10. Ash

Chapter Ten

Ash

L orraine wasn’t in the cabin when I got there, so I entered because that was what she said she wanted me to do. I liked being able to come and go as I pleased, to be a part of her life that made her light up when I walked in and made her look down when I left. I liked that I had an effect on her because that meant she felt something for me, too. Just thinking it made my heart sink a little. Rowan’s wise words still mulled around in my mind, and it was hard to think about sacrifices. I would have to sacrifice being with Lorraine if I wanted to do this life. The only way I could hold onto her was by giving up my immortality again, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. I couldn’t—not after what had happened the first time. It was only thanks to Artemis that I’d had a Hail Mary pass after that at all, and she wasn’t going to be so generous a second time. I pushed everything out of my mind and opened the fridge. I didn’t know much about cooking, but that didn’t matter. I’d asked Philippa to help me, and she would drop by in a short while with everything I needed. All I had to do was make sure that the cabin was ready. That seemed easy enough to do. I just had to think about Lorraine and how she would respond, how she would feel about something, and I knew what to do. It was just like the cabin and decorating it. All I’d done was think about her reaction when she saw it, and giving her something she liked was easy. I had a box of candles with me. Rowan told me girls like candles. It seemed stupid to me—a source of light was a source of light—but I unpacked the candles on every surface I could find and slowly went about lighting them one by one. When I was done, the place flickered with the soft glow of candlelight, and it looked almost like it used to before I’d made the place electric for her. I still didn’t know why that worked for her—again, a source of light was a source of light. When someone knocked on the door, it was Philippa. She held a basket and beamed at me. “Where is she?” I asked. “She’s in the orchard, napping on the grass. I put a spell on her to sleep a bit after we spent some time this morning. She could do with a dreamless rest.”

Philippa looked worried for a moment, but before I could ask what was bothering her, she wiped the expression off her face and smiled at me again. “I got it all right here.”

She handed me the basket and craned her neck to look into the cabin behind me. “Come on in and see,” I said with a roll of my eyes. Philippa was curious as fuck. Philippa hurried inside, excited. “Oh, wow,” she breathed, looking around.

“I can’t believe what you’ve done to the place.”

“You haven’t seen it yet?”

She shook her head. “We’ve been spending time outside. I think Lorraine enjoys the sunlight; it makes her feel less stuck in the dark.”

My stomach twisted. Why did she feel like she was stuck in the dark? “Open it, open it!” Philippa exclaimed, turning to the basket. I did and peeked in. “Unpack it over there,” Philippa ordered, pointing at the coffee table I’d put in the middle of the living room. She hurried over and moved the candles I’d put there to the mantel above the fireplace, and I started unpacking the basket. It had roast fowl in it, with vegetables, wild rice, a kind of gravy in a container, a bottle of wine, fresh bread, and butter. “You really outdid yourself,” I said. “Thank you,” Philippa said, pleased. “No, thank you.” The meal really looked divine, and it was. Philippa had brought it from Mount Olympus, where the tables were always laden with food in the great hall. It meant a lot to me that she’d done it—I wanted to treat Lorraine with something special, something different from what she’d gotten used to here. “Okay, do you need anything else?” Philippa asked. I shook my head. “Good. I’ll get her to come home.”

I nodded, and Philippa left, more excited about our “date night” than I was. In fact, I was more nervous than excited. Terrified, even. The last time I’d done this, it had turned out very ugly. Not the date itself, but the relationship. I was putting myself out there tonight, making it clear that I felt more than I’d been saying or letting on, and it was a dangerous thing to do. Why was I doing it? Lately, Lorraine had looked a little down. I didn’t know what bothered her, but I felt bad that I kept her here, and I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone. I was here, even if I wasn’t always open. I kept my distance, but it had nothing to do with her, so I wanted to show her that I was here for her to lean on, to look after her if that was what she needed from me. I hadn’t slept with her just for personal gain, only to leave her hanging while she was stuck here. Okay, I had slept with her for personal gain back then. I’d been horny as fuck, and no one had ever beaten me at my own game of seduction the way she had, but it had changed since then. It wasn’t about me and what I wanted anymore. It had become about so much more than that, and I needed her to know that. When I heard her coming, I walked to the door and opened it. “Oh, you’re home,” Lorraine said. I liked that she referred to the cabin as home. “I fell asleep in the orchard and lost track of time.”

“That’s fine,” I said. Lorraine’s blonde hair was a mess, and she had bits of dried grass stuck in it. I stepped closer and picked out the grass for her. She wore a peach-colored dress that hit her halfway up her thigh and made her look incredible. I wanted to pull the dress off her, but not right away. I wanted to treat her first. “I have a surprise for you,” I said. Lorraine narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Why are you so full of surprises lately?”

I shrugged. “Humor me.”

She nodded slowly. “Close your eyes,” I said. “Don’t peek.”

She hesitated but did as I asked, and I stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist so I could guide her. I led her into the house, right to the coffee table, before we stopped. “You can open your eyes now,” I said. Lorraine did so and looked around, taking in the candles, the food, the mood. “Oh,” she said. “Ash… what is this?”

“A surprise.”

“This is really… nice.”

She sounded hesitant. “Do you like it?”

She nodded again, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Her reaction wasn’t ecstatic. “You seem unsure,” I said. “I am,” she admitted. “I don’t know what to do in this case.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been fucked a lot,” Lorraine deadpanned. “I know what to do when a guy wants to fuck me, but this… No one has ever done this for me before.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked. “No man has ever shown you what you’re worth?”

Lorraine only blinked at me. “Well, sweetheart, let me be the first. I hear that you never forget your first.”

Lorraine laughed, and the sound was beautiful. The smile on her face was what I’d been going for all along, and now that it was there, it was like sunshine had broken through the clouds, bringing light back to a somber world. “Oh, don’t you just,” she said, grabbing me and planting a kiss on my lips.