9. Stupid lady parts making me say shit

NINE

Ispent the rest of the day playing with Lily and finally started writing after she fell asleep for the night. I lit a candle to try to help decompress, and let the musky vanilla scent fill the room. Sitting criss-cross on top of my comforter, I stared at the screen after rewriting the same scene twice. My mind and heart weren't in it. All I wanted to do was cry or punch someone, and Parker was exactly who I wanted to work out my frustrations on. As upset as I was, I knew it was partially my fault it happened like this. I should have reached out again to tell Parker about Lily, but my ego couldn't handle the blow.

Dinner with my parents was full of subtle hints that they wanted me to go work it out with Parker. Well, good for them. It went against everything I was to stay away from him. It was my natural instinct to run to him, but I'd learned more than once that I couldn't trust my gut when it came to men. Parker had always been the exception. Sometimes when I was upset or frustrated but didn't know why, he'd talk me through it. When my parents got divorced in junior high, I stayed at his house frequently. My sister was already out of the house and took it a lot easier than I did. Parker was supposed to sleep on the couch while I slept in his bed, but he always ended up on the bedroom floor or next to me, talking my ear off until my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and looked up to find my mom standing just inside the doorway. We had an argument earlier, and I stopped talking to her when she kept going on about how good it was to see Parker.

"Still mad at me?" Her voice was somewhat teasing. She wanted to make light of the situation, but I wasn't there yet even if I understood her perspective and knew she was only trying to help. My emotions were too high after the confrontation with Parker, and I'd blown up.

I wanted to hate him. It had been harder to keep my resolve than I expected. The safe feeling I used to get in his presence was still physically there, but I felt like I couldn't trust my instincts anymore. There was still an undeniable attraction that couldn"t be bottled up now that we both knew it was there. That stupid backwards hat.

"You're not my favorite person at the moment, but you're far from my least favorite." I sighed and closed my laptop. Writing was a lost cause tonight.

"I'm sorry I pushed you too far earlier." She took a seat on the edge of my bed. "It had to have been hard to see Parker today."

"It was fine." The lie felt like acid on my tongue.

"Right." Her tone said she didn't believe that for a second. "How's Lily?"

"Snoozing." I pulled up the monitor app to show her. We both smiled when we saw Lily sprawled out in her crib, thumb in her mouth.

"Well, that's good. She had a rough night." It was true. Lily fed off my emotions and could tell something was wrong. I felt bad, but it seemed like we'd both be crying ourselves to sleep tonight. "Why don't you change and head to the gym. It'll make you feel better."

I considered it. I was mentally drained, but I knew the moment I tried to lay down and sleep I'd be wide awake.

"Yeah okay." There was nothing like punishing myself with a good workout when I already felt like shit.

Mom kissed the top of my head. "Alright. I'll be up for a while, and then I'll bring the monitor from Lily's room to bed with me. Don't worry about her until the morning."

"You sure?" I hated feeling like I was taking advantage, but it was a Friday night.

"Yes of course. You've had a long day." She left my room and closed the door.

I didn't know how long I ran, Tech N9ne pounding in my earbuds, before a clang registered over the bass of my music. I figured it was just Evan. I didn't want to talk to him right now, so I turned my music up and punched the speed a couple notches higher on the treadmill. My playlist made me feel like I could run through walls, and I was high on adrenaline, but my lungs were screaming after a few minutes longer. I hit the red button and straddled the belt until it stopped. I was severely out of shape, and even raising my hands over my head didn't calm my breathing. Stepping down, I crumbled into myself and laid flat on the cushioned floor. My forearm covered my eyes while my shoulders rose and fell.

"Peach," I heard grunted from above me.

"Jesus Christ." You've got to be kidding me. Three times in one day.

I slowly pulled my arm back to see Parker bent over above me. His hazel eyes were shining with mischief like always. The five o'clock shadow dusting his jaw made him look scruffy, and I resisted the urge to reach out and feel the scratchiness under my fingertips. He loomed over me, shirtless and sweaty. Deliciously… nope, just sweaty. My brain malfunctioned every time I saw those damn dimples. His bare shoulders were distracting, and I wanted to sink my nails into them while I… nope. Come on Del, get it together.

He was so good looking. Even his perfect teeth mocked me. I couldn't figure out why his evil grin was so wide. I looked down and saw that my arms crossed over my chest created a spectacular view of my breasts right in front of his face.

"Perv." I tugged my teal sports bra up a little and whipped him with the neck towel I'd thrown on the floor next to me. He didn't even flinch, just laughed. Lovely.

"Tired, Peach?" He crossed his arms this time, and I swallowed hard. I'd had a thing for the veins that ran down his forearms since weight lifting class in seventh grade. Parker had always been muscular, but everything about him seemed larger than life now. And the tattoos, damn. Parker was intentional with everything he did, so I knew there was a meaning behind each one. He looked so hot earlier in his tight t-shirt and jeans and in class this morning, but this unobstructed view of his upper half was arguably more arousing.

