20. Urban

CHAPTER 20

URBAN

O nce we knew that Grandpa wasn't at death's door, Silas, Brooks, and I headed back out to join our team. We only had three days, anyway. It was only two more games on the road, but our first one back, we lost.

It was like everyone on the team hadn't had his head in the game. I sure as fuck didn't, and that had to change. I'd been so worried about Everly when she wasn't answering my calls that I got distracted. One loss, and I knew that I had to put her out of my head.

Which was why I also stopped calling and texting. If she wanted to talk to me, she'd reach out. I'd done all that I could.

Analise showing up when she had had been bad timing for me. Analise wouldn't have cared. That was why I hadn't been with her. Not really. She was concerned with status, and dating a professional player would've helped that, so we hadn't dated. That didn't mean she hadn't tried to strut me around her friends. The problem was that I didn't strut on command. Any game she and her friends had come to had been her doing, even if she'd told them that I'd made it happen.

Not a chance. I'd had her number early, and while she'd been happy to be the release I needed when I needed it, she wasn't the kind of woman I would've been serious with.

She was too wrapped up in that other world.

In the end, she hadn't been Everly.

I hadn't been looking for Everly when I'd found her, but when I'd met her, I'd known she was what I was looking for. Which was why fucking around wasn't enough for me with her.

Now, through no fault of my own, I'd lost her.

I'd let her down by being in that position. I'd let my team down. I was letting myself down.

It wasn't until we pulled back into Kalamazoo that I had things right in my head again.

The bus got to the field around ten, which was just enough time for us to get ready for our home game tonight. It'd been three days since I'd talked to Everly and for the first time, I'd successfully gotten her mostly out of my head.

We'd gone through our normal routines and were on a break for food, but I was going to eat quickly and use the time for something else.

"I'm going to check on Grandpa," I told Brooks and Silas. "Anyone want to come?"

"Yeah." Brooks threw his shin pad into the locker. "I'll come."

"I'll come too." Silas pulled his shirt off so he could change. We weren't going to the hospital in our warm-up uniforms and he'd already changed.

Luckily for us, the hospital was only a few blocks from the field. Camden was coming out as we were going in.

"I'll catch up," I told my brothers. They kept walking, but I pulled my sister to the side so we'd be out of the way of anyone else in the hospital. "How's he doing?"

She shrugged. "He's all right. I think it's hard for him not to be able to talk clearly, but he seems to be in good spirits."

"He still can't talk?" I asked. She shook her head. "Is that permanent? "

"They don't know. They'll have a better handle on it once he can start therapy."

"Good." That was all I'd wanted to know, but still, I stood there like I was waiting for something else.

"What?" she asked.

"Have you talked to—"

"Nope." She started walking away from me. I had to hurry to catch up to her.

"Camden, what the hell are you doing?"

"Getting away from you."

"Why?" I hadn't even finished my question.

"Because you're going to ask if I've talked to Everly. And I'm going to see concern and hurt in your eyes and want to tell you everything." Finally, she stopped and turned to me. "But I can't. She and I agree that our friendship can't be intertwined with whatever is happening between the two of you. I swear my brothers are trying to keep me from having friends. Next thing I know, one of you is going to fall for Harlowe."

I snorted. "It won't be me." Harlowe was great. But she wasn't who I wanted. I wanted Everly.

"Good to hear. But I have other brothers."

I shrugged. "Only Cobb, who isn't here, and Brooks are even available. "

She glanced away from me nervously. "Aren't you available?"

Well, fuck. She might as well have punched me in the damn stomach.

Yeah. I was available right now, but I didn't want to be. It was up to Everly if I stayed that way.

"Fine," I told her. "I get what you're saying. I won't ask anything other than if she's OK. Is she OK? I at least need to know that."

Camden wet her bottom lip and looked up at me the way she had when she'd been a kid. "She's managing. She's all right. I don't know if I'd jump to OK . But that's all I can tell you."

