32. Skye

Skye couldn't help but feel nervous as he sat in the pastor's office, waiting for him to enter. His leg was bouncing up and down and he found himself biting at the inside of his cheek. God, he must really love River to be doing this. He hadn't been at a church since River's Aunt Jodi's funeral and that hadn't really been the same type of experience. Sitting in a pastor's office, waiting to talk about personal stuff… but he did love River. And he would do anything for him. Even this. Even if it made him squirm and fidget and maybe even want to puke in his mouth a little. He knew he shouldn't be this nervous. This was River's church after all, and if he felt safe here, so should Skye, right? But Skye had never stepped foot in this building before. And River hadn't been back in ages.

Still, River had told him about the voicemail from his pastor, and he felt like he owed the pastor a visit. He could tell how much it meant to River, to have his church family still beside him through everything, even when he wasn't attending anymore. They hadn't taken the pastor up on his offer of meals yet. He didn't know why. Probably his pride. But Skye was losing every ounce of that as the days went on, and he knew he needed to humble himself, for his sake and his husband's.

"Hello," he heard, and turned to see a middle aged man entering, wearing a button down shirt and slacks. He seemed very casual and that eased the anxiety in Skye's mind just a little. "I'm Pastor Phillips," he said, reaching out to shake Skye's hand.

"Skye," Skye replied.

"Nice to meet you, Skye," Pastor Phillips replied, taking a seat in his large black desk chair. "If you don't mind my saying so, you seem a little agitated. Is everything okay?"

Skye flushed. "I'm not really used to being in churches," he admitted. "Not really a religious person."

"I see," Pastor Phillips said, smiling softly. "What brings you by today then?"

Skye rubbed his neck with the back of his hand. He could do this. For River. And let's face it, for himself, too. They both needed some guidance. Some help. Anything.

"You talked with my husband a few days ago," he started. "He's been sick the last few years, and we're both struggling, not knowing what to do. He lost his job a while back, and we had to move, and things have just been really hard for us financially and emotionally, and for him, spiritually, I think."

Skye saw the moment where it dawned on him, and the older man's eyes brightened. "You're River Dawson's husband. Is it still Dawson?"

Skye gave a soft smile. "We hyphenated our last names, but yes, that's him."

"It's nice to officially meet you," Pastor Phillips said, and Skye could sense how genuine he was. "We've been missing River. I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are struggling. I didn't realize he had lost his job on top of everything else. I can't imagine how difficult that must be."

"Thank you," Skye said, his throat closing up. He took a deep breath.

"What can I help you with today, Skye? I don't know if River told you but we would like to set up a meal train for you guys if that would help."

Skye nodded. "He did. I uh, I think that would be very helpful."

Pastor Phillips nodded and smiled. "Of course. We can get that going as early as tomorrow."

"Thank you." It really would be nice not to have to worry about cooking after he got home from a full day"s work. Anna's meals were helpful but that was only a couple of times a month. He was always so exhausted, and maybe it would give him more time to spend with River. Even if it was just twenty minutes. He'd take what he could get.

"One other thing I'd like to offer is free counseling for both you and River. Only if you want to, of course, but it sounds like you could both use someone to talk to on a more regular basis. It can be both of you together or separately, however you want to do it. And it won't be with me. We have professional counselors on staff who can help you process everything you are both going through right now."

"I'll talk with River about it," Skye said with a nod.

"I sense there's something else," the other man prodded gently when Skye didn't move to leave or speak. "What else can we do for you, Skye?"

Skye ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I need some advice, I guess. I'm not really into all the Jesus and God stuff, but River is, and he's been having a hard time lately."

Pastor Phillips nodded. "I think it's normal for someone in River's position to struggle with their faith, but that doesn't make it easier."

"Yeah," Skye said. "I uh…I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who shared his faith, since I don't, and try to figure out ways to help him. I hate seeing him struggling so much. I uh…I just want to know how to encourage him. His faith is really important to him, and I don't want him to lose it, you know?"

