21. Bree

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"Bree?"Declan calls, and I look at him, surprised. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." I crawl into bed with him and put my head on his chest.

"You were thinking something." He cups my chin in his hand and tilts my head up. He's frowning, and I know I have to say something.

I swallow hard. "I'm just worried about you. You were shot not long ago and?—"

"It's nothing." His face softens. "Almost healed."

"You almost died," I complain, my heart racing.

I almost lost him. It would have killed me.

"I'm fine, a ghra mo chroi," he murmurs, wrapping his good arm around me. "Almost fully healed."

He's right. But what won't heal is the fact that I was the one to get him shot by sending a message to my father. I had no idea that he would attack Declan and his men. His letter made me think he was coming to rescue me.

I'm still wrapping my head around what an awful monster my father is, but I never thought he'd rather leave me here to go after them.

I'm being treated well, and most of me doesn't ever want to leave, but my father doesn't know that. For all he knows I'm being tortured, daily, and it hurts to think that he doesn't care beyond what it looks like for his image in the clan.

"Everything's going to be all right," Declan assures me, but he doesn't know what I've done.

I came from a monster, and maybe he's turned me into one, too.

My father stands over me,shaking my shoulder.

"It's time to go, Bree," he says in a low tone, nearly whispering, and I look over to see Declan, sleeping soundly beside me.

I wrench away from my father. "No. I'm not going anywhere with you," I hiss. "And If you don"t want a bullet in your throat, you should leave."

"What's wrong with you? You've become a Burke now?"

I tremble, sitting up quietly, trying my best not to wake Declan. I feel numb all over, cold as if I've been dipped in ice water.

"I'm not a Murphy anymore, that's for sure."

"You're my blood," my father says, slowly drawing his gun.

Panic rushes through me. "Stop. Don't. I'll… I'll go with you. I'll go, just... don't hurt him."

"I'll kill him just like I killed his mother," Niall says cruelly, and now I can't even think of him as my father. He's just Niall Murphy, and he's the real Irish scourge, not Declan.

I start to scramble up, but then Niall squeezes the trigger, and the sound of the gun going off echoes through my head as I scream and scream.

Then I'm running, and I have no idea how I got out of the house. All I know is that I'm running from Niall, the monster I once had thought hung the moon.

Brambles scratch my skin, and I'm jumping over roots in the woods outside of Declan's mansion, and my heart feels like it's been torn from my chest.

I've done this. I've done all of this. I've gotten Declan and his family killed, and now I'm alone and scared.

He's coming after me because I'm a Burke now, after all, and even though I'm his blood, that won't save me.

I run and run, panting, my breathing ragged, and I slam into a hard wall of a man. When I wrench away, he's calling my name.

"Rory?" I gasp as I get a look at his face, but he's got this wicked, twisted grin on his face.

"Come home, Bree," he says, and then his mouth opens impossibly wide, his teeth razor sharp, and Niall comes up behind him, with those same sharp teeth, the same too-wide smile.

"Come home, Bree," Niall repeats, and there's a stench coming from both of them, a death-stench from all the people Niall has killed, all the lives he's ruined.

I can't move, my feet stuck like glue, and as they come toward me, I think of Declan. His wicked smile, the way his blue eyes light up when he laughs.

I close my eyes and wait for the end to come.

I'm startled out of the nightmare by Declan's hand on my shoulder.

"Bree?" His brows are furrowed, his blue eyes dark with worry. "You were screaming, are you all right?"

I throw my arms around him, trembling, and he holds me as best he can.

I bury my face into his chest and sob.

"Bad dream?" He rubs my back.

I nod, sniffling. "It was about my father."

Declan stiffens, but when I pull away to look at him, he doesn't look angry.

"I know it's hard for you."

"I didn't know," I whisper. "I didn't know what he'd done to you and your family, Declan, you have to believe me."

He searches my face. "I believe you, princess. I really do. You're a good person. Just because you have Murphy blood?—"

"I don't want to talk about it," I blurt out, wiping at my face with the heels of my palms. "I don't ever want to talk about being a Murphy again."

Declan nods slowly. "All right, baby. Can I get you a glass of water?"

"Please." I snuggle back under the covers.

Declan goes into the bathroom and fills a glass up with water, bringing it back to me.

