Ten

Brian

*Song Suggestion: "Constellations (Piano Version) by Jade LeMac*

I fucked up. You just couldn't hold your tongue, could you, Brian? Fucking idiot.

Lizzie's behavior around me had changed exponentially. She might not be avoiding me, but she certainly wasn't seeking me out. I should have let it be, but when she admitted that she loved me too, I got excited. How could I not have?

When you pine over a woman for most of your life, the slimmest of chances seem a lot bigger than they are. I got carried away and told her more than I should have, and now I had to live with this awkwardness around us.

I need to make it right. I need to fix this.

She was still grieving, and stupid me, I lost my goddamn mind, blurting out how I truly felt. I had no clue how to make things right between us, but it didn't mean I wouldn't try. A week and a half had passed since I crept into her room and admitted I still loved her. She hadn't invited me back at night, and I worried she wouldn't, even if she needed me.

I decided I was chucking away the weirdness and making my way to her house anyway. We needed to talk, or fight, or act stupid. I don't even know. All I knew was that I couldn't keep living like this with her. I couldn't keep having her be a few feet from me but feel miles away.

The chilly air nipped at my face as I trekked down the long, dirt driveway in the dark of night. With cautious steps I climbed up the side of her porch, pulling up onto the roof, freezing when my eyes caught her sitting there with her gaze fixed on the sky. There was a full moon tonight in all its golden beauty, radiating its light off her black hair, giving her the appearance that she glowed.

She always glowed to me.

"Wasn't expecting to see you out here." I brushed my hands on my pants, ridding them of dirt.

"That's my line," she quipped, taking a sip of the glass bottle in her hand. Half of it was already gone, filling me with dread.

"Lizzie, why are you drinking on the roof?" She knew what I was asking.

Are you trying to hurt yourself?

"It's his birthday, Brian. Today is his birthday, and I forgot. I FORGOT!" She threw the bottle against the house, shattering the glass as the brown liquid slid down the siding.

I had forgotten, too, but I knew that didn't matter. To her, having forgotten was the most devastating thing imaginable. This would eat at her…fill her with even more guilt over something she really shouldn't feel guilty over. Lizzie had always been forgetful, never paying attention to the date or time.

She had forgotten everyone's birthday at one point or another. It was never because she didn't care, or because she had forgotten the day they were born. No, it was simply because she would forget what day it was. More than likely, if I had asked her what today's date was this morning, she would have shrugged her shoulders and told me she had no clue.

"Lizzie," I whispered her name as I took careful strides towards her, worried she would leap right off.

"Don't. There's nothing you can say that is going to make me feel better." She shook her head at me, backing away towards her window. The action eased my heart, feeling she was safer there.

"I know that. Trust me, I know."

"Then what, Brian?! What are you hoping to accomplish by being here?" Her eyes bore into my soul, pulling at my heart. It was breaking me to see her like this, wanting to see her smile again, to hear her laugh.

"I don't know, Lizzie. I am just as lost as you." My hands flew up in offense, knowing she didn't mean to lash out at me. She was hurt right now, but knowing that didn't stop the stinging in my heart. "All I know is that I want to be here for you. I want you to lay it all on me. Let me carry it for you."

"No!" she yelled, marching up to me with a fury. "You ruined it, Brian. You ruined it."

She broke down, unable to hold herself together anymore. Her head dropped to my shoulder, her hand clutching the collar of my shirt, fisting the fabric in her palm. Tears soaked the material as she sobbed. Instinctually, I pulled her into my arms, carrying her back inside through the window.

I laid her on the bed with me, letting her nestle her head on my chest as she continued to cry. My right hand ran over her silky, straight hair, down her back, and up again. My left hand rubbed her arm, running my fingers delicately over her smooth skin.

"I'm here, Lizzie."

She fell asleep crying, breaking my heart in two. There was more to this story, more than likely involving her children. Whatever was said, it killed her inside, and tomorrow she would still feel the pain of it all. Lizzie was never good at letting harsh words go. They rattled in her brain, slicing away at her soul day after day.

It took me an hour after she had fallen asleep to do the same, unable to shake the weight of her sadness. She pulled me into the depths of my depression without meaning to, leaving me to dream of Sam. Her smile brought light to my world, shimmering in her eyes. The way she laughed at everything, even the smallest of things. The fact her favorite jokes were always ones with puns. She haunted my dreams as I slept, causing a tear to slide down my cheek as I awoke.