"That's very honorable of you, Skye. Trying to strengthen your husband's faith even when you don't share it. That's an admirable quality. I can see how much you love him."

"I do," Skye said.

"My biggest advice, Skye, though it may be hard for you, would be to pray for your husband. It really is the most powerful weapon we have against everything we face on this earth. Jesus doesn't take any of our hardships lightly. He is so familiar with rejection, suffering and sorrow, you can trust that he will not abandon you in yours. But taking action is important too. In that respect, I would encourage you to remind River of God's promises, of what Scripture says. And if you aren't familiar with them, then it might be time to brush up on some Scripture yourself. Make some note cards with Bible verses on them that you can put up around the house for River to see. Or even just some encouraging quotes. Do you think that would help?"

"Maybe," Skye said. "It's worth a shot I guess."

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" Pastor Phillips asked genuinely, arms resting on his desk, his hands folded together in front of him.

Skye hesitated for a moment, biting his lip, and then said, "Um, actually, yeah. Sorry if this is TMI, but we're kind of struggling in the sexual intimacy department, and I know you aren't a therapist, but if you have any tips on how to get us to be more connected we could use some help. It's not that we don't want to have sex, but River's so sick and in so much pain all the time it makes it difficult, and it's making things hard for us both. I think we need to find other ways to connect, and we've kind of lost sight of how to do that with everything going on."

"I can only imagine that's been a source of frustration and grief for both of you," Pastor Phillips said. "And you don't have to be embarrassed about mentioning it. I talk with couples about that kind of thing more than you'd probably think." He smiled softly. "Sex and intimacy is an important aspect of marriage. And when one of you is chronically ill and the other is working two jobs just to pay the bills, that puts a lot of stress and strain on something that's already got its fair share of complications. I have no doubt though that you and River love each other, and that's what is important. You both want what is best for the other person. Even if you can't have sex as much as you would like, there are things you can do to maintain intimacy with each other, even from a distance, when you are at work and he's at home and you can't be together. Like leaving those notes for him. Maybe you want to make some of them more flirtatious and sensual. Or maybe you guys can text each other throughout the day and be playful in that sense. Try to make it fun. Buy each other some playful or silly gifts, either things that turn you on or make you laugh. Intimacy doesn't have to be just about sex. Intimacy can be laughing together, or having a good conversation. It can be about just enjoying each other, too and having fun. Maybe he can't have sex but he can do something less involved, like a game that gets you two close or maybe instead of penetrative sex if that's too much for him you stick to something simpler. Maybe you want to find funny videos to share with each other to make each other laugh. Whatever gets you two stealing those special moments with each other. Because let"s face it, life does suck a lot of the time, but if we hold on to those rare moments it can make it all worthwhile."

Skye gave him a soft smile. "Thank you," he said. "You've given me some things to think about."

"I'm glad you came in, Skye. We all need help sometimes. And our doors are always open. Please let us know if you would like to take us up on the counseling, and my secretary will be in touch with you about the meals."

Skye stood and shook the Pastor's hand.

"I sincerely hope that you find answers, and if not, that you at least find strength and encouragement. We're here for you."

"Thank you," Skye said. And for the first time in a long time, he did have a little bit of hope.

River

River was overwhelmed when Skye told him about the visit he'd made to the church. He knew it took a lot for his husband to admit when he needed help. They were both like that, and River was proud of him for accepting the pastor's offer. Especially since it would give them more time together in the evenings and hopefully make Skye less exhausted.

And when he started seeing the note cards that Skye left up throughout the house, his spirits began to lift as well. Partly because of the Bible verses themselves, but honestly more because it was Skye who was taking the time to write them down and put them on his pillow, or on the coffee maker, or even on the toilet seat. Somewhere he knew River would see them. And River found himself looking forward to it every day.

Today when River found it, it was on the bathroom mirror.

