Chapter 11

Chapter 11StellaGale didn’t stir when I woke up beside her the next morning, breathing slowly, softly, a peaceful expression on her face. I got up tenderly, moving quietly, and I got dressed to go downstairs before I found my eyes back on her again, and I ended up sinking down on the edge of the bed next to her, just watching that serene look she had.The girl had such a load taken off her shoulders now. It was nice to see her sleep so soundly…Somehow, my hand got away from me, and I brushed my knuckles softly over her cheek. “Sleep well, Gale,” I whispered, my heart feeling full as I stood up, heading out the door. The lodge this early, not even six yet, smelled sweet with the aromas of cinnamon and pine drifting up from the floor below. The stairs creaked underfoot, and I came out to the lobby where Mom had her feet kicked up on the coffee table, reading a book, the fireplace crackling. Who had started the fire? There was no way the staff were around starting fires this early.Well. Maybe Charlie had done it as a special favor for her. I needed to hit my head until I’d forgotten about those chocolates…Mom set down her book as I came into the lobby, dropping her feet to the floor and drawing her knit blanket tighter around her as she smiled warmly at me. “Good morning, sweetheart.”“Hey, Mom. Sleep well?”She grunted noncommittally, picking her book back up, turning back to the fire. She always did that with books—held them up in a conversation even though she would always just end up reading over the same line over and over. “Your father snores something awful.”Well, so did she. But she didn’t need to know. I set about filling up a little mug in the shape of Santa’s face with coffee the way I liked it before I joined her on the couch. “Maybe, uh, ask Charlie if he has a spare room for you at his place. You know how he loves to go above and beyond.”She snorted. “I’m not just inviting myself into someone’s home.”“I’m sure he’d be delighted to have you…”She shut the book, setting it down and sipping her coffee, holding it in both hands while she leaned far back on the couch and watched snowflakes out the window drift through the pale glow of the porch lamp. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m going to ask you something direct.”“Tantalizing… hit me.”“You and Abigail are just friends, right?”I blinked, fast, trying to deny the sinking feeling in my stomach. “Is this about Clarissa wanting a sister?”She gave me a dry smile. “She’s gone around asking just about everyone who will listen if you and Abigail should get married. Your grandfather got upset with me, asked where it was coming from.”I wrinkled my nose, looking away. “Tell him it’s the twenty-first century. He doesn’t need to go around investigating to make sure there’s nobody gay on the premises.”Mom sighed, setting down her coffee with a thunk. “Stella… look, I keep up with the times. If you want to go out with a woman… it’s your choice. But please. We’re all on thin ice here right now. If you were… you know,” she said, dropping her voice to a whisper, “if you and Abigail were dating, and it got out, it would be explosive. Especially with your father’s and my situation.”I sighed. “I’m not a lesbian, Mom.”“Please don’t be mad at me over this. I just don’t want this whole thing—”“I know. We’re just friends.”“Okay.” She sighed, hard, picking her book back up. We fell into an awkward, painful silence for a while, and I knew even without the fact that she wasn’t turning any pages that she wasn’t reading the book. After an eternity like that, she set down the book with another sigh. “I’m sorry.”“Don’t be. I get it.” Still, my voice was more clipped than I would normally dream of using with my mom, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.“I want you to be happy, sweetheart. And if you did want to be with a woman—”“I’m not a lesbian.”“I know. I know. I’m just saying I would support you no matter what.”“Thanks.” I shouldn’t have been upset. I couldn’t get the tart, dry tone out of my voice, though, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.“It’s just about your grandparents—”“Mom, I know.”She sighed, picking her book back up. I finished my coffee in the painful silence, sitting next to her and working through it until my stomach felt a little gross from going through it faster than I wanted, and once there was little enough left to justify getting rid of it, I stood up, depositing it in the dish tray. I could feel Mom’s eyes on me as I headed for the stairs, but I didn’t look back—just went up and back to the room, where my heart softened all over again at the sight of Gale awake now, propped up on the pillows, giving me a sleepy smile.“Hey,” she said, but her smile faded, and she sat up. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing. Just… family stuff.” I kicked my slippers off, and I crawled into bed, pressing myself up against her. “Snuggles. Please.”“On it.” She tugged me under the blankets with her, wrapping her arms around me, pressing me into her collar. She smelled so sweet, so crisp, like… like new beginnings…Her slow breath, her gentle heartbeat, settled down the sick-anxious feeling in my gut. I held my arms around her and squeezed her tighter, and she squeezed me right back—not a word, but we didn’t need to say a word. Just me and her.Just me and her. That was all I wanted. Me and Gale.