11. AVA

11

AVA

I came to a stop at the front door and dragged my palms down my pants. Anyone looking at me might have thought I was attempting to warm my hands.

It was early in December, the twelfth to be precise, and the weather was getting colder. But the chilly temperature wasn't the reason I was rubbing my palms along my thighs.

I was terrified about what I was preparing to do.

I tried.

I tried so hard and failed.

But I could no longer ignore reality—there's no place like home.

Between all the time I'd spent away from Landing while being on tour and the twelve weeks that followed Wyatt's and Rhea's wedding, it had become too much. I couldn't do it any longer.

Despite repeated attempts to settle in, find new people, and start working in a new town, it didn't happen. My heart was in Landing. The people I loved were in Landing. And no matter how much I told myself I needed to start over, my heart wouldn't allow it.

So, it was just a few days before Thanksgiving when I decided I was going to return to my hometown. I had planned to return in time for the holiday.

But my plans went up in smoke the next day, when I received a voicemail from Tate, the first I'd received from him in months.

Do you know what you've done to this family? Do you even care? I guess you aren't the woman I thought you were.

It was like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

Those words had me staying put, reconsidering my wild idea of returning to the people and place I'd abandoned.

I didn't know what prompted Tate to leave that message, but it didn't matter. I knew the Westwoods. They were the only stability I'd ever had in my life. So, it was no surprise to learn that my absence was impacting them. And if Tate had said what he did to me, I didn't doubt that emotions were running high.

Could I even face them again?

Sure, I'd remained in contact with Ivy, but things weren't the same. Our relationship was strained, not only because of the distance between us, but also because of my unwillingness to tell her where I'd gone. I was keeping secrets from the woman who was like a sister to me.

For a few days, I refused to consider my plan to return. I was scared, afraid they'd reject me after cutting them all out the way I had. But the longer I was gone, the worse my yearning for home became. It had taken me some time to work up the courage again, but now I was here—at Malcolm and Evelyn Westwood's estate.

I took several deep breaths, trying to work through all the possible outcomes of me going inside. I wanted to see them all—God, I'd missed them—but I was terrified about how they might react.

"Ava?"

At the familiar masculine voice, I twisted my neck and looked toward the driveway, where I saw Liam approaching me. "Hi, Liam." My voice was soft and small.

Without hesitating, he walked right up to me and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting embrace. "You're back."

The relief in his voice was unmistakable, and all I could bring myself to do was hold on to him tighter.

When we finally separated, he asked, "Does anyone know that you're here?"

I shook my head. "No, I just got back into town, checked into the hotel, and came here. I've been trying to work up the courage to go inside."

"You're afraid?"

I swallowed hard and shot him a look that I hoped indicated my reason for being terrified was obvious.

"I get what happened, but I don't think I've ever seen you scared to do anything," he reasoned.

So, he knew. Or, well, he knew something happened. Obviously, I'd shared some specifics with Ivy, but I didn't know how much she'd shared with anyone else besides Tate. Whenever she and I had talked to one another over the phone, she'd merely tell me things about individual members of her family and whatever was happening in their lives.

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," I told him. "I actually have your gift in my suitcase."

He sent me a friendly smile, his features softening. "It's okay. I'm just glad you're back now. You do know what tonight is, right?"

I reached into my oversized handbag and pulled out the wrapped gift. "I do, but that's another reason I'm not sure if I should go inside."

Liam's eyes shifted between the gift and my face. "Are you back here in Landing to stay?"

I hoped this went well so I wouldn't have to consider leaving again. Shrugging, I shared, "No other place feels like home."

The corners of his mouth tipped up slightly. "Then you should come inside."

I tucked the gift back inside my handbag, and without giving me a chance to respond, Liam reached out to the side to open the front door to his parents' home. I felt a bit more at ease knowing I had at least one ally entering Tate's birthday party with me.

As much as I might have hoped that Liam and I would be able to sneak in and join the party without too much fuss, I didn't get my wish.

No sooner had Liam pushed open the door, Malcom came striding by. He did a double take, clearly not believing his eyes, and when it finally hit him that I was standing there, he wasn't quiet about it. "Evelyn!" he shouted. He moved toward me with his arms outstretched. "Oh, God, Ava. You're back." The relief in his voice was undeniable.

Do you know what you've done to this family?

Wrapping me up in his arms, he yelled for his wife once again. "Evelyn!"

"What, Malcolm? What's wrong?"

His back was to her, my body covered by his, but once he realized she was there, he turned us slightly. Malcolm kept one arm firmly around my back, dropping the other so his wife could see me.