Psalm 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Love you, angel. Can't wait to kiss you when I get home.

River smiled. He loved his husband so much. Members of his old church had been bringing them meals for a few weeks now, and it had been amazing. Skye had committed to using the time when he wasn't cooking to just cuddle up with River in bed and not do any school work either. It was short, but it was their time together, and they cherished it.

He had decided to take the church up on their offer of free counseling. He didn't have any excuse not to, and he hadn't been able to see his regular therapist because of their financial struggles.

Talking with the therapist was helping him process his pain and grief, and loneliness, and giving him ideas of how to socialize even from home. He'd connected with groups through social media, and met other people who dealt with chronic pain, and it had helped him feel like he wasn't alone, and even given him people to connect with and talk to during the day. They shared some about their illnesses but mostly they talked about their families, their hobbies, recipes, books, or tv shows they enjoyed, and it was wonderful to have connections with people who understood what he was going through. His counselor had recommended some books that had helped as well. Nothing was a permanent fix, and he still fell into bouts of depression and discouragement, but he was having more decent days, and fewer miserable ones.

As he closed his laptop after finishing with his counseling session, he heard his phone go off, signaling a text message, and he smiled when he saw that it was from Skye. His husband had been texting him more lately and it was really starting to make a difference in his mood as well. They had both been so depressed and exhausted for the last couple of years that it had taken a toll on their relationship, but things had improved since Skye's visit to the church, and River wondered what the pastor had said to him. They'd been flirting a lot more, bantering back and forth, tossing around more euphemisms and using a lot more sexual innuendo in their conversations, and it was fun. Really fun. River had lost sight of how much he enjoyed just being Skye's husband, and his friend, and it was like they were getting a piece of that back again, instead of focusing on everything that made life hard right now, and it made River smile.

Sometimes he'd get a funny joke from Skye, and sometimes it would be more sexual in nature. Either way, he enjoyed it. The messages Skye left around the house were the same. Which always had River waiting in anticipation, never knowing what he was going to wake up to, and honestly, it was arousing. But more than that it made him feel wanted, and loved.

He would do his best to respond to Skye's text with something equally as humorous or erotic in nature, depending on what Skye sent to him. And more and more often in the last few weeks, their evening cuddle sessions would turn into them making out and giving each other hand jobs with the television on in the background.

River smiled and blushed when he read Skye's message.

Can't stop thinking about you, angel. Some parts more than others. Wink emoji

River typed out a reply and hit send. Can't wait to feel that big strong hand on my cock, baby. Miss you. It was only a few seconds later that River got Skye's response and it was the best one ever.

Great. I guess I'll be teaching the next class from behind my desk. Jerk.

River chuckled. Do you have a situation?

Oh yes, a pretty good sized situation thanks to you.

You started it. Smile emoji

I did. Smile emoji

Wanna finish it? Devil emoji. There was a pause before Skye replied.

Come again?

Exactly.

River, you do know I'm at school, right? In my classroom?

Do you have to be? Can you go to your car?

River?

What?

Are you serious?

Am I serious about getting you to rub one out in your car over the phone? Hell yeah. You have a condom?

Another pause. This was risky, they both knew it. Skye would have to be discreet as hell, but it was also turning River on like nothing had for a long time, and he assumed the same was true for Skye. And God they needed this.

Yes, came Skye's reply a moment later. God, I can't believe I'm even considering this. I am so getting fired.

River stroked himself as he thought of his gorgeous husband and what they were about to do. God, Skye, I'm so hard right now. Please.

Jesus, Riv. You're killing me.

Wish I was stroking you instead. Or had your gorgeous cock inside me. God, Skye, I want to touch you.

River!

You in the car?

Jesus, yes. Don't text me for a minute. I told my boss I needed to run a quick errand during my lunch break so I could find somewhere besides the school parking lot to have phone sex with my husband.

You didn't tell him the phone sex part did you?

