Chapter 6

Chapter 6AbigailIt really felt too much like a date. Snuggling up in our cozy corner of a quiet coffee shop, and then stealing out later and walking side-by-side with boots crunching over thin snow through where Silver Bells played through the streets, seeing the way Stella lit up at the big Christmas display in the square we passed through and the stalls selling little gifts and snacks, and then getting to Mulberry and 2nd and going down the weathered old steps to the deep-set door of North Pole Gifts under a wooden sign and dressed with tinsel and holly, it was more romantic than the dates I took Megan on.Who I’d now told Stella about. My resolution crumbled like dry snow. I probably had to come up with a guy’s name for her now too.The shop was quiet, a gentle stillness over everything that was everything I needed right now, music-box versions of Christmas songs playing low over the speakers. Carved wood tables stocked full of gifts from kitschy to elegant, wood floorboards that creaked softly under each step, and the distant sounds of laughter from the Irish pub upstairs—it felt like we were in a secret world just to the two of us, especially since Stella had picked the perfect time for the place to be empty. I ran my hand over the course wood of surfaces, breathed in the deep scent of cedar in the air, and I watched a little too much as Stella went starry-eyed over little gifts and knickknacks.She clearly hadn’t been letting herself get excited and have fun over a lot of different things lately. Even when she was doing this for Julia, it was a little breathtaking seeing how much it lit her up. I’d missed the way she smiled when it was just for herself—or just for the two of us.And apparently she’d missed me too. And missed me playing the guitar. I’d never touch the thing again without thinking about Stella… talk about embarrassing.It was while Stella was leaning up close to a glass cabinet, whispering to herself about how gorgeous the music boxes inside were, when footsteps creaked up softly behind us, and I turned back to where an elderly man with deep-set wrinkles around his laugh lines and in the corners of his eyes came towards us, looking a little bit like a fairytale grandpa with his suspenders and his newsboy cap. Stella glanced back and jolted at the sight of him, backing away from the case with a sheepish smile on her face.“Sorry. I’ll stop rubbing my face on the glass,” she said.He put a hand up. “Glass can be cleaned,” he said in a thin, wispy old voice, meandering through the words with no rush. “It’s a shop of wonderful things. I say let people feel wonder.” He glanced at me, and back at Stella. “You two are with the big group at the North Lodge, aren’t you? Jacksons?”I gestured to Stella. “She’s a Jackson, at least. I’m just along for the ride.”He smiled wider, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes deepening. “A little trip with a special someone, then, is it?”“Uh—” I felt my face burn, my stomach dropping out, but Stella did not get the message, just beaming.“Yeah.”“Stella—” I felt like I’d pass out. The shopkeeper chuckled.“I could tell just from the way you keep looking at each other when you think the other one isn’t looking.”“Uh.” I looked at Stella, who for her part, looked like she’d been caught in the act, another sheepish smile with a pink tinge on her cheeks.“She just got back from her semester abroad… I’ve missed her.”Oh my god. She was not picking up what the old man was putting down, and it was killing me. He just smiled, pointing to the corner of the shop, up a set of old steps and into where it got a little more cramped.“You might like what I’ve got up there. Some very special gifts to show your feelings for someone.”“Er—sir, well,” I started, but Stella smiled sweetly.“We’ll check it out. Thank you.”“Take your time browsing,” he said, turning and walking back, going gently, in no great hurry. Stella gave me a funny smile, eyes twinkling.“What are you getting all shy over?”I was going to die on my feet. There was… no sense trying to explain it to Stella. “Nothing… shall we go check out the secret corner?”