13. Inessa

My brain wakes up before my body and fucks with me, replaying the memory of how Vlad would massage my scalp. Every one of my senses is conspiring against me, I can even smell him. I hug the warmth I'm laid on closer and freeze. There shouldn't be a hard body under me. I went to sleep in the new room I picked on Vitali's floor, and he's never come in unless the door is open.

I lift my head up while my eyelids unglue themselves. But the hand in my hair is real and keeping me in place.

"Go back to sleep, it's the middle of the night."

Vlad's voice is soft, coaxing. But it just pisses me off and I pull on his wrist, not caring about the strands knotting around his fingers. I'll happily have a bald spot as long as he doesn't touch me.

Ignoring the devil looking at me like I have three heads, I swing my legs off the side of the bed. The neurotic bastard moved me in my sleep, and I hate this fucking room. I hate him. He's never slept with me, fucked me, yes. But never slept beside me without me asking and I'm not changing that.

Straightening my spine, I focus on a spot on the door as I walk around the bed. That spot marks my sanity, it's just behind the wood. I'm nearly in reach when a rough hand grabs my wrist. I look from his inked finger to his stupidly handsome face and my expression is blank, matching my tone.

"Take your hand off me."

There's no weakness in my voice despite how hard my heart is hammering and his brows come together.He's got his wish in more ways than one, I'll leave his life and he'll never have to put up with my voice again.

He doesn't say anything as he continues to assess me, and I do it back. He looks better in the six weeks since he's been gone. Asshole. He should have come back with dark circles and a beard like he'd been in the wilderness. There's no blood on his skin, only new injuries, and there's a new light in his eyes. It dims the longer he stares at me, and I can feel the bitterness harden my features, aging me, and making me into someone I don't want to be. Obviously, he would find the time to maintain his fucking image, that's clearly more important to him than responding to me.It's probably to make her happy.

He doesn't acknowledge the literal bump between us as he looks between my eyes, examining each one individually. Whatever he's searching for will never exist, I don't owe him shit after abandoning me. Remaining blank, I don't react when he strokes across my jaw, or when he tilts my face up. I'm the cold-hearted bitch everyone thinks I am, who I should have been from the beginning, but I stupidly thought our lives would be easier with some semblance of a relationship.I was wrong, horribly wrong, because it just hurts knowing what he could be while he refuses to show me an iota of respect.

My brain slows down with anger, and it takes me too long to react as he leans closer. There's no time for my head to move and a crack pierces the air. My palm stings from the force and his head snaps to the side. There's a red print staining his cheek as he slowly turns his head to face me. We've switched roles and there's nothing but threat in my voice.

"Do not fucking touch me."

Hurt mixes with his anger for the first time, and he wraps his hand around my throat. It's not tight enough to hurt me or cut off my air, just holding me in place as Vlad grabs my wrists in one hand behind my back. I don't drop my chin, he's nothing to me and he no longer needs to fuck me, so he can keep his hands to himself.

He puts on a different front than the previous ones I've seen as he leans down into me. Feigned hurt, it's all fake. From the disappointment in his eyes to the emotion in his voice.

"You've slapped me twice, and I have never raised my fucking hand to you."

A bitter laugh escapes me, and my face contorts in disgust as I press my neck into his palm.

"Do it. I'd prefer you punched me in the face than put your filthy fucking lips on me."

He's spent the entire time I've known him saying my mouth is filthy, but I don't use mine to lie. He does and that pain is worse than the physical one.The hurt morphs as he shutters his emotions, and the sinister smile doesn't match the words that make me want to die inside.

"Did you break into my office and watch more of those videos?"

My vision blurs and I shake my head. I want to hurt him but never with anything from his childhood. My throat burns as I force the words out around the lump building in my throat.

"Not because of that. I just don't want you to touch me. Or kiss me when all you do is lie."

I sound weak and close my eyes, refusing see any memories play out on his features.

Hot tears burn down my cheeks and I can't stop them. Everything is too much. I care about the neurotic fucking idiot even when I hate him. I want to take his pain away and have him do the same for me, but there's never going to be a balance. I'll just keep fucking convincing myself that he cares about me when he doesn't and each time there's proof, I'll break, like I am now.

He lets my hands go and pulls me into his chest. I'm weak and accept his fake care as he cups my ear and threads his fingers through my hair. The pain erupts from my stomach, burning through my chest and I cry into the person who put it there. But I can't break, my child deserves more than a wreck for their mother, and I count to a hundred to allow my breathing to come back under my control before taking a step back into the ice I don't want to possess.

It takes longer to open my eyes and the tears are still rolling, but there's nothing other than conviction in my voice.

"You got what you wanted. I'll fuck off out of your life soon."

