14. Vlad

Everyone I have spent my life protecting looks at me with disgust as I enter the kitchen. Valentin isn't sat with them, so his tantrum will be coming soon as he walks out of the room without looking at me. I turn and go to the office to get everything ready for Inessa to move. I still can't feel my left hand, but the swelling has gone down.

I can make the world bleed, but nothing will make everything stop.

It's better this way. I'm one step closer to my revenge and it is how it was always going to end. Dima steps into the office a moment after me and he looks down at my left hand hanging limply at my side.

"How bad did you fuck it up?" he asks, staring at the limb.

Ignoring his question, I focus on what's important as I round my desk. "Get the house in New York cleaned, put three teams outside." The idea morphs and I ask, "Will Anastasia move?"

They were childhood friends, so they might like living together and my wife will need someone to talk to now that she's refusing to do so with me. Inessa being silent isn't a possibility when she loves talking, connecting with people.

Dima's brows go up and he lowers into the seat opposite me. He speaks slowly as though he's afraid of them when he's never fearful of anything.

"You're letting her leave?"

My finger moves, each tap makes a dull thud against the blotter and the leather dips from the pressure as I nod.

"She's done what she agreed to."

And I'll be dead soon.

The thought doesn't comfort me as much as it used to. I've become attached to Inessa. But I can't allow any further attachments to seep in. So, I focus on making sure everything lines up where I need it to and there's no emotion in my voice as I say, "Have everything readied to be transferred to Valentin."

The only person who knows a fraction of my plans is sitting opposite me. He doesn't know the contingency plan of my death is my goal, and he shakes his head, being a fucking idiot.

"You won't die, we'll go together."

The door is roughly pushed open and it's time for Valentin's tantrum as he storms into the room. Dima stands and tries to talk down the overgrown toddler in a low whisper before he leaves to do everything for Inessa to move.

"Go easy on him."

Valentin's whiny ass has the sense to wait for the door to close and he grips the back of the chair with white knuckles as he spits out, "What the fuck is your problem?!"

I sit back, hiding the numbness in my hand under the table, and force my voice to be normal.

"Currently? Your tantrum. Or were you asking in a broader sense?"

He turns into a child and pulls the chair back, making sure it scrapes against the floor before he throws himself in it, being petulant.

"No, I mean, what's your problem with talking to people? You disappeared for fucking months, and we all had to lie to Inessa and tell her you were coming back. I thought you were dead for fuck's sake."

I'd prefer it over searching for answers and getting fucking nowhere.

There's fear in my brother's eyes as he stares at me and searches for information he won't be given.

They're both too soft. If I tell them about Vanya, they'll feel pain rather than anger. They were too young to remember never seeing her again, but I remember how they kept asking for her and they'd sneak into my room whispering her name. I couldn't explain to them why she wasn't there anymore, and it slowly stopped. Now, they'll have questions. Questions that will only ever have one answer pointing out that I failed. The only options I have are silence and deflections.

* * *

My family hate me,even Viktor won't look at me as they watch Inessa leave. It's easier this way, she'll be happy and it's what she wants, for now. After the baby is born, and the divorce is finalized, she won't be able to stay away. My brothers seem to forget that, and I let them sit in their misery.

Valentin follows me into the office and I down the glass with the decanter still in my other hand now that I can feel it. Pouring another as I round the desk, he delays his tantrum.

"What happened with Len?"

For once in my life, I'm happy my father is the topic of conversation, so I don't have to listen to what I should do with my own wife. It's been the same shit all day, everyone giving me their bullshit advice as though they know her more than I do.

I swallow around the lump building in my throat and answer. "Nothing, I was dealing with different business."

He narrows his eyes, trying to discern if I'm lying, then slowly says, "So, you didn't kill him on your little rage spree?"

Unfortunately, the fucker managed to live another day and disappointment fills me over not being an orphan. I smile, remembering the little rage spree as Valentin so eloquently put it. The fuckers who desecrated my solnyshkuh's resting place might not have had any information on who paid them to do it or what they were searching for, but they also lost every organ and limb.

I undo my tie and top button as my throat constricts further and ease him.

"He wasn't involved, so he's alive. Happy that your papa is still on earth wasting space?"

My brother relaxes and laughs lightly as the door opens. It turns into an impromptu family meeting as Vitali walks in and there's no limp in his gait. They both exchange a look, trying to get the other to bring up whatever they want to say. They've been the same since they were toddlers. They'd break something, or they were hungry, and they always waited for the other to speak. I half expect them to stand together and physically push each other forward like they used to.

Unease snakes up my spine as Vitali blows out a breath and pulls something out of his pocket.