“Making it sound so scandalous,” she laughed, and as if I wasn’t dying enough already, she slipped her hand into mine and tugged me along with her towards the corner, leading me up the two creaking old steps and ducking under the red tartan curtain, into a small space that probably doubled as the old man’s living room outside business hours—or given his laidback attitude, probably during, too. A winged armchair sat in the corner next to an old bookshelf and an ottoman, an end table with a couple of bookmarked books. It was an odd move keeping the nicest things here, in this hard-to-find corner, but there was a sense of wonderment about it, stepping in and seeing delicate handmade jewelry, carefully crafted ornaments and keepsakes.Stella went over it all with wide eyes, marveling like it was the most magical thing anyone had ever seen, and she let out a soft breath when she ran her hand over a necklace, a crescent-moon pendant with a delicate chain, intricate detailing on the clasp and the pendant itself.“Oh… it’s gorgeous,” she breathed, lifting it up in her hand, letting it slip out. “Well… not really Mom’s style.”“So, that’s your aesthetic now?”She smiled sidelong at me. “Oh yeah… I was a bit more punk before, wasn’t I?”“I remember you were obsessed with those boots…”She laughed. “I still have those things. Haven’t worn them in ages. Maybe I should have brought them along, just to show you.”I mean, there wasn’t… there wasn’t any need to see her in knee-high black boots right now. I wanted to, but I really didn’t need to. “You didn’t even know I was coming.”“Nope. Yet another thing everyone forgot to tell me. Lord.” She shook her head, a tired smile on her face, before she turned back to the display, taking down a bottle of perfume. “How about this?”“Perfume? Doesn’t she already have her signature?”She gave me an odd smile. “She does… but maybe she’ll want to change things up? Take some new directions in life?”She was still just as thoughtful as ever. I hadn’t even been here twenty-four hours and she’d given Clarissa two separate gifts that meant the world to her, was giving this to her mom, and was giving me the gift of seventy-five heart attacks as I had to confront just how head-over-heels I was for this woman.“A bit risky, but I like it,” I said. “I’ll get her some chocolates.”She grinned. “A safe investment to hedge the high-risk one against. Look at you, economics student.”“Again, economics is not the study of investing…”She laughed, putting a hand on my shoulder and leading me back towards the entrance. “C’mon, let’s get this, then. We’ll find a place to grab good chocolates sometime, too.”I followed along behind her, stumbling a little over an uneven floorboard, and she paused, looking back.“You okay?” she laughed.“Just clumsy. I’m good.” I scratched my head, and it was only in the process that I noticed we’d stopped underneath—of all things, a sprig of mistletoe. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, but Stella followed my gaze, and she laughed at the sight.“Oh, that’s cute,” she said.I cleared my throat, hoping I wasn’t blushing, and I turned back to the entrance. “Old guy seems to love his traditional things…”“I like them. I feel like it’s charming.” And as if today hadn’t already been enough of a rollercoaster, Stella put her hand back to my shoulder, stopping me, and she leaned in and placed a swift kiss on my cheek. I felt like the floor opened up beneath me, a lurching sensation that seemed to throw all my insides into the wrong places, and she beamed, turning back to the doorway. “Christmas season could use a whole lot more love sometimes, I think,” she said, and it took me a second to parse her words together, my brain completely out of sync.Still, some part of me decided I should move, and I took a step forward and caught her before she walked ahead, and I didn’t give myself time to question it—I craned my neck up a little and kissed her cheek, which was already unbelievable of me, except that she moved her head a little at just the wrong moment and I ended up kissing more along her jawline. A little more… intimate. She laughed, turning back to me with a big smile, not that I had a lot of processing space to notice it, my brain a melted pile of mush right now wondering why I just did that.“Didn’t think you’d do it back,” she laughed, touching the spot where I’d kissed her. Where I’d… kissed her. Jesus, I’d lost my mind. “I like when you’re a little affectionate like this. It’s cute.”She probably expected me to say something in return. I didn’t know what the hell words were. It took me an awkward second too long to manage, “You issue a challenge, I take it.”Something flared over her eyes before she turned away with a smile. “That’s quite a lofty claim. Might take you up on that.”What did she mean by that? What did she mean by that? I was going to spend the rest of my life wondering.I felt like I was controlling my body through a janky remote-control device as I went with her back to the register, walking awkwardly and too aware of every part of my body, not knowing what to do with my hands. The shopkeeper was there at the register when we showed up, cleaning a set of salt-and-pepper shakers designed like little nutcrackers. He set them down, smiling at us.