Six

Liz

21 years ago

I was waiting for good old Dr. Michelson to call me into his office, watching his receptionist, Ms. Patty, clack away at her keyboard. The cushioned chairs in the waiting area outside his office were at least a million times more comfortable than the hard plastic that dug into my bones back in class.

Out of the glass windows I could see the blue spikes of Brian's mohawk as he made his way inside. He spotted me, flashing me his grin as he headed for Ms. Patty. "Ms. Johnson sent me."

"Take a seat by Ms. Wallace. I swear, the pair of you are going to do me in."

I scoffed as Brian took his seat beside me, tapping his elbow to mine. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes, thanks to me. My chest caved as I recalled the sadness in his eyes upon seeing the cuts I had been making. I couldn't control it. When life felt like too much and everything was getting to me, cutting into my skin was like letting all of it flow out. As if my blood was carrying that emotion, and I was purging them out of me with every scrape of a blade.

"What got you sent here?" he asked me, his eyes trained on my own. There was this proud gleam in them, as if he was happy I was here, too.

"That freaking dumb-a, Coach Neal. He said I was giving him an attitude when he told me my shorts were too long." I censored myself for Ms. Patty's sake, but I was still seething at his stupid comment. Since when are shorts being too long a bad thing? They weren't even that long! They reached about two inches above my knee.

"Effing perv." Brian did the same, only because we both loved Ms. Patty. She was the only adult here we could seem to tolerate.

"Exactly! What about you? Why are you here?"

"Lyle." Brian rolled his eyes, seeming agitated at the fact.

"What? What did he do?" My stomach twisted at the thought of Lyle messing with Brian. There was this stupid side of me that had started to like the idiot and our conversations while he tutored me. But if he was being a jackass to Brian, I was going to have to convince my body that we found him repulsive, even if we didn't.

"Nothing really. He's just a dumb-a, too. Asked me if he could pull off a mohawk."

I laughed so hard at the thought that Ms. Patty had to shush me. "Sorry Ms. Patty."

"I did the exact same thing and Ms. Johnson just pointed out to the hall. That's all it takes when you've got these pretty things on your head." He pointed to his spikes, and I couldn't help but reach out and touch one. They weren't as hard today, probably because he didn't get a chance to gel them back up, having stayed at my house overnight.

"So you and Lyle, huh?" I teased him, resting my hand back on my lap.

"I don't know. Dude is weird."

"He's really not that bad."

Brian pulled away from me, giving me a look of skepticism. "Run that by me again?"

"Oh, shut up. I am just saying he's not as bad as we thought."

"Mhmm, I'll have to take your word for it."

Present

I was sitting in an all-too-familiar chair, waiting for the principal. Not much was said when they called me, only telling me to come, that Lily had been suspended. I thought I was just picking her up, but when we got here, they asked that I come in and talk. So, here I was, flashing back to high school with Brian beside me.

"She's no Ms. Patty." He leaned into me, whispering as he looked at the receptionist. Not to be mean, but she looked like an old crone. A woman who detested all children, and would eat them alive if allowed.

I suppressed a laugh as I responded, "No kidding."

"Mrs. Foster?" Another all-too-familiar face stepped out of the principal's office, dropping my stomach to the floor.

"You've gotta be shitting me," escaped my lips without permission as I stared at the loathsome Coach Neal.

"Elizabeth Wallace?" His brows pinched in confusion as he stared at what I was assuming was Lily's file, probably checking that the information was correct.

"Yeah, it's Foster now."

"Right. Figures she's your child," he muttered, probably thinking I wouldn't hear him. Brian stiffened beside me, having heard the same thing. No worries, though. I was a grown-ass adult who could mouth off to his sorry ass now.

"Do you say that because she's so bright and all around a great joy?" I rolled my eyes as I entered his office after him, seeing Lily with her head bowed. It broke me to see her confident attitude broken. "Lil?" She didn't respond. "What the hell did you do to my daughter?"

"There's no need for that language," Coach Neal responded as he closed the door before Brian could enter.