"I kept these for you. I thought it was your right to see them." He sets the small papers on my desk, and Valentin puts a flash drive beside them as he clues me in to whatever the fuck they're doing. "We recorded the appointments too. They think it's a girl, but the doctor will be able to check properly at the scan tomorrow."

Nodding numbly, I don't look towards what they've left.I know what will be there, a bigger weakness. I can't touch them or want them, not when they'll both be happier without me, and I'll be with Vanya. The pain isn't worth any temporary happiness I could steal when Inessa wants her own life and she'll have it. She deserves it.

Without any reaction from me, they both deflate. They leave their disappointment in the air for me to deal with and go to the kitchen to keep Viktor company or cheer him up. Everything they've dropped on my desk is screaming at me, telling me to look and see what I've missed.But I can't. I wish my hand was numb again as a tremor takes over my limb. My eyes close and I try to push away the image of Inessa's blue face. She will never be blue; she will be warm and alive.

My hand doesn't stop shaking as I snatch the items from my desk without opening my eyes as though that will stop me from tainting them. Len's voice is in my head, still, after all these fucking years, he is there reminding me I'm fucked up. The weight of the materials is nothing compared to the importance of what's on them. If I look, I'll get attached. It's the same with Inessa's swollen belly. Any acknowledgment will make me never want to let go. And then she'll be like Vanya and ripped from me. I can't survive that again.I can't bury anyone else or see her blue. Not when she looks better in red.

Fuck! The tightness increases and I can't draw in a breath as I lock the ultrasound images and flash drive in my desk. All my failings sit under my skin, like a million insects crawling between the flesh, bone, and sinew. I have to actively remind myself that she will be safe, she'll be a good mother, and she'll be back here once I'm dead. Valentin will help her raise the child. It won't know anything other than peace or miss a father it never had. That's better than giving them false hope, there's no way for them to be hurt, and I'm not equipped to be a father. I'll ruin them, both of them.

My eyes snap open, and I call Dima to get what I need to make everything silent. He answers on the first ring, and I don't wait for him to speak.

"Set up a private fight, $100K for every round they last, an extra million each if they manage to go all ten rounds. As many as you can find. No limits and don't tire them out."

He doesn't refuse despite the reluctance in his agreement and my next order leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Send Ana to New York, she's guarding Inessa and I'll kill her myself if there's so much as a fucking paper cut."

Ending the call before he can make me talk to the little shit, I lean back in my chair and drink with my eyes closed.

Someone knocks on the door, and my fickle heart fills with hope at the last time that sound filled the room. Inessa only ever knocked once. Her preferred method of communication was walking in and just starting her commands without an introduction because she never needed one.

I miss her voice already. I should have recorded it, so I have company while awaiting death.

Dani walks in, killing my hope, and she's back in overalls.

"Do you not own normal clothes?" I ask.

There's no heat to my words, I'm genuinely curious. I've known her since she was a kid, and I could count on one finger how many times I've seen her in anything other than overalls and some shitty t-shirt.

She looks down and fidgets while muttering, "Says the man who only wears a three-piece suit."

She might be shy, but there's fire inside of her. It'll do her good to show it more.Especially where my brothers are concerned, they'll treat her like shit otherwise.

She hesitates as she stops behind the chair opposite me and holds the back of it for protection. I can't think of any reason she'd be here. She usually avoids me. Even when she was a child sneaking into the house, she'd never use the door despite Dima being told to always allow her inside. She'd lose some of that fear when she was worried or hurt, though. It can't be for any of the reasons she came to me as a kid, but I give her the same attention. Sadness fills her as she avoids my eyes and looks at my hair.

"Are you okay?"

If I had years to anticipate what she'd ask, it wouldn't be that and I answer easily, leaning back in my seat.

"What makes you think I'm ever anything but fine?"

Feeling more at ease, she lets her protection go and uses the seat for what it's designed for.

She stares at me with the same look Viktor does when he doesn't believe people's bullshit. There must be something in the Carvalho genes that makes them bullshit detectors.

"I've known you since I was ten years old, you scared the shit out of me then, and you still do now. But you're human, contrary to how you act."

The first part has a genuine smile on my face, despite Dani basically being another one of the kids under my protection, I like having her fear. It means she won't be a cunt and take advantage of what she's been given.

Letting out a sigh because she's spent too much time around Valya and probably picked up his habit of throwing a tantrum, she softens and discomfort snakes up my spine at her assessment.

"You're one of the best people I've ever met Vlad, you deserve to be happy too."

My mouth opens, knowing my words will hurt her feelings and crush that thought, but I make no attempt to claw them back.

