Seven

Brian

Iwoke up drenched in sweat again as the haunting gaze of Sam's lifeless eyes bore into my soul. There was no hope of falling back asleep, not when I'd only dream of her death over and over again. I turned, grabbing my phone, seeing it was one in the morning.

Feeling disgusting, I decided to shower, peeling myself off the bed. Slowly, I took my clothes off, feeling the scars along my legs left from the glass of the Humvee. They ached, having just relived the memory. It killed me, but nothing a hot shower couldn't fix.

I tried to keep my mind from going back there again, doing my breathing techniques as I cleaned myself. The hot water pelted on my back, soothing my muscles until they were no longer tense. Too bad it couldn't soothe my heart, too.

Once I felt washed enough, I turned the water off, drying myself off and heading to the kitchen for coffee. I was going to need a lot of caffeine today. As I made my way, I grabbed my phone. Being more awake, I noticed I missed a text at eleven, having fallen asleep before then.

Elle: She's crying again. It sounds different, Brian. I'm worried.

I burned my tongue, taking a drink of the sizzling coffee without thinking. It was a text I was hoping to never get. When I found out Lyle died, I confessed to Elle about Liz's history with depression and cutting. I felt someone needed to know, needed to watch her. Now we both were.

Fuck it. I'm going.

I put on my black sweatpants and black hoodie, as the nights were getting brisk, and headed out. Without a second thought, I drove to Elle's house. Not wanting anyone to see my car in the morning, I parked down the road and walked up their dirt pathway.

With hopes that Liz took her old room, I climbed up onto the roof from the porch. Making my way to her old window, I looked inside, seeing her bare back, curled into a ball on her bed over her red sheets.

Her quiet, soft cries were easy to hear in the silence of her room, breaking my already shattered heart. Cautiously, I knocked on her window, causing her to turn with wide eyes.

She was naked, essentially freezing me in place. Her tear stricken eyes landed on me, but since it was dark and I was wearing all black — like an idiot — she looked frightened beyond belief.

"Lizzie, it's me," I whispered, lowering my hood so she could see my face in the dim light.

"Brian? For heaven's sake you almost gave me a heart at—" She couldn't finish that sentence. More than likely, she would never use that phrase again. "It's unlocked."

I carefully opened the window, greeted by her familiar scent. Slowly, as if she were a cornered animal, I made my way towards her.

"I am so sorry." I took my hoodie off, placing it on her instead. She helped guide it over her head and through her arms, shielding her all-too-alluring body. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing here?" She tried to hide her sniffle as she wiped at her eyes.

"Taking care of you."

"Brian, I—"

"Lay down, Lizzie. We're going to sleep."

I knew she was going to say she didn't need to be fussed over. It wasn't something I was interested in hearing. This would be just like the times she would text me that she felt like cutting, and I would rush over and hold her hand through the night.

She complied, scooting up on her king-size bed and getting under her covers. I followed, keeping my distance on the other side of the bed, but the moment I laid my hand between us, she took it. I squeezed her hand tight, staring straight into her eyes which held flecks of gold. "I am here now. I've got you. Go to sleep."

She sniffled one more time before pulling a little closer. Her cold feet snuggled their way between my calves like they used to as she closed her eyes.

"Thank you, Brian," she whispered a few minutes later, her voice already lulled with exhaustion.

"Anytime, Lizzie." I watched her sleep for a while. Although I was certain I wouldn't be able to do the same, at some point my eyes closed, and I, too, fell into a deep slumber.

The sound of her alarm was the only clue I had to my few hours of rest as I startled awake. She was slow, crawling over me to turn it off. Her eyes were puffy and red from the crying she had done last night, her nose a cute pink from the sniffles.

I had forgotten that all she had on was my hoodie until it lifted to show me the tattoo over her pretty pussy — eat me.

I wish I could. I wish I could know the delicious taste of her arousal. The way she'd sound when I sucked at her clit. I wish I could bury my face between her thighs and have her scream my name, begging for more.

The thought alone made me a little too obviously hard. I looked away, trying to be respectful as I cleared my throat. As if crawling over me didn't clue her into my existence, the sound that left me did. She looked down at me, a bit surprised, pulling at my hoodie to cover herself back up.

"Sorry," she blushed, which wasn't like the Lizzie I used to know.