“Hey, question,” I said, muffled against her shirt.“I’m all ears.”I came up away from her, just a little, laying my head on the pillow next to her, facing her. She swallowed. “Did you decide you like your hair long? You used to always complain about it.”“Ah, psh…” She looked away, pulling her hair away from her face. “It is what it is. I don’t hate it. And my parents would be pissed. You know—I’m the only child, so I have to be all the things they want a kid to be…”“Let’s get your hair cut.”She blinked fast. “Um… beg your pardon?”“You said you like being androgynous. I mean, you looked… well, you looked beautiful in that dress last night, but you looked like you didn’t want to wear it. Why not go for it, you know?”She swallowed. “Well, er… I mean, my parents—”“Do you even talk to them anymore?”She tensed up. I winced.“Sorry. That had been on my mind, and I meant to approach it more delicately than that…”She cleared her throat, looking away. “They, uh… not really. My mom got really upset one day demanding I reassure her I wasn’t gay.”I frowned sharply. “Oh, god. I’m sorry.”“I stopped talking to them as much after that. And less, and less, and less… if you ask me now? They can kick rocks.”I slipped my hand into hers, and with my heart pounding, somehow I found myself lacing my fingers with hers. “I cannot tell you,” I whispered, “just how much you deserve better than that. Better than your parents demanding you be a certain way, better than your ex demanding you be available on tap whenever she feels like it…”She rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling, but she didn’t pull her hand away from mine. “I just don’t want to screw with everything… I can just adapt. Quietly. It’s like a superpower, you know, just… not caring a ton.”“That’s not a superpower. That sounds so boring. Caring about things is fun. And nice. And makes things worthwhile.” I buried my face in her shoulder. “Choose me.”“I—what?”“Your parents want you to be this generic daughter they had in mind. I want you to be all the unique and beautiful things that Gale is. So… choose me.”She was quiet, looking up at the ceiling. My heart beat faster. I was sure she could feel it. I squeezed her hand.“I like seeing you happy,” I whispered.She breathed out slowly. “You, um…”“Yeah?”She swallowed, before she glanced back at me with a nervous smile. “You want to help me pick out a hairstyle?”I lit up, brighter and brighter, until I felt like I’d burst, and I threw myself on her in a tight hug. “Hell yeah, I’m on board.”*Mom didn’t seem super pumped when I texted to say Abigail and I were skipping the family activities today, but I wasn’t listening. We stepped out quietly into the hall, hoping to blend in walking confidently past everyone and out the back, but we’d barely gotten into the hallway before we came face-to-face with Faith, wearing a nightrobe and some of the worst bedhead I’d seen in a while.She raised her eyebrows. “Psh… Mom said you two are skipping everything today.”Gale grinned. “I assume you’re not going to be too mad I’m taking your sister away.”Faith laughed. “Dude, you really are obsessed. Go ahead, take her wherever you want. I won’t miss her.”“Uh.” Gale cleared her throat. I wondered why she got so embarrassed over comments like that… my brain could have come up with some reasons, but I didn’t know how far I dared to follow those thoughts. I elbowed Faith on our way past her.“Fine, won’t miss you either, jerk,” I said. “Have an absolutely awful day.”Faith rolled her eyes, smiling. “You too, dumbass.”Once we were at the stairs, Gale leaned close to me and whispered, “So… is that how you two are friendly?”“Mm-hm. She probably considers that the best interaction we’ve had all year.”“Teenagers, huh…”“We were teenagers not too long ago, too. Let’s go.”We managed to slip out without getting too much attention—the only person who looked right at us on our way out while everyone was crowded in the lobby was Charlie, but he just smiled lightly at us and nodded as if to say your secret is safe with me, and we ducked out the back door into the parking lot.All the better he didn’t try to talk to me. He was on my list after those chocolates. I mean… my mom? My mom?I threw my better judgment to the wind and led her by the hand through the streets and across the square, going up a winding sloped road until we found a cute café far enough from the beaten path that we were sure none of the Jacksons would come wandering in here.Unfortunately, Gale was a scheming little jerk, because I’d only just paused to check my phone to make sure I wasn’t getting a deluge of angry texts, and she used the opening to sneak in and pay for both of us.“I cannot believe you,” I laughed, taking my cappuccino to the table in the corner. She shrugged, smiling in the same very-not-sorry way Clarissa did.“I hope you can find it in your heart of hearts to forgive me.”“Hm. Unlikely.”“Let me treat you.”We sat shoulder-to-shoulder at a booth in the corner, under a display of reindeer prancing through the air surrounded by big model snowflakes, and we gossiped and laughed over little nothings while I drank my cappuccino and she sipped at her coffee with a splash of soy milk. Once our food was ready, a quiche for me and tomato-mozzarella toast for her—Britain had rubbed off on her with its cheesy toast for breakfast, and she’d assured me mozzarella was low-lactose enough I didn’t have to fret and worry for her—we snuck bites of one another’s and chattered about everything and about nothing until our food ran down to crumbs and our drinks were just dregs at the bottom, and not even caring how public the place was, I relaxed with a satisfied sigh, resting my head against hers.