"Like hell. That's my baby girl over there!" Lyle was in Coach Neal's face. Too bad he couldn't see him, too.

"Oh, but there is."

"For your information, your daughter hit another student today."

That doesn't sound like Lil.

"Did they deserve it?" I crossed my arms, refusing to sit when he gestured to the chair in front of him.

"Of course they deserved it. This is Lily we're talking about." Lyle was at my side, fuming just like me. Similar to the way he would be if he really was here. Only if he was, we wouldn't be at Willowbrook, and none of this would be happening.

"That's not the point, Ms. Wall—Mrs. Foster."

"You sure you don't want to call me shithead like you used to?" My blood was boiling, barely holding back the instinct to punch his nose in.

"Please, calm down. We just need to talk."

"Screw him, and his talk." Lyle's manifestation was inches away from Coach Neal's face.

"Like hell. I'm taking my daughter and leaving. She can tell me what happened, and I swear…if I find out you're picking on my kid, your balding will be the least of your worries." I flipped him off, seeing him turn tomato red, but I didn't give him a chance to say anything as I grabbed Lil and left.

"That's my rebel girl!" Lyle's chuckle followed me out before he disappeared again.

"Let's go!" I yelled at Brian without meaning to, but I was still fuming.

This was a bad idea. I should have never sent her here. So much for therapy helping my outbursts.

It wasn't until we were well on our way back to Elle's that I turned to her in the backseat. "Explain."

She sighed, picking at her pants as she avoided my eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, that's too damn bad, Lil. Start talking."

Her green eyes hit me in the gut, seeing too much of Lyle in them. "Some stupid bitch said you killed Dad."

Fuck me. They were hearing these rumors at school. Had Milo heard it, too?

"And then what happened?" I was waiting for the part where she did something to get in trouble.

"I told her she didn't know shit, and when she kept on, I just lost it. I punched her right in that stupid mouth of hers."

"That's my girl." I patted her leg. "Don't ever lower your head for defending your family, Lil. You hear me?" She nodded, her eyes full of tears now. "I am sorry you had to hear that."

"I am sorry you have to deal with that, Mom."

How did I get so lucky to have a daughter like her?

"Don't worry about me, baby. I am tough as nails."

"Nails? Nah," Brian chimed in, "tough as diamonds. Your mother has always been a badass."

Lily regarded Brian cautiously, but nodded her head all the same. I forgot she didn't really know him. It hurt me to realize this, as he was such a big part of my life, despite not having been in it for a good two decades. I need to get him around the kids more.

"Lil, I hope you know you're not in trouble, but maybe next time, do it where you won't get caught. Where were you, anyway?"

"The cafeteria," she mumbled, looking down at her lap again, but this time she was smirking. It made me grin alongside her, knowing she more than likely felt vindicated having all those eyes on her as she punched the kid.

"No way. You gotta call them out on their shit and have them meet you at Cliff Park. If they don't show, they'll get picked on by everyone at school the next day. And if they do show up, you get to beat their ass until you're satisfied, or someone calls the cops." Brian was full of comments, advising my daughter on how to fight. I didn't mind it, agreeing with him as I nodded my head too excitedly.

"Exactly!"

"Mom, I don't think this is the advice you're supposed to be giving me." Her giggles were music to my ears after the way I found her in Coach Jackass's office.

"I wouldn't be your mom if I didn't."

"Thanks."

My heart felt better as I saw her bright smile again. She's okay. "Anytime, baby. But can I ask, where was Addie?"

"She doesn't have the same lunch as me, but she heard about it. She was sending me scolding texts. The stuff I thought you would be saying."

"She definitely takes after her mother." I laughed, reminiscing about the times Elle would scold me for getting into trouble Mom didn't even know about. Lil only nodded, turning her attention out towards the passing fields as we headed back home.

Brian pulled up to Elle's house faster than expected. Hard not to speed in a beauty like this. He waited as I got Lil inside, hugging her tight. "Thank you for sticking up for me, sweet girl. But you let that little shit say what she likes. It doesn't bother me."

"It bothers me," she snapped, still upset.