"Just of your shit." I pretended not to react to the nickname, but he was about to find my little fist shoved up his ass. I reached out for him to help me up, and he did, but with too much force. I was thrown into him, and he held me there against his chest.

"Are you not happy I'm home, Delilah?"

I wanted to tell him it felt innately wrong every time we were apart, but I rolled my eyes instead. "I prefer to see your face through the TV screen, actually. Can we go back to that?"

His hands went from my ribs to my hips to stop me from pulling away. Then one braced the back of my neck and cradled it tenderly, contrasting the tight grip he had on my waist.

"So you still watch my games?" Yeah and I wish I could stop. "I doubt you have a better view than this, though." He flexed his chest, completely unbashful, and I couldn't stop my eyes from falling to his taut torso.

He was hot, I'd give him that. But it seemed that his God complex had gotten out of control in my absence, so I pinched him right on the inside of his elbow—possibly the only part of him that wasn't solid muscle.

Parker yelped and let me go. "You are such a brat. What the fuck Del?" He rubbed his arm and glared at me.

"Just because you're bigger than me doesn't mean you can manhandle me all the time! I know your mother taught you better manners than that."

"Oh, so now we're talking manners, huh?" He raised his thick, dark eyebrows. "There's nothing polite about the way you're looking at me when your boyfriend is nowhere to be seen."

I wanted to lie and say there was something going on with Thomas. I was also grasping at straws to find a reason to put some space between us. Physically and emotionally.

"Don't be so jealous, Parker. Thomas and I are just friends. Plus, you're one to talk." I turned away. "Just because I hate you doesn't mean I don't know about your rendezvous in the city."

"Not so fast, brat." His mutter was rushed because he gripped my wrists and pinned them to the wall behind me. There was nowhere for me to go.

"Careful, bud. I'm not afraid to knee you in the dick." My smile was sickly sweet. "I've done it before and I'll do it again."

His husky whisper filled my ear. "That was before you rode it in the shower while moaning my name."

I didn't have a comeback for that. In fact, my brain stopped functioning all together when he let go of my hands and lifted me up so my legs wrapped his waist.

"Let me refresh your memory." He leaned me against the wall and I felt his hard cock through the mesh of his gym shorts.

"Fighting with me turns you on?" I was dumbfounded.

"Always."

My hands fell to his rigid shoulders when he grabbed a handful of my ass in each of his. I should have pushed him off, but he ground against me again in the most delicious way, and I knew I was a lost cause.

"Anything you want to tell me Del? Now"s the time." His lips were close to my ear, and my brain felt fuzzy when I felt his breath brush against my skin.

A needy groan slipped out before I could stop it. "I think your dick got bigger." I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth.

He rested his head in the crook of my neck and chuckled. Shivers broke out along my skin, and I mentally cursed my vagina for being such a whore when it came to this man. Apparently one night, well two nights and three days, wasn't enough to get him out of my system. It seemed that a platonic relationship was not in the cards for us.

"I was thinking about something else."

"I'm not apologizing because what you're doing feels nice."

"You're already much more agreeable. I wonder what would happen if..." He trailed off and brushed his thumb over my nipple that was hard and poking through the fabric of my sports bra. His hot mouth found the sweet spot on the bend of my neck, and my hips rolled against his involuntarily. His grip on my waist tightened and he groaned into my skin.

It took every single one of my brain cells—that weren't horny—to push him off.

"I can't do this."

He set me down. "You lie to yourself a lot, Del?"

"So we're starting this now?" I asked. I poked him in the shoulder. "You have a girlfriend."

That made him beam. "Had, past tense. Jealous, Peach? You can hate me and want me at the same time."

My land lifted to slap him, but he caught my wrist before it even got close.

"Chill out, Del." He released my hand and put it back down by my side. "Unless you want me to have Evan take you downtown for a bit until you calm down?" He raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"Oh, I'm sure that'd be good for your image. Crazy baby mama goes to jail for assault. I can see the headline now. Why are you even home? The press has been having a field day with you being on the restricted list."

He didn"t even blink. Apparently he'd had enough of my attitude because he bent at the knees and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He marched us over to a wide bench and deposited me in front of him as he straddled it.

"Cut the shit and talk to me, Del. This is ridiculous." The sincere expression on his face fractured my hard exterior just a little.

"I don't know what you want from me. I thought we both knew it was supposed to be a ‘no strings attached' kind of thing."

"Quit bullshitting yourself."

"Why? Because I was supposed to fall at your feet like every girl in town?"

"I didn't care about any other girl."

I sighed. "Really? I have the internet. It's this crazy thing on your phone where anyone can read updates about your private life. How about the very public relationship you're in?" I didn't look at him as I shook my head in disappointment.

"Kerrie and I aren't together."

Because that made me feel so much better.

"It doesn't matter, Parker. Nothing is going to happen between us. We can co-parent and take care of Lily together. Everything else is off the table. It's not up for negotiation. I can't trust you like that, especially now that I know how little you respect me."

