Chapter 7

Chapter 7StellaI woke up to the sound of chatter from the hallway, footsteps creaking over the floorboards, and I blinked against the soft light coming in through the crack in the curtains before I realized where I was.I must have really been wiped out yesterday… the clock read seven fifteen. For better or worse, I almost never slept past seven. What was more on my mind, though, was the fact that Abigail was nestled against me, tucked under my arm, her back pressed against my front, breathing softly, and suddenly I didn’t want to get up or go anywhere. Everyone else could wait.Her hair tickled my nose a little. I’d forgotten the way it had always done that when we’d woken up together. Same for how she was so warm… a blazing fire against my front, impossibly pleasant against the cold in the air and on my bare legs under the blankets. The other night, she’d slept so far away from me I thought she’d fall off the bed, and last night she did the same, hugging her edge of the bed like she wanted to get a face full of rug in the night. I wasn’t sure at what point in the night she’d moved, but… I liked this better.She felt so small, soft, precious in my arms like this. I nuzzled my face into the back of her head, just… feeling her there close to me. Dreading her waking up and moving away from me again. If it was just about a breakup, why had she been avoiding me? It had gotten better after she’d told me about it, but she still seemed so nervous around me, so shy…I didn’t know what her ex did to hurt her like this, beyond just breaking up with her right as she was leaving, but I couldn’t believe the guy’s nerve. Let alone letting go of a girl like her. Was he high?Maybe I could have just married her myself. We’d always joked about it when we were younger, and it had never really sounded that bad… and we all knew Clarissa would be over the moon.Still, like everything else, the magical little bubble of the moment burst, and Abigail stirred, turning her head and blinking fast at the sight of me. “Stella…?”“Anyone else you’re expecting here?”She looked down at the two of us pressed together in bed and back at me, eyes wide. “Uh,” she started, her voice much more awake now. “Did I… uh… sorry. Didn’t mean to creep into your space.”She moved to climb away, but I was feeling petulant. I grabbed her by the side of her shirt, pulling her back into me, and she made a gentle noise as she relented, hunching her shoulders.“Don’t just abandon me in the cold,” I mumbled into her shoulder. “You’re so warm…”“I mean, if you wore pants, you’d be warmer…”“Jeez, woman, what do you have against my legs?”“Nothing!”“I mean, aside from your legs.” I hooked my leg over hers, and she made a sound a little bit like a dying rodent. I paused. “Uh… did I hurt you?”“No. I’m good.”“Great.” I squeezed her tighter into me. I could feel her heart beating faster against me… was she that nervous about us? Was I that scary?Still, I let myself enjoy the moment, holding her tight into me, feeling my breathing synchronize with hers. She smelled so familiar, sort of… crisp, clean, like fresh snow. It was such a comfortable feeling.A knock at the door ruined the moment, and I let go, sitting up as Abigail—the only one of us dressed decently—stood up a little too quickly, tripping over her feet on the two steps to the door, opening it just a crack.“Oh, Abigail.” Mom’s voice drifted through the crack. “Is Stella in there? Is she okay?”I leaned to look through the crack in the door. “Hey, Mom. Just really tired last night, I guess… I just woke up.”Abigail relaxed a little. “You can probably blame me. I invaded her personal space while she slept. Probably didn’t get good sleep.”“I got fantastic sleep, actually,” I said. “I need to have you here more often.”Abigail cleared her throat. Mom spoke through the crack.“Your grandpa Ron wants us all downstairs for some family time…” She could not have sounded less thrilled about it. I slumped back against the pillows.“I’ll throw on some pants and be right down.”“Of course, you’re invited, too, Abby,” Mom said, and Abigail visibly recoiled.“Oh my god. Not if you call me Abby. I’m not ten anymore.”Mom laughed. “Whatever you say, big grown-up Miss Lancer. Either way, you’re a part of the family. Try to be down in fifteen minutes.”“Will do.” Abigail shut the door, and I rolled over to look at her.“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”Abigail turned to me, hands on her hips, giving me a dry smile. “Don’t want me there?”I beamed. “Of course I want my little Abby there.”“Hey. I’ll start throwing stuff.” She laughed, coming over and giving me a playful shove. “Get your pants on and let’s go.”