"Don't be." It was awkward for only a second, not allowing it to fester. "Send me a text when it's safe to leave."

"Feels like high school all over again." She gave me a small smile as she slid out of bed, grabbing some clothes and heading for her ensuite. I stayed smiling at her until she shut the door, laying back with a deep exhale. She needs help. I need help. We need help.

"Brian, I am calling in today," she announced as she stepped out dressed in jeans and a baggy shirt I was sure was Lyle's. "But don't tell Elle."

I quietly laughed, not wanting anyone to know I was here. Her children didn't need to question what was going on between us. It wasn't time for that yet.

"My lips are under a ‘no talk, all rock' policy," I answered her with a half-cocked smirk.

"Good."

I sat back up, staring into her eyes, seeing just how truly tired she was. "But if you're not at work and you're not staying here, what are you doing?"

"I have no clue." She shrugged as she threw my hoodie back at me.

"Sounds like we're due for an adventure."

"Brian, no," she tried to argue, probably thinking of my job again.

"Tradition, Lizzie. You know the rules."

"You skip, I skip. Brave the world together," she mumbled, already caving.

"That's right." I nodded at her, happy to know she remembered our motto.

"Then why did you leave me to brave the world without you?"

Didn't think that was going to come back to bite me in the ass.

"I'll answer that when it's time."

"It's time, Brian." She crossed her arms, arching a brow as she demanded answers. She was due for some, I knew it. Now wasn't the time to confess the love I'd had for her for so long.

"It's not, Lizzie. Right now, you need to get Milo to school. When you're done taking care of him, I will send you my location. There's something I want to show you."

She held my gaze for a long while, hoping maybe I would break under it. She was wrong…very wrong. I only smirked at her, giving her a quick raise of my brow.

"Fine, but the time better come soon, Brian."

"It'll come when you're ready."

She shook her head, leaving her room and closing the door behind her. I laid on her bed, staring up at the familiar ceiling as I waited. All her posters were long since removed, leaving patches of white where they used to sit. Part of me wished I could go back in time to when I almost told her I loved her, but waited too long to say it. Would she have chosen me? Would she have reciprocated those feelings?

22 years ago

My stomach felt like lead as I waited for Lizzie to meet me a few blocks down from her house. She told me she'd try her best to come, but if her mother had any chores for her to do, there was no telling what time she'd be here. Mrs. Wallace was nothing like what you would imagine a nice southern mother to be. She was cold, using God to her benefit when needed. I wouldn't deem her any more a Christian than the tree I was standing beside. Although she certainly claimed to be.

Today was the day. Today I would tell Elizabeth Marie Wallace that I love her. That I had loved her since fourth grade. I wanted to enter high school with her by my side, not as my friend but as my girlfriend. So, I was doing a sappy ass thing and taking her to a spot I had found while hiking around the woods yesterday.

With Mom getting worse every day, I found myself not wanting to be around the house. It was only a matter of time now. We all knew it, but I couldn't bring myself to sit at her side and continue to watch her wither away.

When we found out about the brain tumor, we were too late. She said she wanted to let it take its course and live the last few months of her life free to enjoy them. Dad, however, wanted to buy her more time. Time we knew wasn't guaranteed. Time she had now spent in pain.

In my mind, Mom died months ago when she could no longer talk. When she was unable to say ‘I love you too, pooh bear.' Lizzie had been my shoulder, my rock through it all. I wasn't so sure I would be here without her. Just another reason why I loved her. Another reason why she was so perfect.

"Bry!" I heard her voice call out, seeing her jogging up the smelting sidewalk. Summers in Willowbrook were absolutely brutal, especially during mid-fucking July. Temps were above a hundred almost every day.

"The warden set you free?"

"Not necessarily." She cracked a grin, telling me she snuck away once more.

"Elle covering for you again?" Part of me felt bad for her older sister, but I wasn't sorry enough to do anything about it. I appreciated that she kept covering for Lizzie.

"She always does." Lizzie walked in stride with me, staring ahead with a smile.

"She needs a medal."

"Agreed." She leaned in, pressing her arm against my own. "Where to?"

"I want to show you something. Do you trust me enough to follow me into the woods?"

"Did you go on an adventure without me?" She looked offended as she eyed me.

"You were busy."