Eye roll emoji.

Laugh emoji.

River?

Yeah?

I love you.

Got your condom on?

Yes.

Are you touching yourself?

Fuck, yes.

How hard are you, Skye?

Riv, don't torture me.

Skye?

Hard, Riv. Throbbing, aching, for you, baby.

Show me.

Skye

Three seconds later Skye's phone rang with a facetime call and he answered, his face flushed and breathing heavily, but a smile splitting his face as well when he saw his husband's grin.

"Hey, beautiful," River said, his voice sultry and seductive, sapphire eyes sparkling. "You look good." Skye was propped up against the driver seat window, trees in the background.

"Shut up," Skye muttered. "You're evil."

River chuckled. "I'm sorry," he said. "Now show me that sweet cock, baby."

"You gonna show me yours?" Skye asked, raising an eyebrow. "Two way street here, angel."

River smirked smugly and surprised Skye by slipping his shirt over his head first, which only made him swallow, his cock twitching and throbbing painfully, and then he watched as River leaned back on his wedge, resting one arm behind his head, and held his phone in the air, giving Skye the most beautiful full view of his face, torso, and groin, gloriously hard.

"Oh, River," Skye breathed. He could barely stand it. He didn't think he'd ever seen River look so beautiful before, splayed out like that, just for him. He must be using a selfie stick to get that incredible angle. Even with all the weight and muscle mass he'd lost, he was still gorgeous. He was thin, but not sickly so, and he still had some definition in his arms and chest. The same high cheek bones as always, the same full lips. And those sapphire eyes of his were sparkling mischievously, his dark hair tousled, and his cock twitched. He didn't think he'd ever been so turned on in his life. And it was an incredible feeling to know that he could do this to River. That River could do this to him. Make him come so undone with his words, with his body. But it wasn't just that. It was everything they were to each other. Everything they shared. Everything they had been through. It was their love and commitment and devotion and friendship and loyalty that made this so erotic on top of everything else. The sex was just the icing on the cake. But damn if Skye wasn't going to lick that icing off and taste it for all that it was worth.

"Your turn, baby," River murmured as he stroked himself slowly and Skye watched, making more precum leak out of Skye's engorged cock. It was twitching like crazy now and pressing painfully against his zipper. "Show me how hard I make you. Show me what I do to you, sweetheart."

Skye couldn't give River the same view, but he slid his pants further off, along with his boxers, and pulled up his shirt, then angled the phone at his dick, trying so hard not to touch himself. "This what you want, Riv?" he asked, panting, his voice raspy.

River growled through the phone. "Shit, yeah, that's what I want. Touch yourself, Skye. I want to see you come for me."

Skye didn't have to be told twice. He wrapped his hand around the base of his shaft and started stroking.

"River?" he said.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you touching yourself too?"

"Yeah, Skye, I am. I'm so fucking hard for you right now, baby."

Skye groaned and stroked himself harder.

"That's it, baby," River cooed. "Fuck your fist for me. Such a pretty cock."

Skye moaned as his body shook with pleasure. Who knew his husband had such a dirty mouth?

"Wanna get my hands all over you, baby," River said. "You're gonna come so hard for me, aren't you?"

Skye nodded, panting, though River couldn't see it. "Are you close?" he asked.

"You wanna see?"

"Yes," Skye said, barely able to breathe as he continued to stroke himself. He was so close now.

"Okay."

Skye took his phone away from his crotch so he could watch River, and he was not disappointed. His husband's eyes were closed, his knees bent, his back and ass lifted slightly off the bed, legs parted. His face was flushed and he started making the most incredible sounds.

"Oh, Skye," he moaned. "Skye, I want you."

"Fuck, River," Skye whimpered as he stroked himself harder, his body shuddering. Everything in him wanted to jump through the phone and shove himself against his husband, and yet it didn't, because this was what was so erotic about it, the fact that they were having sex this way, and couldn't touch each other. There was something about being limited, being bound, using their imaginations, and their words, that was such a turn on.

