Chapter 12

Chapter 12GaleMy head was… light.I stared blankly at myself in the mirror for a long time once the stylist spun me around, not even sure who was looking at me there.“What do you think?” the stylist said, beaming next to me.“Uh… wow.” I put a hand to my hair, touching it tentatively. I had no idea I was even physically capable of looking like this. I’d gone with a long pixie—short enough at the back to be coarse to the touch, but with lift and volume at the top that I didn’t even know my hair could have. A playful look just on the softer end of androgyny.I, uh, I looked kinda hot.“Is that me?”“Mm-hm. It suits you a lot, actually.”“What, because I’m gay?” I didn’t even mean to say it. I’d been distracted by the mirror. I rubbed my forehead. “Uh… forget I said that?”She laughed. “I thought so. That was your girlfriend?”“Oh—uh—” I was burning now. I even had a mirror to see just how red I’d gotten this quickly. “She’s not…”The stylist beamed. “Not yet?”“No! I mean—uh—”“You’re just hoping.”“Oh my god.” I hung my head. Hair didn’t fall in my face when I did. This was kind of lifechanging.She patted my shoulder, unclasping the barber cape and dusting it off before she put it aside. “Let’s get you all cleared out, okay, Abigail?”She was getting a good tip. Not just because she did a genuinely incredible job with my hair, but to buy her silence.I sent Stella a text telling her I was done a little early, leaning by the door, and she texted back, coming back down now! Got you a little present.She would not stop buying presents. Now I had to buy her dinner to make up for it.Who was I kidding? I always wanted to buy her dinner…I felt more nervous than I should have, standing there waiting, and when I saw a shadow move out the front door, my heart did a flip in my chest. Still, I leaned against one of the two chairs in the waiting area and tried to look casual as the door swung open and Stella stepped inside, and she turned the corner with a paper bag held close to her chest, and she stopped dead at the sight of me, her smile vanishing as her mouth dropped open. She didn’t say a word, just staring for a full few seconds, and I felt like I’d combust under the attention.“What do you think?” I touched my hair absently, trying not to look like I was about to die here. I don’t think I pulled it off.A wild-eyed smile passed over her face. “Oh… my bad. I’m looking for my friend Gale.”“Ha, ha.” I put my hands on my hips. “Very funny. I’m right here, Stella.”“Holy… wow.” She took a few steps closer, a disbelieving smile spreading over her face, as she touched a hand to my hair. And then, as if her standing close with a hand up to my face wasn’t already enough to make my head explode, she said like she didn’t even realize she was saying it, “You look hot like this.”“Oh. Uh.”“Damn. You were cut out for this style.”“Uh…” Over her shoulder, I saw the stylist looking up from the cash register, and she winked at me. I thought I’d die on the spot. “Well, don’t know if it’s the right season for it,” I said, talking too quickly, looking out the tiny frosted window with Christmas ornaments hung in the frame. “My neck’s gonna get all cold now.”“Um… I think any time of year is the right one for you to look like this. Wow.”Okay, okay, okay. I’d asked for a compliment and now I was dying. I kind of needed out. “I’m… glad you, uh… like it.”“Like it?” She laughed, narrowing her eyes with a playful smile. “That’s the understatement of the century. Do I have to worry now that all the girls are going to come flocking trying to take you from me?”Take me from her? What did that mean? My thoughts right now were the equivalent of sitting on all the alarm buttons at once, mindless shouting. “Um… they can try, but I like you better.”She grinned widely. “Lucky me. Shall we head out somewhere we won’t get in the way while I’m staring at you?”She was trying to kill me. Outright attempted murder. I felt my face burning, and it was only worse with the stylist here too, who looked like she was having the time of her life watching me suffer. “Uh… let’s… yeah. That sounds great.”“Perfect.” She linked her arm in mine, the final nail in my coffin, and led me out into where snow was starting to drift down again over the street, soft music playing from down one street, a group of children running and laughing nearby.She held a hand up over her eyes, shielding them from the drifting snow, glancing around the plaza. “Ugh… we’re going to have to go back to the lodge if we want a place without so many people around, aren’t we?”She wanted a private place to give me a present? What was in the bag? I was resolutely not going to think about that. “I guess… oh.” I pursed my lips. “Actually, I think I might know a place…”She beamed at me. “Oh, yeah?”