My words were met with a punch to the arm. "Jerk! You skip, I skip. Brave the world together and all that shit."

"My bad." I rubbed the spot in complaint as I led the way. "Dad sent me out when he had a doctor come to the house."

That quieted her as she bit her lip. This wasn't one of our favorite subjects. Pretty obvious why that was the case for me, but for her it was because she didn't know what to say. Lizzie was never one to say the stupid bullshit people spewed to others at times like this. She never told me ‘it's going to be okay' or ‘she's going to make it through this.' I appreciated that most, but it left her quiet, with a need to say something that would never come to mind.

"Dude, chillax. I'm fine." I lightly shove her in a playful way, gaining a shove back.

"Who said I wasn't chill?" She tried to play it off, so I let her.

"Anyway, I found a spot in the woods close to the Bethel's place."

"Alright, Magellan, lead the way."

Seeing that she wasn't exactly dressed for a long hike through the woods, I decided to walk on the sidewalk until we got closer to the Bethel's place. At least that way the trek through would be a bit shorter for her.

"Dude, I am so not ready for school." She struck up a conversation, always hating it when it was too quiet.

"Who is?" I responded, running my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face. I needed a haircut.

"Lance Baker!" She yelled out excitedly as if it were the answer to a game show question. We laughed, walking together with ease. I always felt right by her side…whole…confident.

"He's probably read all the textbooks twice by now."

"I could never do that." She shook her head, stepping closer into my bubble as we walked. Her hand grazed mine with every swing of her arm. Unsure if she wanted me to hold it, I just let it be.

We were approaching the spot to enter through when I spotted Dad's ‘95 silver Honda Accord. The squealing of the serpentine belt that needed replacing pulled my attention almost immediately. He was driving too fast, causing the tires to peel as he came to an abrupt stop beside us.

"Get in, Brian."

By his tone and bright pink eyes, I knew something was wrong…something was very wrong.

"Everything okay, Mr. Walker?" Lizzie asked, noticing my suddenly tongue-tied self.

"No." I met Lizzie's eyes as she turned to look at me. We already knew. He didn't have to say it, but he did. "Donna just died."

I thought I was ready, but God was I wrong.

Mom was really gone.

Present

I fled Elle's house the moment Lizzie texted me it was safe to do so. Without hesitation, I made my way to the very spot Dad broke the news of Mom's death. I was sitting in my ‘69 Ford Mustang, listening to Always by Blink-182 as I waited for Lizzie to tell me Milo was taken care of.

It might not have been the time to tell her that I loved her and that I had always loved her, but maybe it was okay to plant the seed. Maybe I could tell her about the time I almost told her I loved her. Perhaps that was toeing the line, and more than likely not a good idea, but to hell with it. With everything that was going on, I wanted to try, to see what would happen.

Lizzie: All done. Where are you at?

I sent her my location, getting a thumbs-up emoji in return. It only took her six minutes to get here, since the elementary school wasn't too far off. She parked her truck behind my car, hopping out with an arched brow.

"Planning on murdering me in the woods?" she joked, probably still feeling weird from this morning's accidental flashing.

"Nah, I do all my murdering in the desert."

Jesus, that's too dark.

Her eyes bugged, holding still for a moment as she watched me. I couldn't believe I said it either, but then she laughed and everything was okay again. Exhaling deeply, I motioned for her to follow me into the thicket of trees.

Even though she didn't know where we were going, she refused to walk behind me, keeping to my side. It seemed that habit of hers hadn't changed. Why would it? She hated feeling left behind, so walking behind others wasn't in her nature.

"Bry, why are you bringing me here?" She broke the silence as we neared the spot, brushing against me as she walked closely.

"I wanted to bring you here the summer before high school, but then," I paused for a second, remembering the news of Mom's death, "I never got the chance."

Lizzie was quiet as her gaze fixed on the ground, lost in contemplation. Surprisingly, I believed she remembered the day. Her eyes met mine, grabbing my shoulder to stop me from taking another step forward.

"Brian, this is where you were taking me when she died, isn't it?" I nodded, unsure of what to say.

Her expression brimmed with sympathy, shining in those captivating hazel eyes of hers. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as she embraced me close. The sweet scent of rosewater and ivy filled my lungs as her hair tickled my nose.

