CHAPTER TWENTY - EIGHT

MIRI

Goodbye.

The word rings in my head all the way to the airport.

That's it. Just goodbye.

The moment I see Landon, I run to him. It's instinctual. My feet race across the tarmac, and I slam into him. He wraps me in his arms, and I burst into tears because there's not enough left in me anymore to hold them back. It's been building, time and time again. I've pushed them back, fought them, but with Shaw's goodbye and now seeing Landon, I allow myself to let it all out.

"It's alright. I've got you," he says.

It's not the voice I want to hear, but I seek comfort in what he's offering. And then I feel Willow's arms join, pulling me tighter into the centre of them both.

I'd never have thought I'd miss them like I did. And I'm not sure if I did, not properly, until the second I saw them. Maybe he was fighting for me, too? He's here, isn't he? He came quickly, like he was expecting the call.

Sniffing back the tears, I let Willow fuss, checking my face and holding me to her. It goes on for a while before I realise I've ignored Naja. This was the reunion I thought we'd have had, maybe not right away, but when we were at the motel. But she's not there yet. Neither of us is ready to move past the bad stuff to get back to the familiar connection we had.

Willow looks past me, and I know she's seen her. I keep tight to her side, and both Willow and Landon look at Naja. There's an awkward pause between them all. She's what set all of this in motion when she left me with them.

That's when I notice that beyond the car Logan brought us in, on the perimeter, is a familiar car. I can't make him out behind the glass; it's too far, but it's him. I know it's him, and I know that car. He always said he wanted to make sure we were safe. It makes sense he'd want to make sure Cane held up his end of the bargain. But something crushes my heart in my chest as I watch him watch us. And the tears I'd gotten under control resurface again because we didn't have to say goodbye. It wasn't the only option.

My jaw tightens as I fight my emotions from running wild.

"Come on, sweety. Let's get on board." Willow ushers me up the steps of the private plane. When I reach the top, I can't not look back. The wind picks up and whips my hair around my face, but I can still see the car waiting.

"Miri." Naja's tone is stern, and I glare at her as my heart pounds in my chest. The seconds tick on, and I still can't move. It feels as if the weight of everything we've been through is compressing me on the spot, stopping me from moving.

It's too late. We can't turn back now. He's made his choice.

Finally, I turn and walk inside the plane and flump down in the first leather chair I see.

Willow follows and takes a seat opposite me. I look out the small cabin window, keeping my eyes away from her. I don't want her to see how upset I am because there's no reason for it, is there? He was just a bad guy who took me. Not someone to fall for. He said that – they were his words.

"Do you need anything? Something to eat? Drink?" she asks.

"She'll ask if she wants anything," Landon states as he walks past, pulls Willow from her seat, and puts her into the next bank of chairs. He looks at me, his eyes hard, and I wonder if he's mad that he's been drawn into this after all. Somehow, though, his face doesn't seem to send the same sense of fear or intimidation through me as it once used to. Maybe because I've seen so much worse now.

Naja sits down in the seat across from me, but I'm not ready to talk. I keep my gaze set on the window.

He didn't want me. He didn't ask me to stay or try to come with us. He just shut the door on me and let us drive off.

It stings. More than I thought possible for a man I considered the enemy only a few weeks ago. What is he to me now? Not my enemy. Not anything if it was so easy for him to shove me in the car and drive off. I thought we were more than that, and in a crazy way, I thought he felt the same about me.

Was it all a lie? Everything?

No. I can't think like that, or I'll fall apart and never be able to mend the pieces back together.

It's over, anyway. I'm fleeing across the Atlantic to escape like he's the problem, never to see him again.

My chest aches at that realisation, spreading out and down my limbs as I stay motionless in my seat. This shouldn't be happening. It's cruel that I feel like this for someone who has no place in my life. He might not even have a place in this world if his family gets hold of him. They'll kill him for what he did for me like they killed Jackson for what he did for Naja. He knows it.

Maybe… maybe that's why he pushed me into the car.

Because there's no future for us.

My hand shakes as I raise it to push a tear from my cheek.

I try to block everything out and only pay attention to the motion and sound of the jet engine, but although it helps numb my mind and lets me drift into a weary emotional stupor, I'm not sure anything will be different when I wake.

~

There's little talk in the car as we travel to Earlwood. It feels like there are no words left to speak right now. Willow stopped trying to get me to talk on the flight over, although I feel cruel for not speaking to her like we did before. But, as has been highlighted so brightly, it's hard to stay the same person you were before being kidnapped, especially if it's for the second time in your life.

Naja slept, or at least pretended to. It made it easier. I couldn't begin to unravel the words I wanted to say with my feelings all over the place. Hurt and pain are achingly acute, but I'm also relieved and grateful that we have her back.

As we drive up to the house, there's finally some sense of comfort, something I didn't think I'd ever feel here. If there's one thing I can take from this, it"s that the people that Naja left me with have become my family – and with Naja rescued, we're not on our own now.

It's a big consolation prize – one I need to hold onto for dear life.

"Your room's ready for you," Willow says as I get out of the car.

"Thank you."

She takes my hand and doesn't let it go. "And we have a guest room made up for you, Naja."

She nods as we all walk up to the house.

Landon's been ominously quiet. I have no doubt that he'll make his thoughts clear to me in his own time. I smile to myself as I realise I'm happy about this – a sign of normalcy amongst all the chaos.

"Is anyone hungry?" Willow questions as we step inside.