“Yeah. Charlie told me about a nice spot.”Her face fell. “Oh… that guy.”I blinked. “Uh… something happen?”She looked away, folding her arms. “Nothing much. Just that he’s got the hots for my mom.”I stared at her, just waiting for my brain to process what she’d said in a way that made more sense. “What?”She smiled wryly. “Mispackaging my ass. I saw the guy at the chocolatier buying those truffles, and I asked him what for. Said it was for someone he liked but that he couldn’t be with. And lo and behold! Where do they end up but in my mom’s hands?”“You’re kidding.”“Sincerely, I wish I were.”I laughed. “Are… are you going to tell her?”“Pf…” She shrugged, dropping her arms. “The less I have to do with that, the better. Talk about mortifying. Anyway, he’s clearly got a good sense for place recommendations at least, so… lead the way.”You know? Screw it. I took her hand, and she was all too happy to go along with it, following me as I went through the cute dressed-up street with a lattice of multicolored lights crisscrossed over top and paper snowflakes hanging from it, and I shamelessly let myself stare at the way Stella looked at it all with eyes sparkling as I led us through to the back of the town hall, where I found a heavy old wooden door with brass bolts and a weathered sign that said OBSERVATION TOWER. Next to me, Stella shifted awkwardly as I pushed the door open—it took a bit of a shove to open it.“Are we, uh… supposed to go in here?”“If not, we can blame Charlie, because he explicitly told me we could.” It opened with a creak into an old space that smelled like weathered parchment, aromas of vanilla and spice lingering sweet along with the heady scent of ancient cedar and stone, and a rack of unlit candles stood under an oil painting of the Virgin Mary. Between that and the stone floor, tall ceiling and weathered wood stairwell, the place had clearly been a chapel at one point. I wasn’t remotely remorseful about entering the holy space with gay intentions in my heart.“Let’s go on up,” I said, my voice echoing off the stone floor, and Stella stuck close to me as we started up the steps—it was so quiet in here, aside from the low groan of the wood underfoot, I could hear Stella’s breathing just behind me. Could hear my heartbeat going a little too fast.And maybe Charlie wasn’t too bad, because the only thing more breathtaking than the view once we got to the top was the soft oh that Stella let out behind me as she saw it.It was a small space, a faded rug on the floor and a wide window with latticing that gave a dizzying view over where the north end of the town fell away beneath us and the mountains sprawled out beyond that, a view like we could see to the ends of the earth. Snow-capped mountains gave way to sweeping pine forests, ski slopes dotting the landscape with their little chalets and ski lifts, and tiny rustic homes scattered over the mountainside like stars in the sky, wisps of smoke curling up from old log chimneys. Stella sank against my side, eyes wide, and she didn’t say anything for a long time, just looking out over it all.She didn’t really need to say anything. I knew her well enough to know what was going on in her head just by looking. I put an arm around her back, just taking it in alongside her.It was maybe a solid minute before she breathed, “It’s so gorgeous…”I glanced over, looking at her out of the corner of my eye, just… taking her in. Rich dark eyes, the shape of her nose cutting a stunning profile, lit with a soft glow from the sunlight sinking towards the horizon over the mountains. “Very gorgeous,” I whispered, and she looked over at me, quirking a smile my way.“What is?”“Oh, uh. The—” I looked back to the window. “The view.”She elbowed me. “Are you flirting with me?”“No! I wasn’t—”“You weren’t?” She pouted. I felt my ears burn.“The—I—Stella—”She laughed, pushing the bag into my arms. “Ta-da. It’s your present. It’s not worth all the buildup! It’s nothing that special.”Dammit, she couldn’t do that and then just change the subject. I took the bag with some mumbled words that probably meant something in some language, and I reached in, pulling out a neat red button-up shirt, the fabric a textured linen. Stella tucked a strand of hair back, looking away shyly.“I’m trying to get a handle on what your style looks like. I was looking for something a bit more androgynous.”