Using his exact words feels satisfying. To see the harshness making Vlad straighten, and he finally looks down. It's not for long, his eyes barely grazing my bump before they fix back on my face.Everyone said he would be back after two weeks, which was a lie because it's been six weeks of me wondering if he's dead while trying to do everything I can to give my child the life it deserves.

I turn before he can wish for my death like he did before we were married, and my steps are easy, filled with confidence I don't feel. I don't need to haunt the hallways with my sobs and manage to make it to my new room without breaking down fully. As soon as the door clicks, my knees weaken, and I slide down the wood, holding anything I can reach for support.The floor is flat but my hand sticks to it like the world has tilted off its axis. My other hand goes to my stomach to remind myself that there's someone else with me. Someone who needs me to be strong and I can't fall into my hurt because they will feel it too.

You don't just fucking disappear for six fucking weeks and then turn up again. You don't leave your wife while you're still inside her. No human being treats another like that and can say they care about them. I didn't even expect love, all I ever wanted was care and respect. From my parents to the asshole I'm married to. But they're incapable of giving it, and I'm a fucking fool who expected different.

Heavy footsteps pound closer but there's no knock on my door. They pass me, going to the door beside mine and it opens as Vlad continues his usual nighttime routine of checking on his family. Moving further away to Vitali's door, his low, rough bark travels through the wood. It's not loud enough for me to make out the words, but it vibrates through the air like a hum.

The steps are lighter as they go back upstairs, and I can relax knowing he isn't going to force himself into my space. He's got everything he wanted. He'll be throwing a party with no guests, the peculiar fucking prick. Rather than try to sleep, I force my limbs to move and shower. The entire time he's been away I've worked from home to get the new building for Steorra ready. I can spend every waking second inside of it, so I don't have to deal with his shit.

Standing under the spray, I rub across my bump, promising to create the best life for us both. My baby won't ever be left alone or to wonder if something has wiped their mother out of existence. It will never experience the fear of not knowing if its mother is dead or alive. Vlad won't be able to get close enough to inflict that pain with his need to fucking disappear all the time and we'll be happy. There's a blank space when I close my eyes and imagine our life — Vlad's silhouette.

My tears are slow and hotter than the spray as I whisper down to the small bump, "You're going to be so happy, and we'll have a house with a swing. I'll make sure you never know what loneliness is and I will never allow the harshness of this world to force you into a single decision. You'll become whatever you want to be."

I sway on my feet. I have to lean against the tile to stop the dizzy spell. It keeps happening, I can deal with throwing up even though it's disgusting, the lightheadedness is worse, and I breathe through it with my eyes closed as the water beats down on my skin.

Arms wrap around me from behind and I struggle to get away from them as a scream bounces off the tile. My foot slips in my attempt to escape, but they tighten, keeping me on my feet. The hard chest at my back has my body relaxing and the deep rumble in my ear makes me wish I was being attacked.

"Careful, meelaya."

I'd be safer if it was a random killer instead of a familiar one.

Vlad doesn't loosen his arms despite me digging my nails into his wrist. Pushing my weight back also doesn't work, it just highlights that we're both naked, and I sound hysterical over the sound of the water.

"Get off me, you fucking creep."

His arms loosen slightly, enough for me to peel them away and push around him to get out of the shower. My hair is dripping, and I fight with the stupid towel to get it off the holder. Wrapping it around my body as quickly as I can, the naked asshole calmly follows me.

He acts as though this is normal and wraps a towel around his hips before he grabs another one and moves forward to touch me again. I hold up both to stop him, and there's too much emotion in my voice.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I can see angry healing wounds on his torso that weren't there when he left. The gunshot wounds on his shoulder and leg are all healed up when they were red in my memory.

He left with wounds, and they came back as scars.

Being the prick he is, he opens his stupid mouth.

"I needed a shower, and I thought we'd save water."

Expecting him to be a normal fucking person is my own fault. I should never have wasted my breath speaking to him and conserve it now. My sopping wet hair drips behind me, the water hitting my ankles as I turn and refuse to acknowledge him. He hasn't even asked if the baby is okay because he doesn't care. His wet steps slap against the floor and he steps in front of me, blocking my exit. He holds my nape, and his hands are colder. They're always warm, but that's another thing my mind forced me to believe. They get colder the longer he stares into my eyes like he can see into my thoughts and his voice darkens.

"Did someone hurt you?"

There's nothing but defiance filling me as I tilt my chin up and I take the opportunity to prove my point.

"Would you punish them if they did?" We both know I'm talking about him, but the idiot nods his head and I'm only laughing so I don't cry. "The mirror is over there. Start issuing your threats and see if you listen."

His hand tightens on my nape as he looks over my shoulder like there's going to be someone else's reflection behind me. Vlad sounds younger as he stares down at me and there's vulnerability in his eyes.

