9. Lorraine

Chapter Nine

Lorraine

I sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine. I looked at every page and saw nothing. It was already after midnight. Cat had gone to bed an hour ago after studying for her tests in the morning, and I should have been in bed, too, since I had work the next morning. I couldn’t sleep, though. Not until Oscar came home. Where the hell was he? What kept him so late? When I heard keys in the door, I closed the magazine. The keys scraped a few times before Oscar got it right and pushed the door open, stumbling into the house. “Where were you?” I asked when he dropped the keys on the cabinet next to the door rather than hanging them on the hook. “Oh, hey, babe!” he said and offered a big grin. “I thought you’d be in bed already. God, it’s good to see your face.”

He walked over to me and gave me a slobbery kiss, but all I could taste was cheap beer. “Where were you?” I asked again, pulling away from him. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“What’s the big deal?” Oscar asked with a frown. “The big deal is that you could have been killed and I wouldn’t have known, because I have no fucking idea where you are,” I cried out. “You could have dropped me a text at least.”

My voice trembled and I was suddenly on the verge of tears. I hated it when I got angry like this and then wanted to cry. It took away the vehemence of my anger. “Hey, hey, hey,” Oscar crooned and pulled me against him. “I’m not going anywhere. I know it’s tough, but just because your parents?—”

“Don’t,” I said, nearly gagging from the smell of smoke that clung to his clothes. “Don’t you dare say it.”

Oscar had wanted to say that just because my parents had died didn’t mean he would too. I hated it when he said that, throwing their deaths around like it didn’t hurt like hell to think or talk or hear about it, like it was just something he could throw in as a fact. “I’m okay, okay?” Oscar said, trying to appease me. “I was out with the guys, we had a couple of beers.”

I narrowed my eyes. I could see he’d been drinking, but that opened a whole new line of questioning. “Who paid?”

“One of the guys, since it wasn’t a planned thing. Don’t worry, I didn’t spend anything.”

“Did you gamble?”

“Babe, I gave that up months ago, you know that.”

I didn’t believe him. I had no proof—I couldn’t exactly go around to all the casinos and pubs that hosted illegal games and interrogate them—but I still didn’t believe him. “You can’t do this to me,” I said. “I know. I wasn’t thinking. I’m really sorry, babe, but I’m home safe and sound, and everything is okay. Okay?”

I nodded. “I’m going to shower, I stink.”

When I agreed, Oscar laughed. “Keep it down, Cat’s sleeping.”

“She’s not a baby, Lor,” Oscar scoffed before he shut himself in the bathroom. I glanced at the cabinet where Oscar had dumped his keys. His wallet lay next to them.

It was the last day of the month—he should have been paid today. He would have a whole wad of cash in his wallet. I wanted to check it, but scolded myself. Didn’t I trust him when he said he hadn’t gambled? He’d been so good to Cat and me; it wasn’t fair of me to accuse him of lying, of gambling, of doing shit he’d promised he wouldn’t do. I couldn’t help myself. The truth was I didn’t trust him one bit. I walked to the cabinet and looked over my shoulder. When the shower turned on, I picked up the wallet and looked inside. It was empty. I jerked awake in the bed and looked around.

The sun streamed in through the window, and I knew exactly where I was right away. Despite dreaming about Oscar again—and the dream had felt so real, like a memory rather than a dream—I didn’t feel stuck in the past the way I had before. I pressed my fingers against my temples and tried to steady my ragged breathing. What was going on with me? Why was I dreaming about Oscar so much? After that night he’d sold me to settle his gambling debts—proof that he’d never stopped gambling like he’d promised he would—I’d written him off completely and vowed I would never think about that piece of shit again. I’d succeeded until my dream about him on the couch yesterday. Now, whenever I closed my eyes, he came to me in some kind of dream or memory, and I couldn’t shake the thought of him. I got up and showered before I got dressed. Ash wasn’t around. He’d taken to spending nights in the cabin with me, but after we’d fought when it had come out, he’d bound me to him without my knowledge, he’d gone back to his tree at night, and he hadn’t slept in bed with me since. A part of me wished he would—maybe having him next to me would drive the thoughts of Oscar away. After I got dressed, I left the cabin and walked to the orchard. It was good to be outside. The fresh air made me feel a bit better, and being out in the sunshine made the dream fade to a distant memory rather than something that felt like it had just happened. The sound of humming floated between the trees, and I smiled. Philippa appeared a moment later. She wore a tunic made of soft, sheer fabric, twisted and folded in all the right places so that it gave the illusion she was naked. “I was hoping I would run into you,” I said. “Yeah? You should have called me.”

The gods and goddesses lived in another realm on Mount Olympus, and they could hear and see all from there. When they were called upon, and they wanted to appear, they did. “I didn’t want to bug you,” I said. “Don’t be silly,” Philippa said. “You never bug me. We’re friends.”