“Ah, you two. Enjoyed yourselves?”“Uh—” I started, all too aware of my face burning, but Stella continued oblivious.“Very much.” She set down the perfume bottle. “Any chance you can put this in a gift box?”I could never set foot in this shop again. Or maybe I needed to—come back here alone one of these days and explain we were not a couple, Stella just could not read between the lines sometimes.That would probably just be digging deeper.Stella stretched her arms out over her head once we were bundled up and out in the cold again, the streets starting to get a bit livelier. “I’m completely wiped out,” she sighed. “I’m going back to the lodge. Do you want to join us for dinner? It’s just going to be me, Mom, Dad, Faith and Clarissa.”“Yeah, I’d love to.” I fell into step alongside her, watching the way our footsteps synchronized. “Where to?”“Cozy place close to the town hall. I forget the name… but you know, big roast dinner, mashed potatoes, hearty kind of place.”“Works for me. I’ll just pass out right after.”She laughed, nudging my side. “Me too. You can kick me out of the way if I fall asleep and sprawl over the bed.”Christ, I’d forgotten for a second we were going back to the same bed at the end of this…The lodge was a welcome relief, both for the warmth and the fact that my legs were aching by the time I got back. Most of the Jacksons were still out right now, and the lodge was quieter, except where an older couple sat quietly reading together in the corner by the fireplace, and Julia was there talking to the desk staffer. Charlie, same guy who did the housekeeping in my room. Seemed he was running a one-man show for today. Stella pushed the gift box into my hands, whispering to me.“I’m going to chat to Mom. Would you hide that in our room?”I took it upstairs, down the hall to room 21, unlocking the door and slipping into the silence inside. The room was small but comfortable, with a canopy bed dressed in red brocade that would be tacky if the room weren’t already charmingly cluttered, ornaments and tinsel and a miniature tree squeezed onto the sideboard, a big rug in the center of the floor, heavy curtains drawn most of the way over the window. I slipped my shoes off by the door, kneeling to slide the package into the bottom drawer of the dresser, alongside my clothes, and I’d just slid it shut and turned around when I had a goddamn heart attack at the sight of Clarissa standing directly behind me, hands clasped behind her back, like some kind of ghost child.“Jesus,” I said, clasping a hand over my heart. “Are you trying to kill me?”She giggled. “Hi.”“Hi. When did you get in here?”“I saw you going down the hall, so I followed you in.”I settled back to a seat on the floor in front of her, pulling out my phone. “Aren’t your parents wondering where you are?”She fussed with her fingers at her waist, swaying from side to side. “Daddy went to the bathroom and he told me to stay put. But he was taking a while, and I heard someone coming, and I looked and I saw it was you, so I went to say hi.”“I see. Doesn’t sound like you stayed put.” I searched my contacts for Philip Jackson, sending him a text. Clarissa just snuck off to my room. She’s fine, just letting you know.Clarissa giggled, zero conception that she’d done anything wrong. “No… is that naughty?”“Just a little bit.” I slipped my phone away. Clarissa gave me puppy-dog eyes.“How much do I have to be nice to make up for it?”“Oh, you are playing this game. You’ll have to ask your daddy.”She pouted. “You should get married to Stella. Then I can just go see my sister instead.”I looked out the window. “Well, today’s day and age being what it is, people typically get to choose who they can marry.”Out came the puppy-dog eyes again. “But you love her, right?”Well, that was a hell of a question. “There are a lot of different kinds of love,” I said, which wasn’t really an answer. “Are you liking Bellsford, Clarissa?”“Mm-hm. I get to see Grandpa Ron and Grandma Enid and Auntie Georgia and all my other family. And I get to see you.” She pouted. “Stella’s happier when you’re here. You shouldn’t be away for so long. She misses you.”Leave it to a kid to punch me right in the gut without even meaning to… I smiled. “You really love Stella, don’t you?”She nodded, lighting up. “Mm-hm! She’s really nice to me. We have fun every time she visits. You really love her, too, right?”