"What did I do to you?" he asks more to himself than me.

Tapping his thumb in his usual pattern against my neck, the digit barely applies any pressure. Humiliation burns through me, and I don't give a fuck about my language spelling out his crimes.

"Your dick was still inside me when you left me to go be with her. You broke your promise, the only thing I asked for, and turned your wife into your mistress."

There's no reaction other than confusion.

Obviously he fucking expected me to sit back and be dumb while he's literally having a conversation in front of me. There isn't a woman Vlad cares about other than Vanya, whoever she is, she has the one thing no other person on this planet will ever get. I wish I could hate her, but she's innocent like I am. This is all Vlad's fault, his need to use people and be secretive hurts everyone.He pulls everyone into his game of power, and we are both pieces on his board. One of us shouted we were the queen while the other is hidden away, probably unaware of her own importance.

Stepping around him, the cold-hearted devil comes to life and straightens up. He doesn't look at me, and there's no emotion as he asks, "What do you want?"

Everything that doesn't belong to me.

Rather than voice the truth, I settle for the alternative.

"My own life, the paperwork is ready for you to sign. It's postdated for six weeks after my due date."

He nods once, still not looking at me, so I sneak a look, staring out the corner of my eye.He's blankly staring at a spot on the wall. It's like his body has been frozen and all he can do is blink. Taking a controlled breath, the same monotonous tone leaves him.

"Anything else?"

My scoff works through my answer, "I'd ask for the truth, but you won't give it, so we'll settle on getting away from you."

There's a pain in my chest despite the words coming from me. It's a physical slice through my heart when he nods once and clenches his jaw.

There's nothing else exchanged and I go to leave. Making it one step, the organ behind my ribs ruptures with his agreement.

"I'll give you the old house. Your life is in New York."

He couldn't even entertain the idea of honesty or an apology. It's just easy acceptance, showing how little I'm worth.I turn, refusing to allow him to have control of anything in my life.

"My life is wherever I decide. I am not your fucking wife, so your input isn't required."

He whirls on me faster than I can anticipate, and I stumble back at the anger in his voice.

"You are under my protection."

My shoulder takes the brunt of the force as it collides into the doorframe and the anger increases as his brows slam together.

"You think I would hurt you. That I'd put my hands on my wife."

It's not a question and I stand taller, resisting the urge to rub the pain in my chest or shoulder away.

"I would have to care about you in order to allow you to hurt me. You hold no importance to me or power over me. Refrain from calling me your wife when we both know the word, nor the marriage, hold little significance to either one of us."

He has become nothing, a stranger who isn't entitled to have me speak to him with any warmth or personality. I laugh to myself and shake my head because it finally hits me — I was always the whore because my body has been bartered like in a business agreement in exchange for his power. There was never going to be a different outcome for me. If I have a daughter, I'm taking her away from these fucking cunts so she can never be a commodity or a pawn in their games. She will grow up happy and without any sense of obligation. She will marry who she wants and have a child because she wants to. If I have a son, he's never joining these fucking merciless men and his hands will remain free of any ink.

Vlad doesn't attempt to stop me as I leave the room and go to find clothes. He remains standing there, staring at my back, and I can't be locked in with him, so I grab the robe and cover myself before I leave the room. Viktor must be sleeping on this floor because his door cracks open as soon as I enter the hallway. He has a crease on his cheek, and he rubs the sleep out of his eyes with his fist. He always wakes up early and he usually checks on me first thing. It's no different now as he sleepily smiles up at me and his voice shows he's still tired.

"You're supposed to be resting."

He has more care and maturity than his uncle and steps out to come to my side and hug himself to my side.

He doesn't talk as we go to the kitchen, and Vitali sits there scrubbing a hand down his face. The sun is only rising, and he never wakes up early unless there's somewhere he needs to be. He gives me a tight-lipped smile and Viktor is fully awake once we sit down.

"Did you think about any names? I think you should call the baby Viktor."

Tali moves closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder before kissing my head and allowing me to be silent.

"You've got to think about girl's names too, and there's already one Viktor Vartanov."

The ache behind my ribs intensifies as he innocently argues back, "No, I'm Viktor Valentinovich Vartanov. The new baby would be Viktor Vladislavovich Vartanov, and we can call him Vityenka because only Dima calls me that, but I'll tell him to stop."

I'm an emotional mess and I kiss his forehead. The emotion bleeds into my tone as I hug him tighter.

"You're a very sweet boy, but we'll keep thinking about names because I think there are too many V's in your family already."

Dress shoes tap against the floor, and I blow out a breath as Vitali sits taller, silently coming to my defense. I expect Viktor to run off and greet his favorite uncle, but he does the same.