Lizzie was gone already, probably not wanting to face me again. I won't let her off that easily. She couldn't avoid me this time, I wouldn't allow it. Getting off the bed, I made my way to the window to see that all the cars were still in the driveway. She hadn't left yet.

The door creaked open to reveal a more than distressed Lizzie. Her eyes were puffy and pink from last night's tears. Her hair — despite being straight and soft all the time — was sticking up. She dragged her feet, falling face first into her bed.

"I hate today," she mumbled into the sheets, barely audible.

"Lizzie." I let her name hang in the air until she turned her head, showing me those hazel eyes speckled with flakes of gold and green.

"I know, Brian." She sighed, sitting up and pulling her legs to her chest. "The kids are mad at me, Milo most especially. He accused me of not caring about his father anymore. Lil couldn't believe I had forgotten, giving me the silent treatment for most of the day. I can't take anything more right now."

"I am not trying to lay anything else on you. The opposite, actually. I want to help ease some of it." With small steps, I made my way towards her, sitting in front of her on the bed.

"How can you?" She rested her chin on her knees, curling herself further into a small ball.

"Let me try. We can throw Lyle a party at his favorite place. This way, the kids can see where their dad used to love to be. Show them something special about him, something they don't know." I ran my fingers through my tousled hair, trying to keep it out of my face. "They just miss their dad, Lizzie. Don't let their words hurt you so much. They didn't mean them. They were just upset."

She nodded, but stayed silent with her eyes fixed on her sheets. Her mind was far from this conversation, again being so close but so far away at the same time.

I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to cheer her up right now. "Text me when you leave. I will go get some party supplies and meet you at the treehouse. I'll let you know if it's still safe or not."

"Thank you, Bry," she whispered, getting off the bed and making her way to her kids. The people she cared most about were upset with her, and that wasn't helping the situation any.

Leave it to me, Lizzie. I will fix this. I will fix us.

21 years ago

I strode up to his luxury home, the benefits of having parents that owned the local dealership. A big part of me was screaming to leave before he saw me, feeling as if this were a trap.

"Hey, Brian!"

Too late.

Lyle ran up from behind me, waving his arm above his head as if I needed the extra movement to spot his giant self. I sighed, letting my head fall to the side as I turned fully his way. He beamed a blinding smile as he caught up to me.

"Glad you could make it, but, small change of plans." He pinched his fingers together, never letting his smile fade. "House is off limits, but I have a spot. It's kind of top secret, so you can't tell anyone."

"That's not a problem." I rolled my eyes, already exhausted with him. Why did I come?

"Awesome! Follow me." He waved his large arm, gesturing for me to walk with him away from his house. He led the way into the woods at the side of his property, causing me to slow. What if he had the whole football team waiting for me there? What if this was his way of beating me up with his friends and telling me to stay away from Lizzie?

"Look, I'd rather not follow you to my demise. So, can you just tell me what this is really about out here, where I'll be less likely to die?"

Lyle only laughed, draping his arm over my shoulder as if we were buddies. He pulled me towards the woods with that same smile. "You're a funny guy."

"I sure don't feel like it." I shook my head, accidentally scratching Lyle's cheek with the tip of my liberty spikes.

As we trekked further into the woods, my worries eased, seeing there was no one waiting for us here. I kept my eyes peeled, assuming there would be an ambush at some point. When Lyle suddenly stopped at the trunk of a large tree, I readied myself. This was it.

Only nothing happened. When I turned to look at Lyle, I saw him climbing a hanging rope ladder. The ladder led up to a tree house nestled high in the trees, camouflaged by the long hanging branches around it.

"You took me to a tree house?" I asked, so confused by this turn of events. Laughter burst out of me, echoing in the empty woods. In no way would I have ever imagined Lyle — the popular jock — spending his free time in a tree house.

"Yeah, it's where I go to get away from it all."

I followed up the ladder, emerging from the floor. It was cozy up here with a couple bean bags, a stack full of books, and a small covered window with binoculars beside it. The bubble of assumptions I had for Lyle burst, as I came to the conclusion that no one who was happy needed to ‘get away from it all.'

