44. Elton

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Elton

I stare at the bed.

It’s still in the box, unopened and offensive, as it sits in the living room. When… he was supposed to move in, we decided to upgrade my queen bed to a king so we’d have more room to snuggle while we watched his favorite horror movies. Now, I’m stuck with a reminder of what should have been the happiest time of my life, mocking me because the time to return it has come and gone.

I snag my favorite whiskey from the kitchen island, taking a large gulp straight from the bottle as I make my way to the couch. Plopping down, I take more sips, but it does nothing to make me feel lighter.

I hate this.

I want to forgive Knox so much. All I want is to be back in his arms, but I know I can’t do that. He hurt me, broke my heart, and I deserve better. Still, in the dark hours of the night, I think of him. I think of how much I love him and how wonderful our future could have been together. I remember how happy I was when he’d let me see the little sides of him no one else had, and how full my heart was that he wanted the same things I did.

But how can I build a future with someone who broke me so easily?

The ding of the elevator call button jars me from my thoughts. I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk over to the wall by the entrance, pushing the call button. “Who is it?”

“Elton. Elton. Let me up, sweetheart.”

I swallow harshly at the sound of Knox’s pained voice. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been actively avoiding him these last two weeks. It was just too cruel to see him and not be able to run back into his arms and forgive him. Steeling myself, I shake my head, even though he can’t see it. “Go home, Knox.”

“ Please. I just wanna talk, ” he begs, his words slurring a bit.

I gasp. “Are you drunk?”

“ Elton, let me up. Let me up, sweetheart. ”

I shouldn’t, but I do anyway. He sounds trashed, and even though I’m still pissed at him, I don’t want him to potentially get hurt. I’ll let him come up and sober up, then send him home. That’s it.

Taking a step away from the elevator, I turn my back on it as my heartbeat races at the thought of seeing him again. Stupid . So stupid. I can’t believe I’m letting him up. It’s?—

The elevator dings and footsteps rush toward me, but I still don’t turn. I can’t see his face, can’t see the handsome man I fell in love with.

He wraps his arms around me from the back, pressing deep kisses against the back of my neck, plastering himself against me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Let’s talk. That’s all I want to do.”

I gulp, shrugging out of his hold as I walk to the kitchen. “I don’t want to talk to you. Just sit on the couch and I’ll get you some water. Take a nap or something and then go home.”

“No!” he shouts, running toward me and forcing himself between me and the kitchen counter. His eyes are bloodshot, his cheeks flushed pink as he takes my face in his hands. “It’s so good to see you. Fuck, Elton. Your grumpy bear misses you so much.”

A tear slips from my eye as he starts to kiss me everywhere, and I’m too weak to resist. My forehead, the tip of my nose, both closed eyelids, until he finally lands on my lips.

He tastes like cheap vodka and memories I’d rather forget, but I let him in anyway. I’m too full of longing for the man who broke me. As his tongue slides against mine, the barbell brings back memories of how it used to feel against my cock. Fuck, no. No…

“I miss you,” he whispers against my lips, working down my sweats. “I need you, sweetheart. Need you inside me. Need you to love me.”

“Knox, no…” But I’m still helping him drag down my sweats until my cock hits cool air. He takes it in his hand and my breath hitches, his touch so soothing and familiar.

Just this once.

I slam my lips against his once more, frantically unbuckling his pants and shoving them down past his ass. Spinning him and bending him over the kitchen island, I reach for the lube I know he keeps in his wallet, tearing the packet as the gel messily coats my fingers. I find his hole with ease, the action like autopilot as I start opening him up.

“Fuck me, sweetheart,” he cries out, pushing back on my fingers. “Oh, Elton. I love you so much. Fuck me.”

This is wrong. I shouldn’t be slathering lube on my cock and nudging it against his entrance, but I’m put under a spell when I’m around him. When I thrust in, all thoughts of his betrayal and of my heartbreak disappear. It’s the two of us again, back together, connected in a way I’ve never been with anyone before, and it’s okay.