Just like her husband, Evelyn needed a moment to process what she was seeing. It took her just a touch longer than it did Malcolm, but once it happened, she let out a cry of relief and hurried toward me.

Malcolm released me into Evelyn's arms, and once she had me there, she rasped, "We've missed you so much. Oh, I'm so happy you're here."

Do you even care?

My heart splintered. These people had been so good to me, and I'd devastated them by leaving the way I had.

Maybe Tate had been right to be disappointed with me. I was disappointed with myself for having done this to them.

"What is all the commotion?—"

As my best friend's voice filled the air, Evelyn shifted and gave Ivy an answer to the question she didn't need to finish asking.

Ivy, who wasn't one to get overly emotional, burst into tears and charged forward. Her body crashed into mine, and we stumbled backward. Liam caught us before we fell, and as soon as he was certain we were steady on our feet, he walked away. I didn't pay attention to where he went and simply held on to my friend like she'd vanish if I let her go.

Ivy and I stayed like that for a long time, loosening our hold on one another only after Jules had joined us.

The tip of my nose tingled, a lump forming in my throat.

I was so deeply moved by the love this family had for me, the way they accepted me back without thinking twice. Their first reactions to seeing me had warmed my heart tremendously, and after months of not having this connection with them, it felt undeniably good.

After Jules, Ivy, and I separated from one another and wiped at the tears that had fallen, I was ushered away from the front door and deeper into the house. Along the way, I saw Cooper and Skye, as well as Tate's Aunt Mina and two of her children.

By the time I'd reached the kitchen, I found Wyatt and Rhea there with Wyatt's grandparents, Larry and Wendy. They'd all welcomed me back with open arms and more love than I thought I deserved, considering how I'd left so abruptly.

"We were just getting ready to sit down for dinner," Evelyn said. "We'll get another spot set for you, Ava."

"I'll grab the place setting," Jules declared.

"Perfect. Ivy, Rhea, and Skye, would you mind helping me carry these serving platters into the dining room? Everyone else can go grab seats."

As everyone fell into step, following Evelyn's instructions, I remained rooted to the spot, my eyes seeking. Scanning.

The crowd around me had thinned substantially. When my eyes glanced in the direction of the living room, I saw Liam exiting it and making his way toward the dining room. His gaze had landed on me briefly, something tentative in his stare.

A moment later, I understood the meaning behind that look. Because Tate stepped cautiously out of the living room. Our eyes locked, my heart hammering.

Liam moved past me and toward the dining room, Tate and I simply staring at one another.

I guess you aren't the woman I thought you were.

I had to ignore the way my stomach twisted painfully recalling those words. Despite the weakness in my knees, the trembling in my limbs, and the overwhelming desire to just run for the exit, I moved in his direction, away from the kitchen and the dining room.

He watched me, his body growing more and more tense the closer I got. Twelve weeks away to move on from him. I hadn't made an ounce of progress. Seeing his handsome face, despite the unwelcoming look in his expression, my mind instantly drifted back to the night of his brother's wedding. I could recall every movement of his body, every touch of his fingers on my skin.

God, I'd missed him.

When I came to a stop in front of him, I instantly wished I had some magical powers that would allow me to disappear on the spot. Never, not once in all the years that I'd known him, had Tate ever looked at me the way he was looking at me now—like he'd just popped something bitter in his mouth.

Whether it was stupidity or a shred of that fearlessness Liam had just noted about me minutes before, I didn't know. But I didn't heed the warning signs and excuse myself.

Instead, I tipped my chin up, held out the gift, and rasped, "Happy Birthday, Tate."

His lips formed a thin line, his features tightening as he glanced down at the gift in my hands. He didn't take it from me; although, a flash of longing in his gaze told me he knew what was inside. "I'm not sure if I'd agree on the happy part."

Tate's voice was vicious, caustic. The fire and spark I used to feel between us was gone, but there was still a burn there. It was just that, this time, I was convinced Tate wanted to incinerate me with it.

My stomach was roiling. It was only by some miracle that I didn't hurl up my guts right at his feet. With a trembling chin and quivering bottom lip, I whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving like I did and not telling you the truth. I'm sorry for never taking your calls or returning them. I'm so sorry, Tate."

I could have sworn I saw the rage swirling in his eyes falter for just a moment, but I had to have been seeing what I wanted to see. Because there was nothing but bitterness dripping from every word when he seethed, "Yeah, me, too. I'm sorry for allowing myself to be fooled into believing your lies, into believing that you wanted something between us all these years, and that you actually enjoyed what we had that night."

