I opened the door to her—I'd have no option but to think about Tate and how devastated I was.

Despite knowing what she wanted to discuss, I played up the part of being so tired and unaware. "Is something going on?"

She smiled at me, shaking her head. "Nothing major. I just… I've missed you. And I know we talked over the phone every week, but it's not the same."

"I've missed you, too."

"I realize you just got back to Landing and probably haven't taken much time to figure anything out, but I was curious what plans you might have made now that you're here in town again."

I huffed. "I'll probably start by trying to get myself onto a normal schedule. Waking up at eleven in the morning only because my best friend knocked on the door to my suite probably isn't going to make me very productive in the coming weeks."

She let out a little laugh. "Yeah, that's probably true. So, anything else you're looking to do?"

I had a piece of toast halfway to my mouth when I stopped moving, tilted my head to the side, and assessed her. It took me longer than it probably should have, but my mind was still foggy.

A few seconds of observation told me what was happening. Ivy was sitting in the chair opposite of where I was on the couch. But she wasn't relaxed. Her posture was stiff, her hands placed perfectly still on the tops of her thighs. She was just barely biting her lip, an air of anticipation in her expression.

She was trying to hold on to hope, to any shred of optimism she could find. But since she hadn't gotten what she needed to feel reassured yet, she couldn't relax.

Do you know what you've done to this family?

If I didn't fully grasp the impact my choice to take so much time away from Landing had on the people who were closest to me, what I was witnessing now would have done the trick. My best friend was terrified I wasn't here to stay; she thought I was going to leave again.

"Well, I was thinking about taking the day to just relish being back, but I think by no later than tomorrow, I'm going to start looking for an apartment again," I shared.

Ivy's shoulders relaxed slightly. "Oh? You know there's no time limit on you staying here at the hotel, right?"

After taking a bite of the light and fluffy scrambled eggs, I nodded. "I know that. It's just that I don't think, despite Liam's ability to do it, that I can really make a life living out of a hotel room, even as luxurious as this one is. I'm ready to get back to some semblance of a normal life. I haven't had that in a year and a half."

Her body sagged with relief. "So, you really are here to stay?"

I knew I hadn't been reading too much into what I was seeing with her this morning. "I'm here to stay, Ivy. I thought I'd be able to find a way to make a life for myself away from Landing, but I just couldn't do it. Finding work was an impossible task. I couldn't even bring myself to dance. And though I met a handful of people who were friendly enough, nobody had staying power."

"Are you upset about it? Does it bother you that you came back?"

I shook my head. "No. I mean, I guess there's a part of me that's feeling humbled, but I wouldn't say I'm upset. I simply got the proof that I've been right where I'm supposed to be all my life. Landing is home, and now I've got to start building the life I want here."

More and more relief worked its way into Ivy's expression. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, her eyes shining. "So, you're planning to look for a place. Does that mean you aren't auditioning for another tour any time soon?"

My mind drifted back to the months I'd been on tour. I'd been dancing professionally for the last eight years. Obviously, I hadn't spent that entire time on tour, but there had been quite a few gigs I'd gotten that took me away from Landing for extended periods. None had been like the most recent.

I'd been extraordinarily lucky. There weren't many people who got to have the experience that I did—traveling all over the world while doing something I loved.

I sighed. "The last thing I want is to appear ungrateful, because that couldn't be further from the truth of how I feel. I've enjoyed being on tour, getting to see new places, and having a community of friends that feel the same about dance as I do. But I'm ready for a change, Ivy. I don't think I'll never go on another tour ever again, but my primary focus is on building a life for myself right now."

My best friend seemed genuinely surprised by my declaration. "Really?"

I nodded, popping more fruit into my mouth.

As I chewed, Ivy pressed, "Are you planning to just stick to local work, then? Maybe things in New York City, since that's a reasonable driving distance?"

With a shake of my head, I declined. "No. Actually, if there was one thing I accomplished while I was away, it was thinking."

"About what, specifically?"

"Well, there was a lot, but the one area where I feel like I have some answers and direction is with my career," I started. "When I realized that nothing was happening for me to be able to settle in anywhere else, I decided I needed to come back here and create something sustainable for the long term."

"Oh, this sounds interesting. What are you planning to do?"

"I want to open my own studio," I told her. "I don't want to do traditional dance classes and rehearsals and recitals for young children, though. I think there's already plenty of that around. What I want to do is have a place for the older kids, the teenagers. Hell, I'd love to see some adults there, too. I want to build something that I wished I would have had available to me when I was a teen—a place with pop-up classes, a different routine to a different song each time. I don't want kids to have to worry about monthly fees to be able to come and dance when they want. I'll have to work out the details, but I'm thinking of just having a pay per class for those who might be struggling like I was. I don't know. All I care about is there being a place where these kids can go to get their minds off whatever is happening in their lives and just be able to dance. Or for the adults who've always loved dance but maybe never took a formal class and want to try."

Several long moments of silence passed, Ivy staring at me in disbelief, her eyes blinking rapidly. "Ava, that's incredible. You'd be fantastic at that."

For the first time since things went down between Tate and me last night, I felt a glimmer of hope and happiness. "You think so?"