“Knox, you feel so good,” I mumble against his neck, digging my nails into his ass, using that luscious bubble butt to pull him back against me. “Fuck, baby. You’re going to make me come so hard.”

“Get me filthy,” he pleads as he reaches to wrap his hand around the back of my neck. “I’ll be your slut this time. Fill my tight little hole. Show me I’m yours. I’m so yours.”

“I want to hate you,” I groan against him, slapping his ass with all my frustration. “I want to hate you so badly, but I can’t. I love you.”

He cries out when I take his cock in my grip, jacking him roughly in time with my thrusts. “Show me. Give me your cum.”

Holding my breath, I unload inside him, fucking him through my orgasm, the wet sounds of our love downright dirty. I keep stroking him until he comes all over my hand and sags against the island. He turns, not giving me a choice as he drags me down on top of him.

“I’ve missed you.”

I press my lips against the top of his head, tears in my eyes as I rock him. “I’ve missed you too, baby.”

“Say we’re okay,” he croaks. “Tell me we’re okay again.”

And it’s with those words that regret slams into me.

Because we’re not okay, and I just fucked him in my kitchen.

I… I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong. He’s drunk, I’m drunk, and this was a mistake. I never should have let him up. I should have let him fend for himself like he’s done his entire life, like I know he can, but it was my own selfish impulses that urged me to see him.

This changes nothing.

I stagger back, frantically shoving my half-hard cock in my sweats. Looking at me with questioning eyes, the smile on his lips fades. “Elton?—”

“You need to leave.”

“What?” he gasps, shaking his head. “No. I thought?—”

“This doesn’t mean we’re back together,” I snap. I have to be angry or else I’ll take him back. “This meant nothing, Knox. I need you to leave now .”

“No!” he yells, scrambling to get dressed. “We can’t be over! I’m so sorry! So fucking sorry! Please!”

Standing my ground, I shake my head at him. “There’s nothing left to say. I asked you politely to leave. Don’t make me call security.”

I know it’s a dick move, but I can’t do this right now. I have to process what just happened and what it means. I can’t do that if he’s here, crying and begging for me to take him back.

“I’ll tell you everything,” he rushes out, wrestling me into his hold. “I’ll tell you about Everest, about how I never felt worthy of love, about how I deal for Davis?—”

That news shocks me, and my eyes widen. Through my emotional shock, pieces start being put together. Like how Knox’s ‘job’ is something I never see him doing. How he’s always at the club. How he freaked out when I was going to talk to Davis about the weird numbers. “You deal for Davis? So, you knew there was something wrong with those spreadsheets?”

“Yes, yes,” he says, nodding so rapidly I’m afraid his head will fall off. “I just wanted to protect you.”

“What else have you lied about?” My chest tightens with unease as I rip myself out of his hold. “Was everything we were built on lies?”

“How much I love you isn’t a lie,” he yells, almost furious at my implication. “How could you even fucking say that? You’re not giving me a chance to explain!”

“Because you don’t deserve it!”

“Elton,” he rasps, a hint of sobriety in his gray eyes as he approaches me. “Believe in me just one last time. You always believed when no one else did.”

That’s true. When everyone wanted to write him off as an asshole, deadbeat, and overall terrible person, I wanted to see more. I gave him so many chances to open up, and it took so much time to get him to a point where he felt comfortable with me.

But I also gave him so many chances to be better, to tell me the truth, and to own up to his past, but he didn’t. “I don’t believe in you anymore, Knox.”

And that’s the awful truth. I don’t believe in him the way I used to. He was one person to everyone else and a different one with me. I thought I knew the real him, the one buried underneath the asshole who only cared about himself, but he showed his true colors. When people show you who they are, you believe them.

“You know what, just let yourself out,” I say, entirely exhausted. “I’m going up to my room.”

He takes a step closer. “Elton?—”

“Don’t fucking follow me!”

I run up to my room like a coward before he has the chance to do just that, slamming the door shut and making sure I lock it. Crashing onto my bed, I curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out.

Because I fucked the love of my life, the man I can’t stop thinking about, the person I thought was my soulmate.

But his lie showed me who he is, and I have to believe that.