"It's fine, Lizzie. It's been a long time since then." I gave her a light chuckle, instinctively trying to ease the weight of my mom's passing.

"I know," she said, but refused to let me go, holding on tight.

"Uh, Lizzie?" I placed my hands on her hips, trying to pull her back so I could see her face again. She didn't budge, shaking her head and burying her face deeper into my neck.

"Just another minute longer." Her breath tickled my skin as she spoke, sending goosebumps to embarrassingly run down my body. "Please."

"Okay, Lizzie."

I let my arms encircle her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder as I pressed our bodies together. She was silent, holding onto me as if she was afraid I would disappear into the air. It was more than a minute before she pulled away.

My hands reached out, unable to help myself, gently caressing her cheek as I tucked a glossy strand of her hair behind her ear. She hovered in my personal space, not backing away, but no longer pressed against me either. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know anymore." Her gaze fell, staring at my chest as she placed her hand over my heart. "Do you think they really continue living in our hearts? Because right now I have a hole the size of Lyle inside mine, and it feels like it will never heal." She tapped her fingers over my heart, keeping her gaze there. "But when I'm around you, it feels like it's not bleeding as badly. You stop it from hurting as much, yet at the same time you make it hurt worse."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to make sense of her own feelings, leaving me grappling alongside her.

"Why do I make it worse, Lizzie?"

"Because, you make me feel guilty. You make me miss him more."

"I miss him, too. Tell me how I make you feel guilty." Her eyes finally met mine, showing me everything she wasn't saying as she shook her head.

"Where's this spot you were taking me to?" She changed the topic, and aware of her fragile state, I didn't push it.

"It's this way. We're close."

Knowing she was still emotional, I grabbed her hand as she walked beside me again. She, thankfully, didn't seem to mind the contact, interlocking her fingers with mine the entire time. As we drew nearer, the ground beneath our feet transformed, turning from the snapping of twigs and crunch of dead leaves to the softness of lush, green moss.

There, among the tall, thick trees, stood the largest boulder, about fifteen feet tall, covered in graffiti. Upon closer inspection, you could tell that written amongst the graffiti were names. Names of lovers along with their promises of being together forever, if only in written ink.

"What in the world?" she blurted, a large smile on her face as she approached the stone. "This has seriously been here all this time?!"

She seemed just as astounded as I had been when I first stumbled upon it, reading every name to see if I recognized any. I didn't. Not one of those hundreds of names belonged to someone in Willowbrook at the time. It would appear this stone collected names from many weary travelers, explorers, and the ones who took the path less traveled. Quite literally since the trail that led here blossomed with wildlife.

"It would seem that way." I smiled as I watched her run her hand over the boulder's ragged surface in wonder. She traced some of the drawings with the tip of her finger, reading the names inside it as she did.

"Frank and Lilah. Julia and Brent. Brian and Lizzie." She stopped, turning her head to meet my eyes, finishing what I had written with our names. "Always together, adventuring or not."

"I wrote that the day before Mom died. I wanted to show you this, to tell you something I had been holding back."

The pounding of my heart was the only proof that this moment was real, and not just another dream. I approached her very slowly, scared she'd run off. She never took her eyes off me, nor did she move her hand from the rough exterior of the boulder.

"You were holding back on me?" she asked, her throat bobbing as she swallowed. Maybe she knew what I was about to say, and she was scared about it. Part of me wanted to stop here and come up with some bullshit lie to tell her. But the bigger part of me wanted to finally say it, to get it off my chest.

"I was." I nodded, taking her free hand in my own. "That day I wanted to tell you that I loved you. Not just as your friend, Lizzie, but as so much more. I wanted to start high school with you as my girlfriend, by my side in a totally different way."

Her eyes shone, misting with tears she tried to fight back. I was so afraid she would pull her hand away and run away screaming. Part of me feared I was pushing too much on her right now, but I hoped a past confession wouldn't bother her as much. She didn't have to know I still felt that way.

"Bry," she whispered, squeezing my hand with hers. "I — I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Lizzie. I just needed you to know. Younger me needed to get that off his chest." I squeezed her hand back, giving her a small smile. "Thanks for trusting me enough to come into the woods with me."

"You're the only person I would willingly follow into darkness," she answered, but her eyes were fixed on our names with an odd expression on her face.

Did I mess up by telling her?