“Uh, well, yeah.” I scratched my head, looking away. “You know, we go way back.”“Go way back where?”“Uh—figure of speech. Means we’ve known each other for a long time.” I laughed. “You know? We weren’t much older than you are when we met.”“Really?”“Yep. We were eight.”Her face fell. “Oh, that’s much older than me…”I guess to a six-year-old, eight and six were different universes. Still, she lit up again.“Did you meet at school?”“After-school stuff. We were in a little music activity together, and the first session we had together, she whacked me in the face with a trumpet.”Clarissa looked mortified, jaw dropping. I laughed.“It was an accident. I still had the scar for a while. She was so embarrassed, apologized a million times, apologized to me, apologized to my parents, apologized to her parents… she got your mom to help her bake a cupcake to bring in the next day to apologize.”She lit up. “And it made things better?”“It made me sick. I’m lactose intolerant.”Her face fell. I laughed.“She brought in an entire lactose-free cake for me the next day, just about tripping over herself trying to make it up to me. I couldn’t eat that much cake, though, so we shared it with the studio, including the teacher. She stuck around for a while I think just out of guilt, and we ended up friends.”An anxious, rapid knocking came from the door, and I checked my phone. Sure enough, the message to Philip had been marked as read. “Think that’s your dad,” I said before I raised my voice. “It’s unlocked!”The handle turned, and the door swung open to where Philip Jackson, Stella’s dad, a tall and kind of reedy man with blond hair, came rushing in red-faced and put a hand on Clarissa’s shoulder.“Clarissa—”“She was just seeing me,” I said, putting a hand up. “Saw me in the hall and followed me. She was with me the whole time.”Clarissa looked down at the floor. Between me arguing her case and the sad-puppy look, Philip softened, kneeling down in front of her, and he put his arms out for a hug.“You scared the bejeezus out of me, kid,” he said, sounding like he’d just run a mile instead of three rooms’ length. “Tell me next time you’re going to do that. I’d have let you if you’d just said you were going with Abigail.”“Sorry, Daddy.” She hugged him, and he patted her back.“There, there. It’s all right. You weren’t bothering Abigail, were you?”“No!” Clarissa squeezed him tighter before she stepped back. “We were talking about Abigail and Stella getting married.”This kid needed to just run me through already. I made a sound I couldn’t describe, and I covered it by clearing my throat loudly, putting a hand to my forehead. “She wants me to be her sister,” I said, just a little too loudly. Philip looked between us with a confused smile.“I don’t think—” he started, but Clarissa shook her head, folding her arms.“Abigail loves her! She told me so herself.”“I said there are a lot of different types of love,” I said, measuring out my words carefully, wishing someone would break in and snap my neck. Philip laughed awkwardly, putting a hand on Clarissa’s shoulder.“See, honey, typically girls marry boys instead of other girls…”Clarissa scowled. “I know girls can marry girls.”“Well, they can, but—well—most of them don’t. I think Abigail and Stella are both straight.”I checked my phone, praying someone would send me an urgent message. Nobody did. Clarissa whirled on me.“Abigail, are you straight?”I hung my head. “Hey, Clarissa, if you want me to be your sister, we can just say we’re sisters. We’re basically there already.”Clarissa pouted. “That’s not the same…”Philip took her hand, tugging her towards the door. “C’mon, honey. Let’s give Abigail her space. Sorry for letting her chase you around the place, Abigail.”I stood up, brushing myself off. “I like talking to Clarissa. She’s like a little sister to me.”Philip gave me an awkward smile. “For the record, you’re like a daughter to me, too. Whether you do marry Stella or not.”“Uh—thank you…?” I blinked fast. He sounded just a tiny little bit too serious, but I didn’t get the time to consider it any further before Clarissa tugged on his hand.“Daddy, I’m hungry.”“Okay, sweetie. Let’s meet up with Georgia and Tanner and we’ll see about getting some lunch, okay?”“Tanner’s scary…” But she left the room with him, leaving me in the quiet of the room alone, where I collapsed on the edge of the bed.This whole thing was one big cosmic joke. Not that marrying Stella sounded like a punishment exactly…My stomach grumbled. I probably needed to attend to my own lunch, too. The less I thought about everything right now, the better.