43. Knox

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Knox

I stumble drunkenly into the club.

Tripping over my feet, I push past the crowd, not caring that I’m making people spill drinks or tumble back.

“Where is he?” I yell to nobody in particular.

It’s been two weeks without Elton. Two miserable fucking torturous weeks without my better half. I’ve texted, called, sent over gifts, even went to the penthouse, but he changed the scanner, so now my metal tag doesn’t even work.

I’m desperate to simply see him again. I want to know he’s okay, see how he’s doing, and beg him to give me another chance. I never imagined that he would have such an impact on me, and I miss the little things between us. Like the way he’d subtly smooth his thumb over the flamingo on my hand as he passed by. Like the way he’d smile at me first thing in the morning, kissing me even with morning breath. Like the way he just made everything brighter with his presence, made me better because of it.

Without him, my life is nothing but disappointment and shame and darkness.

“Elton!” I scream, running into a woman who curses me out as she knocks into the bar. “Sweetheart!”

“Woah, woah!”

My wobbly legs give out from under me as someone hooks their arm under my armpit to help me stand. I turn my head quickly, feeling a bit queasy at the motion, hoping to see Elton, but it’s just Butch.

“Knox, what the fuck?” he barks out, dragging me to one of the available corner booths. “You’re wasted.”

“Where’s Elton?” I rasp. Plopping down on the booth, I continue searching the crowd for him. “Butch, I need to see him.”

“I don’t think he wants to see you,” Butch says knowingly, and my stomach heaves at the idea that everyone now knows what a massive fuckup I am. He sees the question on my face and nods. “Elton told Skylar and Skylar told the rest of us. The little man has trouble keeping things to himself.”

I groan, dropping my face in my hands. “Butch, I need to see him. Just tell me where he is.”

“He’s not here,” Cassius says as he appears, a bottle of water in his hands. “Noticed Butch rescue your drunk ass and figured you might need this.”

I bat the bottle away when he tries to hand it to me. “Why are none of you answering my question? If you won’t tell me where he is, I’ll find him my-damn-self.”

“Hold it,” Butch says, yanking me back down by my arm. “Cassius is right. He’s not here.”

My stomach drops at that. Is it because he’s avoiding me? I haven’t seen him at work at all since he broke up with me. Has he taken all those nights off? Isn’t he risking his job here? “That’s not okay. He shouldn’t… He shouldn’t be putting his life on hold for me.”

“If what Skylar told us is accurate, he’s going through it,” Cassius says. “I don’t blame him for needing some time.”

I can’t even be mad that what went down is apparently common knowledge now, not when I’m so damn fixated on Elton and getting him back. In my drunken stupor, tears brim my eyes. I’ve done nothing but cry lately, and I’m surprised I still have tears to shed. This is what Elton’s done to me. I’m a complete wreck. “I miss him.”

Butch sighs. “Can I give you some advice, kid?” When I nod, he continues. “I know a thing or two about being hurt by the one I love.”

“And I know a thing or two about not being able to be with the one I want,” Cassius adds, looking into the crowd at the bar, where Skylar is happily mixing drinks. “It sucks.”

I shake my head. “It’s not the same. Elton and I belong together. I had him and then I lost him, all because of a mistake. I know I can get him back.”

“I know he’s hurting more than you,” Butch says, almost defensively. “You lied to him, and broken trust is the worst of all. It’s going to take him time to recover, and if he has any self-respect, he won’t take you back.”

I cry harder at that, and Cassius places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I think what Butch means is that some things in life just aren’t meant to work out. You can wish for something all you want, but it doesn’t mean it will come true. If Elton ever speaks to you again, you have to respect his decision.”

“I just need him to understand I was so fucking scared of losing him,” I explain, trying to garner some understanding in a conversation where I’m rightfully the bad guy. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m just so sorry.”

Butch and Cassius both nod, and Butch softens at my cries, sighing deeply. “Kid, I’m really not trying to be harsh, but people don’t get second chances in life. They get one shot, and when they fuck it up, that’s it.”

I don’t know what happened to Butch in his past life, but this is completely different. Elton is the most caring and patient man I know. If I could just talk to him and make him understand, I know he’d see that everything I fucked up was out of fear.

I never expected he’d become my best friend. I never thought I could love him. When both those things happened, it was like I was living in a daydream. I didn’t know how to process it or what to do, and I just kept putting off the truth. Maybe that’s just the alcohol talking, but I’m not willing to give up on him.

Cassius, on the other hand, has a different opinion. “If you love him this much, you need to be whatever he needs right now.” He drops his head, bitterness and longing in his eyes. “Be whatever he needs, even if it breaks your heart. But it’s over, Knox. You might always love Elton, but he’s not yours anymore.”

“Let me call you a ride,” Butch offers, already pulling out his phone. “You need to go home and sleep this off. We’ll tell Davis you weren’t feeling good and had to head out.”

I nod dumbly as I process everything they’re trying to tell me, but refusing to believe it. Elton and I aren’t like everyone else. Everyone and everything else sucks, but we’re special.

I finger the black band on my finger, the one he was meant to propose with, feeling the engraving ‘My Grumpy Bear’ rubbing against my skin. If I fight hard enough, I know we’ll get engaged, have our wedding and our dream honeymoon, our three-point-two kids, and our two cats and one dog.

We’ll have it all, because I’m not going to give up on us.

So when Butch shoves me in the car, telling the driver to take me straight home with a menacing threat, a few hundred-dollar bills change the driver’s mind.

Because I’m getting my man back.

No matter what.