"Absolutely. You're amazing, and I think this will be so fulfilling for you."

"Thanks. All I need to do now is find a place that'll be perfect for it."

"You know if there's anything we can do here to help you with that, we will," she said.

I smiled at her. "I know."

I had no intention of making this something the Westwood family had to work out the logistics of. I appreciated having the support of my best friend, and I was glad to have told her, but the reality was that I intended to do this on my own. The way I saw it, I spent far too long putting all my effort and attention into something—or someone—that I couldn't technically control the outcome of. It hadn't gotten me anywhere good, and I'd learned the biggest lesson of all.

So, it was one thing to have the emotional support of the Westwood family—and perhaps their temporary support in the form of a hotel suite for a couple of days—but if my situation with Tate taught me anything, I had to stand on my own where it mattered.

"Alright, so I'm just going to come out with it," Ivy declared. I braced myself, certain I knew what she was going to ask. "Where have you been all this time?"

The air rushed from my lungs. I had assumed she was going to bring up Tate. Maybe she only intended to steer the conversation into a place where the topic of him would be unavoidable.

"I didn't stay in one spot. At first, I remained in Florida and tried to stay just on the outskirts of Miami for about two weeks before I realized I couldn't do it. While there were things I liked about the city, the truth is that it didn't feel like a place I could ever call home. Since I'm used to a small town, I figured I'd be better off with something similar. So, I went to South Carolina."

"Where specifically?"

My mouth curved up into a smile. "A small town on the coast of South Carolina that even I hadn't ever heard of before."

Understanding dawned. "And that's where you've been ever since?"

I shook my head. "I stayed there for three weeks and liked the small-town aspect of it, but it still didn't feel like home. So, I thought I'd be better if I came back to Pennsylvania."

"What?"

Nodding, I shared, "I've spent the last seven weeks or so in Steel Ridge. It was the only place of the three that really held any potential, but even being this close, I couldn't shake the feeling of homesickness."

Ivy seemed a little lost for words as her eyes roamed over my face in silence for a long time. I used the opportunity to continue eating more breakfast, and eventually, she said, "I can't believe you were that close for more than half the time you were gone."

"Well, I would have been back sooner, but…"

My voice trailed off. I hadn't intended to share this bit of news with Ivy, but I was so caught up in wanting to make her feel better that I accidentally let down my guard.

"But what? Did something happen?"

I dropped my gaze to the food in front of me. My mind was scrambling, trying to figure out how to tell her this without giving her the details.

"Ava, tell me what happened," Ivy demanded. "Was it Tate? Did he do something?"

I sucked in a deep breath and revealed, "He did call and leave me a voicemail at almost exactly the time I'd decided to come back. And once I got that voicemail, I reconsidered my decision."

"What did he say to you?"

"It doesn't matter now. I got over it, and I'm back. That's the important part, right?"

She narrowed her eyes on me. Ivy did not want to let this go. "Of course, it is. But it seems as though you're intent on protecting him. Is that because you two have worked things out? If I go based on what I saw last night, I don't think that's possible. It was tense between the two of you."

My heart ached as I thought about the interaction that I'd had with Tate last night. He'd never spoken to me like that before—I didn't know he had it in him to be that cruel. "We did not work things out. I think we're both at a place where it's just best for the two of us to focus on doing our own thing apart from one another."

Ivy jerked back. "Is that what he told you he wants?"

"Not in so many words," I said, my voice strained.

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Please don't get worked up over this," I begged. "I've already done a lot to heal from the situation with Tate, and I need to keep making some forward movement with that. It's tense right now. I've been gone a long time without any communication between us. So, I think we just need to have a cooling-off period before we can even get back some semblance of even a cordial relationship."

She tipped her head to one side. "You told me you were in love with him."

My cheeks burned, my gaze dropping to the food in front of me.

Love.

My whole life, it was the one thing I wanted. My parents had been too caught up in themselves and each other to ever give me that. They hadn't even seemed to care that I started spending less time at home and more time with the Westwoods. As long as I wasn't inconveniencing them, that was all that mattered.

I'd been fortunate to have Ivy and the rest of her family. Other than the way Tate felt toward me now, I could confidently say that this family did love me. It was likely all I'd ever have, though. Because I was never going to get it with Tate, despite knowing he had the capacity for it. I was never going to get to experience that love I'd witnessed between Malcolm and Evelyn.

Maybe, somewhere down the road, I'd fool myself into falling in love with someone else. Perhaps I'd be like my mom, a woman who knew all along that her husband wasn't faithful and drowned herself in a bottle of alcohol to cope.

No matter how much I wanted to know what it was like, to have more than just that single night with a man who'd stolen my heart at such a young age, I couldn't think about what might happen past this moment. It all hurt too much.

I dropped the piece of toast I'd been fiddling with, brought my hands to my lap, and blinked back the tears threatening to fall. A moment later, I felt Ivy's arms around me, and that was all it took for me to break down sobbing.

I had to admit defeat.

I was in love with a man who'd never love me back. It was a good thing I'd planned to start searching for an apartment tomorrow—I'd need today to pull myself together.