"Thank you," I said quietly, then I pulled her into my arms for a big hug. Camden really did do the most for this family. She was so on top of everything and wanted to take care of everyone.

She was also the one who would put us in our places at the snap of a finger.

She said it was all about balance.

Once she got on the elevator, I went to my grandpa's room, as I'd intended when I'd gotten here. I couldn't have known that I would run into my sister or that we'd have the talk that we had.

For now, I was putting Everly out of my mind and focusing on the things I could control. Because whether she spoke to me again or not wasn't one of those things.

Camden had been right. Grandpa was frustrated that he couldn't communicate with us the way that he would want to. We got what he was saying, but it was slurred and slow and came with a lot of drool that irritated him.

"At least he's doing better," Silas said as we headed back to the baseball field. Brooks had driven us, so when he pulled the car into a parking spot, we all hopped out.

"Yeah, that's something," Brooks added.

"Do either of you ever think about what it'd be like to have something happen to you?" I asked him and this probably wasn't the time for this conversation.

"Like a stroke?" Silas asked.

"Not necessarily," I told him. "We do have a ball flying at our faces at a hundred miles an hour every day. A bad head injury can fuck you up."

"Yeah." Brooks was the first to admit it. "I've thought about it. But it's risk-reward, right?"

I snorted. "Are you saying that being paid millions of dollars a year is worth the possibility of becoming a vegetable because of an errant fastball? "

He pulled the door to the stadium open. "Is that what we all decided when we chose to do this?"

"He's right," Silas said. "A career-ending injury would fucking suck, but what's the alternative? Working in an office? We love this game. Love playing it. None of us would be happier doing anything else. Now, after our careers are over? Sure. There're tons of things we might do and love, but now? Fuck no."

Yeah. That much was true. If you got hurt in this game, at least you got hurt doing something that you loved.

And right now, I had to get ready to do thing that I loved most in this world. Well… it might've been second- or third-most, but as far as a job went, I couldn't love anything more.

We were out warming up on the field when I saw Camden and Amity come down toward our dugout and take a seat where Dad's season tickets were. I didn't know if they were season tickets. All I knew is that was where the family sat.

It was a rough game. Every time we scored, the other team answered. In the end, we won, but there'd been too many mistakes. Coach was going to tear into us for that.

When I came out of the shower, my brothers and Jenner were right behind me. The clubhouse was quieter after the game, even when we won. Maybe quieter wasn't the right word, but less loud. We were no longer trying to hype each other up for the game and most of us were tired, ready to relax a little before we had to do it all over again.

"How come we haven't seen Everly around?" Brooks asked. I'd been very good at keeping all that shit to myself.

"Yeah. You fuck up already?" Silas added.

I scowled at both of them. "Neither of you know what you're talking about."

"No, seriously," Brooks said after they'd both stopped laughing. "Where's she been? Can't be work. She works at the camp. They're closed at night."

When I didn't answer, Silas said, "Uh-oh. He fucked up bad."

Shaking my head, I turned to him, "Shut the fuck up. I didn't do shit."

Brooks came over closer and leaned against the edge of the cubbies. He wasn't wearing a shirt yet, and a bruise was forming near his shoulder from a hard slide into home in the sixth inning. My brother got beat up at the plate sometimes. "Seriously. What happened? I'm helpful. Ask Silas. "

Silas sighed with a hard breath. "I'm not backing that up."

I snorted. Silas had been a fucking idiot with Amity and it had almost cost him her. He was just lucky that the girl had been in love with him since she'd been, like, fourteen. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gotten a second chance. Wait. He was probably luckier that she knew him so well. Silas had carried a lot of guilt for a lot of years and it was nice to see him shed that.

He seemed lighter these days.

"Seriously." Brooks slapped my arm gently.

I rolled my eyes then dropped into my chair. None of us had gotten fully dressed yet, but we did all have pants on. Jenner was there, as always, right on the edge, listening but not interjecting… yet. He was basically one of us and would interject at some point.