"Interesting spot." I plopped into one of the bean bags, grabbing a book and leafing through it.

Lyle reads classics?

"I like to think so." He dropped onto the bean bag beside me with his head hanging over the edge. "You know, I think we're going to be great friends."

I laughed until I realized he was being serious. Is he insane?

Present

The hanging ladder was still in good condition, considering. The tree house, however, needed work in certain spots. A few boards needed to be replaced, which I could easily do before the kids got out of school.

I took stock of the tree house, wanting to leave everything as it was to preserve more of Lyle. All three of our names were still written on the wall in black and blue sharpie. This used to be where we all met up to hang out, not wanting to hear the whispers and ridicules of our peers. No one accepted that Lizzie and I could be friends with Lyle. Instead, we hid out here all together. It was great until Lyle would kiss Lizzie or hold her in his lap. I stopped coming around as much at that point.

I ventured back down and towards my car, heading for the nearest hardware store — Jim's. On the way, I passed the Foster's house, seeing its trimmed hedges and large black gate. The house stayed much the same, black shutters against white brick with an accentuating black door.

They were creatures of habit, routines, and high standards. Hard to say they were human with how robotic they acted at times, as if they had no emotions, or at least lacked common human decency. Lyle wanted to make them proud, but they were never satisfied. When they gave him the ultimatum, he chose Liz and never looked back.

I would have done the same.

I pulled into the parking lot of Jim's Hardware, its metal exterior reflected the sun so brightly, I had to shield my eyes. As I entered, the scent of freshly cut wood mingled with the metallic tang of tools and machinery, permeating my lungs. Loving the smell, I inhaled deeply as I made my way to the wood section, finding what I needed with ease.

I approached the checkout line, taking a step back into the aisle I had come from when I spotted Lyle's dad. He was purchasing a new smoker with hope in his eyes. Mr. Foster had always won the smoked ribs competition we would have in late October, until Elle learned how to smoke them. She won every year since, and it drove Mr. Foster wild.

My foot hit something metal as I took another step back, accidentally crashing into a cart behind me. I spun around, grabbing the cart to steady myself as I apologized. "I am so sorry."

My eyes lifted to see I had of course crashed into Mrs. Foster's cart full of wood chips for the smoker her husband was purchasing. With her nose turned up, she sneered at me with disgust. Neither Lizzie nor I had ever been her favorite people, looking down on us like the scum of the earth, all because we changed her son.

All we did was allow him to be himself. We opened him to the idea that not everything he did had to be for his parents' approval. Lizzie and I showed him how to be the person he longed to be without apology.

"Where is she?" Mrs. Foster asked, scanning the area around me.

"Who?"

"Elizabeth, that murderous bitch." Her eyes narrowed as her upper lip curled in disgust. My blood boiled at her comment, wanting nothing more than to lose my shit on her. I knew creating a scene right now would not be what Lizzie needed.

"You and I both know she didn't kill Lyle. You need to stop spreading such horrendous rumors."

"It's not a rumor if it's the truth."

My hands fisted, containing all my anger in my palms. "So it's a rumor then. Thanks for agreeing."

She scoffed, shoving her cart at me so that it hit my stomach rather roughly. "I see a couple of decades has done little to help your intellect. I had hoped that the military would straighten you out, but clearly I was wrong."

She pushed past me, but I grabbed the side of her cart, halting her movements. I scowled at the bitter woman, lowering my voice so no one else could hear me. "Stop telling people that Liz murdered Lyle or I'll make your life a living hell."

I let go with a slight shove, watching her try to manage the cart before it hit the display shelves. Her eyes seared into mine, stopping time as I waited for her to retaliate. But she didn't, only marching off in a huff towards her husband. Not wanting to incur Mr. Foster's comments next, I went toward the garden area and checked out there instead.

After an hour I had replaced the rotted boards and made sure everything was secure and safe for Milo and Lil to be here. There was no way I was going to let any of them get hurt. I quickly ran to the store and bought some of Lyle's favorite chips, sodas, and of course cake. Leena cried as she wrote Happy Birthday Lyle over the chocolate icing. Everyone refused to take my money when I went to check out, feeling sympathy and showing the true colors of Willowbrook.

I hoped that this somehow would fix some of Lizzie's problems, because I didn't know what else to do.