"Alright, Tiger. Easy there. Sadly, we can't have you getting suspended all the time if you're still trying to go to Brown."

Her round eyes widened with realization and regret as she finally understood the consequences of her actions. "Cliff Park, right?"

I smiled real wide, nodding my head as I played with her hair. "That's right. Cliff Park."

"Got it."

"Out of curiosity, what's this girl's name?" I asked her, needing a name to curse later tonight.

"Tulip," she sighed as if the mere thought of her name was enough to send her into another frenzy.

"I love you, Lil. Are you going to be okay by yourself for a little while? I need to finish working, but Elle should be back soon. I will call her and let her know what happened."

"I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me, mom."

"Okay. Good. I'll text you the shop and Brian's numbers in case of emergencies, since my phone is about to die." I lingered a moment, staring at her, because honestly I didn't want to leave her.

"I love you. Go back to work."

I kissed her cheek as I reluctantly headed back to Brian. He was leaning against the hood of the car, staring out at the grassy field. His expression told me he was deep in thought, as his eyes were glazed over. I won't lie. He looked pretty damn hot against that cherry-red Mustang.

"Hey." I snuck up on him, but he didn't jump as I had hoped he would. "Thank you for coming with me."

"No problem. I can't believe Coach Neal is the principal now. I really thought he was going to get fired for being such a creep."

"Guess not. But fuck my luck."

"No kidding." He let out a small laugh, giving me this lopsided grin that made my heart skip. "Why don't you stay with Lily? We can handle the shop just fine."

"Brian, no. I have already left early a few too many times. Plus, I keep taking you with me. You're going to fall behind and everyone is going to hate me." I shook my head at him, pushing him towards the driver's seat. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me close, crashing my chest into his, and causing a small gasp to leave my lips.

Remember when I said the slightest wind could blow just right and turn me on? Imagine what having my breasts pressed against a hard chest was doing to me.

"Lizzie, my shop is not your problem. If you want to stay with Lily, I'm telling you, you can."

"And I'm telling you I'm going back to work. I just need to call Elle." I tried to pull back, but Brian was holding onto me tight, leaving me a sopping mess.

"I already did."

"You did?" I questioned, surprised he thought to do so.

"Yeah, figured she would want to know. She's always been protective of you and your kids."

I arched a brow at him, staring up into those damn sparkly eyes. "How would you know she is protective of my kids?"

"Because I grew up with you both, remember? Besides, your sister and I spoke when I moved back, and she filled me in on your life." Although he seemed to keep tight-lipped about his own with her, knowing she couldn't keep a secret from me very well. "She's told me about Lily and Milo and how much she adores them."

Elle was four years older than me. So, although she was around when we were younger, when Brian and I were in high school, she was off at college. Her absence was most pronounced at home when I was left alone to deal with mom and dad.

"Right. Let's get to work then."

Brian didn't let me go at first, staring into my eyes for what felt like an eternity. He leaned in, resting his forehead against my own as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. My heart was palpitating at this point.

"You're doing a great job, Lizzie. Don't forget that."

He let me go so fast, you'd think my skin burnt him. I stayed stunned for a few seconds before shaking off the lust that was taking over. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the passenger seat.

This is going to be a long, short ride.

"Goodnight, baby boy." I kissed Milo's sweet cheek after tucking him in tight. He might be ten, but he still loved to be tucked in and said goodnight to.

"Goodnight, Mom." He gave me that sweet little grin of his.

I turned his light off, leaving the door cracked to let in the light from the hall. It was the way he liked it. He wasn't a closed door kind of kid, at least not yet. Two doors down, I found Lily pouring over the pages of her latest read.

"Time for bed, Lil."

"Why? I don't have school tomorrow." She didn't bother to look up from her book as she spoke.

"That may be so, but you've got farm duty with your aunt instead." That brought her attention to me, mouth parted in surprise.

"Please, tell me you're kidding."

"Sorry, sweetie. Why do you think I've kept my job for so long now?" Two weeks is a while for me.

"Mom, please. Talk to her. Tell her I can't do it."