"I, um… Thank you. I just want to go and lie down." I squeeze her hand and pull it free from my grasp.

"Of course. It's been… Well, we can have breakfast tomorrow. Hopefully, you'll sleep through any jet lag."

I glance at Landon, waiting for him to add anything, but he doesn't. His eyes look tired, too.

"Miri, wait," Naja calls.

I shake my head. "No. I can't do anything else right now. I just want to be on my own." She looks awkward, as if she doesn't know what to do, and for a split second, I think back to how I felt watching her drive away. "Tomorrow," I offer as I go up the stairs to shut the door on everything.

~

"Miri?" Naja calls.

"I'm going out."

"Please. You've hardly spoken to me since we came back."

I take a deep breath. She's right. After we all got back, we went to bed, and when we woke up, it was like no one wanted to speak. Like opening the wound after the healing has already started. The problem is, there's anger, resentment, and heartbreak all trapped under the surface, and not letting it out will only mean those emotions fester and spread and turn everything rotten.

The days have just run along, nobody wants to look too closely at the wreckage around us.

"I'm not sure what to say," I murmur, still looking at the door.

"Why are you treating me like the enemy here? We're back, we're safe." She grabs my arm and turns me toward her. "We don't need to be afraid anymore."

"I know. I'm trying, but… it feels like so much has changed."

"Don't shut me out. For the first time since this all started, we have options. We could go back home. Properly home. Get our lives back on track." A light is back in her eyes, and the darkness and bruising are already fading. It's a relief to see that she's getting back to the Naja I remember.

I continue to stare at her and smile. "I don't know what that looks like anymore." I need to be honest with her. "Perhaps, before, it was easier to see that I didn't have a home here or family. With you gone, I clung to the idea of getting you back. That was the most important thing. Everything else was just background noise. But life did go on around me, Naja. I made friends, I have a job, even my own place." I pull her towards the bench in the corner of the hallway and sit down. "I'd like to try and find our way here before making any decisions. I've never allowed myself to live and be happy. How could I? But maybe now I can, and I think I owe it to myself to try. I've taken a lot of things for granted, and it's time to stop."

Shaw's words stick in my mind, like so many times since we've been back. In fact, he's never been far from my thoughts at all. I've swapped one unknown for another. Naja may be safe and sound now, but what about him?

Her face drops, and her eyes look to the floor. It's not what she wanted to hear. "But you can go back. Landon helped make sure the house was looked after. I… didn't want to go without you. Leaving felt like giving up." I nod at Naja and stand, hoping she'll understand. In many ways, our roles have switched since the last time we were here, but I can't get sucked into the past. I need to live for myself and my future. "I'm sorry." She doesn't say anything or come after me.

Maybe I've given her enough to think about.

~

The workout with Neil isn't enough. I feel this trapped energy inside me like it's desperate to get free, only I can't access it.

Today was the first time I bumped into Tally in the gym. She was over the moon to see me, her optimism and happy spirit still intact. She didn't question my absence but told me off for ghosting everyone. A big apology and a hug, rare and unheard of from me, seemed to win her over, and it made the drive back to Earlwood lighter. It's time I should get back to my apartment, but I've not had the guts to visit it yet. How can I after everything that happened there?

Walking in the door, Naja is waiting to ambush me.

"Miri, can we talk? I know we left things this morning, but you've not heard me."

"Yes, I have. Repeating anything isn't going to change my mind. You need to listen to me."

"But maybe now we're back together, going home will be better for you and for us. We can go back to things before all of this and be a family again."

"No. Don't you see? I don't want that, Naja." I repeat the words in Danish so she really hears me.

"We've come so far. Both of us. I won't leave you. Not again." Naja's face turns cold and determined. She's still not listening, and I know how stubborn she can be.

"You did what you thought was best—to keep me safe," I start, "but you can't change what happened after you made that choice. Fate gave me the same deal as you—I met someone who might have looked like a monster, but really, he was my salvation."

"Don't say that." She shakes her head at me and steps back.

"Why not? It's the truth," I say, my anger growing, fuelled by my frustrations.

"You cannot love that man!" she shouts at me.

"Who are you to tell me that after you left me and ran off with a near stranger?"

"I was doing what I thought was best for you," she repeats.

"And I was trying to help you. I didn't look for this – I didn't ask for it."

"All the more reason to leave. Put everything behind and start again."

"Running away isn't the answer to everything, Naja."

"We're not running, we're going home."

"It's not my home anymore!" It's my turn to shout, waving my hands out to the side. The anger makes me move and pace, which reminds me of Shaw when he was making a decision. But I take a minute and feel my breathing calm. "Maybe we need to consider the idea that our lives aren't in the same place anymore."

"Don't–"

"No, listen. I'm not the same. You're not the same. That's okay." I smile. "It doesn't mean I don't love you. I do. But we're not in a place where our lives are on the same path. And I want to see where mine might lead, here. You know I'll be safe. We both will be. I was going away to university anyway. Maybe you just need to think about it like that?"

Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and the anger between us dissolves with the realisation that our future might not be one where we're together. "Don't be sad, Naja. This is good. And if you don't want to leave, you don't have to. But I won't let anyone force me to do something I don't want to. Not even you."

She nods. "I can respect that. I'm sorry. I guess I was hoping things would…"

"So was I." It's my turn to feel the sting of tears.

She opens her arms, and we embrace, perhaps for the first time in all of this, without animosity between us.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you, too."