Seventeen

I'm half asleep when headlights appear down the road. Someone gets out of the car, approaching me. It's Kevin's voice that wakes me as he helps me up from the sidewalk. My legs feel like they're falling straight through the ground. I don't even remember the car ride, except when Kevin hands me a water bottle while the radio plays on low volume. There's no elevator in his building. We have to walk up five whole flights of stairs. I can barely hold on to the handrail, stumbling at every step. At one point, I must have given up because Kevin lifts me up and carries me the rest of the way there.

"We're almost there."

It's dark inside his apartment. Kevin turns on the kitchen light, scorching my eyes. I wander over to the sofa and lie down for a moment. The room keeps spinning, making me want to throw up.

Kevin hands me a glass of water. I don't know how thirsty I am until I finish the last drop and he brings me another glass. Kevin sets it on the coffee table and sits on the edge of the sofa. "Do you need me to take you home?" he asks.

" No, I'm fine, " I groan. The last thing I want is my parents making a fuss of this. I'm already embarrassed enough to have Kevin caring for me. The feeling of dizziness sets in again. "I just need to lie down and close my eyes for a second."

Kevin lays a blanket over me and refills my water. He leaves a light on in the kitchen before he disappears into his bedroom.

I roll on my side, pulling the blanket over my head, letting the rest of the world slowly drift away.

It's still dark out when I wake up again. For a second, I have no memory of what happened, where I am. My throat is dry as I reach for the glass of water. It's still too dark to see anything. A single dot of blue light blinks beneath a television. My vision is blurry as I push myself up and look around the apartment. I remember the last time I was here. Jasmine and I came to watch Korean dramas and we ate Chinese food on the floor. It feels wrong being here without her now that they've broken up.

What time is it? I should probably get out of here. I rise from the sofa, ignoring the pounding headache. The walls keep moving around me. I'm trying to leave quietly but I accidently knock something off the coffee table. Kevin must have heard it, because he comes out of his room as I'm putting on my shoes. There's just enough light to make out his silhouette in the living room.

"Are you leaving?"

"I have to go," I say.

"Let me drive you."

"No, that's okay."

"Wait—"

But I've already turned the knob and left through the door. I'm nearly tripping down the stairwell as Kevin follows behind, calling after me. But I don't answer him. I hurry out of the building, breathing in the cold air. Which way am I going again? A second later, the door swings back open as Kevin appears behind me.

"Eric, hold on," he says. "Let me drive you home."

"I'm not going home."

"Where are you going, then?"

Why can't he just take the hint? I turn to face him. "You don't have to keep following me."

"I just want to make sure—"

"I can take care of myself. Stop worrying about me. We're not even family."

I instantly regret these words. But I don't want to think about this right now. I turn away and make a run for it. Kevin tries to catch up to me. But I turn another corner and disappear down the road.

The streets are dark and empty. I don't know what time it is or where I'm going. I just cross my arms as I keep walking. I can hardly make out what's in front of me. As I'm wandering around, my phone goes off in my pocket. I squint at the screen. Why is Jasmine calling me? I thought she was too busy to talk to me anymore. I bet Kevin called her after I ran off. She probably knows what I said to him. I don't want to pick up and have to explain myself right now. But the other part of me misses hearing her voice. So I answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Eric." Her voice is calm in my ear. "Where are you?"

I look around. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Are you by yourself right now?"

"Yes."

"Do you know the way back home?"

"I don't want to go home."

"What's going on?"

I don't answer this.

There's a brief silence. Then Jasmine sighs through the phone. "Alright, can you at least tell me what you see?"

I look around again. The streets are still a blur. But I can make out a few things. A few lights are on farther down the road. Is that a giant donut blinking above the storefront? That's when it hits me. "I think I see Lucy's Donuts."

"Okay, that's good," Jasmine says. "You've been there before. Do you remember the diner across the street? It should be open late."

"Yeah, I think so."

"I want you to wait for me there, okay?"

" Wait for you? What do you mean?"

"I'm less than an hour away," she says. "I'm going to meet you there. Just wait for me, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Promise me you'll stay there," she says.

"I promise."

"I'm leaving right now. Don't go anywhere."

I hang up the phone. As I'm standing there, the sidewalk starts moving again, making me feel like I'm about to fall. I stumble toward the diner, searching for something to tether myself down to.

The fluorescent lights are nearly blinding. I'm sitting at a booth in the corner, staring into my cup of water. The place is practically empty, besides an old man at the other end of the diner. A waitress brings me some coffee I didn't order.

"It's on the house, sweetie."

I take a sip and rest for a moment. I must have dozed off at some point, because someone taps my shoulder to wake me. Jasmine's face comes into focus as she slides into the other side of the booth. She's wearing the jacket again. The one I let her borrow. The lights reflecting off the window glass make everything around us hazy.

"How are you feeling there?" she asks.

I don't answer. But my head is pounding.

"Looks like you've had a rough night," she says.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

We look at each other. I know I should be happy to see her, but I remember she's still leaving.

"My flight is tomorrow," Jasmine says. "We're heading out of Rockford, so I'm staying at a friend's tonight."

"How exciting."

Silence fills the booth. Jasmine takes in a breath and lets it out. "If there's something you want to say to me, I think you should say it," she says.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Then what's been going on lately? And why did you run away from Kevin?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She leans into the table. "I'm worried about you, Eric. Can you just tell me what's wrong?"

I'm not sure what she wants me to say. Maybe I don't even know the answer. Then it comes out of me. "I don't want you to go."

"Eric…" she starts.

"I think you should just stay."

"You know I can't do that."

My hand hits the table. "Then why are you asking me? Why did you even come here? Just to tell me you're leaving?"

"Don't be this way," she says, somewhat tensely. "It's not like I'm leaving you alone. You have plenty of people who care about you."

"I don't need anyone to care. There's nothing wrong with me."

"I didn't say there was something wrong with you. But you can't keep pushing everyone away." She reaches for my hand, but I pull away.

That's when I notice something strange. Right outside the window. White petals are falling from the sky like snow. I rub my eyes, wondering if I'm imagining this. Then the piano music starts to play, filling the diner. But I can't tell where it's coming from. Does anyone else hear that? It feels like I'm losing my mind here.

"What is it?"

Jasmine's voice pulls me back to the table. But I'm not sure what to tell her. I just shake my head and say, "It's nothing."

Jasmine squeezes my arm. "Maybe it's time to go home," she says.

But I'm not listening at this point. I can barely think straight. The room is spinning again. For some reason, the piano music keeps playing. Where the hell is that coming from? I swear it's following me around. I rise abruptly from the table. "I'm sorry, I have to go—"

" What— Where are you going?"

But I don't answer her. Instead I rush toward the entrance, hoping she doesn't follow me outside. The moment I push through the door, the diner vanishes around me as I find myself on a moving train car. It's as if I stepped into a dream or something. The floor rattles at my feet as I glance around, wondering what's going on.

A door clicks shut from behind me. I turn around just in time to see someone moving into the next car. It's the tousle of dark hair that makes me recognize him instantly.

"Haru?"

I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating. I follow him anyway and throw open the door, hoping to catch up in time. But the moment I reach the other side, he's already moved to the next car. "Haru, wait!" Why won't he slow down for me? No matter how many times I call his name, Haru never glances behind him. But I keep running after him, moving from one car to the next. This train doesn't seem to have an end in sight. It just keeps going and going. I'm scared I'll never be able to reach him. He's far too fast for me, slipping from my sight like mist.

"Come back!"

Then the train enters the tunnel, swallowing everything in darkness. That's the last thing I remember.