36. Anastasia

THIRTY-SIX

Anastasia

N othing else exists as I remain fixed on the screen in front of me. I can hear Vitali hesitating outside of the room I’ve turned into my new cave, but he doesn’t come inside. It’s been a week of his hesitance, and as long as I remain focused on finding the bitch Genevieve then I have something to distract me. The screen is the only light in the room, and my eyes burn from staring at it for so long, but the thought of stopping has rage filling me.

The door slowly opens, and my throat constricts knowing he’s looking at me; even if I couldn’t see him in my periphery, I’d know it was him as one foot slightly drags. That adds to the guilt, his knee is hurt and it’s my fault. I can’t punish myself, so I keep searching for the cunt.

Warmth covers my side as he sits beside me. There’s no food in his hand, thankfully he’s given up trying to force me to eat. But he winces as he straightens his leg and I pull my laptop closer to block it out. He wraps his arm around it to get me to move but I push all of my weight down and my voice comes out robotic as I say, “Not now.”

It doesn’t deter him, and he lifts my laptop out of my hands. His voice is stern, as he gently holds my chin turning me to face him. “You’ve been in here for two days, you either get up and leave this room or you sit with me wrapped around you, so I know that you’re safe.”

I pull my head out of his hand and give my excuse. “I’m busy.”

He scoffs and grabs my hand, bringing it up to my face as he points out, “See this? It says you’re mine, you haven’t taken it off, so you know it too. That means when you’re hurt, I’m here, and if you’re busy, guess what? So the fuck am I.”

He doesn’t let go of my hand as he stands and pulls me with him. I push back when his arm tries to wrap around me knowing he’s going to try and pick me up only to end up hurting himself.

His mouth opens and I step around him. If I hear him say words like ‘please’ or ‘sorry’ I’ll crumble. I hate them on his tongue, and they don’t match his usual arrogance. They all make the guilt intensify, so does the dragging gait behind me as I swap one hiding place for another. The bathroom door is the only one with a lock on it and I speed up so he can’t stop me. Once I’m inside and the lock has been slid into place, I just stand there.

“Open the door.” The thud isn’t as loud as his panic. “Stasi, open the fucking door now.”

I step forward into the shower and turn it on without taking any of my clothes off. My eyes close as the cold water pelts my skin and I wait for something to offer me a guide on how I’m meant to act or what I’m supposed to do. A heavy thud jolts the door, the wood cracking from the frame as another hits it, and then it splinters to reveal Vitali standing at the threshold. His eyes are wild, and his nostrils are flared as he storms towards me.

I don’t flinch or move as he joins me under the spray. When he wraps his arms around me I break. There are no tears physically, but they fill my voice.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt.”

My body deflates and I slip down out of his hold. My ass hits the floor, and my head falls back, resting against the wall. He follows me, he always follows me, and he picks me up to sit over his thighs with his back pressed flat against the tile.

“I’ve got you, look at me.” The soft coaxing voice brushes my hairline as the painful numbness takes over.

I shake my head and watch the water race down his bicep, his T-shirt is sticking to his skin, and his shorts will be soaked, but he strokes my hair back and my guilt takes over.

“I fucked up,” I admit. “I should have known that I got her phone too easily. It’s why I couldn’t find the house; they’d changed the location because I took her phone.”

The gentleness doesn’t leave as he kisses my cheek and blocks the spray from raining down on my face. His lips brush my ear as he begs me to listen to him. “No, sweetness, you didn’t fuck up, they’re sick cunts, and you are good. No one can guess how they think because we’re not like them.”

I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off as he holds me tighter.

“If you want to play the blame game, put it on me. I didn’t hear them around us, I didn’t think of wearing a mask, I couldn’t fight them off. But you, my sweetness, didn’t do anything wrong, you were trying to help in an evil world.”

My tears escape, mixing with the water on my skin and I wrap my arms around his neck. We both take a collective breath and hold it. The next words out of his mouth are entirely on the topic I’ve refused to give a voice to.

“You’re allowed to grieve, however you want, if blood will make it easier for you then that’s what you’ll get.” He kisses my cheek again and leans back to look at me before adding, “Or we can hide away from the world right here. Whatever you need.”

The imbalance just makes the guilt grow and my voice is weak as I ask, “What do you need?”

He smiles as I bring my hand to his cheek and stroke the top of his cheekbones. There’s no dopey smile, but it slowly curves, and he says one word as though it’s everything. “You.” Then kisses my palm and waits for me to argue. I’m a bitch, I know I am, but I try not to be and nod once.

Vitali’s smile gets a fraction wider as he softly kisses me. We don’t move from our seated position, and he slowly pushes his hand up the back of the T-shirt sticking to my skin. His palm is flat between my shoulder blades, and he breathes easier. My fingers start to prune, and I move back to stand but he holds me tighter.

“Your fancy products won’t help your skin drying out if we stay here any longer.” My joke is off, there’s no lightness to it, but he smiles and stands with me still in his arms.

We’ve undressed each other on multiple occasions. Now, we do it with care and even though there’s still desire because he’s beautiful inside and out neither of us are motivated by it. Once we’ve removed each other’s wet clothes he pulls me to him, wraps his arms around my lower back, and my hands automatically go to his chest as he allows some of his usual playfulness to come back.