Without waiting for a response or giving me the opportunity to right myself from the physical blow his words had caused, Tate sidestepped me and made his way to the dining room with his family.

I put my hand out on the decorative table beside me, setting Tate's gift on top of it. Bracing myself with my palms on the edge of the table, I tried to calm my racing heart. I was suddenly hot, feeling the sweat bead up on the back of my neck.

This was so much worse than I thought it would be. Tate Westwood was the most rigid of the Westwood siblings, but this was a level of harshness I'd never seen from him. Did I deserve it? Probably. Did I ever think he'd have the power to be this way with me? Never.

My head was spinning, the sturdy surface of the table the only reason I hadn't collapsed.

In some small part of my mind, I had a moment of clarity.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

I took several slow, deep breaths.

Then I straightened myself up once I got control of the dizziness. And that was the moment I heard Ivy's voice. "Hey, Ava. Come on. It's time to eat."

"Coming," I called back.

I took another breath, swiped at the tears that had rolled down my cheeks, and made my way to the dining room. I forced a smile onto my face and was relieved to see that Jules had set a spot for me on the opposite end and side of the table from Tate.

For the first few minutes, everyone was caught up in passing food around and helping themselves to the incredible feast Evelyn had put together for her son. And the conversations ensued with Tate's brothers and cousins getting on his case about being one year older.

I tried to focus on the food on my plate, but every time I heard his voice—without the bitterness and disgust he'd sent my way only moments before—my heart squeezed.

My belly was in knots, and I didn't have much of an appetite. But I powered through, because I couldn't bear to face the questions that would surely follow if I didn't eat.

At some point, Jules caught my attention. While there were other conversations happening around the table, since she was sitting directly across from me, she started one of her own and asked, "So, are you here to stay?"

I swallowed hard. "That's the plan."

Her grin broadened. "I'm so glad. You've missed so much. Guess what happened while you were away?"

"What happened?"

I was waiting for her to tell me that she'd met someone and was in a relationship, but she proudly declared, "Cooper finished my bakery."

My eyes widened. "Oh, that's wonderful. So, you're up and running now?"

She nodded furiously, happiness radiating from her. "I am. You've got to come and check it out after you get yourself settled."

Nodding my agreement, I insisted, "Absolutely. I can't wait to see it."

"It's incredible," Skye chimed in. She was seated right beside Jules. "Cooper did an amazing job, and Jules just makes the best desserts. If I'm going to fit into my wedding dress next year, I'm going to have to start limiting my visits."

"Sweetheart?" Cooper called, his voice so sweet and tender.

"Yeah?"

"You're beautiful."

Skye's face flushed, a shy smile forming as she leaned into him. I pressed my lips together in an effort not to burst into tears. Tate had told me I was beautiful, and when he said it, I had believed him.

Now, no matter what my body looked like, I didn't doubt Tate thought that what was on the inside was ugly. I foolishly glanced to the opposite end of the table and caught Tate's eye. He had been staring at me, ignoring the conversation happening at his end of the table. As quickly as our eyes locked, I looked away.

And fortunately, I didn't have to focus too much on how seeing this side of him made me feel, because Rhea leaned forward and around Ivy, who was seated beside me, and said, "Yeah, and after you catch up with Jules at her place, you have to stop by and visit with me. I've got pictures from the wedding to show you."

"I'd love to see them. How was your honeymoon?"

"Oh, I want to go back," she sighed. "We had the best time."

Rhea went on to tell me a bit about her honeymoon. The conversation flowed from that and went to talk of work at our end of the table.

Though I knew it wasn't smart, my eyes couldn't seem to control themselves throughout the remainder of the evening. They'd sought out Tate, as they always did, and luckily, he didn't notice most times.

But whenever I was talking to anyone—whether Jules, Rhea, Ivy, Skye, or Evelyn—I could feel his penetrating stare on me. And in one or two instances, out of the corner of my eye, I witnessed him shaking his head, whether with disappointment, disgust, or a combination of the two, I didn't know.

And that was all I needed.

I might have come back to Landing because it was the best place for me to be, but I had to find a way to move on from Tate. I needed to start building a life here that didn't involve dreams about my future with him.

I was going to be on my own, and I had to face reality.

There might have been a time when Tate had been attracted to me, when there was still a reason to have hope. But that was gone. Now, the only thing he felt for me was disdain.

And I had nobody but myself to blame.