"You're very funny, Lil. This is your aunt we're talking about. You better get to bed. You're going to be waking up before your brother and I."

"Mom!" I heard her yell after me, but she didn't chase, accepting her fate.

"Goodnight!" I yelled back, stopping at Addie's room next.

"Hey, sweets. Your mom says it's time for bed."

"Yup. Just saying my prayers and I'll be down for the night. Night, Auntie Beth."

"Goodnight, Addie. Maybe say a little prayer for your cousin. She's working on the farm with your mother tomorrow."

Addie was already on her knees, hands clasped together with her elbows resting over her bed. "I always pray for you and my cousins, but I'll add a little more for Lily."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

I may not be the praying type, but it didn't mean I didn't believe in The God Almighty. After all, I was born and raised in the south in a small Christian-based town. There was no getting away with not knowing your Bible.

I made my way back outside, finding Elle on the porch swing again. It was her favorite spot, always had been. I took a seat beside her, holding her hand as we swung.

"I'm sorry about Lil. Figures it would be Tulip. Never did like that girl." Elle broke the silence first.

"You know who she is?"

"Are you kidding? She's Danielle's daughter. I never much liked Danielle either."

"Don't get me started." I shook my head. Part of me still felt a bit guilty about taking Lyle from her. Then I would remember what he told me, and it would all fade away. ‘She never loved me. She loves what I do for her. It's never been a relationship, and she knows it.'

Elle let out a small chuckle, patting my thigh with her overworked hands. "All I've got to say is Tulip is too much like her mother. Don't let Lil follow your footsteps to a T, too, okay?"

"She's smarter than me, Elle. There's not a chance of her doing that."

"Let's hope not. I'm off to bed. Early morning and all. Goodnight, Liz. Sleep with the Angels and God"

"Goodnight, Elle. Sleep with the Angels and God," I repeated, saying what we'd always tell one another before bed as children.

I stayed outside until I was certain everyone was asleep before heading to my room. Still feeling so pent up from earlier today, there was only one thing I could do to help. And I didn't need anyone knocking on my door and interrupting it.

"Leaving the best for last, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me, patting the bed like he used to.

"Always."

I locked my door behind me, stripping my clothes off slowly. Lyle's ghost, as I called him, watched me carefully. It really was almost as if he was truly here. I grabbed my toy out of the nightstand, pulling it from the black bag I had hidden it in.

"Mmm, so beautiful."

I let my mind play tricks on me, letting the feel of Lyle's hand take over. My eyes closed shut, focusing on the memory of his hand on me, the way he felt. I imagined he was actually touching me, feeling the warmth of his hands, his calloused fingers, and the way his palm would rub over my nipples. The warmth of his mouth on my nipple exploded my mind.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"I'm right here, sweets."

I didn't let my mind wander to his death, to the fact he wasn't here. Instead, I stayed in this delusion, allowing him to spur my desires. I could feel his skin against mine, imagining him mounting me as I slid my toy inside me.

"Lyle," I moaned quietly, because I remembered just how thin these walls are.

"Don't wake the children." His chuckle stirred me, almost breaking me out of the moment. It's his laugh I miss the most.

The taste of spearmint flooded me, reminding me of the kisses we'd share. My hand played with my nipple, while the other slid the toy in and out of me.

"That's my girl. I love when you take care of yourself."

It was too much for me, teetering between pleasure and utter hell. I had to be careful not to make him feel too real, or I'd be reminded of how much I missed him. But if I didn't make him real enough, then I would lose him completely.

"Perv." I laughed, turning myself on further as I played with my erect nipples.

"You love it. Now, I want to watch you cum, sweets. Let me see."

My hand traveled south, adjusting the toy so that it was rubbing against my clit while penetrating me. Gotta love modern sex toys. Having been pent up for most of the day, and actually being able to keep Lyle with me through it all, I orgasmed rather quickly.

"Absolute perfection."

The ache I felt when I opened my eyes to see he wasn't there left me sobbing, naked, alone in the dark, and coming down from my waves of pleasure. I clutched onto the sheets where I had just imagined him.

Why can't he be real? Why can't he be by my side again?