“All right, all right.” I flung the blankets off, and Abigail had a moment, stopping and blinking before she looked away. I paused, eyes narrowing until I was giving her a searching smile. “Abigail… are you shy about seeing bare legs now?”“Uh, just—you know, haven’t been around a lot of pantsless people lately.” She wouldn’t even look at me now, turning back to the dresser and fussing through it for nothing. I sat up, swiveling my legs off the edge of the bed.“Well, isn’t that new. Spunky tough-girl Abigail is scandalized by the sight of a girl’s legs.”“It’s not that…”“You’ve seen me butt-naked before.”“Yeah, I know.” She hunched her shoulders, and I laughed.“Oh my god, you are shy about it. Do you need me to start wearing pants to bed? Am I too scandalous like this?”“It’s… really fine,” she mumbled, looking like she’d shrink into herself and vanish. “You can wear whatever you like.”“Oh, yeah? So if it starts getting a little warm and I lose the top too—”“You really don’t need to do that,” she said, entirely too quickly. I snorted, standing up.“Pearl-clutching Abigail. Never thought I’d see the day. Fine, I’ll keep my boobs put away. Now, outta my way, I need to grab pants.”Poor Abigail wouldn’t even look at me the rest of the time getting ready, throwing on basic clothes and washing my face, putting on some simple makeup and heading out the door. The lobby was packed full and bustling right now, Grandpa there in his checkered shirt and suspenders looking like he’d just walked in out of a Cracker Barrel advert, ushering people into a group pose on the couch in the light of the fireplace, and Mom smiled tiredly at us.“Stella, Abigail. Why don’t you sit between me and Dad—”Grandpa waved her off. “Really, Julia. That’s enough. You don’t need to complain about sitting next to your own husband. Stella and Abigail will go over with Faith. Tanner and Spencer, you stand behind them, behind the couch.”Poor Mom. Poor Dad, too. They sat together with plasticky smiles close to the center of the couch, Dad putting an arm over her shoulders with all the natural grace of an animatronic figure. Mom shied away, like he was poison, and Grandpa muttered something to her while he put a hand on her shoulder and pressed her back up next to Dad. Clarissa, sitting on Dad’s lap, just smiled for the camera like a serene angel, oblivious to the whole scenario, while I led Abigail off to the corner, next to where Faith looked like she’d rather die than be next to our goody-two-shoes, Ivy League varsity-hockey cousin Tanner. Not being able to stand Tanner was one of maybe three things Faith and I had in common, so I did her a favor and interposed myself and Abigail between her and Tanner, and she just had to scowl about being next to her lousy sister instead.I wonder if it was supposed to be a relief that Mom and Dad weren’t the only ones. They made snarky comments at each other in between taking pictures, and I heard Uncle John whispering something sour about them to his wife Samantha. Grandma rolled her eyes about three dozen times, even though she wasn’t doing anything—just exasperated with all of us. Our cousin Nicky sitting too close to Faith led to an argument between the two of them that Aunt Georgia had to get involved in, and Tanner trying to hey-we’re-all-friends-here the situation just pissed off Faith worse, but through it all, every time Grandpa got ready to take a picture, everyone smiled and pretended to be happy.Well, except Clarissa. She seemed the only one to just be having fun genuinely, none the wiser to everything bubbling around her.Faith stormed out before the last pictures were done, and Grandpa threw his hands up, giving up on her. Once the pictures were done, Abigail gestured to me with Faith’s scarf.“I’m taking this up to her room. I think I’m the one she hates the least right now.”“Will do. Tell her I said sorry for stepping on her toes.”Dad pulled me aside, out onto the front porch and away from it all, looking like he was ready to pull his hair out. Still, he smiled tiredly at me, the dark rings under his eyes lit by the soft glow of muted sunlight through the clouds as flurries drifted down past the covered porch.“Thanks for being cooperative with all of that,” he said.“No problem. I think I’m generally not on anybody’s list, at least not for now.”He hung his head. “Just wait. It’ll get you eventually.”I shifted uncomfortably. He looked away, leaning on where the railing was wrapped in garland and tinsel, powdered with snow.“Sorry. I shouldn’t be putting that on you.”“Sorry it’s all a lot…”He shrugged. I couldn’t remember many times I’d seen the man look more awkward—he never really had genuine conversations with us, but I had to give him credit that he’d been… trying, lately. Still, admitting to how he was feeling clearly wasn’t his favorite.He forced himself to perk up, clapping me on the arm. “So, up for a big shopping expedition? Abigail coming with?”