"Fine." I sighed. Unloading my woman problems to my brothers in the locker room hadn't really been on my agenda for today, yet they weren't going to let it go, so here we were. "The morning after she was at the hospital, Everly showed up at my apartment with coffee and pastries before she needed to get to work."

"How sweet," Brooks deadpanned because he knew there was more coming. It had been a sweet gesture on Everly's part.

"Yeah, well, she found me standing at my door with my hand around Analise's wrist."

Brooks furrowed. "Analise?"

"That hot-as-fuck model you were with?" Jenner asked. As I'd said, he'd interject eventually.

"Sure," I told him. Back when we'd been casually having sex, I had found Analise ‘hot as fuck,' as Jenner had said. She was a beautiful woman, there was no denying that and my lack of interest didn't impact that. But she wasn't for me. She was probably for someone, but it wasn't me. Getting to know what she was really about had killed all of that.

Brooks furrowed his brows and folded his arms over his chest. "What was she doing there, Urban?"

"She heard about Grandpa. Said she wanted to be there for me."

Jenner snorted, then said, "I bet."

"Anyway…" I gave him a pointed look that hopefully told him to shut the fuck up. "She touched my chest, which was bare since I was in my boxers, and I grabbed her wrist to pull her hand away. Everly was in the hallway right after."

"Why were you still touching her?" Brooks had always been a dad-like figure in our lives. He was always trying to get us to see what we'd done wrong. Shit, when we'd been kids, he'd be there doing something stupid with us, then lecture us about why it had been a bad idea.

"I hadn't had a chance to let go," I told him, which was the truth. I'd pulled her hand away and held it for a second so she wouldn't try it again. But even I had to admit that to Everly, it had probably looked bad.

"And why were you in your underwear?" Silas asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Because she woke me up. I thought it would be Everly at the door, so I didn't bother putting pants on." I pushed to my feet. "Listen, I'm not going to talk about this anymore. I understand how bad it looked. That's why I called her and texted like crazy. She didn't answer and Camden won't tell me anything."

Brooks snorted. "You can't go through our sister just because she's friends with your girl."

"I really hope that bites you in the ass one day," I told him without malice. He couldn't understand because he'd never been in my position.

It fucking sucked. While I'd known I wasn't supposed to go to my sister, knowing hadn't stopped me because I'd been desperate .

"Anyway…" I pushed to my feet and grabbed a shirt then pulled it over me and shoved my feet into my shoes. After grabbing my bag, I said, "You can all fuck off." Then I left the clubhouse to the roar of their laughter.

Assholes.

I grabbed dinner then went home and turned on the sports channel to see what they were saying about our game. It wasn't great, but neither had been the game. They rode the pitcher hard because he'd given up so many runs that I couldn't believe the coach hadn't taken him out sooner. Though given a couple of injuries, I could see why he needed the pitchers to last as long as they could.

My dinner was half gone when my phone vibrated with a text message. At first, I was going to ignore it on the chance that it was one of my asshole brothers. But Grandpa was still in the hospital, so ignoring anything wasn't a real option. If something happened with him, I'd want to know, but I sure as hell hoped no one would send me bad news with a text.

It wasn't about my grandpa.

It was Everly.

I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls and messages. Please call me when you have time to talk .

I sat back and sighed.

Did I want to talk to her? Fuck yes.

Did I think it'd go the way that I wanted? That, I figured, was probably a no.

I'd promised Everly that I wouldn't tell her how I felt unless she told me first. A stupid fucking promise I'd made just so that she wouldn't freak out and bolt. But a promise I'd intended to keep. If I talked to her now, I wasn't so sure that I could and given how late it was and my schedule tomorrow, I didn't think it the best idea to start a whole thing tonight.

Tomorrow would be better.

But I wasn't so sure the conversation would be worth it. Everly absolutely was, but I didn't have the best feeling that a conversation would go my way, that she'd let me explain, that her hurtful past wouldn't keep her from being with me. If I had to deal with all of that, I wanted to do it when I wasn't so exhausted.

Again… tomorrow would be better.