26. Ella

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

ELLA

" W ow! That's…a lot." Paige's wide-eyed stare on Facetime comes at no surprise. "I remember that night with Furbling. And by that I mean I remember you telling me you had dodged a huge bullet. And hell, that was so long ago! I can't believe August would just accuse you and hold something against you like that. As if he's never made a fucking mistake in his entire life."

"Yeah. I remember feeling so stupid the next morning. But I was really grateful things didn't, you know, work out." I shrug. "And I'm trying not to blame August too hard until I can really sit down and talk to him again. He was having a really tense day yesterday to begin with because he knew the game itself would be rough. He just didn't expect what happened would happen. So I get it. He was pissed and hurt and his world was sort of knocked off its axis for a bit."

"Yeah but come on. He's done nothing but love you for your entire lives and in mere minutes he was willing to throw that all out the window."

Well, when you say it like that.

My eyes start to glisten as I nod. "I know. And maybe he is done, like he said. Maybe he wants nothing to do with me."

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Right after the game, when all this was happening."

"Wait, he didn't come home last night?"

I shake my head. "No. But Griffin Ollenberg is with him. I know he is. They're best friends and teammates and I know Griffin would never let anything happen to him. So I'm at least ninety-eight percent sure August is safe and breathing."

"So, he hasn't reached out apparently."

"No."

She scoffs quietly. "God, someone needs to give that guy a swift kick in the nads. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him and he knows it."

I lift my shoulder. "Or I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to him."

"What?" She huffs. "How the hell do you figure that?"

"Maybe I've held on to him too strongly over the years. Maybe I should've let him go, you know? Maybe I'm not who he wanted."

She points to me sternly through the phone. "That's bullshit and you know it, so stop thinking that way. If he didn't want your friendship, he wouldn't have called you over the years. He wouldn't have texted. He wouldn't have stayed in touch. He certainly wouldn't have asked you to move to fucking California to live with him and apply for a job where he fucking works."

"Yeah I guess you could be right."

"Could be right," she mumbles, shaking her head in disbelief. She stares at me for a second trying to get a read on my emotions and then cocks her head. "So, what are you going to do now? Are you moving out?"

I inhale a deep breath considering her question and shake my head. "I don't know. I don't think so. Not yet anyway. At least not until August tells me himself that's what he wants."

"He didn't say those words last night?"

I shake my head. "No. I mean, I could probably infer from his demeanor that he doesn't expect me to stay here, but he also didn't technically say he wants me out. I guess a part of me is still holding out hope that he'll be a little more rational when he calms down."

Though I could be dead wrong.

"Good for you. Stand your ground."

I want to laugh at her comment but I can't muster the energy. "I'm not sure if I'm standing my ground more than hoping against all hope that I won't have to be out here on my own. It's a big city."

"You can always come back."

I scoff. "And let my mom tell me how right she was about me not being able to make it here? That it's too big of a place for me and I'll get swallowed up and spit out by a city that doesn't care about me? No thank you. But if he wants me to go, I'll leave. I can't stay here and mooch off of him if he doesn't want me around." I breathe in and release a long sigh. "I suppose I should spend some time today at least looking at other places just in case. Not sure what I can really afford with my salary but I know it won't be like what I have now."

A new apartment won't come with the lavish things August can afford.

It won't come with the comfort. The warmth. The strong sense of safety.

And it won't come with August.

The thought of that makes me sad.

"But then what will you do with the job?"

"Keep working," I tell her simply. "It'll be hard as hell, but I'll have to figure out how to make it work without having to run into him all the time.

Paige sighs. "I hate seeing you like this, friend."

"I know," I tell her, trying not to cry all over again. "I'll be fine. Pain is only temporary, right?"

"Yeah…" She doesn't sound very convincing. "Tell you what, what if I look at plane tickets and come out for a visit? We can stay in a hotel, wedding dress shop a little, and if you need someone to go with you to look at a few places, I'll be there to help you."

"I think seeing you in person would be wonderful, but maybe give me a day or two to figure out what's happening with me and August. I wouldn't want you walking into some stress induced hell."

"Yeah, I get it. Just let me know once you guys have talked rationally."

If we get to talk rationally.

"Okay."