“Yeah, she’s up for it. She’s been really ready to go along with everything… I wouldn’t have blamed her if she just wanted to clock out of everything after just getting back from Scotland.”He nodded. There was something else on his mind, and I’d never have thought in my life to ask Dad so what’s eating you, but… maybe things were different these days.“Something up?” I said, and he looked as uncomfortable as I felt, shifting from one foot to the other.“Nothing. Just happy Abigail is back seeing us all again.”“Yeah… me too. I’ve missed her.”He paused. “I’m glad you’re still close.”I narrowed my eyes. “Dad, are you getting at something?”“Forget it.” He turned away, but I moved in front of him.“What? Tell me, or I’m going to be a nervous mess worrying about it.”“It’s nothing to worry about.”“Then you can tell me.”He rubbed his forehead, giving me a tired look. “I’m just worrying about you, is all. Your mother and I haven’t ever known you to be in a serious relationship with anyone, and we just want you to be happy.”I blinked fast. “Where… is this coming from?”He looked away. “Just… you know, everything with me and your mom…” He sighed, squaring his shoulders with me, and he gave me a serious look. “I know this is rough. Your mother and I didn’t want to put you through this.”“I don’t—”“But I don’t want you to come out of it thinking something like you should never get married, or… or that it’s going to go like this. I’m still glad I met your mother. And glad we had the three of you. You shouldn’t have to miss out on that opportunity.”I shook my head, a thick feeling in my throat. “Dad—I don’t feel like I shouldn’t get married or anything. I just haven’t found the right person.”He nodded. “You haven’t, then?”“No? Is that what this is about? You’re wondering if I have some… some kind of secret relationship?”“I’m just checking in. We want to support you. With anyone at all.” He paused. “Well, as long as they treat you right.”“Um… thanks. I’ll let you know.”He nodded, a little too enthusiastic for the conversation to end, and he turned away. “Well, see you in a second for the great expedition!” he said, turning the handle and walking inside, leaving me in the cold, where children’s laughter drifted down from the square and the wind rang silver bells along the shopfronts.He’d emphasized with anyone at all a little too much. And he hadn’t said anything about a man. If that conversation had come from talking about Abigail… the desk staffer had thought Abigail and I were dating. Was Dad just checking to make sure I wasn’t dating Abigail?Well, given the way he’d said it, it sounded like he wouldn’t have even minded if I were. It wasn’t what I would have guessed from the guy, but… really, how much did I even know him? It felt like I was only just finding out who he was.He’d… probably just heard Clarissa talking about me and Abigail getting married. Still, I thought I’d have a shot at treating Abigail better than that Scottish guy.Well—would I? I had let us drift apart over the years. Maybe I would just hurt her, too. I pushed the thought aside, heading back into the hustle and bustle of the lodge.It was a swirl of chaos getting ready to head out with everyone, and the tension bubbling up between family members hadn’t gone down a bit. Faith refused to go—I wouldn’t have dreamed of kicking up a fuss like her, but I was kind of relieved that she was—and eventually Grandpa was persuaded into dropping it. We eventually grouped up with Abigail, bright-eyed at my side after coming back down from cheering up Faith, and Mom and Dad squeezed all happy-family style in with us, even though Clarissa insisted on linking hands with me and Abigail. I hardly minded. Clarissa felt like a daughter to me, and Abigail would have made a good mother to raise a little angel like Clarissa with.The three of us talked and laughed the whole time, making up for Mom’s and Dad’s awkward silence, as we headed down the street and crossed the little village over to the shopping center. It stood apart from everything else a little, the biggest building in Bellsford and the most modern, with tall windows lined with white lights and a tile floor that had a two-story Christmas tree in the center, Christmas music playing through the speakers. Grandpa gathered us all and shouted an itinerary for all of us, emphasizing until I thought he’d shout us deaf that we had to be back at the entrance at noon to regroup for a special event. The only special event I needed was a little breathing room, and I know Abigail was thinking the same thing, judging by the vaguely distressed look on her face.Finally, though, the group scattered, heading out to the different shops all lined up along the place, and Mom took Clarissa’s hand.