I gulp at it greedily. I've been neglecting to eat much or hydrate lately because I've been so upset, so guilty.

Declan deserves better. He deserves to know what I've done.

I open my mouth to tell him, to come clean, but I can't speak. Nothing comes out. Instead, I lean forward and put the glass on the nightstand before turning to Declan and pressing my mouth to his.

Declan makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat, but he kisses me back, softly, sweetly.

I deepen the kiss, hungry, and he smiles against my mouth.

"Eager, princess?"

"Yes," I breathe. "I want you to make love to me."

That's the first time I've said it like that, that I've used the word love when it comes to Declan, and his blue eyes widen slightly.

He's going to tell me he doesn't want me anymore. That how can he make love with me if this was never about love for him.

My heart clenches in my chest.

He's going to tell me that I'm a monster just like my father. He never wanted this anyway. he could never fall in love with a Murphy.

But Declan doesn't speak at all yet, just lying down next to me on the bed, facing the ceiling.

"I'm afraid you'll have to do most of the work, princess," he murmurs after a moment. "Shoulder's aching like a sonofabitch right now."

"We don't have to."

Declan frowns, his head jerking up for me to climb on top of him.

I do, straddling his hips, and he's half-hard against the fabric of his underwear.

I'm just wearing one of Declan's t-shirts that I threw on after the shower, so I'm bare from the waist down. I rub against his erection with my sex, and Declan bites his lip, watching me, his arm in the good side behind his head.

I don't want to think about anything anymore: not my father, not my estranged brother, not the Murphy blood flowing through my veins. I don't even want to think about how I've fallen in love with Declan and how I don't deserve him.

I just want to think about how he feels inside me, so I reach between us and free him.

Declan hisses as the air hits his erection, and I guide him inside of me, seating myself and rocking my hips slightly.

He throws his head back, nearly banging it on the headboard. He groans.

"Don't tease me, princess," he warns.

I giggle, feeling giddy with him inside me, letting go of everything that's been bothering me.

"I should," I say. "You always tease me."

Declan nearly pouts, and it makes me smile because it's so cute.

I roll my hips, starting to bounce on top of him, and his free hand clamps down on my hip.

"Christ, you keep moving like that and—," he curses.

I just smile and continue to move, letting him slide almost all the way out of me before he thrusts up and goes back inside.

"I'm not going to last," he tells me. "That little lap dance you're doing is something else."

I grin wider, proud, and I continue my slow and steady pace, rocking forward and backward again before bouncing on him.

He chokes out a moan when I start to move faster, bracing myself on the headboard and chasing my orgasm.

At first, I'd wanted to tease him, but now, all I want is to feel him spilling inside me.

I come after just a few moments, riding him hard, and when I start to pulse around him, Declan cries out my name, coming himself, too.

When it's over, I slump against him.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" I mumble against his skin, and Declan chuckles, dragging his fingers through my hair.

"No, of course not."

I slowly roll off him, missing his warmth immediately, but then I snuggle up against him and put my head on the good side of his chest.

"Do you feel better now, baby?"

I've noticed that he's using pet names a lot more than usual. I wonder if that means that he feels more for me if he's accepting me as his wife.

I want that, so desperately, but I also know now that he deserves better. He deserves someone who wouldn't try to get out, who didn't almost get him killed. He deserves someone without the blood of a monster flowing through her veins.

I think about it, briefly, about what it'd be like if I saw him with someone else, and it makes me want to vomit. I can't imagine Declan with another woman. It would kill me.

I sniffle, tears coming to my eyes. "I do feel better," I say shakily, and Declan frowns.

"You don't seem like you feel better."

"I do," I insist, biting back the tears. "It's just... a lot. Everything that happened and finding out about my father..." Falling in love with you...

Declan pulls me closer with his good arm, kissing the crown of my head. "I can't imagine what you're going through. Just know that I'm here for you, okay?"

God, he's being so sweet. It's not even out of character, though. Declan is a good man, and that's becoming clearer and clearer to me.

Paige and Lara were right when they told me that Declan is a good guy. I just hadn't believed them... not until it was too late.

I know that I need to tell him what I did. I know that he'll cast me out if I do, though, maybe even kill me, so I can't bring myself to do it. Even if maybe I deserve whatever the family decides to do to me.

I tell myself I can enjoy this for one more night, and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that my slumber will be dreamless.