“Well, thank you for breakfast,” I said. “It was delicious.”“Hey, no problem,” she said. “I mean, you got me a package of eight chocolate hearts from a specialty chocolate shop right here in Bellsford.”“I have big news about what you got me too,” I deadpanned. She laughed, nestling her head in the crook of my neck.“I choose to ignore that…”“Psh. Have it your way, jerk,” I laughed.She was so… soft. The way all that tension she’d had when she’d first gotten here had melted off, and we could be like this again—I could lie to myself, but this wasn’t again. This was something completely new. As much as I adored her before, I’d never felt like this. This heart-pounding sensation with her pressed into my side, the way she was exhilaration and peace at the same time…Mom pushing this morning was just one of a million reasons not to feel this way, to think these things. But the biggest one was gone, and suddenly I couldn’t think of anything else.She liked girls. Maybe I had a shot.The salon had opened while we were at breakfast, and we headed down a narrow street and out through a brick archway with a bough of holly hung at the apex, into a snow-dusted plaza with some of the less touristy places, a bit further out of the way. The salon was quiet right now, and I almost dragged Gale in outright, but I felt the tension in her hand as she squeezed mine.“Are you okay?” I said, giving her a gentle squeeze. She nodded, pursing her lips.“Just… uh…”I softened. “Nervous?”“It’s going to take a long time to regrow this if I change my mind.”“If you don’t do this, you’ll still be thinking about it. And you’ll do it later. And then if you change your mind, it will be even longer before you get it back.” I relaxed, stepping a bit closer. “It’s really okay if you don’t want to do this, though.”She sucked in a sharp breath and let it out, wisps of breath from her nose fogging up in the air. “Fuck it, let’s hack my hair off.”I laughed. “Love that energy for you.”The stylist who greeted us inside the salon was a young woman, sweet and bright-eyed, and after looking through the hairstyle selections Gale and I had picked, told me it would probably be an hour. I didn’t want to stand there creeping on Gale the whole time like a stalker, so I stepped out to leave them to it, heading up a narrow street that was sloped high and slippery in the snow, and I ducked in through a thick wooden door and into a cozy secondhand boutique where the lights were so low I had to blink a while to adjust.And of all people, I swear I was hallucinating, because I turned a corner along one long rack of clothes and came face-to-face with Charlie, his hand paused on a fleece-lined jacket, and he looked at me like a deer in the headlights.“Oh…” he said, just a little paler than I remembered.Oh indeed. “Hello, there,” I said, my voice loaded. He put on a smile.“Buying something for Abigail?”“Hey, don’t change the subject.” I folded my arms. “You’re hitting on my mom?”He put his hands up, looking around like he was expecting rescue. “I’m not hitting on her! Just… just trying to provide good service.”“Oh, yeah. Like giving her that mispackaging that would have gotten thrown out…”He scratched his head. “Oh, that…”“What are you doing now, buying her a new dress? And it will just so happen your friend’s tastes changed and she didn’t want the dress anymore, so you’re passing it along?”He paused. “That’s not a bad idea…”“Hey! Don’t start taking notes.”He turned back to the rack. “I do little art projects with old clothing that isn’t good to wear anymore, and I give them to friends or keep them in my house, just outside Bellsford.” He lifted the jacket off the rack. “See how the fleece is worn out? Replacing it would cost more than the jacket would be worth new. So I think I’ll take it apart and make it into something new.”“Huh…” I let my shoulders drop. “That’s actually kinda cute.”He hung the jacket back up, turning back to me with a small smile. “As far as I’m concerned, there’s no harm in enjoying a passing magical moment.”“You and magic again…”“Magic is all around us. We make it every time we’re around someone we love. There’s no earthly explanation for the way it feels to be in love with someone, is there?”I paused, my gaze suddenly breaking. Talk about not subtle… I couldn’t help the way Gale floated through my head.“Just because something can’t be forever, or even if it can’t happen at all, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy that feeling while it’s there. Magic was never meant to be bottled up and stored for a rainy day. It’s meant to be felt. So when there’s someone who makes you feel something special… just feel it.”He picked the jacket up off the rack, smiling at me as he turned towards the registers on the other end of the store.“There’s a few nice shirts on that end of the shop that I think are in Abigail’s size. Have a good day, Stella.”“Mom and Dad are separating,” I said, stopping him mid-step away from me. “So knock yourself out.”“Oh, uh.”Nice seeing the guy at a loss for words for once. Felt like I’d won somehow as I turned on my heel, heading in the direction he’d shown me.