“I love it.” I held it out, turning it around, feeling the fabric. “I’ve wanted more shirts like this…”She laughed. “If you want to go full butch, just say the word.”“I don’t know about full butch. I like mascara too much.”“Well, you clearly look good a little androgynous.” She fluffed my hair again, eyes sparkling as she laughed. “Seriously, I can’t get over how well this suits you. Damn.”Ah, dammit, I was going for it. I put a hand on my hip. “Are you flirting with me?”She beamed. “Yeah.”“Uh.” Yeah? I hadn’t been ready for that. I blinked, and she laughed, giving me a playful shove.“Try it on. I want to see if it fits.”“The—what, right here?”“C’mon, nobody’s looking. We’ll have about fifteen minutes of warning if anybody’s coming up, with the mile-long spiral stairway…”She was looking. Ugh. I was dying, but I couldn’t deny her anything. I shrugged off my coat and my scarf, draping them over the wooden bench at the end of the room. Flush with self-consciousness, I turned my back to her as I tugged my shirt off, but I swear I could feel her eyes on me even from behind as I slipped the shirt on, buttoning it up and tucking one side a little sloppily into my pants before I turned back, feeling awkward as I posed for her. She lit up.“Hello.” She let her eyes roam down me and back up, and I burned more than a little. I’d really, really thought she was straight. I guess she’d never said she was, but… but she was not acting like a straight woman right now. “Damn,” she laughed. “I’m not bad at picking, huh?”“So it’s good?”“You look amazing,” she said, smiling out to the corners of her eyes, before she stepped in and sank against me in a soft embrace, nestling the side of her head against mine. “And I love seeing you look more of how you want…”There was no way she couldn’t hear my heartbeat going wild right now. I swallowed hard. “I, uh… I really appreciate you going along with me to do this.”“I appreciate you letting me.” She gave me a gentle squeeze, laughing quietly, just to herself. “And damn, am I lucky.”“Uh… lucky how?”“To be here with you. To see this. To…” She took a long breath. “I don’t want to go back right now. Can we keep it just the two of us for just… just a little longer?”“Uh… y-yeah. I don’t think I’m ready to deal with your family right now.”“Me neither. So let’s just not.” She stepped back with a contented sigh, looking back to the window. “I wish I’d brought my sketchpad…”“Mm.” I stood next to her. “In lieu of that, do you want a coffee? I’m going to go grab some.”“You are not buying me something else.”“Oh, that’s rich, after you just bought me a shirt.” I pulled on my coat. “You stay here. Claim our spot. Put on some music so if anybody tries to come check it out then they know it’s taken.”She rolled her eyes with a smile, sinking back onto the bench at the edge of the room and taking her phone from her pocket. “Fine, fine. You win, Gale. I’ll take a hot chocolate.”“You got it,” I laughed, tossing my scarf over my shoulder and heading out.It only took me a minute, all things considered. It was nice in a place like this where everything was so close together. One stop at the little café blaring Mariah Carey to place the order for our drinks, and then two minutes down to the crafts shop where I practically had to step over Christmas-themed supplies, hitting the café again on the way back to pick up the order, and then I was trekking the steps back up to where—of all the songs to come back to, it was Brooke Carston’s cover of Silent Night. Stella smiled sweetly at me once I came out the stairs at the top, and it turned into a look of indignation when she saw the bag under one arm, a sketchpad sticking out.“Abigail Lancer. Did you buy—”“One hot chocolate for the lady,” I said, handing over the cup. “You’ll never guess what they tossed in for free.”She stood up, a wild grin on her face as she put her hands on her hips. “A sketchpad and pencils? From a different store?”“Nah. Whipped cream. Also, I bought you this.”“You scheming rat,” she laughed, taking the bag. “Oh my god, I love you. I also can’t believe you.”“I wanted to see what you’d draw. I’ve been stalking your stuff on Instagram over the years still…”“Oh yeah?” she laughed. “Well, not too much pressure, then.”I sat next to her while our song played—not that we’d ever acknowledged it as that, just that we’d always loved dancing to Silent Night as kids and Brooke Carston’s version had been the one we’d danced to at that graduation party together, the last time we were together before we went in two different directions for college—and despite every reason I could think of not to, I rested against her side with my head on her shoulder, watching as she moved her pencil in long, loose sketches detailing the world outside the window.But partway through, she shook her head, flipping to a new page, and she nudged me.