"Respect? I respect you just fine."

"Right, that's why you forgot about me and moved on so easily..."

His eyes went wide. "Del, that relationship was bullshit set up by my agent. I haven't touched another woman since you."

I was at a loss for words. "What? How? I don't understand."

"I'm no fucking saint, Del. But I'm also not a liar. I swear to you that I didn't get your text, and I promise you there hasn't been a day since we parted ways that I haven't thought of you."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck." He rested his head in his hands. "You hadn't spoken to me in weeks. I didn't think you cared. There wasn't a good reason to go against his advice if you already didn't want me."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to say. I need time to process. I can't…" I was still mourning the loss of what I hoped we'd have one day and the person I thought he was. "I can't go there with you."

Parker looked past me for a long minute as if calming himself. "Alright, I'll keep my hands to myself under one condition."

"What?"

"Catch me up to speed. I want to know everything. Can you show me some pictures?"

"Of course." I had so many that I had to pay for extra storage on my phone.

Parker shifted me so I sat in front of him and he could see the screen over my shoulder. His arms wrapped around my middle to pull me to him. He'd always been affectionate, but our relationship was different than before. I was so much more aware of him every time we were close.

"Del." His whisper was close to my ear.

I froze when he put a hand on each of my legs and leaned over my shoulder to see the phone. His warm chest was pressed to my back with only my thin sports bra between us. His masculine scent drifted over me and I'd been distracted.

"Oh, yeah." I opened my photos and tapped into the album with every picture I'd ever taken of Lily.

"Start at the beginning."

I went to tap on the picture of Lily at the hospital, but Parker scrolled farther to the picture of me sporting a tiny little bump. It was taken in the bathroom at my parents' house, the walls turquoise like I begged them to paint it when I was younger. I was standing in front of the mirrored closet door in a big t-shirt, his from high school, and a pair of boy shorts. My hand rested under the small bump, the only way you'd notice it.

Parker groaned behind me. "I knew you stole that shirt."

"It looks like I just ate a big supper." I laughed. "Except I was hardly eating at all with how sick I was."

I scrolled through the next few photos, my pregnant belly growing with each swipe. "Are you sure you don't want to skip to Lily?"

"She's in there." He pointed to my stomach in the current picture. I was pretty big there, but not completely uncomfortable yet. I was laying in bed in a side shot with only the white comforter covering my unmentionables.

"Is it weird that I find this so hot?" Parker tapped the screen and sent it to himself before I could stop him.

I gasped, "Hey you can't?—"

"My baby, my belly." His statement was said simply with no room to argue. "Continue."

We were silent as we passed through the next few photos. When the first one of Lily at the hospital came up, I heard his intake of breath. "Oh God, Del. I changed my mind." He exited out of the photo and proceeded to share the whole album with himself. My black heart crumbled and rebuilt itself as he swiped from picture to picture, like he was trying to memorize each image before moving to the next. He came to one of Lily in his jersey as a onesie and stopped. I scrolled to the next one of me in a jersey with his number on it. I was holding Lily in front of the TV screen for a home game in Seattle.

"Dellie," he whispered.

I turned around in his arms to see his eyes were watery and tears were going to fall any second.

"I'm in. Can I be in?"

I scrunched my nose in confusion. "What?"

"I want to be Lily's dad." When he looked at me like he was now, his eyes were always more brown than green. They reminded me of a puppy that could do no wrong. It made him seem younger and more innocent. I knew that was far from the truth, but his heart was good.

I scoffed a laugh. "You are Lily's dad. I don't know if you've noticed, but the kid looks just like you."

He shook his head. "That's not what I mean. I don't know if I'll be any good at being a parent, but I want to try. I don't… want to be like your dad."

I swallowed hard, so many emotions stuck in my throat. "Okay."

We made a plan for him to come over in the morning and then left the rest of the day open until dinner with his family. After grabbing our water bottles and keys we headed out to the cars.

The last time we stood in this same spot, we were in a very different place. I wasn't sure how this was going to go. Parker was no longer a variable I could control or predict, and that made me nervous. Control made me feel safe. Parker used to make me feel safe.

"Nice ride." I checked out his Corvette. "No backseat though."

He took my hand and smiled in the way that made his eyes crinkle. "Noted. Text me when you get home."

He opened the driver's side door of my car after I unlocked it and motioned for me to get inside. Even in the darkness I could see the heavy emotion written across his features. He was serious. Once I was safely buckled in and he'd tested the strap, he tilted my chin up to look at him. His stare was intense and lacked the playfulness from a few seconds ago.

"Drive safe, Delilah." He gently closed the door, tapped it twice, and walked over to his car.

We made our way through town, him following behind me until we were about to pass his parents' street. He flashed his brights twice, and then I was on my own as I headed to my parent's house in the country. It was a practiced routine from when we were younger, and for a minute it made me forget he was still a man whore who was used to having a model on his arm.