45. Elton

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Elton

I try to zone out as I play my game, getting thoroughly beat not even three seconds into this new round.

I sigh, tossing my controller on the floor beside me. Operation: Forget Knox is not getting off to the right start. It’s been a week since our painful hookup, and he’s still all I can think about. I’ve tried to distract myself with everything I could to get him out of my head, but it’s impossible. I know I’ll eventually have to go back to work, and I dread what’ll happen to my head and my heart when I see him again.

“Knock, knock.”

“Ev,” I say, looking at my door to see Everest. “Hey, bro. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Yeah, I used my tag.” He holds it up, as if I need proof of how he got in here. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he takes a step inside. “Can we talk?”

I scoot over so I can drag the other bean bag chair next to me. “Of course. Sit.”

He does so warily, casting me anxious looks as he settles in. He starts rubbing his hands against his jeans, and I quickly catch on to the fact that this is a conversation I’m not going to like. “I want to talk about Knox.”

Yup. Called it.

“What about him?” I ask casually, hoping my mind will fall in line with my tone.

“I want to apologize for not telling you and that he and I used to…”

“Fuck?” I snap before I can think better about it.

Okay, that was blunt, but why skirt around the edges? He and the man I wanted to be my fiancé fucked in a past life and that’s simply the unfortunate truth. I can’t stop picturing how they were together, or how Knox treated him. Did he tell Everest that all he wanted was him? Did he promise to love him forever? Was he his special slut, just like I thought I was?

My man was in love with him, but I’m trying not to be mad at Everest for that, because that was before I was in the picture. However, I feel like I’m justified in being upset.

And I’m entirely justified in being angry that nobody fucking told me.

“Yeah,” he says on a wince. “But the last time we…did it was before Rhys and I got together.”

I nod, taking in the information. I was never under the impression that Knox was cheating on me, and Everest loves Rhys too much to have gone behind his back. Still, the fact that it ever happened bothers me. “Okay.”

“What I really want to apologize for is that I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t think it was my place. I thought maybe it was better coming from him,” he explains. “Knox really is a great guy, Elt. I know he didn’t mean to hurt you by keeping it from you.”

“But he did,” I say, bitterness curling around my heart like poisonous vines. “It’s…a little bit gross to think about you two together, but I think I would have gotten over it. He lied to me, Ev. Repeatedly. I don’t think I should take him back after that.”

There’s sadness in his eyes as he nods. “I know, and I’m not trying to convince you to. I just think you were so happy with him, and I’d hate for those happy memories to sour because of how it all went down.”

The memories are what get me late at night. The way he used to rub my feet if I complained about them hurting. The way he hated to admit that he loved to cuddle with me in bed. The way he just understood me better than anyone else.

I touch the flamingo under my arm, brushing my fingers against the shared tattoo, and tears well in my eyes. My body, permanently marked with him, is going to ruin me. It isn’t just my skin that’s coated in memories of us. This penthouse, this city, the club, my parents’ house, they’re all just haunted by what we were.

And I don’t think I can handle that.

“I…” I let out a deep breath, finally saying out loud something I’ve been thinking about since I broke up with Knox. “I think I need to move.”

Everest wrinkles his nose in confusion. “You love this penthouse.”

“No, Ev. I mean… I think I need to leave Miami.”

I think this city might have offered me everything it possibly could have. I grew up here, attended college here, fell in love here, and had my heart broken here. I thought I wanted to start my life with Knox here, and I can’t cope with the fact that it’s not going to happen.

“What?” he gasps, shaking his head. “No, Elton. You can’t go?—”

“I think it’s what’s best,” I say firmly, but I have to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back my tears. “I think it’s best if I just start over somewhere fresh.”

“You’re running away,” he states, the words coated in disappointment. “That’s not like you.”

I chuckle humorlessly at that. It’s exactly like me. Before my trip to Valencia, I was all about sweeping shit under the rug and avoiding the more unpleasant things in life. Look what happened when I decided to open myself up and be more authentically me. My heart was broken. Nobody can blame me for just wanting to forget about it all.

“Please tell me you’ll consider staying,” he begs, reaching out to grab my arm. “We’ve just gotten closer, and we’d all miss you. Me, Rhys, our parents, and Knox?—”

“Knox doesn’t get a say in what I do anymore,” I bite out. Feeling weighed down by this conversation, I shake my head. “Do you want to play a game or something? I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

He looks like he wants to say more, but he keeps his mouth shut. Nodding, he reaches for the spare controller and turns it on. I pick something easy for us to play, but Everest has always been weirdly good at video games, and he kicks my ass every round.

It’s okay, though, because for those few hours that we play, I can almost forget about the living ghost hovering over my shoulder, his presence unwavering as he tries to drag me back to him.

I once told Knox that I’d fall from grace for the right demon.

But that was before I realized how painful it is to walk the world alone.