"Trying to get all three brothers for your collection?"

She doesn't flinch. She just rolls her eyes like a kid and stands, wiping her hands on her paint-splattered overalls.

"Don't be a dick to me when I still remember you tying my shoelaces. Deep down inside, I know you're a good person."

She's blind, or the MC hit her too hard, and we didn't realize she's suffered some cognitive damage. I speak to her back to try to get her to see the truth as she walks to the door.

"I should have let you fall over."

She pauses with her hand on the door handle and looks over her shoulder with a soft smile.

"But you didn't because you're a good person even with the blood on your hands."

She's definitely suffering mentally; I'll have to call the doctor to check her over.

* * *

You'd thinkwith the opportunity of earning $2 million that Dima would be fucking struggling to fit everyone inside the warehouse. Instead, I'm stuck with four dickheads who don't look capable of doing any damage. I haven't fought without a crowd since I was thirteen. Twenty-five years later and my body has become accustomed to watchful eyes. But right now, I need to unleash. Not put on a show to entertain the masses.

The door clangs behind me and I keep expecting Inessa to walk back into my life. It's not going to happen; she's made her choice and it's not one I can blame her for. My queen shouldn't settle for anything, and I won't force her to. Not when the alternative is giving her the truth and letting all that shit out into the world, allowing the pain to be real and watching her be ashamed of me.

My rage increases as Vitali walks in with his arm over Ana's shoulders. He has a burger in his hand and alternates their bites as he holds it in front of her face. The silly little bitch is supposed to be guarding my wife, not fucking my brother. Too dumb for self-preservation, she shrugs out of his hold and walks over to me. This fucking psycho has pity on her features when she was raised by sex traffickers. That enrages me further. I'm not fucking weak, someone to pity, especially not by someone who is barely fucking human. Her voice is lower as she asks, "Can I talk to you about something?"

If she spews some shit that's irrelevant, I'll add her to the lineup of fuckers I'm going to kill tonight.

Standing away from the others, she keeps her voice low and my legs itch to leave.

"She was upset and said she wanted to be alone. But I thought you should know that someone sent her flowers. I'm guessing I'm supposed to be your spy as well as her guard."

Inessa wouldn't fuck some random prick just because they sent her dead plants. My mind knows that, but a fucked up part of my brain tells me it's deeper. That she wants space to have someone else in her life. Pipsqueak hesitates and her lips twist as though she's attempting not to talk, but it all falls out of her anyway.

"I think she's sad."

She sounds dumb as fuck, like a child who doesn't know anything. She doesn't say anything else, and I go back to the cage we've set up. The metal siding rattles as I jump over it, needing to use my fists to organize my thoughts. The first prick comes at me, and my limbs move while my brain only focuses on what my wife will be doing. She won't be entertaining some cunt, not with my baby in her belly. Gripping the back of the fucker's head in front of me, I drive my knee up, pushing all my rage into his face. I'll get it all out and then go to her. Tell her the rules. As long as Inessa follows them, I'll be able to breathe.

My problems stop, the world doesn't spin, and I lose sense of everything. There's no opponent opposite me. They're buttons and my limbs move independent of any thoughts to prolong it.

Blinking into awareness, whoever the first fight was with, he's unrecognizable and his body is limp as I hold his head in two hands. Wide, horrified eyes stare at me as I let him go. He slumps, falling to a heap, and I smile, extending my voice.

"Who's next?"

All they have to do is stay alive, for fuck's sake. It's not that difficult, but they look to Dima like he'll be their protector. The last voice I expect to hear proudly declares, "Me. You look like you'll be fun today."

Ana kicks off her shoes and Vitali tries to pull her back. My bark stops him.

"Let her go."

Ana and Dima are the closest to being able to give me the fight I need and if she dies, it will be a benefit.

The fuckers who volunteered for this shit sit at attention and I walk to the hollow support to give pipsqueak an advantage. The metal dents as I slam my fist into the side, opening the compartment we use for the fights to retrieve a knife. She climbs over the mesh wall and drops down to her feet, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Her brows go up as I throw her the knife, and she catches it in midair. Looking at the clean blade then to me, she shrugs and talks to herself, "Huh, this will be fun."

Everyone takes three steps back as I charge her and take her legs out. There's no sting as she twists her body and manages to slice my shoulder. The mesh holds her in place, and I aim my fist at her ribs, but she's fast and counteracts my movements. It stops me shutting it out with having to be aware of her movements and she wraps her arm around my neck as she pushes her feet flat against the caged wall to gain leverage. The knife doesn't touch my skin and I can feel her bones move under the force of my fist. Her knee does the same against my chest and she makes a long, shallow cut down the length of my back.