“Let me draw you.”People definitely didn’t just do this kind of thing with their friends… I smiled lightly. “That into the new hairstyle?”“I’m into a lot more than just that, Gale. Find a comfy pose. Casual one. Try for candid.”I rested my elbows on my knees, leaning forward, looking out the window as she sketched me from the side, and then to the front, flipping to a new page and jotting down a quick sketch of me from the front. She asked me to stand at the window, and I cupped my coffee cup, empty now but good for something to do with my hands, and I gazed out the window as she sketched me against the scenery.The sun sank low on the horizon, casting the room in a red-gold glow. Not a single person had even tried to enter the tower—at this point I wouldn’t have been surprised if it wasn’t actually supposed to be open to the public, but I couldn’t care anymore. Stella’s eyes taking in every detail of me, that way her hands sculpted me on the page with such ravishing attention over and over…“Closer,” she said, patting her hand on the bench next to her. “I want to get one of you… close-up.”She was going to have an entire sketchbook of just me at this rate. Not that I was complaining. I sat down next to her, and she shifted closer, eyes roaming over every inch of my face, before the softest, sweetest little smile settled over her face.“Drawing sucks,” she said. I frowned, doing a double take.“Uh… changed your mind?”“Nah. Still going to try my best. Just… frustrating I’ll never be able to capture you just right.” She brushed a thumb over my cheek, a tingling sensation that took my breath away. “You here like this, just the two of us, the way you glow in the sunset… you’ve always been the most beautiful person I know, but there’s something about you now that just takes my breath away.”I felt my face burn, flushing all the way out to my ears and down my neck, and I looked away, too awkward by far to look her in the eye. “You don’t mess around when you flirt.”She laughed. “Only for someone who deserves it.”The song ended on her phone, and her playlist looped back around, Silent Night coming on again. I glanced at it at the same time Stella did, and she laughed, quietly, giving me a soft look.“So you remember that one, too.”“Oh, uh…” I looked away again. “I’ve thought about it from time to time.”“Me too,” she said, her voice low.I let out a long, shaky breath, looking back at her—this close to me, I could see the way her eyes, normally such a deep brown, shimmered almost like liquid gold in the sunset glow from the side of the window. Her lips parted at the eye contact—this close, this intense—but she softened into a smile.“I, uh… I missed you,” I breathed. She swallowed.“I missed you too.”“Stella…” I shifted closer, just a hair, just an inch. “I, uh, I’m going to ask you something, and I… really, really apologize if I’ve been misreading things…”“Ask.” She spoke so softly, sweetly, like we were in a dream. I breathed out, slowly, pushing down the swarm of butterflies in my stomach.“Can I, uh… can I kiss you?”She bit her lips through a smile out to the corners of her eyes, and she nodded. “That would actually be perfect,” she whispered, slipping a hand up to my cheek, holding me, lightly, tenderly, as she angled her head towards mine. My heart pounded so fast I thought it would burst, but I thought in that moment there was no better place in the world I could be—Stella’s eyes fluttering shut, feeling her warmth pressed up against my side, and I closed my eyes too and sank against her, falling into her, slotting against her like two puzzle pieces made to fit together.Her lips were even softer than I’d imagined, all those times I’d let my mind drift thinking about it. The gentle, tender touch of her against me, lips pressed against mine, not rushing, not going anywhere too fast, her hand slipping to the back of my head against the coarse texture of my hair, holding me against her.It felt like my chest would explode, my thoughts racing and looping back around the same thought, I’m kissing Stella, shouting it out to myself again and again in dizzying disbelief.The sweet scent of her, almost like cinnamon—it felt like coming home.