I smiled. Philippa—her real name was Philotes, I’d found out after I’d known her a while—was a wonderful person, always ready to be there for me and help me feel better when I was stuck. I just didn’t want to be a burden. “What’s wrong?” Philippa asked with a frown when she studied my face. “You look troubled.”

“I am,” I admitted. “I’ve been having dreams about Oscar.”

Philippa’s frown deepened before realization hit. “Oscar, the ex-boyfriend who sold you to human traffickers to settle his gambling debt. That Oscar?”

“The one and only,” I said with a groan. “It sounds so bad when you describe him like that.”

“How else would you describe him?” Philippa tilted her head, her question genuine. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I sighed heavily. We walked through the orchards. The sun fell in patches on the grass between the trees, and the warmth was wonderful. I drank it in, feeling like I’d frozen through the night with my bad dreams and reminders of the past. “It’s still a little hard to see him as only the bad guy,” I admitted. “I mean, he was there for me when my parents died. He took care of us when I didn’t have the will to keep going, and that counts for something.”

“Not everyone is supposed to be around forever. People have seasons, you know. There’s a reason nature is full of change. Change is natural, and it should keep happening.”

I glanced at Philippa. “Even when you find your soulmate?”

“Honey, I don’t think Oscar was your soulmate.”

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t think he was, either. Neither did my mom and dad. They wanted me to leave him; they kept telling me I deserve better. I didn’t do it before they—” My voice caught in my throat. “After that, he was the only one we had left, and getting rid of him seemed impossible at first because I needed him, and later… it just felt wrong to kick him out after everything he did for us.”

“It sounds to me like he wasn’t a good guy at all.”

“He wasn’t.”

“You didn’t mean him when you asked about a soulmate… who did you mean?”

I hesitated before I said, “I don’t know.”

“Did you mean Ash?” Philippa’s mouth rounded in an O of surprise, her eyes sparkling. She stopped and grabbed my arm. “Tell me you meant Ash!”

I shook my head. “Soulmates don’t exist in realms where I can’t be forever. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Do you care that much about him, though?” Philippa asked. The way she tilted her head in a childlike way when she asked questions was endearing. Her questions were never asked with ulterior motives or double engenders. She always asked exactly what she meant to ask. “I don’t know,” I finally admitted. “That’s not a no.”

“It’s not a yes,” I pointed out. “No, it’s not, but you’re asking about it for a reason.”

I shrugged. “I thought I was really falling for him.”

“You thought?”

The questions were getting tough. “I don’t want to fall for him. We’re not meant to be together. We don’t live in the same world, and after all this is over, I’m going back home and Ash won’t follow.”

“How do you know he won’t follow?” Philippa asked. I turned to her. “Let’s be real. I’m not the kind of girl a guy leaves everything behind for. I’m the kind of girl guys settle for.”

Philippa frowned, and for the first time ever, she looked angry. It was a surprise. She always looked like she was in a good mood. I’d never seen a negative expression on her face. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself! Just because you had the wrong guys in your life doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, just with them! You’re worth everything, and you won’t accept the love you deserve because you don’t think you deserve it!”

The more she talked, the angrier she got, until her cheeks were red and her brows knitted together in fury. “Wow, you’re really worked up over this,” I said. “It just makes me so mad when someone great doesn’t see their true worth! Ash isn’t just with you because he’s looking for a way to pass the time. Trust me, I know what that looks like. He’s with you despite the fact that he’s trying to make time pass without being aware of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the first person who’s been able to get that man out of his tree and awake every day. You have no idea—that woman he was with did a number on him, and if Ash wasn’t immortal, she would have been the death of him. Since you came along, it finally looks like he wants to live again. If that doesn’t mean something, I don’t know what does.”

I blinked at Philippa. “That’s really what’s going on? It was that bad?”

“Oh, you have no idea. We all thought he was going to be stuck in that limbo of heartbreak and regret forever, but along you came with your entourage of villains and snap!” She snapped her fingers for effect. “The real Ash returned. I don’t know what the true definition of a soulmate is, but if you could draw him out of his shell like that, and you feel the same way about him…”

I shook my head.

“The one time I meet someone great, and this happens. He’s a drus—or whatever—and I’m human. Figures.”

Philippa smiled, the anger gone without a trace. “I don’t think this has to be the end, you know.”

“Why?” I asked. Philippa shrugged. “There’s still some time before All Hallows’ Eve. Who knows what could happen?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know what could happen, but I also didn’t know if something would happen. After all, none of this had been planned, and thinking of Ash as someone who cared that much about me just scared me all over again. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t shake the lingering thought of Oscar. It was like he was watching me, although he had no idea where I was. How did I let go of the past and look toward the future when I didn’t know if the past was gone, and the future kept trying to evade me?