“Hey, sweetie, let’s head upstairs. That candy shop you were excited about is up there.”Clarissa pressed up against her side, giving her puppy-dog eyes. “Can Abigail come with us? I want to get her a surprise.”I laughed awkwardly. “Abigail’s a little tired—”“Too tired for a surprise?” Abigail put a hand on her hip, smiling at me. “I’m never turning down a surprise from Clarissa.”Mom smiled, the kind of sweet and genuine smile that was nice seeing from her more often these days. “Of course Abigail can come, honey. I’m sure she’ll love your surprise. Will you be okay, Stella?”“Mom, I’m an adult. I can handle myself.” I nudged Abigail’s side. “You’ll have to tell me about your surprise later, though.”“I will.” Her eyes sparkled as she took a step towards Mom and Clarissa. “See you in a bit, Stella.”Dad got dragged off with Aunt Georgia’s husband Mike, which left me to wander the place alone, and honestly, it was nicer than I’d expected. Not just for the quiet, and the fact that now I could get Abigail a present and make her squirm because she’d never been good at getting gifts, but just getting to walk slowly and take it all in—it wasn’t often I let myself do that. And this was a magical place to do it.I stopped into a few places, watching my wallet and getting small things for my aunts and uncles, grabbing something generic for Tanner just because it had his name on it and I knew that was rare, and I stopped into a tiny chocolatier’s place to look for a nice safe bet for Mom. It was a small place, cozy and smelling impossibly good, where I browsed old wooden shelves stocked with delicately presented gift boxes, and I was so busy admiring the shiny packaging and the intricate chocolate designs that I turned a corner and bumped straight into someone.“Oh—I’m so sorry,” I blurted, stepping back, and I stopped when I gave him a second look—a tall man with a neat beard, a twinkle in his eyes. “Oh… you’re the one from the lodge.”Charlie laughed, a smile on his lips. “Ah, spotting me outside of the workshop. I thought my elf invisibility was still holding up.”I smiled. “Out of curiosity, how old do you think I am?”“If we can’t maintain the magic with adults, we can’t do it with kids.”I laughed, shaking my head. “Anyway, thanks for the recommendation. Abigail and I loved the place.”He gave me another knowing smile. I guess it was just a thing in Santa business. “I’m glad. Got something good for your mom?”“Abigail and I picked out a perfume. But it might be a little risky, so she decided we should get her some chocolates, as a safe bet… hence why I’m here. Any recommendations?”He smiled wider. “She definitely seemed to like the peppermint hot cocoa I whipped up yesterday. Melinda here makes these dark-chocolate balls with candy-cane pieces that are incredibly decadent but just right for a special occasion. That’s my recommendation.”I dropped my arms by my sides. “How do you even know the right chocolate for my mom? Are you magic?”He shrugged, picking up a tray of caramel chocolate truffles, turning them over and reading the back. “Not to spoil the whole thing, but I’m not actually an elf. I’ve just spent some time in customer service. You learn to pick up a thing or two about a person… and then just a few clever moves are like magic.” Seemingly satisfied with the truffles, he nodded to himself, holding them by his side. “I’m sure you could pull out something for Abigail that feels like magic, couldn’t you?”“Oh, um…” I looked away, suddenly a little shier than I needed to be. It was just Abigail… “I mean, I guess when you put it that way.”“Loving attention is the real magic, Christmas magic or otherwise. And as for what you want to get Abigail here—I think that’s something best for you to answer.”I flushed. “Ugh. I was on the fence. You don’t think it’s too cheesy?”He smiled wider. “She would absolutely love it. I get that feeling from her.”“Jeez… thanks. I appreciate the recommendation.” I paused, looking down at the chocolates. “For you?”He looked away. “Ah… well, maybe we can be even. There’s someone around here I like. I know it can’t work, but I can at least gift chocolates.”So he was a human being. How about that. I let my shoulders drop, relaxing a little. “That’s sweet, though. I’m sure they appreciate you however the chips fall.”He laughed. “We’ll see about that. I’ll let you pick out Abigail’s gift. Have a good day, Stella.”“See you around, Charlie.”It took me about five more minutes of shopping, browsing the shelves with a pep in my step, before it hit me what he’d said.We can be even? With me knowing about his crush? What did that mean? Did he still think Abigail and I were something more than—Whatever. Abigail liked marzipan. I was finding her something fancy with marzipan and chocolate.