"Picturing you on me, Skye," River said, his chest rising and falling as he continued to stroke himself. "Holding your dick against mine, stroking them together, watching us come together, you releasing all over me."

"Fuck, River," Skye moaned, "I'm gonna come. Fuck, I'm so close."

"Come for me, baby," River said, his voice deep. "Say my name. Scream for me, Skye."

"Oh, God," Skye let out one final guttural moan and then howled River's name as he came hard in his condom, his back arching and his head falling back against the window of his car.

"Fuck, that was beautiful," he heard his husband say, and he smiled, his eyes still closed, shoulders and chest rising and falling, still coming down off his orgasm.

"Did…did I miss yours?" Skye asked, and he opened his eyes to look at his husband.

"Yeah, sorry," River said, a guilty smile on his face. "Hearing you scream my name like that pushed me over the edge."

Skye smiled too. "Understandable. It was pretty hot."

"This whole thing was pretty hot."

Skye blushed and his smile widened. "Probably can't make it a regular thing though, or I really will get fired."

"I know," River said. "First time I've had phone sex though, and hopefully it won't be the last."

Skye smiled and blushed again. "Definitely won't be the last."

River grinned. "I love you, Skye."

"Love you, too, Riv. See you later."

"Bye."

"Bye, baby."

River

Hey, I'm coming over! Jenna texted River as he was sitting in bed trying to do some exercises to keep his body from completely wasting away. Dr is worried about me going into preterm labor so they've put me on bed rest for the next six weeks. We're gonna be bed buddies!!!!

Everything okay?River texted back.

It's fine. Baby is healthy. I'm 3cm dilated but that's not totally abnormal. They're just taking precautions. See you soon!!!

River smiled. Having Jenna's company for the next six weeks would be wonderful. He couldn't wait to see her.

She entered the apartment without knocking and made her way into the bedroom, her baby bump leading the way. She was ginormous, but glowing, and River smiled widely when he saw her. She propped the pillows up and then climbed into the bed on Skye's side and rested her head back, letting out a sigh.

"All this extra weight is killing me," she said, then rubbed her belly. "I am ready for this little guy to come out."

River laughed. "I bet. You all set with babyland?"

Jenna grinned. "Nursery is all set up. Nick is fussing over me like crazy, which is really sweet, and slightly annoying."

River grinned. "Sounds like him."

Jenna gasped suddenly and River startled until she rested her hand on her bump and smiled. "He's moving. Wanna feel?"

River nodded and she took his hand, resting it on her stomach. It was a moment before River felt a knock against his hand. "Oh, God, that's so cool."

"Yeah, in the middle of the afternoon it is, but not at three am," Jenna remarked with a grin, and River laughed.

"You must be exhausted, growing another person in your body."

"Fuck, you can say that again." She jumped and River felt the baby moving again at the same time.

"Active little guy. You pick out a name yet?"

Jenna shook her head. "We're still deciding between a few. I never realized how hard it would be to choose a name, but we've vetoed so many for different reasons, it's ridiculous. Finding any that we both like has been a nightmare. I must have spent hours on babynames.com."

River chuckled again.

They talked and laughed and watched tv, and played games, before they both decided it was time for a nap.

Skye

It was late afternoon when Skye walked in the door to the apartment. He'd seen Jenna's car in the driveway so he knew she was here with River, and that made him happy.

When he made his way into the bedroom, he couldn't help the wide smile that split his face. River and Jenna were asleep, curled up in each other's arms. Jenna's baby bump pressed against his husband. They looked absolutely adorable together.

Skye pulled out his phone and snapped a picture before sending it to Nick with the caption, Our sleeping beauties.

Aww,Nick replied shortly. Hey, what if I bring dinner over to your place and we can hang out for a bit?

Sounds good, Skye replied. See you soon.