She manages to gain enough distance to throw her head into mine and I smile as my brow splits. The warmth of the blood drips down against my lashes and I take a step back to allow her space to do it again. She drops down to her feet and pushes into the cage to launch at me with her fist raised. My own comes up, getting her in the cheek as she connects with my jaw hard enough to turn my head and she falls back from the force of my knuckles colliding with her face.

There's a slight pause, her anger coming out, making the fight exactly what I need. The blow to the head fucks with my vision because she has two irises in one eyeball. Until I blink, and they return to their usual soulless, hollow color. Pipsqueak tucks the knife against her forearm, and I smile wider. Everything else has drowned out because my body is only focused on the bitch in front of me and demolishing her.

A shout pierces the air as she takes a step forward.

"Get the fuck out, I'll fight him."

Vitali looks at me with disgust and pulls his t-shirt over his head as the others are led away. Dima will be caging them or setting them free, but I don't focus on that with pipsqueak's outburst. Ana rages and looks two seconds away from throwing the knife at me.

"What the fuck?! No. That's not fair when I'm already in here."

He loses his puppy-like happiness and hardens his voice as he pins her in place with a look.

"Ana. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Or I will drag you out. This is a family thing, leave."

She throws the knife at the wall and cracks the concrete with her rage as I hold myself rigid, knowing I can't use my full force.

He doesn't swap places with her until the metal door clangs, echoing through the space to show she's left. He still favors his uninjured leg in the mornings, so I can't hurt him. Dima frowns as he comes back in and sees Vitali make his way forward, but I say, "He'll be safe."

No one will see my weaknesses, it doesn't matter how close they are. I wait for Dima to leave as my brother removes his jeans.

As soon as the door bangs shut for the second time, he steps into the cage. He strikes out and opens his mouth with every attempted blow.

"Why are you ignoring your kid?"

I maintain a defensive stance, so I don't hurt the child I promised to protect, but I want to rip his tongue out instead. All he has to do is shut the fuck up, but he continues while I remind myself that he's my brother.

"Is it because she's a girl? Like Len? Some sexist bullshit where you'll act like she's not good enough because she doesn't have a certain chromosome?"

He falls on his ass when I kick into his ankle. But he stops running his mouth.

Telling him the truth isn't an option. The truth is never good for anything other than proving I'm worse than the rumors. I can't tell him that getting attached to any child will be useless. Or I'd be forced to explain why they'll grow up without me and that it would be cruel to make them feel abandoned like I have with their mother. There's no way to make him understand that this is the lesser evil without it crumbling my life.

So, I don't.

He doesn't fight me as I hold out my bloody hand to help him up, and he attempts to start another therapy session.

"I don't get you, at all. You literally wiped all of our asses, showed Val how to raise Vik, but you're acting like your own kid doesn't exist."

Grabbing his throat with less force than required, I ignore every word he's said and focus on what I know.

"You need to start training again. Your reflexes are too slow."

Something has infected my family that they all need to fucking talk about emotions, and he knocks my arm away.

"No, you're my brother, so I'm not fighting you to hurt you. It's not my reflexes, like you aren't tired but you're not using your full force on me." He punches into my ribs and doesn't shut his mouth. "Inessa went to the appointments by herself. We had to just force our way in because she wouldn't tell us shit. Do you even give a fuck that she's spent nights crying herself to sleep?"

Shaking his head when I don't answer, he gives up on the need to try to get through to me.

I'm the fucking eldest, the one who they've always come to. It's not supposed to be the other way around. I spent the first ten years of my life as the only child and main fucking breadwinner of the house. It took another five for Val to be anything but a bumbling toddler. These kids aren't supposed to offer me advice or help. I drop my hold on him, knowing I won't be able to expel any violence, and he deflates.

They're still children. I may have been a child when they were born in terms of the number of years I'd spent on earth, but I was the only adult in the house. I didn't have a fucking childhood to be able to relate to any of them.

Vitali doesn't leave and he threads his fingers behind his head as he says, "I have a theory."

For fuck's sake, I thought he'd grown out of this bullshit. But he spews his shit.

"I think you're one of two things, a raging fucking sociopath, which is the most likely, or you're really hurt, and you hate everyone because of that hurt. But that doesn't make sense either because you don't hate us, and you have always done whatever we needed. Even when Val was a dumb fuck and you brought Viktor home, you never hurt him because you could see he was struggling." He moves closer to me and pats my shoulder as he lowers his voice. "Your wife is kind of struggling now and she's like you, hiding shit from everyone because she thinks it's a weakness. But she doesn't have a Vlad who will help her like we do."