“I’m going to turn gray with you, we’ll point out each other’s wrinkles, and I can’t fucking wait for the day I get to see smile lines on your cheeks.”

A low laugh shakes my chest as I ignore everything outside of this moment. “That’s unlikely, puppy, I’ve worked hard to make sure I don’t get them.”

He hums and massages down my back to hold my ass without squeezing as he says, “And I’m going to spend my life working harder to put them there. I’m going to give you a life so fucking good that you’re forced to smile, then, when you’re old and gray, I’ll count them lines like medals of honor because it means I achieved it.”

I melt against his chest and tuck my head below his chin with my arms wrapped around his middle.

He shuts off the spray and guides us out even though I don’t want to move, and he doesn’t force me away as he dries us both and squeezes the excess water out of my hair. He only makes me loosen my arms to wrap a robe around me then manages to walk into the closet with me still wrapped around him. It doesn’t change as he puts on a pair of shorts, and I unwrap myself when he walks towards the door. He grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together and pulls me in front of him.

The sun has come up and little footsteps mix with the dripping of water as Verena walks through the space, hyper focused on the cup between both of her hands. She beams up at us and holds the cup out in offering to her uncle.

He plugs joy into his voice as he asks her, “What have you made, Verochka?”

“Tea.” She tries to show him but the water spills over the edge. There are leaves and little blades of grass stuck inside the cup, and she frowns at her feet when they get wet.

Vitali doesn’t let go of me as he walks towards her and picks her up to sit on his hip. She’s still staring at her feet and scowling while he kisses her cheek and gently says, “It was probably better on the floor, Vero. Did you get it out of the pool again?”

She shakes her head and hands me the cup as we get in the elevator. “No, Papa said pool no safe. Viktor help me do tea.”

Whatever was inside definitely wasn’t edible and it wasn’t tea, there’s mud stuck to the bottom of the cup, but Vitali just hums and kisses the top of her head. “Don’t trust that little shit Viktor to help you, okay?”

She’s cute as she wriggles her toes to stop her wet socks sticking to her skin and I ask, “Do you want me to take them off for you?”

Rather than answer, the little princess sticks her foot out and I can’t help my laugh as I gently remove her socks. “You’re like your mama when she was younger.”

Verena smiles and ends up headbutting her uncle as she rests her cheek on his jaw. “You know baby mama?”

I nod and ball her socks so I have something to do with my hands.

“Yeah, I knew your mama when she was little. She would boss everyone around and tell us how to play with our toys.”

“She still does that now,” Vitali mutters as the elevator doors open.

Inessa dismisses her brother-in-law instantly as we walk out but she doesn’t say anything in front of her daughter or rip her out of Tali’s arms. She doesn’t speak to him, and I know they were close. He audibly swallows, hiding his hurt and stares at the back of her head as we walk into the kitchen. She has a bunch of face masks set on the island and speaks without turning around.

“Stasya, you can join us. We have one spare seat.”

Verena murmurs, stretching out for her mom and Inessa turns still, refusing to look at Vitali as she takes her daughter.

“Come on, wriggler, do you want to pick your mask?”

The kitchen fills up and everyone falls silent as they stare between Vitali and Inessa. I don’t know what importance an at-home spa session has, but it clearly means something more. I unwrap his arm from around me and try to take the anger out of my tone as I ask Inessa, “Can I talk to you?”

She nods and everyone’s eyes are on me. Val stands beside his brother with Dani pretending she’s not looking, as Inessa sets Verena on her feet in the middle of the island then follows me out. They’re still staring through the glass doors and unease forces my words out.

“Why are you ignoring Vitali?”

I’ve never been good at confrontation, but she doesn’t react violently, and disgust pulls her lips into a snarl. “Because he’s a fucking idiot who opened his mouth and spewed shit when he had no right to.”

Protecting anyone, even myself, is a new emotion, but I can’t stop myself when I can see his unsmiling face in my periphery, and it strengthens my voice.

“He was hurt, and he acted like an ass, but everyone knows he’s a puppy. He doesn’t hurt people maliciously, so stop ignoring him and making him feel like shit.”

Her eyes widen then narrow, but I ignore the unease as I continue, “You’ve made mistakes before and people forgave you, you don’t hold me ignoring you for years against me, so don’t do that shit to him. He doesn’t deserve it and he’s apologized for the shit he’s done.”

“No,” she snaps, refusing this small fucking thing. “He went too far and I don’t care if he walks over fire to right it.”

“You’re married to Vlad, for fuck’s sake, you can’t be the grudge-holding type when he kicked you out once you were pregnant.”

She hardens and I’ve allowed my mouth to run away from me. Her fingers tense, digging into her biceps and it moves her wedding rings to reveal a burn underneath as she asks, “Who the fuck said he kicked me out?”

I sound weak as fuck as I admit, “My mother.”

The anger disappears as she laughs, “You believe that dumb bitch?”

“Whatever,” I brush it away along with the urge to push her over. “You still forgave him for whatever he did and look you’re happy now, forgive Tali. Fuck, you don’t even have to forgive him, just stop ignoring him because it’s upsetting him.”

I walk away before I push her over and go back to my cave where I’m comfortable without the unease of new emotions.